Covered in Coal (14 page)

“No, I’m okay, really. I can’t let all of this haunt me forever, so maybe talking about it will help. You have to understand, Colton, I was raped, brutally. It’s hard to gain trust for men after such a devastating event.” Pausing, I close my eyes, and take a deep breath. “I’ve been celibate for seven years. I haven’t even dated since I left here. Believe me, it wasn’t my intention, but I just couldn’t trust men, after all of the pain, and heartache I had been through.” I give him a weak smile, my cheeks red from humiliation of discussing all of this with him.

Colton looks down at me sadly, “Carly Jo, do you trust me?”

I exhale a deep breath, and think about that. “I want to.”

Colton kisses my lips softly, “Darlin’, I’ll do anything to earn your trust again. I’m so sorry that I left you broken. I’m so sorry that because of me, we lost so much together. Please just tell me what to do, to make you trust me again.” The tears break free from my eyes.

“Colton, I want to trust you. I don’t even know what we have right now. A week ago, we couldn’t even look at each other, after bearing all of our secrets to each other. Then tonight, you kinda just swept me off my feet, and it was totally unexpected.” I bite down on my lip trying not to cry. “I want to feel whole again, I want you to put my heart back together. It’s shattered,
Colton. I don’t even know where all of the pieces are.” I cry out, soft whimpers. Colton dries my face with the pad of his thumb.  ”

“Baby, we have whatever you want us to have. I want you, Carly Jo, all of you. Your shattered heart, your body, your soul. I’ll mend your heart, darlin’, just let me in. I had no intentions of comin’ over to take you to bed. I just wanted to talk, and try to move past everything. Do I regret makin’ love to ya? Never. I just couldn’t stand the heartache another minute. Damn it, do you realize I’ve waited seven long ass years for you to come home, so I could have my woman back? Just tell me what it’s gonna take to make you trust me again.” He whispers against my lips, pulling me tighter into his embrace. I kiss him softly, before laying my head on his chest.

“I know that the wound is still fresh for you, knowing that we’ve lost our angel. But my wound has never healed, Colton. Looking at you makes the wound burn deeper. It wasn’t your fault. I can see that now, but a part of me still resents you for leaving me. It’s just so hard to trust someone who has left me so empty.” I wipe the tears from my face, and suck back the all-consuming anger that builds deep within me each time I think about what I’ve lost.

“Carly Jo, I can’t change any of that. Pushin’ me away ain’t gonna help us to heal. Do you know how damn hard it’s been for me not to slip back into drinkin’ these last few weeks, since I found out that we lost our baby. You didn’t just lose the baby, sweetheart, don’t you understand that? The only thing that keeps me sober is Heidi Jo, and knowin’ that I might have the tiniest chance with you.” Colton runs his fingers through his hair in frustration as the pain covers his face.

“Trust me, I understand the circumstances now and don’t hold you accountable. But there’s still a part of me that doesn’t want to let go. Colton, you have no idea how long it took for me to find myself after I lost the baby. I was lost, nearly invisible. I hated every breath I took, living was just that painful. And I had to do it all alone. I had nobody to comfort me. But I pulled myself from the trenches of self-despair and built steel enforced walls around my heart. I’m stronger now, but my one kryptonite is you.” I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves.

“My body wants you badly, your touch is so electrifying and exhilarating, that I crave each trace of your fingers. My mind and heart want the comfort and solace of having someone to come home to every night, someone to hold me tight, and someone to laugh with. But my heart is terrified to unlock the steel barriers to let you in. It’s shattered and if you aren’t careful with me, I may just completely fall into myself. I don’t think I could survive two broken hearts from Colton Weston. I’m fighting a war within myself, and I don’t know what I truly want.” 

“Damn it, you’re never gonna know if you don’t try, darlin’.” Colton says turning me in his arms so he can look deep in my eyes.

“You don’t fight the battle with my own heart, so I don’t expect you to understand, but think about this. If you hadn’t pushed me away. If you would have just been honest, Colton. Damn. We’d have two little girls, with bouncing curls, just months apart. We’d have our family. But we don’t, Colton. You have your beautiful daughter, while I am left empty. That void can never be filled.”

He wraps his hand around my chin, crashing his lips down on mine, for a sweet, sensual kiss. Our tongues dance softly together. I gently lick his lip, as he nibbles on mine. Colton pulls away from our embrace and looks deep into my eyes. “Darlin’ I don’t fight the battle with your heart, but I’ll be damned if I won’t battle for your heart. After all, it is rightfully mine. I’m so sorry that we lost our baby. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t. But if you’ll let me in, I can love you. If you’ll just let me show you how much I love you, I can mend your broken heart. One day, baby, we can have a family. We’ll never forget our angel, but we can have our happily ever after.”

“I’m not ready for all the ‘I love you’s’ just yet. That’s moving way too fast. Everything in my damn life is moving way too fast.”

“So where do we go from here?  Don’t you see, I’d move mountains just to see you smile? I would swim the deepest ocean, just to hear your laugh tickle my ear one last time. I don’t ever want to hurt you again. You were always mine, even when we were apart. And you’ll always be mine.” Colton says, and his words make me melt. I cry silently, not sure whether I want to give my heart to this man, or keep it safely caged up.

“I don’t want to push too hard, Carly Jo. But I want us together. Can you just try to let me heal you, while you heal me? Can you just try to let me in? I promise if I ever do hurt you again, you have my permission to lay a thirty-eight right between my eyes, and blow my damn brains out. Cause darlin’, if I ever do hurt you again, I’m as good as dead inside anyways, and I won’t deserve my next breath of air.”

What do you say to that? The love of your life, the man you want to hold you for eternity bares his heart to you, and just what do you say? I say nothing. Absolutely speechless. I just don’t know what to say. I’m terrified of being hurt, but I’m tired of being alone. My heart falters with his every word. I want to be with Colton so badly, but I’m still clinging to the past. I want to move on and I think we both deserve the happiness that we’ve been stripped of for seven years.

“Give me time. That’s all I’m asking, Colton. Right now, I don’t need all the hearts, rainbows, and flowers. I just need time. We’ll see where things take us, but just be patient. Can you do that?”

Colton’s face beams with happiness. He presses both of his mammoth hands to the sides of my face and pulls me into a long, passionate kiss. He cradles me in his lap, kissing me like there’s no tomorrow. When he allows me to come up for air, he smiles and begins to peppers kisses all over my face.

“I love you, baby. I know you ain’t ready to say it, but I’m gonna remind you every damn day just how much I love you, until your heart is healed. I’m never lettin’ you go again.”

We spend the rest of the night, tangled in each other’s arms, talking, and kissing like two crazy teenagers. I want to let Colton in so badly, and I know he is going to push until the steel wall breaks free, but letting go of the resentment I carry is the hardest part.

Carly

First thing on my agenda this morning is to light a fire under James McCoy’s ass. I want answers, and that bastard has them. After talking to Bill, Colton’s dad last night, I know he has more information on the connection between Drew Varney and my daddy than he is letting on.

After checking in at Simon Energy, I slip out of the office and make my way to McCoy Law Office. When I walk in, Alisa is filing her nails. She looks up at me, and sneers.

“I don’t believe Mr. McCoy is expecting you today, and he is a very busy man. You’ll need to make an appointment, and that could have been done over the phone, Ms. Simon.” 

“Hell no, I ain’t makin’ no damn appointment. You go tell that worthless piece of shit James McCoy, that I’m here, and I’m pissed. Now get off your skinny ass and shuffle.” I yell, pointing my finger in her face. Her eyes grow wild, as she jumps to her feet and prances down the long hallway quickly. A few seconds later, Alisa returns and asks me to follow her to James’ office.

“Carly Simon, what a surprise! I was just about to call you later today.” Cutting him off mid-sentence, I begin to yell.

“My ass. It’s been over two damn weeks, James, and I haven’t heard a word from you, whatsoever. Do you realize that if it wasn’t for my daddy lining your pockets over the years, you wouldn’t even have a frickin’ law firm? John Simon was your biggest client, and now that I own Simon Energy, I’m your biggest client. Now, I can walk away in a split second, and find a more aggressive attorney who truly is deserving of my money. So, you had better have some real damn answers for me.” I begin to pace the floor, as anger consumes me.

“Carly, there is no need to come into my office, screaming at me with such disrespect. I have to say Big John would be highly disappointed in you speaking to me that way.” James says, trying to intimidate me. I palm my hands on the edge of his desk, and lean in close to the short, frumpy man.

“James, do I look like I give two shits about whether he would be disappointed in me? NO. Now, show me what’cha got on Drew Varney. And you better have some real answers.” James scowls back at me, then huffs in frustration as he opens his drawer, pulling out a manila file. I rip the file from his hands and begin to read quickly through the pages.

“I told you Carly, you were getting in too deep. If Big John wanted you to know anything about Drew Varney, or their relationship, he would have told you his damn self.” I look up at him behind tear filled eyes.

“This shit can’t be for real.” I say, and James laughs right in my face.

“It’s legitimate. Big John had the paternity test done himself to confirm it. Drew Varney is your brother.”

My legs grow week, so I take a step backwards, in search of a chair. Anxiety creeps into my chest, and I begin panting for air, my chest growing tighter and tighter. Bill brings me a glass of water, and sits on the edge of the desk, waiting for me to calm down.

“Carly, your daddy hid this from you and Savannah to protect you girls. I only gave you this piece of the puzzle, to appease you. Now, you know the truth. I suggest you keep this information to yourself, Big John didn’t want it getting out that he had an illegitimate son.” I try to gain the strength to stand, so I can leave. With shaky hands, I reach for the door, but James grabs my wrist stopping me. Turning towards him he smiles kindly and says, “Carly, I’m serious. Whatever it is you are searching for, let it stay buried with Big John. I’m warning you, you are digging too deep into shit I don’t want stirred up.”

I can feel heat rise up my face as I register James’ words. “James, are you threatening me?”

“Now, Carly, whatever would give you that impression. I’m only telling you to watch what you dig into, dear.” With a snarky sneer I peer into his weathered eyes with the most evil look I can muster.

“Great. Because if you are, you might wanna remember that I’m a damned Simon, and nobody will threaten me and live to see the next light of day. Have a good one.” I turn on my heels and stomp away. I breeze right by that little bitch Alisa, slamming the front door open as I storm out into the cold breeze. I open the door and slide into the seat of my Camaro, and toss the file into the passenger seat.

My breathing is heavy, and my heart is beating a dangerous moderato. I pound the steering wheel for a minute in frustration, letting the tears spring from my eyes. There is damn no way I have a brother. How in the hell could my Daddy do this? Is this why Momma left us?

I roar the engine to life, throwing the car in reverse and peel out of the parking lot. I don’t even know what direction I’m driving, or where I am going, I just drive. My head begins to pound, and I can feel my heart beating in my ears. My breathing is rapid, my hands are shaking, and I feel like I am going to vomit.

I continue to drive, until I reach The Village Diner. Pulling into the empty lot, I check the clock for the time. Eleven-twenty, they’re open. I shift the car to park, and shut the engine off. I grab the file from the passenger seat, and climb out of the car to make my way inside.

I find a table at the back of the restaurant, and take a seat facing the wall. I’m sure my face is stained red, smeared with black mascara, so I grab my compact, and try to cover up the marks. The waitress comes to the table, and takes my order; sweet tea, and the largest slice of peanut butter fudge cheesecake she can cut.

After she leaves the table, I open the file and begin to read slowly over each page, taking in all of the details of my new found brother, Drew Varney. There is a copy of the original paternity test, from 1985. So Daddy knew when Drew was born, that he was his son? I shake my head in confusion. None of this shit makes sense. I close the file, and stuff it in my purse. I can’t look at it anymore. I look up and see that my order is sitting on the edge of my table, so I pull the cheesecake closer to me. I pick at it slowly, trying to enjoy the sweetness, but my stomach protests in jittery knots.

“Bad day?” I hear from behind me. I turn my head around to see Luke Ashton standing behind me, hands pushed into his pockets.

I sigh, “Yeah, guess you could say that.” Luke sits down at the table, and just looks at me. His stare is intense, and I feel almost naked and vulnerable.

"I want to apologize for the other day.” I arch my eye brow at him, curious as to what he needs to apologize for.

“What for Luke?” He takes a deep breath, before he speaks.

“I was rude. You were kind enough to give me a lift home when it was rainin’. You made a comment that kinda hit close to home, and I just didn’t know how to respond. So, for my silence, and rudeness, I need to apologize.” Luke reaches across the table, and places his hand on mine, rubbing circles with his thumb. His touch is electrifying, and it terrifies me.

“Luke, if I said something that made you uncomfortable, don’t you think I should be the one apologizing? I’m sorry, and I appreciate your apology, but it obviously completely unnecessary.” I say, pulling my hand away from his contact. Luke smiles lightly, but his smile doesn’t touch his eyes. I look at his eyes, and can see the same heartache that I am sure he can see in mine. It’s haunting. I wonder what broke Luke.

“Carly, I know we ain’t really ever been close, but I’m here if you need to talk.” I smile at him, but am at a loss for words. I have never been one to share my emotions or pain with anyone, but just having his company right now would be nice.

“Thanks Luke, I appreciate that. I’m okay. Just life, ya know. So, let’s just catch up, would that be ok?” Any distraction from the devastating news I just received is welcome. Luke nods, and we begin to make small talk. Within minutes my stomach has settled, the tension has eased so I start to nibble on my peanut butter fudge cheesecake while we chat. What? I’m not about to let something that delectable go to waste.

We exchange stories of our lives over the last seven years, well, what we both feel like sharing I guess. Luke is somewhat of a chatter box once he gets started, so I just let him talk. He tells me that he moved to Lexington after we graduated high school, and became a fire fighter with the Lexington Fire Department. He explains the thrill of entering a burning building, to save victims from the flames. His face lights up with pride as he talks about the memories of his life as a firefighter, Then suddenly, he falls silent. Reaching across the table, I place my hand on his, and he looks up at me, his eyes filled with anguish.

“Ya okay?” I ask, but I know the answer. Luke smiles, and nods.

“I quit the fire department about a year ago. You can only crawl into a burnin’ house so many times, and come out empty handed, not able to save everyone, before it starts to screw with your mind, ya know. It’s a hauntin’ sound, to hear screams and cries from children, not bein’ able to save them.” Luke clinches his eyes shut, shaking his head.

“
It’s okay, Luke, you don’t have to talk about it.” He pulls away from me, and pinches the bridge of his nose. He takes a deep breath, as he opens his eyes, looking away, distantly.

“Well, I think I’d better get goin’. We should get together again. I like talkin’ with ya.”

I scratch my number on a piece of paper from my purse, and slide it across the table, then ask Luke for his. Usually, I wouldn’t do this, but other than Colton and Savannah, I have no friends here in Williamstown, any longer, and Luke seems like he could use a friend. Hell, I think he’s as broken as I am.              

Luke stands from the table, and shoves the slip of paper into his pocket. With a small smile, he says goodbye and turns to leave. I grab my purse, and follow behind him.

When I get inside of the Camaro, I hear my phone beeping from deep inside of my purse. Digging it out, I see there are several text messages from Savannah and Colton. I read through the messages quickly to make sure there is nothing urgent. Savannah messages me to say that she and the kids are stopping by for a visit, so I reply back that I’ll be home around six p.m.

Colton has sent several messages, telling me that he misses me, wondering where the hell I am, and several lewd sexual comments. Damn, we are just mending whatever this is between us, and he’s already obsessive and devious. I smile at my phone, remembering every second from yesterday, the way he makes me feel embraced in his arms.

I reply quickly: Had a meeting, then lunch, on my way back to the office.

Before I start the car, my phone beeps again, another message comes through from Colton. Damn, shouldn’t he be supervising miners or some shit, not sitting on his ass texting me all damn day. Although, it is kinda sweet.

His text is short and sweet,-
thinkin’ of you darlin’
.

I put the Camaro in reverse and make my way back to Simon Energy. It’s nearly three p.m., so I have a little work left in my day, unfortunately. Walking into the office, Shelly hands me a stack of mail, and several post it notes of the calls I missed while I was out.

“Colton Weston has been looking for you all day, Ms. Simon.” Shelly says, with a concerned look on her face. Shelly has been with Simon Energy for years, so I’m sure she is aware of our history.

Heading towards my office, I call b
ack, “Ah, Shelly, I am sure he will find me soon enough,” with a smile on my face. Shelly smiles in return and shakes her head. She may be old, but she ain’t stupid. She’s on to our little game of cat and mouse.

Closing the office door, I drop my purse to the floor, and flop down in the leather chair. I kick my legs up on the desk as I begin to look through the mail and post-its Shelly handed me on my way in. I hear a light tap on the door, and before I have the chance to invite the visitor in, the door opens slowly. Colton. He’s smiling from ear to ear as he enters. He pushes the door closed behind him, and takes a seat on the other side of my desk.

“Holy hell, darlin’. You really shouldn’t sit at your desk like that. I mean, damn. I appreciate the sexiness you’re illuminatin’, but another one of these jackasses sees you like this, heads will spin. And I’d hate to beat the brakes off one of these jackasses over oglin’ my girl.” My face turns read, and my sex clinches. Just one simple smile, and he has me in over drive. Okay, his words affect me too. He is so protective, over protective in fact. It’s such a turn on.

“Hey.” I reply, looking up from my mail, trying to hide my blushed cheeks.

“You okay, you seem tense. Where have ya been all mornin’?” he asks, arching his eye brows in interest.

“Had a meeting, then grabbed lunch. Not a good day. ”

“Well you should have called, I’d have met ya for a long lunch, baby.” Colton replies with a wink.

“To be honest, I really just needed to be alone. I figured you had plenty of work ‘round here to do, and I don’t pay you to fraternize with the CEO.” I say, with a wiggle of my eye brows. Colton throws his head back and laughs, then replies with a smart ass remark.

“Darlin’, I don’t agree with prostitution, but I’m pretty sure I could be considered your whore by now, since I do work for you by day, and was screwin’ ya last night.”

I roll my eyes, and retort, “Well, if being a whore is against your morals, I could fire your ass, and make you my slutty sex slave. It’s entirely up to you, though.” I shrug, as I pull my legs from the desk, and get up to pour a cup of coffee. Colton pounces to his feet, wrapping his hands around my hips, and thrust me towards him. He rubs his nose up the crook of my neck, as he inhales my scent.