Crimson and Clover (17 page)

“It’s okay,” Maureen mumbled. “You never call this early. What’s wrong?”

“It can wait. Go back to sleep. I’m so fucking sorry.” Katie felt horrible about waking her friend. However, since she
did
have Maureen on the line … “Um, since you’re awake, though, could you tell me something?”

Maureen chuckled softly. “What is it, pet?”

Reassured by Maureen’s laugh, Katie sucked in her breath. “Where’s the band tonight? Do you know?”

“Tonight? Wait a minute.” Katie heard the sound of bedsprings creaking and papers being shuffled as Maureen searched for Shadowed Knight’s itinerary. “What is tonight?”

“The twenty-eighth.”

Maureen yawned in her ear. “They’ll be in Hamburg. Why?”

Katie frowned. “Hamburg’s what, an hour ahead of us?”

“I think so.” The sleepiness vanished from Maureen’s voice. “Why? Katie, are you going to Hamburg?”

Katie smiled. Of course she was going to Hamburg. If nothing else, she had to see Jay, no matter what she ended up saying to him.

“I’ve decided I’m not going to let my dreams slip away,” she declared, the Stones’ song still fresh in her mind. “I’m going to go catch them.”

“Sage advice from a bunch of hooligans.” Maureen snorted. “So, are you going to Hamburg or not?”

“Wanna go with me?” Katie asked her friend. “My treat.”

• • •

The plane had just reached cruising altitude when Katie turned to Maureen, heart pounding. “You wanna know the real reason I haven’t told Jay I love him yet?”

Maureen tucked the procedures folder back into the seat pocket in front of her and turned to Katie, looking expectant. “I’m listening.”

“I should have told you a long time ago, but I don’t like to talk about it.” She fingered the armrest, unable to meet her friend’s eyes. “I don’t even like to think about it. But it’s why I haven’t said anything to Jay before now. I’m afraid if he knows about it, he’ll … that he won’t want me anymore, much less love me.”

“Look at me.” Maureen’s soft hand cupped Katie’s chin and raised her head. “Nothing can be that bad.”

“It is,” Katie whispered. “It is to me, anyway.”

“Tell me,” Maureen murmured and patted Katie’s cheek.

“Two years ago when I was seventeen, right after I moved to the Haight with my boyfriend, I got pregnant.” Katie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I didn’t even know I was before I lost the baby.”

“Oh, love, I’m so sorry.” Maureen leaned over the armrest and enveloped Katie in a hug.

“I didn’t tell anyone.” Her voice was muffled against Maureen’s shoulder and it seemed easier to talk that way. “Eddie, my boyfriend … well, he didn’t stick around long after we got there and I didn’t think he’d care much one way or the other. But I didn’t know you were supposed to go see a doctor after you miscarried. Hell, I didn’t know anything; I was just a baby myself. But something was wrong. My fever spiked so high I thought I was dying. If I hadn’t gotten myself to a hospital I might have died. But anyway … they told me I’ll probably never be able to have children.” She sighed and sat up. “So there it is. The main reason I’ve not said anything to Jay. If he tells me he loves me, too, and then finds out I can’t have kids and leaves, I think I’ll go crazy.”

“Oh, Katie. Oh, my poor, sweet girl.” Maureen pulled up the neck of her blouse and dabbed at her eyes. “You shouldn’t have carried that all by yourself for so long. You’re still just a baby.”

A startled laugh shook Katie’s shoulders. “I was nineteen in January, Maureen. And if I remember correctly, you’ve just turned twenty. Are you a baby, too?”

Maureen shrugged away the question. “Still, I wish you’d told me sooner. Damn, I feel just awful about reaming you out about Jay now. If I’d known, I never would have said any of that.”

“It’s okay,” Katie hastened to reassure her. “Everything you said was true, and I don’t blame you at all.”

“But I didn’t know why you were holding back. I just thought you were being thick-headed. But this … ” Maureen sniffed. “Look, has Jay ever said anything about wanting babies?”

Katie shook her head. “No. But he hasn’t said he doesn’t want them, either. The closest we ever came to talking about it was when he got concerned because we’d been spending an extraordinary amount of time screwing each other’s brains out and he asked me if I was using birth control.” She grimaced. “I told him I wasn’t going to get pregnant, he said ‘Fantastic,’ and that was it.”

Maureen sat back in her seat with a thoughtful frown. “Don’t tell him. Not yet, anyway,” she added, seeing Katie’s shocked face. “Look, I’d wager everything I have that he loves you. I’ve been watching him and I really think he’s just waiting to see how you feel before he says anything. And if you love each other, you can get past all this. I mean, if you want children you can adopt, right? Give him a little credit, Katie.”

“What if he wants his own children?” The little devil was back on Katie’s shoulder and she couldn’t help but listen to him.

“What if he does? Didn’t those doctors in California say you’d probably never get pregnant?
Probably
, Katie.”

“Maureen, I’ve been having sex for over two years with no protection.” Katie spread her hands wide. “How many kids do I have?”

“That doesn’t mean anything. And even if it does, you and Jay can still have a nice family. Adoption, remember?”

“Yeah,” Katie sighed. “Adoption.”

“We’re getting ahead of ourselves in any case.” Maureen took Katie’s hand. “I take it you’re finally going to tell him you love him?” At Katie’s nod, she smiled. “Good. Like I said, I’m sure he loves you, too. Once you get that out of the way, then you can worry about babies. Okay?”

“Okay,” Katie mumbled. “I just hope you’re right.”

“I am. He loves you, Katie, and that’s the most important thing.”

• • •

Dark. And smelly. Those two words summed up the backstage area at the Hamburg club where Shadowed Knight was to perform. Katie and Maureen had no trouble gaining access; the lone security guard was halfway down the alley, oblivious to the comings and goings through the backstage door as he smoked a joint. Stifling their giggles, the two girls slipped into the building undetected, brushing against cartons stacked along either side of the narrow hallway.

“Man,” Katie muttered as they were forced to walk single-file. “I hope there’s not a fire.”

Maureen exhaled strongly behind her. “Well, thank you for that little bit of cheer,” she whispered. “It’s not as if I weren’t nervous enough without having to worry about being charred to death.”

Smothering a giggle, Katie reached behind her, groping for Maureen’s hand. “Sorry, Maur. I’m sure there won’t be a fire.” A block of light spilled from an open doorway ahead and Katie aimed for it. “C’mon. I’ll bet they’re in there.” As they drew closer to the door, the sound of voices reached their ears, a mix of smooth baritone from Shadowed Knight and soft feminine tones. Katie felt Maureen come to an abrupt halt behind her.

“Who the hell are they?” It didn’t take a rocket scientist to discern Maureen wasn’t referring to the familiar voices of the men.

“Groupies, I guess.” Katie turned to face her. “Don’t get your panties in a wad, though. Just because they’re hanging around doesn’t mean Nicky’s taken them up on anything. Remember, you’re the one he loves. You’re going to be his wife, for God’s sake.”

The tightness on Maureen’s face eased. “You’re right.” She nodded, a brief jerk of her head. “I shouldn’t be so quick to suspect him, should I? Just because the other chaps can’t control themselves … ” She broke off with a stricken look. “I’m sorry, Katie. I didn’t mean that Jay would … ”

“Stay cool, Maur.” Katie forced a strained smile. “Remember, Jay and I haven’t … well, he doesn’t know … You know what I mean. I’ll deal with it if there’s anything to deal with.”

Even in the uncertain light, the movement of Maureen’s throat was visible as she swallowed. “Okay. But I can’t deal with it. So, could you look? I can’t.”

With a nod, Katie tiptoed the few steps to the doorway and peeked in. The room was small and uninviting, cramped from too many people in such a tiny area. The dingy light from dim florescent fixtures washed them all in a dull yellow glow. Stuart and Adam were squashed onto a rickety-looking wooden bench, both with girls in their laps. George was leaning against the wall with a bottle in his hand talking with Walter, the band’s abrasive manager. And Nicky was perched on a small table swinging his legs as he talked with three obviously adoring girls. Katie was pleased to note he was keeping his distance, though. He couldn’t help but be charming; he was born with it. But his actions toward the girls, from what she could see, were nothing more than friendly.

Nicky’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw Katie and she hastily put a finger to her lips before pulling her head back. In a moment Nicky was out the door and in the hall. “Katie! What are you doing here?” he asked in a hushed voice. He gave her a quick hug. “Is there anything wrong? Is that why you … ”

Katie put a finger across his lips, cutting off the flow of worried questions. “I brought you a present,” she said with a smile and gestured behind her. The next moment she was thrust aside without ceremony as Nicky grabbed Maureen in a wordless hug.

Turning her back on the reunion, Katie looked into the room again, biting her lip. Her eyes scanned the area until she found what she was looking for; Jay was in the far corner, slumped in a folding chair with his eyes closed. He’d propped his feet on another chair, his ankles crossed. His arms were folded across his chest and there was a pained frown on his face. A blonde girl wearing a tie-dyed dress was sitting on a stool behind him, running her fingers through his hair and crooning in his ear. As Katie watched, Jay grimaced and jerked his head away from the girl’s touch. Katie shook her head. She knew better than to touch his hair after he’d gotten ready to perform. It was evident Miss Tie-Dye hadn’t picked up on the fact he was highly annoyed at her ministrations.

Katie entered the room in silence. She was amazed no one seemed to take any notice of her presence. No one, that is, except the girl playing with Jay’s hair who looked at Katie with an expression of hostility.

Ignoring the Glare of Death, Katie swung her foot over Jay’s outstretched legs and lowered herself to his lap. “Aren’t you enjoying yourself?”

Jay’s eyes popped open at the sound of her voice, staring at her in amazement. As she settled herself, he began to recover and smiled. “I am now.” He pushed himself upright and swung his feet off the chair. Sliding his arms around her waist, he buried his face in her neck with a groan. “God, you smell so good.”

Katie sighed as his hands found the bare flesh between her shirt and the waistband of her jeans. Before she could reply, she was interrupted by a rapid flood of German from Fraulein Tie-Dye. Katie didn’t understand the words, but the tone of “Get your fucking hands off him, bitch, I was here first” sounded the same in any language. Katie lifted her eyebrows and shrugged. The only German she knew was
Guten Morgen
, but she didn’t think the other girl would appreciate such a mistimed salutation. “Mine,” she said, not knowing how else to get her point across.

Jay kissed her neck with a loud smack before raising his head. He shook his hair back from his face and looked her straight in the eye. “Damn right I am.” His hands tightened on her waist.

Out of the corner of her eye, Katie noticed the other girl flounce off in a huff. It barely registered, though, since all her available brain cells were busy trying to ascertain whether or not she’d heard what she thought. Her heart was stuttering in small, jerky beats as if it couldn’t decide whether to race in happiness or squeeze up in fear. Her face grew numb and her hands tingled; she’d forgotten to breathe and was close to passing out. She drew in a ragged breath, dispelling some of the fog in her head. Looking into Jay’s eyes, she probed the hazel depths for some hint of amusement, some clue he was joking. No trace of laughter was there, though, just the same quiet intensity as always, along with a questioning look — the same look that had been there the week before he’d left.

“Let’s go!”

Katie jumped as Walter’s voice boomed behind her. Turning her head, she saw the wiry little manager standing at the door and the confusion in her brain lifted enough for her to wonder how such a full-throated roar could come from a man so scrawny. “Let’s go, lads,” he repeated, clapping his hands together like a schoolteacher with a room full of kindergartners. “It’s show time!”

Katie turned back to Jay, thinking she should respond even if it was just to ask what the hell he’d meant. She parted her lips to speak, but was again interrupted by Walter.

“Shake it, Jay. It’s time to go.”

Jay sighed and shifted his gaze over Katie’s shoulder. “Coming.” He slid her off his lap and, rising to his feet, hooked his arm around her neck.

The white satin of Jay’s shirt was cool under Katie’s arm as she slipped it around his waist. She glanced over at the girls who had been chatting up Nicky and noticed Fraulein Tie-Dye had joined them. As she caught sight of the petulant looks aimed her way, her mind whispered, “Mine.” She’d said it and he’d agreed. He was hers, this tall, lean, gorgeous man with his arm around her neck. Hers, this man those other girls wanted so badly. Making up its mind on the matter, her heart began to race, flooding her bloodstream with waves of happiness that made every nerve ending sing. Jay Carey was fucking
hers
!

“If it’s not too much trouble,” Walter’s voice dripped with sarcasm, “do you think you might be persuaded to join the rest of the band, Mr. Carey?”

“Don’t sweat it,” Jay told him. “They can’t start without me, after all.” Giving Katie another squeeze, he brushed his lips across her hair and turned her toward the door. The look of irritation on Walter’s face dissolved into surprise as he noticed who was with Jay.

“Katie?” Walter gaped at her like she’d materialized out of thin air. “Where the hell did you come from?”

“She walked right through the bleedin’ door with me, that’s where she came from.” Maureen’s voice caused Walter to spin in her direction. “Fat lot of good it did you to hire that crack security team, right?”