Crossing the Barrier (17 page)

“Your emotions are in turmoil,” she said.

Malakai nodded. “It’s not every day I meet someone who can know exactly how I feel,” he said, looking at his joined hands on the desk. “You know, sometimes, we really wish someone would know, but sometimes we just don’t want anyone to know.”

“And you have no idea how much I wish I wasn’t the one who always knew,” she said. “A lot of people aren’t what they seem, you know. It’s impossible for me not to know what those people are really like.”

“David told me about you losing your ability to shield,” he said, feeling his heart constrict at the thought. “I’m so sorry about that. I wish…I wish I hadn’t been running.”

“It’s done, Malakai. There’s no point beating yourself up over it.”

It was easier said than done. It reminded him too much of the way he had disobeyed his mother and kicked the soccer ball between the two parked cars. He had hurt someone then, even if he hadn’t meant to, and he had hurt Lily now. He hadn’t been in a position to help his friend, since he’d died, but now could he help Lily, even if her power was so scary?

“Do you let people get away with trying to hide their feelings from you every once in a while?”

“Yes, all the time. Except for the Joneses, my uncle, and now you, no one knows what I can do.”

“But what about them? Do you let them get away with things?”

“Yeah, I do. But they know not to lie to me.”

“What about me? Would you let me get away with not wanting to share?”

“Yes, I would.”

Malakai felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He imagined times when he wouldn’t want to talk about what was going on with him. Then Malakai remembered the first day in the cafeteria.

“At the cafeteria on the first day of school, it wasn’t the heat that made you sick, was it?”

“No. I…It was the crowd. Hormonal teenagers aren’t always fun to be around, you know. And now that I can’t shield, it’s hitting me hard.”

“What about the football games?”

“It’s not the same,” she said with a small smile. “It’s like a big mob mind where everybody is thinking about one thing, one goal. People are all happy at the same time, or all disappointed at the same time. It’s like having a giant with big emotions. Actually, Sandra says I look high. I have to admit, the feeling’s pretty awesome, especially when you guys score.”

“So when I took you away from the cafeteria, I did the right thing?”

“When…when you touched me you did the right thing,” she answered shyly.

“When I touched you?”

“Yeah. Your worry became the loudest thing I could feel, as if you were a lid, and you drowned everybody else out to a bearable background noise. That’s why I could focus enough to get out of there when you told me to go to the lobby.”

As she said that, he was reminded of seeing Lily and Sandra walking so close all the time, close enough to have their arms touch constantly. It made perfect sense now.

“When someone touches me, I can function normally…or at least as much as I can because then I only have to deal with my emotions and theirs.”

Lily looked outside the window, sadness in her gray eyes. Then Malakai remembered something else, something that had made him jealous.

“That’s why you were holding David’s arm, and he was touching your back the other day in the cafeteria.”

“Yeah.”

Malakai was glad he didn’t have Lily’s power. He didn’t know if he would have remained sane.

“You know, no matter what, I’ll never tell,” he said to her. “I just want you to know that.”

“Thank you. I…It means a lot to me.”

They remained silent for a little while longer, Malakai wondering what he should do next, his fingers hitching to touch her, but his mind fighting it.

What would she see?

“You know, if you don’t want to be around me anymore, I’ll understand,” she said.

“No! No!” Malakai protested quickly. “I…It’s a little weird is all.”

As he said that, he wondered if in reality he could still hang out with her.

Malakai chuckled at his own half-truth. “I know you know I wasn’t sincere,” he said. “Lily, I’m sorry,” he continued and he meant it. “I…I just don’t know what to think.”

That was also true. As much as his heart reached out to her, his mind kept on reminding him she would know all of his secret feelings. Thoughts of his mother flashed through his mind, how she had disappeared right after the death of his friend…

“Let me figure it out, okay?” That was all he could do: ask her for time to put his head around all this and figure out how he really felt about it.

“Okay,” she said with a sad sigh. “I guess that’s fair enough.”

Before Malakai added anything, the bell rang.

Chapter Thirty-Five

MALAKAI

Malakai was in
trouble, but he hadn’t realized how much until his fourth class of the day.

The previous night, Malakai had thought of only one thing: Lily. The exact same thoughts were running against each other in his head, over and over again, and while his heart told him to go to her, his head told him to run.

He was so consumed by his internal fighting he hadn’t heard any of the morning lectures. In the classes he shared with Lily, his attention had been solely on her, trying to fight his heart and his desire to be with her. In the ones she wasn’t in, his heart had fought his mind, constantly thinking of all the reasons why he should be with her. He kept on seeing her in his mind, as if she were displayed on a huge screen, and he couldn’t see anything past it.

It was now his fourth morning class, and his heart was winning the battle. All he wanted was to tear the school walls up just to find her. He couldn’t stop thinking about her smile, her pale skin, and her small bikini when she sat by the pool over the weekend.

He was so distracted he didn’t react when he was called upon to answer a question and remained silent until everybody turned around and stared at him.

“I see, Mr. Thomas, that you
are
very, very far away indeed,” the teacher said. “Should I report you absent to the front office?”

“Eh, no,” Malakai said, blushing.

“Then care to join us?”

Malakai nodded and tried to concentrate, but thoughts of Lily kept invading his mind. As soon as the lunch bell rang, Malakai was out of his seat. He walked out the door and to the end of the small corridor, which lead to the main one. Once there, he hesitated, his mind fighting for him to go right, to the cafeteria, while his heart screamed at him to turn left and make his way to the band hall. He was about to take a step to the left when Wes and Zoe joined him, followed by a slew of other people from their group.

“Here you are,” Zoe said with a sweet smile. “I heard you were distracted in class.”

News had traveled so fast Malakai frowned. Zoe showed him her phone, and Malakai wondered who had nothing better to do than text Zoe about him.

“Didn’t sleep well,” he said, by way of explanation.

He was about to take a step to the left and escape the crowd when Zoe grabbed his arm and began to pull him toward the cafeteria.

“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” she said.

After a few steps, she let go of him and turned to Wes, who was walking on her other side.

“Sooo, any plans for the weekend?” she asked.

Malakai knew exactly where Zoe was going with her question, and he decided to give the same answer he was giving everyone else lately.

“Catching up on homework.”

“Oh, that’s a bummer,” Zoe said, lightly putting her hand on his arm, then removing it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “We have this party at Marty’s and you absolutely have to come.”

Malakai frowned. Zoe was controlling and overbearing, but now she was just downright strange.

“Then we’ll have lunch on Saturday, you know, at that new pizza place next to the grocery store, then we’ll go to the movies. Then we’ll go play pool for the rest of the afternoon. Of course, you’ll be there, right?”

In those two sentences, she had touched his arm again, twice, and Malakai could have sworn a bug was crawling up his skin. He discretely walked a few inches away from her so her touching him would be more awkward.

“Want to add shopping for a homecoming dress with that?” he asked, sarcastically.

“Nah,” she answered as if he were serious. “That’s next weekend. You can tag along if you want.”

Two of the football players behind them chuckled, and Malakai bit his lower lip to prevent himself from laughing out loud. This girl was just too much. She had no idea how incredibly stupid she sounded. She had to be on something.

On her other side, Wes was drinking in her every word.

They had bought their food and were taking their seats at their usual table when Malakai saw her.

And his heart all but stopped.

Lily was standing at the entrance to the cafeteria and looking inside wearily. Malakai had to give it to her. She was persistent. He knew she couldn’t deal with the cafeteria on her own, and she just kept on coming. He wondered why she would do this to herself.

He couldn’t let it happen, not this time. He had to help her; he had to go to her. It was the perfect way for him to show her his heart was winning his internal fight, and he wanted her in his life, very much so.

“Malakai, I’m talking to you,” Zoe said behind him.

“Okay,” he said, keeping his eyes on Lily and standing up.

Ignoring Zoe, who kept on babbling, he walked around the table and made his way to the petite clarinetist. A smile appeared on his lips when she looked up and saw him. He knew he looked like a goof, but he just didn’t care. She was there, and he was just happy to see her.

“Hi,” he said. “Need food?”

“Yeah,” she said with a wince, bringing her hand to her temple.

“Where’s Sandra?”

“She’s at the library…again.”

“Oh!”

He hesitated a moment, knowing the second she touched him she would know how he felt, then offered her his hand. Lily glanced at it, then looked up at him. She hesitated, then put her small hand in his.

And sighed in relief.

“You know, if you need someone to, you know, help, you can text me, and I can come and meet you,” he said while they were walking to the serving line.

Her hand was so soft he couldn’t help but caress the back of it with his thumb. The feeling was electrifying, and Malakai imagined the skin of her belly again. As he blushed, Lily laughed and it lit up her face, making her beautiful gray eyes sparkle.

“You saw that, didn’t you?”

She didn’t answer; she only smiled.

“Well, my offer still stands.”

“That would be great. However, you forgot one tiny detail.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t have your number.”

“You don’t? Well, we need to fix that, now, don’t we?”

As they reached the serving counter, Malakai let go of her hand and, making sure he always kept contact with her, brought his hand to the small of her back like he had seen David do a few weeks before. She looked up at him with a grateful smile.

After she got food, they made their way to the cashier line. Malakai was now holding on to her by the back belt loop of her pants and couldn’t get enough of the tingling sensation making its way from his fingers to his soul. He imagined what it would be like to touch the skin of her lower back, how soft it would be under his fingers, but her shirt was tucked into her jeans, and he couldn’t very well lift it in the middle of the cafeteria. He was pulled from his thoughts when Lily turned to him.

“You feel pretty happy,” she said, leaning toward him so no one else could hear.

“I do?” he asked, grinning like an idiot.

“Yeah, like you’re at a fair or something, and you’re having the time of your life.”

“Well, I’m not at a fair, but
I am
having a pretty good time.”

“Good to know,” she said, then turned around to pay the cashier.

Malakai, who usually hated the line at lunch, found the wait too short this time. Once Lily had paid, he escorted her to the entrance, following her pace, hoping she would slow down, a lot. He was about to follow her down the corridor when he remembered his abandoned lunch at the table.

“I… My lunch is at my table,” he said, scratching the back of his head.

Lily glanced toward his table and then looked at him.

“It’s okay. We can have lunch another time. I have to finish an assignment anyway.”

Malakai smiled at her to hide his disappointment, but he understood why she wouldn’t want to join him. He himself didn’t like to hang out with a lot of the people who were sitting at his table. What did it say about him that he still went to lunch there anyway?

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked.

Malakai nodded and watched her leave, shoving his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t make a total fool of himself by waving at her. Once she had disappeared around the corner, he looked down at the floor in front of him and kicked an imaginary rock.