Crashing Souls (8 page)

The quick text turned into fifteen minutes of me worrying about the tone of it and if she’d even respond to it. I switched words around; I talked to myself, all the while clutching my phone so I didn’t throw it against the wall. Finally, I sent something, anything. It was better than arguing with myself all night.

It’s Dex. Have you had dinner yet?

I waited. I turned on the television. I stared at the ceiling. A few minutes later, my phone pinged with an incoming message.

Nope. Waiting for you to make it up to me.

I chuckled.

Pick you up in an hour?

A minute later.

10 minutes. You took long enough.;)

I smiled. I didn’t even know her and I liked her. There wasn’t much pretense, so far. I could imagine her typing whatever came to mind, unlike me. She asked me where we’d be eating and I sent her the name of the only restaurant I could remember, having been there with Tracey a few days ago. Five minutes later she sent me her address, and I headed downstairs.

I found Tracey in the kitchen.

“Going out?” she asked, typing on her laptop at the kitchen island.

I
hummed a response and sat down across from her. “I met someone.”

She looked over the screen at me, lowering it when she saw I was serious.

“Oh? What’s her name?”

“Her name is Noa. I’m taking her to dinner. I should be back in a few hours, and I promise to stay out of trouble and respect her. I have my phone, it’s fully charged, and my car has a full tank of gas.”

I stood and walked over to Tracey, patting the top of her head with a grin. She held onto my arm, running her hands over my skin soothingly. She was always worrying, always holding onto me like it might be the last time she saw me. The worry in her body made me sad, and it made her seem a lot older than she was.

“Have fun, Dex. Bring her by sometime.”

I chuckled. “First I have to make her take me seriously.”

“If she’s smart, she’ll know a good thing when she sees it,” she said, smiling.

I pulled my coat on, grabbed my keys and looked over at Tracey, who was staring off, daydreaming, with her hand running absentmindedly over her neck.

“Don’t worry. I’ll drive carefully,” I said. She blinked and smiled before waving goodbye.

I unlocked my car and settled myself inside, warming it up for a few minutes before entering Noa’s address in the GPS and backing out. Fifteen minutes later, I got out of the car and headed up toward the apartment building in front of me. I made it as far as the front steps when the door swung open and she stepped out. The light blue halo of her hair made her look like an angel. I hadn’t noticed the piercings down one ear until she tucked the strands behind it. She smiled and I smiled. I opened my mouth to greet her but she spoke first.

“
You’re one of those guys who thinks he should come up, huh?”

Her question caught me off-guard.

“Uh, I mean, shouldn’t I? It’s polite. Honking the horn isn’t what girls like…is it?”
Great. Now I sound like I have no idea what I’m doing
.

She chuckled. “I don’t mind it too much. A text saying you’re outside will suffice, Dexter.”

I led us to my car, where I asked her how she’d known my name. I didn’t remember telling her what my name was. Which was pretty stupid, considering I’d texted her as if she knew who I was.

She smiled when I opened her door. “Everyone knows Dexter Andrews,” she said before ducking to sit in the passenger seat.

I didn’t know how to take that, so I got in the car and started it.

“Actually,” she said, turning to me, “would you mind if we walked. It’s maybe a fifteen minute walk and…it’s weird but I love walking. Clears my mind.”

I shrugged, pulled the keys from the ignition and stepped out. I went to open her door, but I saw she’d already gotten out. I locked the doors and stood beside her, waiting for her cue to move.

“Oh, I forgot about your leg! Can you make the walk? We can totally—”

“It’s fine. I’m good.” I hadn’t walked that distance before, but I was more than happy to try.

She took the first steps and, of course, I followed. It was nice, walking beside Noa, who seemed to be in love with the night sky. Her eyes took in the stars and she sighed wistfully.

“Ever wonder what’s out there?” she asked. We were walking slowly enough that I didn’t feel discomfort, and I could look at her without worrying about running into anything.

“
In space?” I looked up.

“The universe. It’s so boring when people say aliens. That’s what the rest of the world wants you to think.” She rubbed her gloved hands together and shoved them into her coat pockets.

“Well, what do you think is out there?” I asked, eager to hear her theory.

“I don’t know. But, when I look out, I think it can’t be something as mundane as aliens. It can’t be what everyone else thinks. It’s too beautiful, too massive. A real life miracle.”

I nodded, afraid to say anything and break her spell. The wonder in her eyes was hypnotizing.

“I wasn’t going to give you my number, you know.” Her words came out of nowhere, but I was quickly realizing just how fast her mind worked and how often she said just what was on it. I was coming to adore it in the extremely short amount of time we’d spent together. I understood that I’d have to keep her beside me, in our conversation and with me.

“Why not?” I asked, looking at her again.

“Have you ever made a decision and seen your future flash before you?” She asked, not answering my question at all. “It’s like the opposite of what people think happens before you die. Like memories you have yet to make.”

“Actually, that’s exactly how I felt when I bumped into you,” I said, keeping my eyes on hers to gauge her reaction. If she opened this door, I was willing to follow her through it. But I couldn’t force her to see me. She’d have to open her eyes to us on her own. I made that deal with myself in that moment, waiting for her to react to my confession.

She looked at me in surprise. “Huh. Well, that’s why I didn’t want to give you my number.”

“I don’t get it. Explain it to me.”

“
I’m not that good at this. Not good with people. I do the loner thing best, which is probably why this is the first time I’ve ever really hung out with anyone one-on-one. It’s easier to hide in a group. But when it’s you and me, I feel like you can see me.”

She was right. She owned my eyes. From the moment I saw her. They found purchase on any bit of her that was visible.

I nodded and we walked in silence until we reached the restaurant. We were seated immediately among the empty tables. The Christmas decorations made the place look cozy.

A waitress came up and took our drink orders, handing us menus. Noa refused hers, saying she already knew what she wanted, a small grin on her face.

I leaned forward with interest as she relayed the dish and exactly how she wanted it as she shrugged out of her coat and removed her gloves.

“Please don’t serve it with zucchini. I’d rather the steamed broccoli. Also, extra sauce on the side. Thanks so much.”

I handed the menu back to the server and said I’d have the same.

“So, what are we doing here?” Noa’s head tipped to the side a bit. Her smile was small enough to worry me, one that didn’t quite show amusement.

“Eating,” I said with a shrug. “We’re both hungry and I’m making it up to you, like I said I would. Can’t have you thinking I go back on my word.”

“You just look like someone who cares what other people think. Like, your image and all that. Which doesn’t explain why you’re here, sitting across from me, buying me dinner. I don’t think I fit that image, Dexter Andrews.” She leaned forward to whisper, “Do you know how many times you’ve walked past me, not ever really noticing me?” I’d think she was serious if I didn’t see the
twinkle
of humor in her eyes; the brown irises that were turning me inside out.

I didn’t know what to say. Noa was intimidating but I couldn’t look away, even as she proved just how much of an ass Dex had been.

“I wasn’t seeing as clearly as I am now.” I hoped she didn’t think I was cheesy. My honesty was a bit more timid than hers, but it was honesty nonetheless.

She nodded like she knew exactly what I meant. That she didn’t know that I hadn’t actually been Dexter and hadn’t actually known her until the moment we bumped into one another didn’t escape my knowledge. Still, I appreciated that she seemed to relate. The waitress came back with our drinks. When I’d ordered the same exact thing as Noa, I hadn’t realized she’d requested ginger ale. I stowed that random fact into my ‘all things Noa’ box.

“What’s your deal, Dexter?”

“My deal?” I still had no idea what to say to this girl, other than the fact that I was going to follow her for the rest of my life. Which was insane. But I believed that wholeheartedly. I just had to make sure I didn’t creep her out.

“Yes. What do you do for fun? What’s your favorite color? What’s it like to survive being hit by a car?”

She had no filter. It was refreshing to the point of unnerving. Normal, normal,
bam
, a question that made me want to double back to figure out where it’d come from.

“I am quite the computer geek. I enjoy programming in my off time. My favorite color is blue,” her lips curved as she tugged at her hair and I smiled before going on, “and I don’t remember the accident or anything before waking up in the hospital, so I can only say it feels like waking up in someone else’s life.”

I didn’t know if Dexter’s favorite color had been blue. But blue was all I’d seen since meeting her that
afternoon.
A color that was supposed to be reminiscent of sadness, feeding me great joy.

“That’s got to be interesting.” Her eyes continued to twinkle under the Christmas lights as she sipped her soda through the straw. “Are you afraid of walking across the street?”

“No.” I laughed. “Tell me what I was like before. Did we ever speak to one another before today?” I didn’t think Dexter would associate himself with someone like her. All of that freedom and color in his seemingly adult life? No. She’d had Dexter pegged correctly. Only now she thought of him as me.

She looked up at the ceiling, as if in thought. “You were this guy who noticed everything and nothing. Your head was in the clouds most days, but you were—are—so smart. You were the prince to my peasant. Before today, you never even looked at me, something that I dreamed would change.” She smiled to herself. I wanted her smile to be aimed at me, to shine under the radiance of it. “I think that was what made you such a big deal. No one mattered. Not even Becca. You were content to be alone, never needing the compliment of a beautiful companion. That’s why you are so beloved. Because you belong to yourself only.” Her smile never wavered.

I wanted to belong to her. And I wanted her to
want
me to belong to her.

“Are you actually happy to be here, Noa?” I asked in a teasing tone, hoping to hear that she was. And God knew I wanted to get the subject off of Becca or any other woman for that matter.

“I don’t know yet. Ask me again in a few years.” We were interrupted by the waitress setting down our food. Noa dug in almost immediately, groaning with appreciation.

“Good?” I asked, watching her, not even touching my own plate.

“
Like heaven,” she said, placing her napkin against her mouth so I wasn’t faced with a mouthful of food. She chewed and swallowed and spoke again. “Sorry. This is my favorite place.” She narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t know that, did you?”

I shook my head. I wanted to touch her hair, run my fingers through it, and hold it against the light to see how pigmented it was. I’d be wrapped up in the blue silk of it forever.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” she asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I shrugged. “I’m actually not that hungry. So, why in a few years?” I leaned back, content to watch her. It didn’t seem to bother her.

“Pardon me?” She took another bite.

“Why ask you again in a few years?” I sipped my drink.

“Haven’t you heard? Hindsight is 20/20. And besides, I don’t know that I’ll ever even see you again. Maybe you’re satisfying some morbid curiosity. Maybe you’re slumming, looking to see how the other side lives.” She shrugged. “The movies show us happy endings and that someone like me can end up with someone like you, but let’s be honest. I am no Becca Hamilton.”

I had to chuckle, a move that surprised her.

“I was hoping you’d see me every day this week. If you don’t ever want to see me again, I’d walk away,”
lie
, “but that’d be your choice.” I couldn’t tell her the Grim Reaper had spared me and sent me back to find her. And that, quite possibly, the soul that belonged with mine was somehow implanted in her. I hadn’t figured out the logistics of it yet.

I reached up and pinched a portion of the blue strands between my thumb and forefinger and rolled the silkiness of it against my fingertips, only because I
couldn’t
help myself. “And you being nothing like Becca Hamilton is the greatest compliment you could ever be paid.”

She blinked a few times, and the rise and fall of her chest was the only other move her body made. I dropped my hand, worried I’d offended her.

“Sorry,” I said, focusing on the plate in front of me.

“You should be,” she said, snatching her belongings together.

“Hold on, what’s the problem?” I asked, rising when she did.

“If you’re looking to get laid, I can give you the names of millions of other girls who’d
love
to be another conquest of yours. Fortunately for me, I am not one of them.” She stepped away from the table and before I could think, I grabbed her arm. She looked down at the contact. Even though the fabric of her sweater was between my hand and her skin, I could feel her warmth. I hadn’t imagined the shock that owned us. It lived deep down, so small it could go unnoticed. The more time I spent around her, the more I felt it. Regardless, it was there, causing my stomach to flip of its own accord.

“Please don’t go,” I begged. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I have no intention of sleeping with you.” Her eyebrow rose, and I couldn’t help but let out a stream of curse words. “Shit, I’m getting this all wrong. Yes, I find you attractive and maybe down the road somewhere… who knows? But I don’t look at you as something to be won and then tossed aside. Maybe won over and over again…but never tossed aside.”