Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel (3 page)

The slam of the back door was the last thing my father ever gave me until the strange and awkward peace I felt today as he was buried in the ground. I closed my eyes and with a slight shake of my head brought myself back to the present.

I would find a way to say goodbye and make some type of peace with him. He had been buried in my heart for so much longer than this day. For me the graveside service did not feel like the end of anything. Instead it was a new beginning. I would not waste it on past regrets.

I took Gran's hand in my own and squeezed her fingers. No one should spend life worrying about what could have been, what should have been, or wondering why it never was. I was determined to start things over.

Every pain, every slight, every hard look from my father over the years pierced my heart until there was hardly anything of me left to feel.

I wanted to feel again but without the guilt or the pain. I wanted to believe that my life has a purpose beyond making my father's life miserable.

At Fairvue, I could find myself again.

Eyes wide open now, I stared at my father's gravestone. His time for interfering in my life was over.

This time I wasn't the one who was leaving.

Chapter Two

Walking into a high school cafeteria on the first day at a new school is about as much fun as swimming around in a cage full of sharks right before feeding time.

This was a life and death situation.

Seriously.

Despite my usual bravado, I was no exception to feeling afraid in unchartered waters filled with predators. I took a deep breath as I entered the room and thought,
let the feeding frenzy begin on
my first day at my new high school
. If it meant I didn't have to go back to boarding school and I could live at Fairvue, then I could handle anything.

Maybe.

Lucky for me,
sarcasm, sarcasm
, I was used to being the new student what with all my first days at my many different schools. My thick skin was virtually shark proof, or in this case, high school traumatized proofed. Or, well, at least I hoped so if I were going to convince Gran I should stay.

After changing schools several times, I quickly learned to survive by keeping my head low and my opinions to myself. Well, except for the times I'd been noticed enough to get myself kicked out. But since most of those were deliberately planned, those times really didn't count. Of course, I couldn’t explain my reasons to anyone, or I’d sound like some type of paranoid teenager, so they remained my own little secrets. Let everyone think I was a brat that simply wanted to go home. Of course, I had wanted to go home. To feel safe. But not correcting their opinion had always been easier. There was something to be said about the easier route. Too bad I couldn’t figure out what that was right this minute.

Desperate to avoid eye contact, I didn't quite succeed. I was stunned when one of the predators in the cafeteria turned friendly and not in a
friendly like I'm going to have you for dinner kind of way
. A girl my age with massive amounts of blonde hair and a wide smile which complemented her perfectly matched shades-of-pink wardrobe, appeared to be staring right at me and waving for me to join her. I was so caught off guard by the gesture that I turned my head to see if someone was standing behind me. There was no way she could possibly be motioning to me.

I looked over both shoulders and even turned my head as far as I could without actually walking in a full circle to get the view behind me, but I seemed to be the only one standing in my area.

I looked again.

Girl still waving.

Okay. Definitely only me here.

Girl
still
waving. At me. What kind of hick town was this when the teenage inhabitants didn't even know the required rules of rudeness?

Now what was I supposed to do?

I hated making split-second decisions. Was I supposed to acknowledge the blonde and actually join the cheerleader-looking girl, or take my chocolate chip cookie and glass of sweet tea outside as I had originally planned and get my total rush of sugar all by myself?

Yep, that was my original idea. Eat alone. No smiling, pep club wannabes in my immediate future. No
friendlies
were supposed to be in the area.

Knowing the best thing to do for my own self-preservation was to pretend I didn't see her. I was about to make a clean getaway to the exit leading outside to the picnic tables when Gran's parting words echoed off the walls of the cafeteria and into my thoughts - like one of those old black and white
Twilight
shows where some narrator's voice can be heard even when the characters on the screen don't have a clue where the voice is coming from.

"This can be a new start." Gran's voice stalled my escape. She had seemed so hopeful this morning as she spoke to me before I left for school.

"I know it's going to be hard for you, Pagan, finishing up your junior year when school only has a few weeks left until summer, but it will be good for you to make some friends before the break. You'll see I'm right."

I smiled because I knew that's what she wanted me to do, and I kissed her on the cheek because that's what I wanted to do, before I walked out the door and let it slam behind me.

What I did not do was answer her. I couldn't speak over the knot that had unexpectedly formed in my chest. Having someone there who actually cared was hard to get used to, even if it was what I wanted.

After leaving the house I had scurried down the porch steps, angling my escaping footsteps towards the woods. It hadn't taken me long to figure out the shortest route to school once I was sure boarding school was no longer part of my future plans. Fortunately, it had taken very little persuasion on my part to convince Gran that I didn't need to leave again.

The city of Jasper's only high school, cleverly named Jasper High School, was close enough to Fairvue that I didn't need to drive the rusted, blue painted monstrosity with the wooden flatbed so proudly attached to the truck's cab that had been offered to me.

Gran had graciously given me full use of the questionable vehicle. After taking me out to one of the many barns on the farm, she'd opened two large wooden doors and presented my new ride with a flourish of her arms like she was a game show host handing out the night's big prize. My look of astonishment seemed to be the only encouragement she needed to continue. She assured me with a straight face that the flatbed truck was the only extra vehicle she had available for me to drive, but that I should consider it mine.

Luckily my walking shortcut through the woods brought me near enough to the school's parking lot that I didn't have to drive unless the weather turned extra nasty. I had been given very little practice driving during my time away, a fact I was quick to point out to Gran, but it didn't seem to faze her.

My license had been earned only due to a driver's education program I'd been forced to take. I was surprised when my father had agreed and signed the papers for me to take the class. Without a vehicle of my own at school, there had been little opportunity to actually use my earned license. Of course with what Gran was offering me to drive, I could easily understand why she wasn't worried about how much actual road practice I had accumulated. Any damage I might do to the truck while it was under my care could only enhance its classic look.

So after my morning and the tough decision of whether to drive the questionable antique or risk exposure to mosquito bites and poison ivy from my walk, who knew I would be faced with yet another major life decision. And all before I'd even had lunch.

Bubbly blonde was going to be worse than poison ivy. I could feel myself already getting uncomfortable.

Making a new decision before I could talk myself out if it, I walked across the cafeteria and slid into the seat beside the welcoming one woman crew and silently prayed I wouldn't regret my choice to join her at the table. For just a moment my eyes stared longingly at the exit doors that framed my freedom before focusing my attention on what I knew would make Gran really happy.

The girl sitting beside me smiled even wider, if that were humanly possible. There was such a thing as too nice. Not that anyone had ever accused me of that quality, but I'd heard rumors that such a condition existed, and I was pretty sure I was about to witness my first case.

"Faith Johnson." The blonde stranger held out her hand for me to shake like she was a politician at the local county fair running for her first seat in some important office.

I looked pointedly at her outstretched hand before taking my glass in both my own. I took a large swallow of the delicious drink. Sweet tea was something they never had at any of the schools I'd attended. I had forgotten how good it could taste. I took another long, slow swallow.

Maybe it was all the sugar I was consuming, but I suddenly felt bad for not being nicer as I watched Faith withdraw her hand and place it back on the table without losing her welcoming grin.

My guilt didn't last long because my nonverbal snub did not slow down my new acquaintance. She did at least ease away from me a little, which was fine with me. I wasn't a fan of being crowded.

"I know who you are, so you don't even have to tell me." She paused to give me time to respond, but since I didn't know what to say, she continued. "Why, everyone here has been all a buzz that Pagan Saunders has finally moved back home."

The news surprised me, but she didn't seem to notice as she kept talking in one of the fastest spoken Southern drawls I had ever heard.

"We were in preschool together but you probably don't remember that. Well, honestly, I didn't really remember it either until my mother pointed you out to me in the class picture we have in a frame in the living room along with all my class pictures and awards, which as you might imagine are a lot. Really, you probably couldn't imagine because you don't really know me, but let me just tell you there are several of them. Awards and pictures, I mean. On account of my doing rather well in school and the fact that next year is our last year since we're seniors and all, so that's quite a bit of time to collect awards and whatnots."

She barely took a breath before she continued.

"But, sure enough, my mom was right. There you were in a picture frame at my house. All cute as a bug in a rug, just like you still are."

She leaned back and flashed that same smile that had deceived me into joining her, as I struggled to figure out if any part of what she had said to me needed a reply.

Finally I managed to stammer, "Uhm, how did you know which one was me? In the picture, I mean."

"Why, that's easy, silly. You're the only new female face in the picture that hasn't been here every year since preschool. Oh, and that hair color of yours is also a bit of a flashing sign. Really, it's so crazy how few people ever move in or out of this town." For the first time, her smile faltered.

"Not that I don't love Jasper. I do love this town," she affirmed, "but let's just say I won't be looking in my rearview mirror when I leave for college, if you know what I mean."

Here was something I could at least understand: the need to leave. The only difference was I had always wanted to leave somewhere else to come here. Faith's desire was apparently the antithesis to my own lifelong dream.

"So, you don't get many new people here, huh?"

"Not until recently," she answered quickly. "And, you know, technically you shouldn't count because, like I said, you've really already been here. But, seems like all of the sudden we've been bursting at the seams with outsiders moving here. I'm not complaining. I love it. Especially since the other newbies are really hot and in our grade and even with a boyfriend of my own, I can enjoy some lovely new scenery, if you know what I mean."

Faith looked down at her hands as if she realized her admission was the type of comment a lady should not make in general conversation and especially to someone she'd just met.

I didn't know what to say after her last confession, but I didn't have to worry for long because it took only a moment for Faith to recover. She leaned closer to me and added in a hush-hush voice, "Of course the flux of new students has helped me to fulfill my mission this nine weeks."

I stared at her blankly, which she took for encouragement as she hurried to explain.

"Everybody knows that for scholarships to college you have to show how you do all these different good things for people, you know, community involvement and all that volunteer stuff. I try, but there's only so much time in the day to be nice, right? So, this nine weeks I got separated from the majority of my friends during lunch session which left me with thirty minutes on my hands every day. When new people started showing up at Jasper High it was like divine intervention, and I heard this voice speaking to me saying, 'Faith, you know what you need to do.' And just like that I knew what I could do to help others here at JHS."

Her caramel brown eyes were big as she blinked at me, waiting for me to respond. I used all my reserves to feign an interest and ask her to tell me more, even though I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the explanation. My own eyes shifted again to the doors that went outside, and I had to remind myself that I was doing this for Gran, before I caved and ran for freedom.

"Well," Faith drawled, "I figured if I made it my mission to be friendly and help out all the new students coming to the high school, I could write it down as some type of community service project. Then I could put that on my college applications to try and help me get some scholarship money. Not that my family needs the money for me to be able to go, but I know if there's extra money then I can use it for shopping. Ya know, I actually knew a girl like that once. In fact, she had so much scholarship money thrown at her, she had enough extra to buy a brand-new car."

Faith had my full attention now.

"You mean to tell me," I narrowed my eyes at her as I spoke, and I was pleased to see she had the decency to squirm a little as she became the target of my direct gaze. "You mean to tell me," I repeated, "that you're being nice to people, including me, to get money for clothes?"

Her mouth formed a perfect 'O' before breaking into a grin. "Well, when you put it like that, I do sound clever, don't I!"

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. It had been so long since I'd laughed - really laughed.

Faith was incorrigible, and I was able to recognize a kindred spirit. For the first time since I'd sat down, I was glad I hadn't gone outside to eat alone.