Crest (Ondine Quartet Book 3) (51 page)

I blinked. "How was that his fault?"

"I came back and gave you the exact location of a horde of Aquidae."

"I know. But they weren't —"

"Somebody in this kingdom, in
his
kingdom," he stressed, "is leaking information. I wouldn't be surprised if the traitor was a gardinel."

"You're so damned obsessed with finding something wrong with the selkies, you've gone blind," I snapped.

"All I know is I have to search for those Aquidae again." He raised his brow. "You do want to get the Aquidae who killed Jesse and Matt, right? I mean, I wouldn't want to interrupt your Redavi social calendar."

That hurt and he knew it. "You're being unfair."

"What else can you expect from someone like me?" he said lightly. "Don't you have a ball to get to, Cinderella?"

Every time we spoke, we ended up fighting. I wasn't going to let this devolve into another one.

I clenched my hands and willed my voice to remain calm. "Let me know if you decide to come back and be a real chevalier."

His mouth opened.

I walked away before he had a chance to speak.

JULIAN'S WORDS ECHOED NON-STOP.

I wouldn't want to interrupt your Redavi social calendar.

Reflection stared back at me from the mirror. I wondered where the distortions were happening and what lay behind it.

Maybe this was all I was.

The dress Chloe selected was as unusual as she'd promised.

Soft blue color reminded me of the Pacific waters caressing Haverleau's shores. Strapless top clung perfectly to my torso and the bottom looked like a sheer chiffon skirt flowing elegantly to the ground.

Except it wasn't.

The cleverly designed bottom was actually a pair of wide-legged pants. Material billowed freely enough to construct the illusion of a gown.

Dagger rested securely in a sheath around my ankle, the weight both comforting and constricting. The only other accessory was a necklace of glittering diamonds Rhian wore at the Governor's Ball when I first arrived at Haverleau.

Ewan brought it to me a little while ago and the icy stones rested cool and heavy against my skin.

An exterior of political perfection, an interior that allowed me to move freely in battle.

Governor and
sondaleur
. Leader and warrior.

Were they different facets of the same costume? Part of who I was or part of who I'd become? Was there a difference?

Governor-elect mask settled on my face. Combined with the dress and diamonds, it was a perfect costume for this performance.

Rhian had protected me as long as she could. Showing everyone I could function in this society on my own was crucially important.

Blade whispered against my ankle.

I also had a traitor to find.

The Royal Hall and inner courtyard hummed with music, atmosphere, and the intonations of cultivated etiquette.

"Kendra." Yahaira glided over in an elegant, ivory lace gown. "What a stunning dress, dear. You look wonderful."

"Thanks. So do you."

She leaned in and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. "Have you seen Sian around? I've been looking forward to seeing her in the dress."

"Ah...yeah, I did. She said she had some work to catch up on and she'd meet you at your apartments later."

A tiny bit of guilt but the lemon cookies were totally worth it.

Yahaira smiled at someone near the buffet table. "Unlike my darling daughter, I hope you'll make an effort to stay longer than a few minutes."

"I'll try."

She hurried off and I studied the other guests.

Someone in this group was a deadly crocodile.

Catrin Bessette stood near the back table, chatting with Rhian. My grandmother's eyes sparkled and for a brief moment, I could almost imagine what she'd been like at my age.

Catrin gestured, arms and hands moving through the air with the elegant grace of a dancer.

Had she been motivated by helpless rage, a fury for elemental society that worsened with the fate of her eldest daughter?

She was one of my grandmother's oldest and closest friends. But betrayal on this scale meant the traitor had no problem deceiving people for years.

Patrice LeVeq stood beneath a paper lantern, speaking to a group of Japanese delegates.

She was an ondine largely driven by fear. But fear could quickly turn to indignation, then anger followed by rage. Jeeves didn't think she had what it took, but the use of her Virtue to stop the fire surprised me.

Had she realized she'd made a mistake and tried to remedy it? Had she been so infuriated by Julian's rebellion, so driven in her need to humiliate me and the Irisavies that she'd worked with the Shadow?

Or perhaps, one of the Belicouxs.

Dax and Ancelin spoke with Nanette DesMarais on the far side of the courtyard.

Despite his need to act like an asshole, my grandmother seemed to think Ancelin was actually a good man.

But hadn't we also believed in Miriam Moreaux? Hadn't Ian's father once been good and kind?

Eyes flickered over the rest of the guests. If I wanted to find a reason, I could find one for every person present at this event.

I could even find one for Ian, Aubrey, and Chloe.

No. I already held trust in such short supply. I wouldn't take away what had already been earned.

But Empath sensed the disconnect between what people said and what they felt. Hearing the fake words easily spoken left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Nothing was real. Just like I'd known in the back of Jason's car.

Everyone lied.

The haunting images of another ball in Haverleau arose, its memory layering over the present. A ball where I stood on the dance floor and doubted I'd ever understand the machinations of Redavi money and politics.

Yet, here I was. A Governor-elect gowned in diamonds and silk, standing in a palace filled with unimaginable riches and magic.

And nothing had changed.

The place was still filled with the same falsehoods and poisonous words I'd understood my entire life.

For one moment, I felt utterly lost.

Then that warm presence, that clean, masculine scent wrapped around me, finding and bring me back, shrouding me in an intimate privacy separate from all of it.

My breath caught.

Black jacket clung to his shoulders, accentuating the breadth of this chest and leanly muscled torso. Like that ball in Haverleau so long ago, he once again refused to wear a bow tie.

White shirt lay open, exposing the amber
pedaillon
resting against the golden warmth of his neck.

I looked, really looked.

For once, I allowed myself to revel in the fact that I knew him and his beautiful body intimately, knew his taste and touch, knew every sensitive spot that made him catch his breath and lose control.

And more than that, I knew what existed behind it.

Then I realized he was looking, too.

"You're beautiful." He extended a hand. "Dance with me."

Surreal memories swirled around us with the music. I slipped my hand into his.

Back in that Haverleau ballroom, I'd teased him about being royal, being so serious. I'd wondered about my mother and father, if the Governor's daughter and Head Chevalier had danced and flirted.

Would someone, years down the road, also stand in a ballroom and wonder about me?

Strong arms encircled my waist. He kept his touch light, almost impersonal. Exactly the way the Crown Prince would dance with the Governor-elect.

But heat radiated off him. And no matter how much I tried to not let it soak in, to keep my insides cold and distant, being near him always shifted something.

Dissolved armor, peeled layers, knocked down walls.

One-two-three.

Instinct took over. I closed my eyes, let the music lead me.

He dipped his head, jaw brushing against my hair.

"The first night I went to get you from San Aurelio, I watched you dance in that ratty club," he said. "I watched and I didn't want to bring you back to all this."

Step, step, step. One-two-three.

"I wanted to protect you somehow. It didn't make sense. You were the
sondaleur
everyone had waited for and I just wanted to keep you out of it."

Had it only been a year ago?

I still remembered how we'd faced each other in that confined San Aurelio alley. Fear, rage, and confusion heating the small space between us.

How he'd emerged from the shadows to destroy my mother's murderers. How beautiful his movements were.

"But the more I knew you, the harder it was to let you go." His arms tightened slightly. "I wanted you away from this, but I didn't want you away from me."

One-two-three. Step, turn, heel.

"You lean to the left and carry tension in your hip when you're angry." Breath brushed against my ear. "When you're hurt, the right corner of your mouth tightens and your eyes turn the color of ivy. You love challenges because underneath the difficult truths life and Virtue present, you reach. You search."

I closed my eyes.

You still have dreams about the night you had to do the unthinkable. And each morning, you allow hope to carry you forward.

You do things quietly, without fanfare, without acknowledgement, because those things mean nothing to you.

You do it simply because it's the right thing to do.

"You get up and try again and again because the heart fueling you burns brighter than anyone I've ever known," he continued. "You're a fierce friend, a loyal partner. You'd rather be tortured than have someone you care about hurt. You'll always have the strength to do what's right even if you think you don't."

You would run in when others are running out. You would carry a child through a wall of fire.

You would do anything to protect those who placed their trust in you.

Waltz swirled, cadence reaching its inevitable conclusion.

"I want you to find what you seek, live the way you choose," he whispered. "Even if it means I can never touch you again. I will never abandon you because I love you."

The music stopped. Our dance had come to a close.

My hands dropped.

He stepped back, his arms around my waist our last remaining connection.

"Life will always be uncertain. But these are the things I know, Kendra. These are the truths I hold."

He let go.

A choking tide of pain hit me, rising too fast and hard for me to prepare against.

Just like change or the wave rushing toward the shore. There was no halfway. Not for him and not for me.

Hurt battered my insides, but there was no release. Only a hard block of ice stuck in my throat and the relentless ache thrashing everywhere.

"It's better this way." My voice sounded like creaking hinges.

Finger brushed against the curve of my cheek.

"Thank you for the dance."

He walked away, tall form cutting through the crowded courtyard.

No matter where I was, no matter how much time passed or how long I didn't see him, I'd recognize him anywhere.

I gripped the edge of my dress tight, keeping it from slipping through my fingers the way so many other things had.

Heading in the opposite direction, I exited the palace and blindly made my way toward the west shore.

The rhythmic murmur of lapping water skittered across my skin. Body rigid, eyes dry, I walked along the water's edge. My feet, encased in flats, slipped against the rocks.

Logically, we were doing the right thing. So why did it feel like something inside was dying?

Costumed in silk and taffeta, with my mask in place and diamonds glittering along my neck, I'd satisfied my grandmother.

The blade strapped to my ankle, my kill record, and my status as an elite, would've made my mother proud.

It wasn't perfect. Ian, Chloe, Aub, Julian, Cam, and Alex, had all somehow gotten deep behind the walls. There were also other cracks now filled with Gabe, Jeeves, Nexa, Rhian.

The Shadow had called me a killer and I'd denied it.

But it was true.

I was a killer and Tristan was one, too. We could guise it under royal mannerisms, control it under our skin. But we recognized each other. Some part of us understood the energy, the power with which we made sense of our worlds.

If it spared someone else pain, if we could prevent death or ease suffering, we'd both do what was necessary. Without compunction, without flinching.

We'd bear the weight of it, just like I carried and absorbed the terrible pain flinging about inside me right now.

We'd survive.

For the most part, my mother had succeeded.

I may have more to lose now than I'd ever had before.

But I knew I could still make the hard choices.

I tripped and swore, catching myself just before I crashed face first on to the gravel.

The ridiculous shoes lacked textured soles to walk over smooth rocks.

Last thing I needed was a broken bone and another lecture from Daniel.

I bent down to remove them.

Moonlight rippled, ivory light illuminating what I'd tripped over.

A head.

I JERKED BACK.

MIND REELED in shock. Fingers turned ice cold, heart slammed against my chest.

Long strands of sleek chocolate hair spread across the rocks like a fan. Eyes that once sparkled with verve and intelligence gazed up at me, lifeless and empty.

Sian.

For a few long moments, I simply stared.

Nausea rocked and my brain sluggishly processed the scene.

A few feet away, partially in the water, was the rest of her body. Legs and lower half of her torso were covered in seal skin. She'd been trying to shift.

Think
.

I closed my eyes and concentrated. Virtue reached into the raw wilderness seeking answers to what happened.

The wind had stopped.

No black voids.

But the land had frozen in fear.

The silence was alien, an unnatural stillness infecting the air.

Oh, God.

They were here.

I scooted back a few feet before I managed to get my legs under me and stand.