Cross My Heart (19 page)

He nodded. "If we wait until the election is over and
things settle down we can do it properly. You haven't met any of my
family yet except Paul. I don't want them to learn about the woman
who's going to be my wife through a hurried phone call or, worse, from
the newspapers. Besides, we don't want to steal the spotlight from Liz
and Paul. Next week, after they're married, I'll write to my parents
and two sisters and tell them about us. Then we'll call and talk to
them. We'll set a date for an engagement party and insist they all come
home for it."

Everything he said made sense. Elyse could find no fault
in it, and she told herself she was glad he was the type of man to be
concerned about his family's feelings.

She cuddled against him and said, "That sounds fine. I'm
really looking forward to meeting your parents."

He put his arms around her. "I knew you'd understand." He
nibbled her earlobe. "There's just one more thing."

Elyse tensed in spite of her efforts not to. "Oh?"

"The ring," he said carefully. "When we're in public,
could you wear it on your right hand? Otherwise it will cause a lot of
speculation."

A cold wave of apprehension swept over her, and it was all
she could do not to shiver. She pulled out of his embrace and moved
away. "Clint, does this have anything to do with Janey?"

He looked genuinely surprised. "Janey?"

"Yes. Is the fact that I have an illegitimate child going
to cause problems for you politically? Are you so anxious to postpone
acknowledging us until later because we could damage your chances of
getting reelected?"

She stood and started to move around the room. "If that's
it, then we can forget the whole thing right now. I won't allow your
career to be ruined because of me, but neither will I let my daughter
and I be hidden in hopes that none of your constituents will notice us."

Clint sprang off the sofa and glared at her. "Sweet Lord,
woman, is that what you think of me?" he bellowed. "Do you honestly
believe I give a damn what people think about my private life? How can
you say you love me and in the next breath accuse me of being such a
creep?"

He clutched her by the upper arms, and his fingers were
like claws digging into her flesh. She'd never seen him so furious. "I
admit you haven't known me long," he said, and she could see the effort
he was making to calm down, "but have I ever indicated in any way that I thought you were less than respectable? Or that I
considered Janey a bastard and therefore unworthy to be my daughter?"

Elyse gaped at him, totally unable to respond in her
astonishment at his use of those ugly words. "What have I done to give
you such a low opinion of me?" he continued. "I love Janey almost as
much as I love you, and it never even entered my mind that marrying you
and adopting her might lose me a few votes. The scarlet
A
went out of vogue a long time ago, and I don't want the support of
anyone who has a mind to bring it back."

He let go of her so suddenly she almost lost her balance
as he strode across the room to pick up a telephone. The action
released her stunned senses, and she hurried after him. "Clint, what
are you going to do?"

She was trembling, and her knees threatened to buckle as
she grabbed at the arm he was using to dial.

He jerked away from her and his features were stony. "I'm
calling my parents to tell them about our engagement, and then I'm
going to get in touch with the news media. By tomorrow you'll have all
the publicity you could ever hope for."

Elyse felt sick as she jammed her hand on the dial. "No!
Listen to me. I didn't mean—"

He put the phone back in the cradle, and suddenly all the
rage drained out of him. He turned to look at her, and her heart melted
at the hopelessness mirrored on his face. "I think you'd better decide
just what you mean, Elyse," he said in a voice devoid of emotion.
"First you indicated you wanted to make love, then pushed me away when
I tried. Then you came to me and apologized, but when I asked you to
marry me you said you couldn't until I told you about Dinah. I did
that, and you said you wouldn't marry me because of what I'd told you,
and walked out. Now you've agreed to marry me, but you accuse me of
being a son of a bitch."

He walked away from her and stood facing the fireplace.
"I'm not going to put myself through much more of this. I don't pretend
to be perfect, but I do try to be honorable. If you can't trust me, if
you're always going to misunderstand my motives, I don't see much
future for us."

His words were like whips lashing at her. He was right.
She'd never behaved so irrationally as she had since she'd met and
fallen in love with Clint. Just minutes ago she'd analyzed his reasons
for wanting to postpone announcing their engagement and found them
sound. Seconds later she'd accused him of subterfuge. She was being
childish, and she didn't blame him for pulling back, for wondering if
he wanted to marry her after all.

The thought was more than she could bear, and she
approached him slowly with her eyes downcast. She stopped in front of
him and looked up into his white, weary face. "I'm sorry," she said
brokenly. "You're right. I've been behaving like a spoiled child. I've
thrown a tantrum every time things haven't gone just exactly the way I
wanted them to, and I don't blame you for being disgusted with me."

She looked down at the ring on her finger and discovered
she was twisting it with the fingers of her other hand. "If you want
the ring back I'll understand, but Clint—" her voice broke,
and she had to take a deep breath before she could go on
"—don't ever think I don't love you."

She laced her fingers together and looked into the unlit
fireplace. "I guess it's because I love you so much that I panic when
you show signs of being… less involved… than I
am. Of having a life apart from me."

He moved as if to protest, but she looked up and shook her
head. "No, please, let me finish. That wasn't a complaint. You're older
than I am, you've been an adult longer than I have and you have a much
more complicated life than I do. It will take me a while to fit in. I
don't want to smother you with my love."

She slowly slid the glittering emerald off her finger and
held it out to him. "Here," she said, and again her voice broke. "Maybe
we should think about this before we make a firm commitment."

There was a heavy pressure in her chest, and she found it
difficult to breathe.
Could this be what it feels like when
your heart breaks
?

Clint ignored her outstretched hand with the ring and took
her in his arms. "I don't want the ring," he said in a gravelly tone.
"I want you."

With a sob Elyse clutched the gem and put her arms around
his neck as she snuggled against him. She tried to tell him with her
pliable and willing body how sorry she was and how much she loved him,
but although he held her close, the passion in him had died and could
not, or would not, be rekindled.

A few minutes later he took her home.

Elyse didn't hear from Clint again until after eleven on
the following night, Thursday, when the phone rang. "I'm sorry for
calling so late, sweetheart," he said, "but I've been chasing my tail
all day. How are you?"

Elyse's relief at hearing from him was all the greater
because he didn't sound angry anymore. "It's all right, Clint, I was
hoping you'd call. And I'm fine. A little tired. I didn't sleep much
last night."

"Neither did I," he said, and there was a catch in his
voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow up the way I did."

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to be so silly." Her voice
softened. "I love you, Clint."

"I love you, too," he said tenderly. "I just got off the
phone with my dad and mom. I told them I'd fallen in love with the
sweetest, most beautiful lady in all of California and that we're going
to be married very soon."

Elyse felt a stab of guilt. "Oh, Clint," she said, "I'm
sorry you've done that. It wasn't necessary—really. I know
you didn't want to tell them that way."

"I was being stubborn," he said grimly. "I didn't even
think how it would sound to you when I asked that we postpone the
announcement. My reticence had nothing whatsoever to do with Janey. I
never think of her as anything but your beautiful and adorable
daughter, who very soon will be mine, too. My parents were delighted,
and they're anxious to meet the two of you."

But a few minutes later Clint frowned as he hung up. What
he'd told Elyse wasn't exactly true. His parents had not been
delighted. Especially when they'd found out Elyse had a child but had
never been married.

His mother had seemed reserved, but his father had reacted
as Clint had known he would. He'd fumed and blustered and predicted
that marrying a woman with an illegitimate child would cost Clint his
political career. It had turned into a shouting match between the two
men until Grace Sterling had intervened in a three-way conversation and
calmed them both down.

Clint was still furious with his dad, but he could
understand his position. Burton Sterling had started his career in the
1930s, when having a child out of wedlock was considered moral
turpitude and a man whose wife or daughter had done such a thing had
little chance of being elected to public office. At age seventy-five
he'd never been able to adjust his way of thinking to embrace the "new
morality".

He wasn't vindictive. He wouldn't condemn Elyse. But
neither would he be persuaded that she wasn't a detriment to Clint's
career. Fortunately Clint's father was a gentleman of the old school,
and he'd never intentionally let Elyse know he objected to his son
marrying her.

Elyse didn't see Clint again until he and Paul came to
pick up Elyse and Liz for the trip to Lake Tahoe early Saturday
morning, Paul and Liz's wedding day. Both men looked smashing in their
dark suits, and each whistled appreciatively as he caught sight of his
lady.

Clint led Elyse into the doll shop, where they could have
a little privacy, and clasped her in his arms as he ravaged her willing
mouth. "It seems like three weeks instead of three days since I last
saw you," he murmured, burrowing his lips into the side of her neck.

It had seemed that way to her, too, and she caressed his
ear with her tongue as she told him so.

He shivered with pleasure and encouraged her by stroking
the sides of her breasts. "I wish now that we were getting married
today, too," he said. "I don't know what I was thinking of when I
insisted on waiting. Would you consider making this a double wedding,
after all?"

Her first inclination was to say yes, yes, yes! But she
quickly stifled the impulse. He was male and she aroused him and he was
impatient to take her to bed. She was just as impatient as he, but
they'd make love tonight whether they got married this afternoon or
not. There was no need to rush the vows, and he'd been emphatic about
wanting to wait.

She'd let him set the date for both the announcement and
the wedding, but not until after the election. He must never look back
and wonder if he'd been coerced into a marriage he didn't really want.

"No, Clint," she said firmly. "I want our wedding day to
be special and all ours. Also, I want Janey to be there, and I've
already taken her to her grandparents to spend this weekend."

"Her grandparents? I didn't know she had any."

"Jerry's folks. They have an orchard in the apple hill
area. They don't see Janey nearly as often as they'd like, and I
wouldn't go back on my word to let them have her for the next two days."

He sighed. "Okay, you're right, we'll have a proper
wedding later and let Janey be the flower girl. Come on, we'd better
get started. Paul's going to be a nervous wreck if we don't get this
show on the road soon."

Elyse grinned. "So's Liz. She's already repacked her
overnight bag three times, and she nearly went into a tizzy over which
nightgown to take. I finally had to remind her that it didn't matter
since it would never get unpacked."

Clint laughed and took her hand. He brought it to his
lips, then frowned. "Where's your ring?"

She flexed her naked fingers, then unbuttoned the top
button on her coatdress and pulled out a thin gold chain with the ring
attached. "It's right here, see?"

He glared at her. "Why in hell are you wearing it around
your neck under your clothes? Dammit, Elyse, I didn't mean you had to
hide it. I told you I'd call the newspapers if that's what you wanted."

Her nerves weren't in much better shape than Liz's, and
she snapped back, "It's not what I want, but neither do I intend to let
my friends think I'm accepting expensive jewelry from my 'good friend'
the senator."

Clint was silent for a moment. Then he reached out and
rebuttoned her dress. "All right," he said tightly. "I'm not going to
argue with you today. But we'll discuss it later."

The wedding took place that afternoon in an elegant little
white chapel tucked away in a grove of pine and spruce trees. Both Liz
and Elyse wore floral headpieces constructed of baby orchids, and soft
organ music wafted on the air as the minister read the age-old vows.
The stars in Liz's eyes sparkled more brightly than the diamonds in the
ring Paul slipped on her finger before he took his new wife in his arms
and kissed her.

Elyse watched through a mist of happy tears and murmured a
little prayer that her beloved sister would live happily ever after
with her handsome young husband. Liz, who had given up her own youth to
shoulder the burden of raising an adolescent sister, deserved the
adoration that Paul made no attempt to hide when he looked at her.
Please,
God, may their love last forever
, Elyse silently asked.

Later Clint and Elyse hosted an early wedding dinner in a
small private dining room at Harrah's. Afterward Paul and Liz left for
the family's summer home on the shore of the lake, and Clint and Elyse
played the slot machines for a while, then went upstairs.