Crimson and Clover (14 page)

“So it’s like what you said about your live show sounding like the album?” she questioned, ignoring the pie.

“Yeah.” Stuart nodded and cut off another forkful. “There’s too many people in London who’d like nothing better than to see us blow it. Well,” he amended, “see Jay blow it. But it’s all the same. We’re not going to play here until we come back from Europe.”

Katie’s heart kicked against her ribs. “Europe? When are you leaving for Europe?”

Stuart swallowed before answering. “Spring. April, I think. Between now and then we’ll be playing those little pubs and shit and recording the album and all.”

“How long will you be in Europe?” Katie cursed the small sound of her voice, but it was out before she could stop it.

“Five, six weeks.” He peered at her with a concerned frown. “You don’t sound happy about it.”

Katie rearranged her face into placid lines. “Well, I’m not. Without you, who am I going to drink iced tea with?” Encouraged by his grin, she pressed on. “Who else is going to understand how ridiculous it is that there’s a fish and chips shop on every corner, but no tartar sauce? Which one of my other friends is going to help me plan my Fourth of July party?”

“The big question, though, is who’s going to warm your bed while Jay’s gone?” He gave her a sidelong look before digging back into his piece of pie.

“Nobody,” she muttered, cheeks flaming.

“So it’s like that, huh?”

“Yeah, you gossiping old woman. It’s like that.” Her mind added the words, “For now,” but she refused to heed them. Just because she’d been abandoned by every important person in her life didn’t mean he’d be one of them. Her luck was bound to change sometime and she crossed her fingers that Jay would be the one to do it.

“No more heavy stuff,” she declared, rising from her chair. “It’s time for the entertainment part of the evening. I’ll play my guitar for you if you stop trying to embarrass me.”

“Speaking of bands … ”

“Nope,” she cut him off at the pass. “I’m not joining any bands and you should know that by now. I mean, come on; it’s taken me this long to feel comfortable enough to play for you and Maureen. No crowds, thank you very much.” She took her guitar from its stand in the corner of the living room and turned back to Stuart with expectation. “Will you sing?”

“You sing,” Stuart told her, helping himself to another slice. “I’m going to eat every crumb of this pie.”

“My reputation is going to be ruined if anyone finds out I had anything to do with this dress.” Maureen handed the length of lilac matte satin to Stephanie and narrowed her eyes in accusation at Katie.

“No, it won’t,” Stephanie replied around a mouthful of pins. “Katie, strip off and put on this dress.”

“Your reputation? Ha.” Katie flung off her Grateful Dead T-shirt and unsnapped her jeans. “If anybody sees me in this thing they’ll think … Oh, my God, they’ll think I’m a nice girl!”

“No, they won’t.” Stephanie shook her head. “Step out of those trousers.”

“A nice girl?” Maureen snorted. “You didn’t tell me this was a costume ball.”

Katie wadded up her jeans and threw them at Maureen’s head. “You’re not helping.”

With an irritated sigh, Stephanie took the pins from her mouth. “Neither of you are helping, so both of you belt up.” She pushed back a cinnamon-colored curl that had escaped her topknot and fixed Maureen with a glare. “We’re not going to paint your name across her arse, so no one will know you’ve made a dress the Queen would approve. And you.” She transferred her ire to Katie. “You said you had to look straight and proper and this dress is all of that. So Put. It. On.”

“Oh, fine.” Katie stepped into the garment and pulled it up; turning around so Stephanie could zip it up the back. This brought her face to face with the full-length mirror leaning against the far wall of Maureen’s sewing room. “Cor love a duck,” she moaned, employing one of Maureen’s favorite phrases. “I look like a prom queen.”

A confused glance passed between the two Brits before Stephanie dropped to her knees beside Katie. “I don’t know what’s a prom queen, love, but you look like a girl who’s going to meet her fella’s mum and dad and all their friends for the first time.”

Maureen snickered. “You
do
look like a nice girl.” She intercepted the glower Katie’s reflection sent her way. “Oh, lighten up, Katie. It’s what you’re supposed to look like. You’re going to a big do at Jay’s parents’ house in Mayfair, for fuck’s sake.”

“I know,” Katie moaned. “Their big annual Christmas party with all their stuffy, uptight friends and it’s the first time I’ve ever met them and I’m going to be on display because Jay told me he’s never taken a girl to one of these before and why does he have to do this to me?”

“Perhaps it’s because he’s mad about you?” Stephanie kept her eyes on the hem she was pinning. “He wants to show you off.”

“And it won’t be any easier for him, you know.” Maureen nodded her head. “All those old codgers will be going on about this like it’s news of the world. You know, ‘Oh, look! Jay’s brought a girlie with him. It must be serious.’ They’ll just stare at you for a bit, but they’ll talk about him all night.” She stood and shook basting threads from her shirt. “So tell me; is it serious?”

“I don’t know.” Katie shrugged and received a slap on her calf from Stephanie.

“Don’t do that,” Steph scolded. “I’m trying to pin up the hem, you know.”

“Sorry.” Katie grimaced in contrition. “Anyway, I don’t know if it’s serious. For him.”

“Is it for you, then?” Maureen examined the dress from the back. “Steph, d’you think we need to take it in a bit just here?”

“No.” Stephanie shook her head, dislodging another curl. “It would be too tight; she wouldn’t be able to breathe properly.”

“We haven’t even said ‘I love you’ yet,” Katie mumbled.

Stephanie stood and took a few steps back to examine the length of the dress. “Do you love him?” she asked.

“I … I think so. Maybe.” Katie felt her ears get hot.

“You love him,” Maureen insisted. “You love the hell out of him, so just admit it.”

Katie looked at herself in the mirror and had to smile. In spite of the red ears, the dress looked good even though it was nowhere near her own style. It was simple enough; scooped neck, sleeveless, and falling in a straight column down to her toes. The only adornment was a band of darker purple satin that passed below her breasts. All she needed were elbow-length gloves and she’d be ready for her debutante season. Her smile widened into a grin.

“Yeah, I love him,” she admitted. “I must, otherwise I wouldn’t be caught dead in this dress.”

• • •

Nothing could have prepared Katie for the reception she received at the Carey’s annual Christmas party. As the limousine Jay’s mother had provided — her way of assuring her son’s presence — pulled away from the imposing house at the end of the evening, Katie sat unmoving, still stunned by the experience.

Next to her, Jay cleared his throat. “Are you all right?”

After a moment, Katie nodded. “Yeah, I … Yeah.” Still staring straight ahead, she swallowed. “You weren’t kidding when you said you’ve never taken a girl to one of these things, were you?”

With a sigh, Jay raised Katie’s hand and pressed his lips to her cold fingers. “I have to apologize for my mother’s behavior. I knew she’d be surprised, but I had no idea she’d assume … ”

“I really think she’s planning our wedding, Jay,” Katie interrupted. “She kept talking about cathedrals and antique lace and flowers and music. And her friends kept twittering around throwing in their suggestions.” She shook her head. “I just stood there and smiled like a big, dumb idiot. The only time I said anything was when I joked about walking down the aisle to ‘Dazed and Confused’ from Led Zeppelin’s first album. It didn’t even slow them down.”

“They don’t know who Led Zeppelin are, baby.” A quiet laugh shook Jay’s shoulders. “‘Dazed and Confused’?”

“It was the most un-wedding-like thing I could come up with. I thought about ‘Whole Lotta Love’, but that would be too appropriate.”

“You’d walk down the aisle while they’re singing about every inch of their … er, love?” he inquired with a definite note of amusement.

“Well, yeah.” Some of the tension left her shoulders as her mind was pulled away from Catherine Carey’s overt match-making. “Either that or your song, ‘Imperial Jade’. I kind of like that line about throwing you on your back and showing you imperial bliss.”

Snickering, Jay pulled her into his arms and pressed her head to his shoulder. “I’ll speak to my mother,” he assured her. “Tell her none of that’s in the cards so she’ll lay off.”

“Okay.” She couldn’t help but feel a flash of disappointment in spite of the relief she felt at knowing Catherine’s elaborate plans would come to a halt. On the very day she’d admitted she was in love with Jay, he declared marriage wasn’t ‘in the cards.’

It shouldn’t come as earth-shaking news; after all, they’d only known each other three months. And it wasn’t as if she was ready to rush off and get married that night, despite the fact that they already had a limo and he was wearing a suit. But to hear him state with such matter-of-factness that marriage wasn’t even a blip on his radar came as a blow.

With the assistance of comments from Maureen and Stephanie, Katie had spent a large part of the day caught up in daydreams of being Jay’s wife. For several bright, happy hours she’d seen almost everything she wanted as a distinct possibility. One off-hand remark from Jay had brought it all to a screeching halt.

Refusing to be crushed beyond repair, a small positive part of her spoke up to remind her that he’d not said he
never
wanted to marry her. ‘Not in the cards’ could just mean not right now, right? A little devil that looked amazingly like Tommy Smothers popped up in her head with a shit-eating grin and a reminder that Jay hadn’t ever said he loved her. Positive angel, who bore a striking resemblance to Cass Elliot, ruffled its feathers and asserted that if Katie had just admitted her true feelings only that day then Jay deserved a little more time to do the same. The devil brushed soot from the front of his red suit and snorted. What better opportunity could Jay have to declare his undying love than during a discussion of marriage? If he really loved her, he could say so and suggest they worry about marriage at a later day, right? Right. Ergo, he didn’t love her. Case closed.

Just as Positive angel pulled out a dagger to plunge into the devil’s black heart, Katie squinched her eyes shut and banished both of them from her mind. She was not —
not
— going to let the combination of her own newly discovered feelings and the hopeful, if misguided, plans of Jay’s mother ruin this. Positive angel had been right about one thing; it had been a scant three months since they’d met. Obsessing over the way they felt, or would feel in the future, was a waste of time in addition to a damn good way to blow everything straight to hell. Instead, she’d just enjoy the novelty of being truly in love for the first time in her life and wait for Jay to come to a decision one way or another.

It was at that point the little devil popped up again to remind Katie of the secret she’d borne in silence the past two years. Didn’t Jay deserve to know all the facts before he committed himself to her? Katie’s cheeks burned, not with embarrassment, but with a guilt that went bone-deep. Yes, he deserved to know, she knew that; but that knowledge could very well cause him to turn away from her for good. Her earlier optimism fled, leaving her cold and bereft even though she was in the arms of the man she loved. She would have to tell him the truth, but she would wait. After all, she still didn’t know how Jay felt and until she did she would keep her secret safe.

“You are driving me round the fucking loop!”

Katie turned from the window in surprise. Maureen was sitting crossed-legged on the sofa, her hair glowing from a fresh rinse of platinum dye. Her baby blue caftan set off her eyes and her cheeks were pinker than usual due to the pot she’d consumed. At odds with her cherubic exterior was the exasperated look on her face.

“What?” Katie threw her hands wide. They were in Katie’s flat listening to music, getting high and just rapping — a typical night in for the two of them. Katie couldn’t imagine why Maureen was irritated.

“You’ve jumped up to look out those bloody windows fifteen times in the last five minutes, that’s what. You’re like an expectant father in a hospital waiting room, completely unable to stay in your chair.” Bouncing off the couch, Maureen stalked to the stereo and hit the switch to retract the tone arm. The sudden silence in the flat was unnerving as the record player clicked off.

“Why’d you do that?” Katie dropped into an armchair, determined to prove she could sit still.

“Look, love.” Maureen’s voice fell into a kinder register. “I know Jay’s driving you mad, but you’ve got to get a grip on yourself.”

Katie opened her mouth to protest, but nothing came out. She closed her mouth and her lips came to rest in a pout. Folding her arms across her chest, Katie glared at an innocent philodendron in the corner. Damn it, Maureen was right.

Kneeling beside Katie’s chair, Maureen placed a hand on her knee. “He’s still not said anything, has he?”

With an irritated sigh, Katie cut her eyes at her friend. “No,” she muttered. “Unless you count, ‘I love it when you do that to me,’ and I don’t.”

Maureen bit her lip. “So why haven’t you brought it up yourself?”

Katie fidgeted, uncomfortable with the question. She’d resolved to wait, and wait she had. But they were well into the month of March and Jay still hadn’t indicated in any way that he loved anything more than her talents in the bedroom. Her pout grew mutinous.

“It’s all right to be brassed off about it, you know,” Maureen said.

“Fine,” Katie snapped. “I’m brassed off. Happy?”

“Delirious.” Maureen’s voice was dry. “I don’t understand why you haven’t said anything to him, though.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Katie stared at her, aghast. “I can see it now. He tells me he loves the way I go down on him and I respond by telling him I’m in love with him. Oh, yeah; that would be outta sight.”