Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel (23 page)

"We do use our ability to shield for suggestion, but shielding someone isn't about taking control away. We only use it when we are trying to protect someone."

He squeezed my fingers and added, "And, yes, before you ask, we tried to shield you, but it was only to help keep you safe. I tried to shield you the first time I met you to convince you to go back to boarding school because we believed you were safer there, but you weren't to be persuaded.

He gently nudged me with his elbow. "You were so beautiful that day we met, standing there with your grief and your anger and your uncertainty of where you belonged. I only wanted to help you, but I realized immediately that something about my shield seemed to have the opposite effect on you. You were anything but calm after our conversation."

I was quite sure my feelings that day had nothing to do with any power Keller might have tried, and it was more accurate that it was simply that from the moment I'd met him, he'd driven me half crazy. A thought flittered through my head, as I began to wonder if my reactions to him were, in fact, caused by something
other worldly
.

Watching me closely, Keller misinterpreted the frown I was wearing.

"Don't be angry, sweetheart. I had to try and talk you into leaving. You were safe when you were away from Fairvue, even though you often felt the evil, it never attempted any type of attack while you were gone. It was that certainty that kept your father pushing you away, even though Ms. Ellie never wanted to believe it. Eventually Granger and I realized you weren't going to leave, and we had to find a way to be near you so we could protect you. Working here helped, and you joining our lunch crew was obviously a plus. We couldn't be certain that our natural charm would necessarily persuade you to let us hang around you, you know." Keller grinned at me then, and I knew he was perfectly aware that his own charm was hypnotic all on its own.

"Most of the time, like I said, shielding seemed to have the opposite effect on you. You became guarded and suspicious instead of relaxed and open to suggestion. You simply aren't as...susceptible as most people. It has puzzled us that it doesn't always work right when you're around."

"The night at the club - you did something to me then, didn't you?"

Keller frowned and nodded. "Yes. But it only worked because you were already under the influence of some type of drug from that piece of scum that we let get too near you. But even then, you eventually remembered everything - tonight, when you got into the truck. When a shield is truly working, you should never be aware of what has happened. You proved again it was useless, too, when Granger used it that day at school. We began to realize it wasn't only me; you were equally immune to Granger's shield. To be certain, I tried it myself on you again when you were frightened, to try to help you calm down, and finally for the last time, when you began to suspect there was something going on. We thought it best, at the time, that you knew as little as possible. It's probably still best, but it's too late for that now." He shrugged his shoulders and gave me a half grin, as if keeping me in the dark would have never worked anyway.

"You know, love, there were times where I thought my shield might be working, but I wasn't sure, and that isn't supposed to happen. Shielding someone is supposed to be a sure thing one hundred percent of the time. Anyway, you really should be glad we used it on Ms. Ellie, though, because I'm pretty sure we saved you from getting grounded that one night."

I wasn't amused.

Thinking of them manipulating Gran, even if it had been to keep her from worrying, I simply wasn't sure how I felt about that. I knew the next week’s events might require her to be shielded from whatever might happen to help keep her safe, but even then I wasn't sure if it was really what should be done.

The line between what was right and what was wrong was beginning to blur for me.

It was getting late, but there was still one thing I desperately wanted to know before we moved to a different subject. I slid my fingers from Keller's grasp and clasped my hands together in my own lap, trying to work up the courage to ask him what I most wanted to know about his ability to shield.

When Granger had kissed me, even though I hadn't wanted to feel anything, I had been swept up in emotions. I thought at the time it was because Keller hadn't wanted me, and it felt good to believe someone like Granger did. But when he'd taken off his chain, I'd managed to push him away. Had he used his shield when he'd kissed me, possibly unintentionally? Of course, things were different than the day he'd used his shield at school. When Granger had shown up at Fairvue, I was caught up in feeling like someone cared about me. Deep down I'd known it wasn't just the feelings of being wanted that I craved. It was something else; it was someone else.

Yet still, accepting that truth, I couldn't stop myself from wondering if the attraction I felt to Keller, and what I thought he felt towards me, were all part of some game he'd been playing - some power move he attempted to use to keep me in the dark about what was really going on.

The thought that it might be true was tearing me apart.

Gathering my courage, I took a deep breath and blurted out my question.

"You need to be wearing your piece of silver to be able to shield someone, right?"

Daring to look at Keller, I watched him nod slowly. His eyebrows rose as understanding of what I was really asking dawned on him.

He reached out, and with deliberate ease slipped the silver ring he always wore off his finger. He placed the talisman on the table beside the bed before turning back to face me.

His look was smoldering as he asked, "Was there something you wanted to find out?"

I nodded, suddenly too shy for words.

His dark brown eyes moved over my face before his fingers captured my chin and gently tilted my face up. Very slowly his head descended and his mouth brushed against mine. His words, whispered against my lips, were like sweet honey to my starving soul.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

I couldn't answer. I knew if it felt anything like what he did to me, then it couldn't be described.

My own hands slid up and around his neck, holding him close, keeping him prisoner.

One word escaped my lips.

"Please."

Keller's eyes flamed with desire at my plea. No more words were needed as his mouth captured mine in a touch that spoke more than words ever could. A small gasp of pleasure opened my mouth to his. His tongue moved inside and shivers of need filled me as he kissed me deeply. My own lips moved against his, urging him on, desperate to show him how much I wanted this, him. My bed acted as the perfect backdrop as he pulled me down, down into the soft mattress and then moved me so that I was on top of him. His arms held me fast, and I could only move closer to him.

I smiled against his lips. This, this was exactly where I wanted to be.

From the beginning the kisses Keller and I had shared had started a hunger in me, but what was happening now had me completely starving for his touch.

His hair felt silky between my exploring fingers, and I gripped the back of his head, holding him as close as he was holding me. His hands feathered along my back, his knee wedged between my own legs, and then he was turning me so that my back was now against the mattress and he was on top of me.

He eased back from me so that I could look into his eyes. They were so dark, filled with a need I understood and felt with every inch of my being. I wondered if my own face reflected all the wonder and joy I saw on his. Keller's mouth curved into a smile; his dimple peeked out from the corner. I leaned forward and placed a kiss there, something I had wanted to do from the moment I'd first seen him smile. Then I rolled to my side, taking him with me, so that we were facing one another. There was little space between us but enough so we could really see each other.

"Do you have any other questions I can help you answer, love?" Keller teased me.

A million ran through my mind.

One involved wondering how he would look without so many clothes on, but I bit my lip and held that one back. I only had so much willpower where he was concerned, and I knew without him saying it, there were definitely certain rules that guardians had to abide by. I was quite sure that we were in wonderfully, dangerous territory. I didn't know what it would mean for him if we crossed any lines we shouldn't, and as much as I wanted to be with him, I understood that right now there were things going on that were out of our control, besides my own lustful thoughts.

Without my saying a word, Keller seemed to realize we had to stop, or we’d both end up doing things we weren’t ready for on a night of so many revelations. He leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead. I could feel his heart racing, and I knew it matched the tempo of my own, despite his attempts to slow things down.

Keller's words were barely a whisper as he spoke near my lips. "You have to know how much I don't want to stop."

I nodded, unable to speak.

His fingers reached out and traced the side of my face, unable to keep from touching, even though we both knew we should.

"I told you I'm human, and that wasn't a lie. The human part of me wants nothing more than to get up, lock the door, and pretend there's nothing else in this world but this moment."

It was so hard to say the words that would make him move away from me when I needed him close. Knowing the way I felt about him and the way he felt about me - knowing it was all real and had nothing to do with the ring he wore or his ability to shield, I didn’t want us to ever be apart.

But I knew there was so much more to all of this than what either of us wanted.

My eyes stayed focused on his face as I dared to ask him, "Will you stay here with me tonight? We can put a bridge of pillows between us if you think that will help. I just don't want you to leave."

I held my breath waiting for his answer.

He rose up on one elbow and looked down at me and then placed a tender kiss on my lips before he answered.

"You know I want to stay, but I don't know if I have the willpower to be here with you all night. I'm really not an angel, sweetheart. If you could read my mind right now, you'd know that even my thoughts are in danger of getting me kicked out of the heavens permanently, and right now I have to be a sovereign guardian because that's the only way I know to keep you safe."

Keller's words were sobering. As wonderful as things felt between us, our reality was much darker. We were facing an evil that we didn't know how to fight, but we knew was out there. We had less than a week to stop my death, and we didn't know how to find what we were fighting against.

A shiver raced through me.

Keller ran his free hand down my arm and pulled me close again. I felt safe now, but I knew he couldn't stay. Even this simple touch was more than either of us could handle. I wanted more than what we could have, and I was certain he did, too.

"This is going to sound strange, but what if I sent Granger over to sleep downstairs? Would that make you feel safe?"

Since he'd brought up Granger, I figured now might be the best time to clear the air.

"I heard you and Granger, you know, talking earlier outside the barn. I know he told you he kissed me and that I, well, I, uhm, I kissed him back."

Keller's jaw tightened for an instant and then relaxed as he eased back down beside me. "You don't have to explain anything. I want you to know that. I think I understand a little of what happened. Honestly, none of it matters as long as I know that what is happening between us right now is real."

I placed both my hands on the sides of his face, willing him to believe me. "Never in my life have I felt anything like the way I feel about you."

The satisfied look on his face was all the reassurance I needed. Granger was his best friend, and he trusted him. If he thought it was best for him to be here with me tonight, then I wouldn't say no. I was honestly glad that what had happened between us had not ruined their friendship. I hoped it hadn’t ruined mine and Granger’s either.

"Ya know, you are my first choice to be my bodyguard, but if you can't stay and you want Granger here tonight at the house, then I trust your judgment."

Keller reached up, and his hands closed over mine. He used them to pull me tighter against him.

"I didn't exactly say I wanted Granger here tonight, but I know it's the best choice we have. Despite what you might have heard earlier, I'd trust him with my life. He'll do whatever it takes to protect you." He swallowed hard before adding, “I know he cares about you, too. Keeping you safe is more than an assignment for either of us.”

"Where will you be?" I asked, dreading already the moment he would leave.

"Not far.”

He winked at me, and I melted even more.

“If it's okay with you, I'm going to make a phone call to Ms. Ellie and Mr. Mac and convince them they both need to stay away for the week. At least that way we'll know they're safe. Then I'm going to park my truck out front and keep watch in the cab. If you need me, I'll be right outside."

I squeezed his hand and tangled my legs between his before rolling him onto his back. Then I leaned down and kissed him, gently at first and then with barely controlled passion.