Crossing the Barrier (16 page)

By the way his friend looked at him, Malakai knew David was about to talk about some serious things, and it wouldn’t be easy.

“She…she knows stuff, man. I mean, she knows what you feel; she knows what I feel. I mean, dude, that’s so messed up. Sandra calls her an empath, and that empath shit, it’s real. Lily, she really, really feels what everybody else feels.”

“Wait! You mean she knows how I feel all the time?”

Malakai was breathing as quickly as if he had run at top speed for the last fifteen minutes. The thought of knowing someone always knew how he felt…

“Yeah, well, yes and no. Sometimes she gets clear ideas, sometimes she gets vague feelings that are more confusing than not, and that, from all of us. It’s pretty fucked up, dude. But since she hurt her head…”

Malakai waited for David to continue, but he didn’t. Untypical of him, David sadly stared at the door through which Lily had disappeared.

“What? Is she dying?!” Malakai asked, taking a step toward David when the silence became too long for him to handle.

“No, she’s not dying, but sometimes I’m pretty sure she wishes she was. I mean, she can’t shield anymore,” David said, turning to him.

Malakai’s relief was quickly replaced by puzzlement. “What are those shields you’re talking about?”

“She used to be able to stop all that shit she was feeling from others; I mean, to a certain degree. She used to be able to come into the cafeteria ‘coz she could stop most of it from slamming into her. I mean, do you have any idea how many emotions there are in the cafeteria when we’re all there, with all the drama that’s going on? Do you know what it does to her? Splitting headaches. The kind you would chop your own head off to stop.

“Well, she used to be able to put a lid on all that, not an airtight lid but a lid that would allow her to function. Now she can’t anymore. She can’t stop all of it from crashing down on her. She couldn’t even manage the corridors at the beginning of the year. Sandra had to go with her.”

“Why can’t she do it anymore?”

As his only answer, David gave him a humorless chuckle. Then Malakai remembered what Sandra had said, what David had repeated.

“Ever since I bumped into her, isn’t it? Ever since she hurt her head?”

All because of him?

David nodded.

Malakai felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. The guilt of hurting her, even if it was an accident, came back tenfold. Everybody had told him she was fine, even Lily herself.

But she was not fine.

And it was all his fault.

“Listen, dude, you’ve got some serious thinking to do. I know you said you like her, and I told you she was special. Well, now you know just how much. What she is means you’re never ever going to be able to have secrets from her without her knowing you’re not telling her something. You’ll never ever be able to hide from her. And you’ll never ever be able to lie to her because she’ll
always
know when you do.

“Now can you live with that? It’s scary, dude, it’s very, very scary. Don’t go after her until you’re sure you can accept all that because it’s never ever going to change. She doesn’t need someone who can’t handle what she is. She needs someone who will accept her just like she is and despite what she can do.

“And now that you know, don’t you ever, ever tell a soul because if you do, I’ll beat your scrawny little ass.”

Malakai nodded, no words coming to his lips, his mind completely paralyzed with the enormity of what he now knew.

Chapter Thirty-Two

LILY

When the lunch
bell rang the next day, Lily felt like her heart was an open wound that wouldn’t stop bleeding. She was still angry at Sandra for what she had revealed the previous night, but above all, she was hurt. That morning, when she saw Sandra get into David’s truck, she felt like someone had stabbed her all over again.

Lily had driven to school, fighting tears.

As she made her way out of the classroom after her last morning period, a strong sense of remorse flew to her. She looked up and saw Sandra standing along the wall, her head bowed. Her friend looked terrible, like she hadn’t slept and had cried all night.

“Hey,” Sandra said, her hands in her pockets, glancing at Lily and then looking at her shoes as if they were the newest fashion item. “I…I was wondering if you wanted to, you know, come to the cafeteria with me.”

Lily silently looked at Sandra for a moment. She needed her best friend. She needed her for shielding, of course, but she also needed her because she was one of the very few people who really understood her, who understood what it meant to be who she was, what it meant to live with Beatrice, what it meant to no longer have her father, what it meant to belong nowhere. Sandra was the sister she had never had, and she was always there for her.

Yes, Sandra had made a huge mistake, but she hadn’t known Malakai was there. And in all honesty, deep down, Lily had always forgiven her.

“I’m so sorry, Lily,” Sandra said sadly when Lily wouldn’t say anything. “I wish I could take it back.”

“I know,” Lily said, a prickling sensation behind her eyes.

“All I can do now is promise you I’ll try my darn best not to do it again.”

Lily nodded. “Maybe it’s better that way anyway.”

Sandra looked up at her. Lily felt the hope and uncertainty warring inside of her friend.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, imagine if Malakai had found out after we’ve been dating for a while, assuming we would have, which is a big ‘if.’ Do you think his reaction would have been any different then? I mean, he was pretty scared last night.”

Sandra winced. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, better he finds out now than two months from now.”

“Did he at least talk to you?”

Lily shook her head. She hadn’t sat in her usual seat again. She was afraid of what she would feel coming from Malakai. Knowing he was scared was hard enough as it was. Knowing he would reject her would destroy her.

“Do you have any idea how much I wish I didn’t have this?” she said, pointing at her head.

“Yeah, I think I do,” Sandra said, pushing off the wall. “I wouldn’t want to be you.”

With a sigh, Lily followed Sandra to the cafeteria, their shoulders touching.

Chapter Thirty-Three

MALAKAI

Practice was finally
over, and Malakai could now be alone to think. After he had showered and changed, he dropped his bag into his jeep and made his way to the practice field, like he often did after the games and practices. The field was empty and the lights were off. He went to the fifty-yard line and reviewed the practice moves in his mind, then he made his way to the stands and sat, looking at the field.

Lily.

For the last three days, she was all he had thought about.

She was still sitting in the back of the classroom along the windows, and he didn’t know what to do.

Her power was imposing.

Her power was scary.

Her power was permanent, a part of her that would never change.

But she was still the same Lily, the beautiful girl with long brown hair and bright gray eyes, who smelled of green tea. While he was scared of what she could do, what he felt when he was near her hadn’t gone away with the discovery of her secret. Malakai still liked her, still wanted to know her, be there for her, hold her…

He had to face it; she needed someone and that alone got him like nothing else did.

He liked who he was when he was with her. He liked who she allowed him to be: uncomplicated, true, himself. He liked how he felt with her, like he would never be alone again.

And what did he really have to hide?

Nothing.

Well, he had his share of guilt from the accident that had killed his friend when he was ten, but even that he wanted her to know if the subject ever came up.

As for his family situation, hers was probably worse than his if what David said was any indication. If he were to date her, he would want her to know about it, whether or not she was an empath.

An empath, as incredible as it sounded. It was so hard to believe, so surreal.

“Thinking about Lily?”

Startled, Malakai looked up. David was walking toward him.

“Yeah. It’s all so hard to comprehend.”

“Yeah, I know,” David said, sitting next to him. “So, know what you’re gonna do?”

“I…I don’t know,” Malakai said, shaking his head. “I really, really like her, you know.”

“Yes, I know. She’s easy to love,” David said with a chuckle.

Malakai frowned. “You…you like her too?”

“Yes, I do. I always have. But she likes you. Me, she thinks of as a brother, always has, always will, but you, she really likes.”

“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know. Does she?”

“Maybe. Probably,” David answered, looking at the field. “Listen, dude, if I can’t have her, I’d rather she be with you. Go for her and treat her right, okay? I’d rather know she’s happy with you than miserable with someone else.”

Malakai nodded, not knowing what to say, his mind still trying to grasp at an explanation that would make it all something other than what it really was.

Chapter Thirty-Four

MALAKAI

The next day
when the teacher gave them the rest of the period to work on their calculus problems in teams of two or three, Malakai saw his chance. He stood up, made his way across the room, and took the empty seat right in front of Lily.

“Wanna team up?” he asked her.

His mind was still very confused, but Lily was the same person he had known the previous week. He had to at least give her a chance.

“You really want to?”

She sounded so sad, so defeated; Malakai felt his heart constrict. For a moment, he fought the urge to take her hand in his and tell her everything would be all right.

That would be a lie. He didn’t know if things would be.

“Yeah,” he answered instead.

He turned his desk sideways, facing the windows, and Lily did the same, putting her desk against his. Malakai set his textbook in front of them, and they both took their exercise books to complete the problems.

Lily was good and so was Malakai, and as Malakai had hoped, they finished with a lot of time to spare.

“I…I wanted to know more about this thing you can do,” Malakai whispered, glancing around to make sure no one was listening.

Lily shifted in her seat. “I…I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, staring pointedly at her desk.

In normal circumstances, Malakai would have let it drop, but this was anything but normal. He needed to know what to think, what to do, and he wouldn’t if some of his questions were left unanswered.

“Lily, please, I want to know,” he said, taking the strand of hair that was hiding her face and putting it behind her ear.

How he wished he would dare touch her skin, but this would have to do, for now.

“What did David tell you?”

He didn’t want to repeat what David had said; he wanted to hear it from her.

Even though she wasn’t looking at him, she looked so hurt, so vulnerable. The urge to take her in his arms came to him, the fact she would know what he felt be damned.

“He said no one can lie or hide things from you.”

“Is that all?”

“Well, for the most part.”

“See here, I know you’re not telling me everything.”

Malakai didn’t want to tell her David had told him to leave her alone if he couldn’t accept what she was. He didn’t want to tell her David also liked her. It wasn’t his place to do so, if she didn’t already know.

“No, I’m not telling you everything.”

“Well, that’s one thing I know, always,” she said, looking at him sadly.

“What else can you do?”

“If someone touches me, I can sometimes see images when they’re related to what they feel or if they’re strong enough.”

“If you touch me right now, will you see what I’m thinking?”

“I might. I can tell you’re pretty confused and freaked out.”

It was true. Malakai was afraid she would see everything that was bad and ugly about him.

“I can also tell four other students aren’t working on their calculus problems anymore.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. When you do math, you have a very low level of emotions. These four, they’re talking because their emotions are showing. Two of them are intrigued, and the other two are angry as if they’re arguing about something.”

“Wow!”

He remained silent for a while, not really knowing what to think about all this. Then he remembered seeing her in the yellow with black polka dots bikini as she joined David and him in the pool on Sunday. How he had wanted to touch her soft-looking skin and see more of her. He remembered seeing her blush as he thought of it. At the time, he had thought he had been staring too long, but now he believed she might have seen what he had fantasized about. He was suddenly very self-conscious and embarrassed that he had thought of her that way, but in the next moment, he wondered why he should be. Lily had a killer body, and even a blind guy would fantasize about her.