Covet Not (33 page)

LV

He was scared to touch her.
Admitting that an eternity would be how long he would stay with her, literally,
had sucked every bit of calm out of the bath. The white of the walls and the
dripdripdrip
of the faucet were blinding and teeth gnashing.

The romance
of such a gesture smeared away by a reality that had been likely to take place.
It had been too close.

I can't
live without you.

I'd die
without you.

We'll be
together forever.

All very
twee. All very expected. Until it almost happens.

He pictured
for a moment, her leaving, her
dead
body, freezing and unmalleable in
the water, and the simultaneous feeling of his torment combined with an
avalanche of relief at her safety tore into him like claws from a monster who
bore quite a resemblance to his father.

And the
Devil.

Jared's
desperation to keep her safe had boiled over and nearly killed her.

He would make
things right. He would look to the future to fix it all.

“
I'll fill the hole tomorrow.”

Shula
exhaled. “I'd rather you stay in bed with me tomorrow.” What he'd shared was
morbid and romantic all at once. It appealed to her, but the thought of him
digging it, the agony...she would never leave his side again. It probably
wasn't healthy, but who decides what is anyway? Her own foolishness would haunt
her for quite some time. “I just want to be with you.”

Jared smiled
and pulled the stopper up with his toes. He saw Clara in his periphery as she
peeked in. He nodded once, and she left. He knew Shula wouldn't want an
audience. “That I can definitely do. Let's get you into the shower to rinse the
rest of the mud. Then food.”

“
I'm not very hungry.”

“
I know. It's not about hunger, though.
Just a few bites. Raphe, uh the father of Clara's baby, made tomato soup and
cheese sandwiches.”

“
Oh. That was kind.”

“
From what I can see, he is. He's from the
States
‒
”

“
He
is?
Is he coming over tomorrow?
I want to see.”

Jared
laughed. “I imagine they will come check on you.”

And just like
that, the palpable fear was extinguished and it was like nothing was at all
wrong with their world.

But it was
hard to gauge anything past James Agnesson.

What would
life feel like without him? Jared couldn't fathom it.

They had
worked through Jared's sudden jealousy when they were in San Antonio, and Shula
had thought they'd done a good job with something so unexpected.

Even his
overreaction of not finding her wasn't surprising, but she'd dismissed it like
it wasn't valid. His fear mixed with her impudence seemed a dangerous
combination.

He didn't try
to appeal to her logically, but he was unable to at the time.

Jared stepped
out of the tub and went to turn on the shower. “Quit thinking so hard. I'll
help you out of there, and get you to the shower.”

She blinked
up at him. “It was terrible of me to dismiss your feelings out there. You had
every reason to react that way.”

“
Nothing could justify
‒
”

“
Before that. What you asked of me. That
was good. You want to keep me safe. I was disobedient.”

“
I don't require your obedience.”

“
I was foolish, then. I think I wanted to
push you. I wanted to see what you would do.” Shula didn't know she was going
to say that. She hadn't acknowledged it before. “That was terribly immature of
me, especially since I saw you having a difficult time.”

“
Can we save the pushing for in here?” He
asked jokingly, but frowned. He didn't want to think about it.

“
I'm sorry. I don't know why I thought
pushing you was a good idea.”

Jared was
silent. He couldn't brush it off with a platitude. It would be an insult to the
both of them. But dwelling over it wasn't productive. He was ashamed, and
rightly so. “You being a brat in no way justifies what I did. Besides, I knew
you were going to push me as soon as I saw you at the church.”

Shula
blushed. “You know I like it when you...make me.”

Jared helped
her out of the bath. It was a mess, and he would tackle it once she was asleep.
“And I like to make you. But I have no business taking on that role when I'd
just as soon hurt you.”

That made
sense to Shula, so she looked at him and nodded. She let herself be walked
slowly to the shower. She was going to start shivering again and walking was painful,
but there was a seat in the shower. She hissed at the cold of it, but she knew
she would be warm soon.

“
Shit. I should've warmed it first. I
wasn't thinking.”

“
It's fine. I just want to get this mud off
quickly and get dry. I really want to be dry.”

He nodded and
soaped up her hair. Her hands and feet seemed to be wrinkling more as they got
warmer, so he would clean her quickly.

Until the
water ran clean.

He took great
care cleaning her back, not knowing what marks were there because of him or because
of the river.

And which
ones would never leave.

“
I love you,” he said barely audible, but
she heard him. He had a lot of thinking to do. They couldn't stay there while
his father lived. He needed to keep her safe.

But where
would safety be?

“
I love you, too.” She frowned. “Did my
father come look for me, too? Did he know?”

Well, fuck.

Jared
exhaled. “He was notified.”

Shula
remained quiet because his facial expression didn't quite match his tone.

He rinsed her
and looked for any more dirt. “Apparently, your father believed that my father
was your father.”

“
Oh.
Oh.
It's not true. Please tell
me that's not true.” It couldn't be.

“
Father adamantly denies it. He's an
accomplished liar, but I think you look a bit like your father.”

“
Mama always thought I looked like him, but
I wanted to look like her.”

“
I don't remember your mother very well,
but I imagine you get quite a bit from her.” He turned the water off. “Let me
grab a towel.”

“
So, that's why he was so mean to me.”

Jared nodded.
“Shula.”

She looked at
him and saw his grimace. “What is it?” She looked down to see if she had any
cuts or more bruising. She still wasn't quite aware of her limbs.

“
Your father killed himself yesterday
morning.” Jared draped a large towel around her and she grabbed his arm. It
took her a moment to process, but once she let go, he knelt down and dried her
feet and legs.

“
Once he found out how horrible he was
being to his actual daughter, he felt too guilty to live. That's what I'm
assuming.”

She wiped a
few tears that fell. She wasn't hurt about his death. “But, he was still cruel
to me. To an innocent. He still blamed me for her death.”

More tears
fell as Jared stood. She couldn't get them to stop. “He wanted me to marry a
man he thought was my father. His beloved's own daughter. I'm glad he's dead.”

Jared walked
her to bed before he went to heat up the food. He would console her even though
he knew she'd mourned her father long before this day. But he was reminded
again that she was strong.

And she was
his to keep safe.

LIX

Clara walked out of the
bathroom after her shower. She wasn't feeling well, but from what she
understood about pregnancy, that was pretty normal.

The sight
that greeted her wasn't entirely unexpected, but it still stole her breath.

Her boys had
started without her, but she was perfectly fine about it. She wanted them to
get truly acquainted, and she knew they would feel guilt at leaving her out.

But she
wanted to watch. At least at first.

Jude had
Raphe on his back and they were kissing. It was a little frantic, and they
seemed to be making an effort to slow down. To wait for her possibly. She
leaned against the door frame.

“
Come to bed, Sweets.” Raphe broke away
from the kiss and beckoned her. Jude tilted his head toward the bed.

“
So, I'm sweet now.”

“
You have the sweetest pussy I've ever
had.” Raphe flirted. Clara didn't think there would ever be a time when he
wouldn't be able to render everyone in the room speechless.

Clara
blushed. “I want to watch. May I?”

“
How could we refuse such manners?” Jude
asked. “What do you want to see?”

“
I want
‒
”
She cleared her throat. What she wanted
was a little pathetic, and almost melancholy, but it was truly what she wanted.
“I want you both to pretend I'm not here.”

Jude turned.
“Clara?”

“That
sounds...horrible. I know.” She sighed. “I don't want either of you to hold
back from each other. I want to see raw desire without conditions. Without
adjusting to make room for me.”

“We don't
make
room
for you.” Raphe was a bit irritated. He thought he understood, but now
he wasn't so sure.

She'd messed
it all up. They weren't going to want to do anything after she'd effectively
killed the mood. She would state it plainly. “I want to watch you fuck. I don't
want my presence to be distracting. I want to see what two men together look
like. And I think my expectations are more than either of you can fulfill.”

Raphe hissed.
“You greedy cunt.” He looked at Jude. “I want you to fuck me like you could
never fuck her.”

Clara covered
her smile. She grabbed the stool to her vanity as quietly as possible, and sat
at the foot of the bed.

Her husband
rid them both of their underwear. Raphe handed him a tube of something, and
Jude moved down and placed open mouth kisses along the length of Raphe's cock.

She noticed
his fingers fucking him when he backed up. Raphe's knees were far apart and
Jude had two fingers pressed all the way in.

Jude fucked
him that way easily. He moved up and kissed him.

“Now, Jude,”
he breathed out. Barely a whisper, but she heard it. Her ears would always be
tuned to him. He had been her sanity for many long weeks.

Jude thrust
in before Raphe could inhale again. And he was relentless.

Clara saw
that Jude had held back with her a lot, and she would need to break him out of
that habit.

It seemed he
was having difficulty breathing, or at least it sounded that way, but Raphe
grabbed his face and pressed his mouth against his, and Jude stopped moving.
His back shook and heaved.

“This.” A
broken whisper from Raphe, and Jude began thrusting again, but his mouth didn't
leave Raphe's.

It was
exactly what she wanted to see. It was something each man wouldn't want to
reveal for fear of rejection or not wanting to alienate her.

She wasn't
worried for herself. She probably should be, but being a witness to manifested
forbidden love was intoxicating.

She felt
loved. She felt cared for. She had two men that would stay with her forever and
she needed them to know that she would never come between them.

They may not
always desire her, but they would stay true.

It would be
hard sometimes. It might seem impossible. But she would leave everything she'd
ever known to always keep them together.

She wasn't
stupid. Her boys would be fine without her, but they were meant to be. She was
fine with being a bystander. She enjoyed the role of observer, even though they
never left her out. She needed them to see that her permission was freely given
and would never be revoked.

Clara woke in
the early hours with severe cramps. She'd had plenty of cramps in her life, but
none this severe. Jude had the middle, so she could get up easily and get to
the toilet.

She'd
forgotten she was pregnant until she saw the blood. Bright red like an open
wound.

She didn't
want to be pregnant.

But she
didn't want her body to fail at it. She didn't know what that meant for the
three of them. She and Jude needed Raphe and she hoped to whatever god was
listening that he would stay.

She cleaned
herself up as much as possible and went to find clean knickers and an old worn
nightgown, and put herself together before heading back to bed.

The pain was
bordering on excruciating and she rifled through the cabinet to see if Jude had
any more pain medication. He had, so she took one with a glass of water that
she had trouble keeping down. Once she could breathe through the pain, she
walked out of the bathroom and sat on the side of the bed. She doubled over
with a gasp and soon felt two pairs of hands on her. “Oh, Clara,” Raphe
whispered.

“
I'm sorry,” she gasped.

“
No, nonono.”

“
Nothing for you to be sorry for.”

Both men
reassured her, but she felt like she was letting them down by giving them one
less reason to stay together.

She didn't
want to be the reason Raphe would leave. It was dangerous in this place, and he
had one less incentive flushed away. “Please don't leave us.
Please
,”
she cried.

“
I'm not going anywhere, Clara.”

“
Promise?”

“
Yes, I promise.” He sounded like he wanted
to scold her for thinking it, but she might've been imagining it.

They pulled
her onto the bed and held her until she was calm. “We can't tell your father.
He might try to take Raphe.”

“
I'll run to Jared's.”

“
He might have the police come get you.”

“
He knows that I know about Daniel, and
there is DNA all over that. He'd kill me.”

“
We aren't safe here.”

Jude knew
this. But, he was at a loss about what to do. It made sense to send them away,
but he didn't know when would be best. He would ask Sophia. “Sophia has a place
set up. Will you go?”

“
And leave you behind? I'm not doing that
again.” Clara began to cry again.

“
Only until we've taken care of Father.”

“
How do you plan to do that?” Raphe asked.
He wanted a part in getting rid of that fucker, but he had to think of Clara.

“
I don't know. Jared and I...everyone knows
him. I don't know how to get rid of him so that he goes missing.”

“
The river.”

“
Shula beat the river.”

“
Hit that fucker over the head before we
drop him in.”

Clara began
to laugh through her tears. The medication didn't take long to make things a
little more tolerable.

She was
cradled between the both of them. “I didn't want a baby.”

She'd said it
aloud in a whisper, but the contradiction was understood.