Covertly Strong (The Strong Series Book 1) (57 page)

Dear Sloan,

I was going through the attic this morning, trying to find your mom’s favorite suitcase for our trip out to Washington D.C. to visit you, and came across these letters. I started to think about what would happen if something happened to your mother and me…and I never got a chance to explain.

I still don’t understand why I decided to keep these…

I guess I knew deep down you would want to know.

I stopped sending your letters to Nixon around the time we moved to Japan. You were seventeen—nearly eighteen—at the time and you were devastated that our family was moving again. You told me that, the day you turned eighteen, you were going to leave and go live with Nixon. That scared the shit out of me, baby girl. Not because I was afraid I would lose you, but because you had—still do—your whole life ahead of you. You were young and intelligent and should have been focusing on living your life, not revolving your life around a young man.

There are so many opportunities out there for you and I didn’t want you to sell yourself short. I understand that you cared deeply for him, and I know that he felt the same for you, but you still needed to spread your wings and do things for yourself, not base your choices for the future off what he was doing or where he was going to be.

This is why I stopped giving you his letters and stopped sending yours. I hope one day you will understand that I only did this out of love. I only did it because I loved you more than life itself and wanted the best for my beautiful daughter.

This is the only secret I have ever kept from your mother… She knew nothing about this. Hell, this is the only secret I have ever kept from you. Sloan, I love you with all of my heart and I am so proud of the woman you’ve become. You’ve made a life for yourself at Georgetown and you’re excelling in everything you do.

I hope one day I’ll be the one to share these letters with you, but if for some reason you’re reading this because I’m not there anymore, just remember that I love you and would do anything to protect you. This was the hardest decision I’ve ever made, and still, some days, I wonder if it was the right one.

I’m sorry if this hurts you. That was never my intention. My intention was only to do what I thought was best at the time.

I love you, baby girl,

Dad

Sloan sits quietly beside Nix, feeling like her whole world is crashing down around her. She is questioning everything she thought she knew about her dad.

Why would he do this to me? Why would he think this was best?

Tears stream down her cheeks as she stares into Nix’s concerned eyes. Her lip trembles from the emotion that bleeds from her heart. She tries to process her father’s words, but everything just hurts. It just fucking hurts.

Nix folds the letter back up and slides it into the envelope. He is shocked that, all this time, this is what happened between them. Someone he looked up to, someone he respected, was the one who stood in his and Sloan’s way. Anger threatens to boil to the surface of his skin, but he pushes it down. He knows that is not what she needs to see right now. She needs to know that it’s okay, that this is all in the past, and none of it matters now. She needs to continue loving her father and only have good memories of him.

“I can’t believe he did this. I cried. I cried every night for you and he saw that. He saw the look on my face every single day when he didn’t have a letter to give me. I was miserable,” she whispers through her tears. “Why did he do this to me?”

“We were kids, baby. We were young and in love and your dad didn’t understand that two seventeen-year-olds with their whole lives ahead of them could really know they were it for each other. He didn’t meet your mom until after he had established his naval career. That’s why he did it. He thought he was doing what was best. He wanted you to live. He wanted you to find your own way instead of basing your life decisions off of me. John Walker loved you and he did what he thought was best. He did what he thought he needed to do.” Nix leans forward, swiping errant tears away from her cheeks.

She inhales a shuddering breath, leaning into his touch. “But what if we never found each other again? What if I had to see all of this while sitting up in this attic by myself? While I was still hiding behind a façade and living a life in the CIA. I can’t even imagine how that would have felt…” she trails off, completely overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation.

Nix stands and lifts Sloan’s sitting form off the ground. He wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Then he slides his hand under her chin, bringing her gaze to his. “Please, Meli. No more tears. It breaks my fucking heart to see you cry.” He gently kisses her soft lips. “This is in the past. The letters, the decisions your dad made—it’s all in the past. We’re together and that is all that matters now.”

She buries her face into his neck and continues to softly cry into his embrace. She cries over the past. She cries because reading a letter from her dad is bittersweet. She can’t believe that he hid these letters from her, but deep down, she knows he didn’t do it to be mean or to hurt her. He did it because he was her father—her very overbearing and protective father—who thought he was doing what was right.

But mostly, she cries because she still misses her parents every single day. She wishes things were different, that John and Maria were still alive. She wishes she could call her mom and talk about planning her and Nix’s wedding. She wishes she could go fishing with her dad. There are so many things she misses about them. And as much as it hurts to find out that he hid these letters from her, she can’t hate him for it. Her heart is still only filled with love when it comes to her father.

“I think we need to get out of here for a little bit and get some fresh air. Can I take you somewhere?” Nix asks.

She nods into his neck.

He proceeds to carry her out of the attic, down the stairs, and out of the house until he’s placing her in the passenger’s seat of his Jeep. He buckles her seatbelt and places a gentle kiss on her lips. Nix takes her to their second favorite spot, Solana Beach. The one place that, not so long ago, urged her to eventually open up to him and let their second chance at being together start.

They walk hand in hand along the beach, watching the waves crash softly against the sand.

“My dad wrote that letter only a few days before my parents died,” she says quietly. “It’s like he knew something bad was going to happen to them.”

Nix gently squeezes her hand for reassurance, looking down at her with a tender smile.

“I want to be mad at him. I want to hate him for it, but I just can’t.”

He stops their forward movement, placing his hands on her hips and pulling her body to face his. “You shouldn’t be mad or hate him for what he did. He only did it out of love, sweetheart.”

She looks up at him, her brown eyes squinting in response to the intense rays of the San Diego sun. “Do you think we should read them?”

“A part of me does, but then there is another part of me that says we shouldn’t. All of that is in the past and maybe it’s not the best idea to read letters of that painful time,” he states with a wistful smile. “I wrote some pretty sappy shit back then,” he admits.

“Nixon West writing sappy letters?” she asks with a laugh. “I have a hard time believing that.”

“You’re the only woman who can get to me like that. I’m only a romantic for you.”

“Yeah,” she snorts. “Mr. ‘I’d rather fight with you than fuck anyone else.’”

He laughs at her sarcasm. “Always busting my balls, woman.”

“For the rest of your fucking life, Lieutenant,” she declares with a huge grin.

“I’ve been thinking about our wedding, soon-to-be Mrs. West, and I know the perfect place…” He pauses, grasping both of her cheeks with his hands. “Diamond Head Beach.”

“
Really
?” she asks with excitement in her voice.

He nods and then kisses her softly. “It’s the perfect place. The spot where your sassy little ass first caught my eye,” he whispers against her lips.

“You love my sassy little ass,” she retorts.

“Oh, don’t I fucking know it.”

She laughs, grabbing his hand and urging him to continue walking along the sand.

“I can’t believe your dad’s gun collection is worth that much money.”

“Do you want to sell it?” she asks, unsure of the right decision.

“Hell no!” he responds immediately. “We’re keeping every single one of those guns. I’m going to put his Colt Walker in bulletproof glass and hang it over the mantel. The guys will die when they get a look at that baby.”

“
Over the mantel
? Seriously, Nix?” Her brow furrows.

“Yes, over the fucking mantel,” he answers without a second thought.

She laughs at his always colorful choice in words.

“And we’ll save your dad’s gun collection so we can pass it down to our kids,” he adds thoughtfully.

“Hopefully, we have a son. I doubt any future daughter of ours would want over two hundred guns,” she states with a small laugh.

“Johnathon Walker West.”

She stops in her tracks, turning to look at him. “Huh?”

“That’s going to be our son’s name—Johnathon Walker West.”

A huge smile encompasses her face. “You’d want to name our future son after my dad?”

“Of course. Your dad’s name is badass. And plus, Johnnie Walker is one of my favorite whiskeys.”

She shakes her head in mock annoyance. “I should’ve known there was more to it…” she trails off, observing his mischievous expression. “What’s with the look? That look”—she points to his face—“looks like trouble with a capital T.”

“I was just thinking about all of the fun we’re going to have when we’re trying to make some babies.”

She points her index finger in his direction. “No knocking me up until after the wedding.”

Nix licks his lips in a provocative manner.

“Wherever that dirty mind of yours has gone, you better reel it the fuck in, caveman.”

He continues staring at her, flashing a wicked grin her way.

“Don’t even think about it,” she demands as she takes a few steps back.

He stalks towards her.

“Nix!” she shouts as she turns to run.

He grabs her waist, pulling her body back into his, his chest pressed against her back. “Come on, Meli. Let’s go fool around in the back seat of my Jeep like old times,” he whispers into her ear.

“Such a romantic.” She rolls her eyes in feigned annoyance, but she can’t hide the delight in her voice.

He picks her up, holding her against his chest. “Only for you, sweetheart…for the rest of your fucking life,” he says, repeating her words.

She grins at him, not hiding her enjoyment anymore. “The rest of my
fucking
life… I can’t
fucking
wait,” she repeats, mimicking his crass mouth.

He chuckles as he proceeds to carry her to his Jeep, more than ready to make out like teenagers in the back seat.

And right then, while Nix is carrying Sloan through the sand and both of them are laughing and smiling at each other…the rest of their lives—
their future
—which is now filled with gray instead of black and white, has never looked so beautiful.

THE END

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