Crossing the Deep (17 page)

Not paying attention to her, he stood at the creek, drinking his water with his back to her, and looked around the forest. He had a confidence about him she wished she could have, but he also had a cockiness she could do without. And the way he talked about God made her cringe. She felt her heart caring for him, but her head kept screaming at her that it was a horrible, horrible idea.

“Can we go now?” she asked, a little more agitated than she should have. She chalked it up to being confused about her feelings, tired, hungry, and… well, tired.

With the bottle in his hand, he motioned for her to go on. “No one is stopping you.”

“Jerk,” she said, unable to hold in a snicker.

“Such language for a Christian lady.” He grinned up at her, making her heart melt.

“Yeah, well, I’ve learned a few things from you.”

His laugh echoed through the trees. “Yeah, guess I have taught you a few colorful words on our trip.”

“Oh, I already knew ‘em, just never used in so many ways.”

“Well, you are more than welcome to have them for the next time you get lost in the woods.” He walked back to her and held out his hand.

“Thanks,” she took it and let him help her up. “But I may never even look at a tree again, much less walk through a bunch of them.”

“Can’t say I blame you.” His smile was contagious.

“Why are you in such a good mood?”

He shrugged. “I’m not.”

“You sure are acting like it.”

“Things aren’t always what they appear to be,” he told her, his brow raised overdramatically and making her giggle.

“Well, that stinks because I happen to like this Asher.”

“And this Asher likes you.” He helped her up onto a large rock. From that vantage point, Rachel could see all around the woods. If she wasn’t lost, it would be a beautiful spot. Most of the leaves had fallen from the trees and blanketed the forest floor in a patchwork of oranges, yellows, and reds. Even the creek roaring by had a majestic quality to it. It would look beautiful on a postcard, but it was scary in real life.

A hint of red, a shade darker than the fallen leaves next to the creek a few yards down, caught her eye. Squinting, she noticed that it wasn’t just a hint. It was more like a blob.

“Do you see that?” she asked, pointing to a small flat area downstream.

“Where?”

“There.” She pointed again.

“Yeah, what is that?”

“No idea.”

“One way to find out,” Asher said. He leaped down from the boulder, turned, and helped Rachel slide off. Once down, she leaned on him as they made their way through the less dense trees toward the red blob. The closer they got, the tighter Rachel’s stomach became. With each step, the blob turned more into a shape.

When they got closer to it, Rachel realized it wasn’t just a blob. It was a coat.

A red coat.

Chapter Fourteen

“Sid?” Asher blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing what he thought he saw. He let Rachel go and jogged toward the coat on the ground. It looked like Sid’s. But that was crazy. What would Sid be doing way out there?

“That can’t be his. He wouldn’t have come this far downstream,” Rachel said, a few steps behind him.

Asher felt bad for her having to limp in those wet leaves, but he had no choice. “Stay right there,” he said, pointing at her. “I’ll check it out. I don’t want you to hurt yourself worse, when it could just be nothing.”

“I can come with you.”

“No,” he said with enough force that he hoped she got the message. “Stay put. I’ll be right back.”

He left without waiting for an answer. When he got right up to the red blob, there was no doubt what it was. The blob had legs. Asher ran to him and fell to the ground. “Sidney, answer me!”

“Is he all right?” Rachel asked from a ways back.

“Just stay where you are!”

He sure didn’t look all right. “Sid, can you hear me?” Part of him already knew what he would find when he rolled him over. A bigger part wouldn’t accept it. His friend needed help, so why was he hesitating so much?

When Asher’s fingers touched Sid, the chill hit him instantly. Even through the coat, he could feel how frigid and stiff he was. “Oh no,” he barely whispered. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. “Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead. Please.”

Asher’s fingers trembled as he got up the nerve to roll the person over. It was Sid all right — Sid who had been dead for at least two days, by the look of him. His brown curls were stuck to his head. An ugly ash color distorted his face, and his cheeks were bloated. His eyes were fixed open, fixed right on Asher.

“Sid…” the word stuck on his tongue, and his world stopped. “Sid… what happened to you?”

Instinctively, he reached down for a pulse, hoping that it was some sort of sick joke. Sid always played jokes, even morbid ones. Maybe he was playing one then? He had to be.

Asher couldn’t think straight. Through the noise in his head, he thought he heard Rachel behind him, but he couldn’t understand what she was saying. He broke down, unable to speak or to cry. It was like a bad dream, a horror movie even. Sid shouldn’t look like that. His eyes should have light in them, and he should be smiling. It didn’t even look like him, not really.

Unable to hold himself up on his knees anymore, he fell hard on the ground, pulled Sid into his lap, and buried his face into the crook of his icy neck. Asher didn’t care about the smell or how cold Sid was. All he cared about was that he had let his friend down, and now he was dead. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Asher didn’t know how much time had passed, but suddenly he became well aware of Rachel sitting behind him. He could see her sad expression from the corner of his eye as she gawked at Sid’s body.
Sid’s body,
it didn’t sound right.

“Where’s your God now, Rachel?” he seethed. “Huh? Some awesome God you have there, killing a kid!”

She didn’t say anything, but he heard her sob. Feeling the effects of shock, he shook his head, and a tear threatened to fall. He wouldn’t let it. God wouldn’t have the satisfaction. “Why are you crying, Rachel? You hated him.”

“For hurting my friend. It didn’t mean I wanted him dead. No one deserves this.”

“Your God thought Sid did. Great guy you serve there. Really top notch.”

“Stop saying—”

“Do
not
tell me what I can and can’t say about God!” Asher yelled, looking her square in the eye. His nose flared, and he knew the thin string that held onto his temper would snap any second. “You lost that right when your idiotic curiosity got my friend killed.”

Not able to watch Rachel’s useless tears fall, he rubbed Sid’s matted hair. He remembered the first time they met. It was the second week of freshman year when Asher had saved his glasses from Big Ben Taylor. His glasses were now shattered next to a rock a few feet away. God didn’t even let him keep those.

Asher remembered all of those late nights playing video games in Sid’s bedroom. They hadn’t talked much, but they didn’t have too. They had an understanding. Sid knew everything about Asher’s home life, everything except what Jason did, and didn’t ask questions or judge.

Asher didn’t know what he’d do without him. It didn’t seem real. In no way could he imagine Sid being gone, like he never even existed.

Asher held Sid closer, mourning for everything he’d lost in such a short amount of time.

“He died alone,” Asher whispered out loud but to himself. He couldn’t talk to Rachel right then. His nerves were too raw. “I had someone. But he was alone. Why didn’t we come after him? I knew something was wrong yesterday, but I didn’t even try.”

“We didn’t know he was lost,” she said, making him flinch. What made her think he was talking to her? The string holding him together unraveled farther, dangerously close to breaking. “We thought he was going to get help.”

“I should have known!” he yelled, making her jump. “He was my best friend. He was my only friend. He was all I had. The only person in the world who loved me!”

“He’s not all you have,” she said. He felt her hand on his shoulder, and he smacked it off as hard as he could.

“Don’t. Don’t you say I have God because I don’t want to hear it! Not now! Where was He with Sid? Huh, Rachel? Sid believed in the Almighty,” he said it like it was a poison. “He even claimed to be saved, and where did it get him? I’ll tell you where. It’s the same place we’re going to be. Dead in the woods!”

“Don’t say that,” she whispered, and crocodile tears watered her eyes. Asher fought not to care.

She looked away, and he was glad. He couldn’t stand seeing those tears anymore. “Look at that,” she said.

“What are you doing?” Asher yelled as Rachel pulled up Sid’s pant leg near his ankle.

“Just. Stop,” she held up her hand to get her point across. “I get that you hate me, but I need to show you something. I think that’s what did it,” she said, pointing to two little holes right above his ankle.

“Snake bite,” Asher said, looking around for any sign of the snake that did it.

“Yeah, do you think the snake bit him and he went this way for help or got disoriented?”

“Does it matter? He’s dead either way.”

After a few quiet minutes, Rachel had the nerve to talk. “Asher, I know you are hurting, and I don’t blame you. I know you hate me, and I don’t blame you for that either. But… “

“Spit it out.”

“I don’t know if we can carry him down the mountain.”

With those few words, Asher’s thin string broke.

****

“Why? Because I’ll be too busy carrying you!” He turned to face her, and his eyes flashed hard with a red tint to them. Rachel had never seen anyone so mad or hurt or quite frankly scary in her life. “I hate to break this to you, sweetheart, but it’s your fault he’s dead. Yours! You and your God, and I’m done with the both of you.” He stood up and wiped the leaves from his dirty jeans. “I’m taking my friend home. Your God can save you.”

Rachel froze. There was no way he meant that. But she watched as he kneeled down to pick Sid up. Terror rushed in. “Asher, don’t do this. Look, I know you’re upset. I am too, but…”

“You’re not upset,” he smiled darkly, rolling his wet eyes at her. “You’re guilty. Those are two totally different things.” He put his arms under Sid and lifted him up like a newborn baby. “You want out of these woods? Pray about it,” he said with so much venom, Rachel stepped back.

“You can’t leave me here.”

“Oh, you’re not alone,” he said, sarcasm dripping. “You have God with you, don’t you? You’ll be fine.” Asher carried Sid past her. Sid’s shoe scraped her arm as he passed.

“Believe me, I know it’s my fault. All of it is my fault,” she yelled after him, watching each step he took away from her. Each one felt like a kick to the gut. “But you can’t leave me here. Please. I can’t do this on my own.”

“You say that like I care.” Asher turned back to her. It would have been better if he had some sort of expression. Hate. Anger. Sadness. Instead his face was blank. Nothing.

“You did care once, Asher.” She got up and hobbled toward him, tripping on a tree limb. Quickly, she grabbed a small tree to her right to balance herself. Asher flinched as if he wanted to help her, and that gave her encouragement. How could she talk him into not leaving her? “You cared about me when you kissed me.”

His laugh had no humor in it. “Don’t for a second think that I ever had any feelings for you. You have no idea how a man’s mind works, do you? You were there, so I used you. Nothing more.”

“I don’t believe you.” And most of her didn’t, but there was a part of her that wondered if it was true. She prayed that it wasn’t and then felt bad for wasting a prayer on her broken relationship with Asher.

He shrugged. “Believe what you want. Not my problem.” Asher turned and kept on walking.

“Asher, please!” she cried, hopping after him. “If I could take it back I would, but — I don’t want to die out here.” Her voice caught, and the tears rolled. She had never been so scared in her life. “I’m so sorry about Sid. I’m sorry about going off the trail. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for falling in the stupid hole, but I don’t want to be alone. I can’t do this without you.”

That caused him to stop and pivot to face her. Every move seemed labored, and his expression was hard. “You can’t do this without me? What have I heard for four miserable days? How you only needed God. How the only thing in your life that was important was God. I’ve heard about it until I’m sick of it! And then, when push comes to shove, when you actually have to prove your faith, you give up and turn into a sniveling baby. Sorry, Rachel, but I don’t have room in my life for hypocrites.” He took Sid’s body and carried it toward a ridge that led on down the creek.

Rachel’s heart hurt, and she couldn’t breathe. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right. When push came to shove, she relied on Asher much more than God. She couldn’t make herself yell after him again. Instead, she fell to her knees and broke down.

“God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Please help me. Please don’t let me die out here. Help me get home. Send someone to help me get back to my mama.” Grieved, she bent over to the ground and sobbed, unable to hold it in any longer.

She let everything go and gave it to God. Her body shook with the tension and overwhelming sadness she felt. And she made sure to ask for forgiveness for her sins in case she never made it out of the woods.

Rachel had no idea how long she prayed, but it seemed like forever. Sid’s death, added to her guilt over her father’s, hurt in ways she never imagined. At sixteen, she had so much she would love to take back, but she couldn’t. There was nothing she could do. And she was alone. Alone with God. Knowing she didn’t have any choice but to trust in Him, the tension eased, and she began to accept her situation. If this was where God wanted to take her, why should she object? She’d be in Heaven — a place with no forests. And she’d be with her father.

After the tears wouldn’t come anymore, she sat up and leaned back on her knees. The sock she wore on her bad foot sucked up the ice cold, muddy water, but she didn’t care. What did it matter anymore? She wiped her eyes and tried to catch her breath. When she could see, she saw Asher standing in front of her. The blank expression had gone, replaced by something resembling empathy.