Crown's Chance at Love (41 page)

“Please tell me something sweetheart, anything. You being quiet like this is killing me.”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure where I am with this,” I lie.

For the first time since this thing started with him I lied to his face. I do know where I want things to go with Mike. I know what I want from him, and what I hope he wants from me. Looking up at him I instantly regret lying.

“I’m lying,” I say softly still looking at him, his face slightly confused.

“I do know what I want and where I want this to go. I’m just not sure about where you stand on all of this. I’m not sure what is real and what isn’t Mike.”

“You don’t?” he asks looking a little upset and I frown, not about to cower or back down. This can make us or break us. If there was ever a time to lay everything on the table it was now, when my own heart might be at stake.

“No, I don’t. I do know what I hope was real, but that isn’t the same. I need to know how much of it was lies and where you stand and what you want.” For some reason I start to feel frustrated with him. The room is too hot, my clothes feel too tight and clingy, the air around us way too thick, almost heavy.

“You still don’t get it do you?” he asks seriously.

“Get what?” I ask feeling slightly confused.

“How I feel about you,” he says gruffly his hand coming up to slightly graze my jawline. “If I didn’t care as much as I fucking care, do you think I would have kept this shit going?” He pulls me into his arms, his scent enveloped around me making it hard to think straight, his fingers gripping, his hold tightening on my shoulders.

“Do you think I would have taken such a huge fucking risk if I didn’t care?” he asks a little louder.

“You still aren’t answering me Mike! You don’t get it. It’s not what I might think something freaking meant Mike! I want to know. I want you to tell me! I need the words for once!” I say starting to feel so frustrated with him. I pull away and he lets me.

“I’m here. I’m standing in front of you…” he starts to say but as he’s talking my heart feels like its about to sink.

“Oh my God!” I yell at him.“You still can’t say it can you?”

“Say what? If you let me talk for a second maybe I could tell you that you are so fucking under my skin I’m pretty sure I have no idea how to get you out. I haven’t been able to think straight since I met you.  I find myself easily distracted during the day with thoughts of what you might be doing, or when I’ll see you next. Is that what you want to know? Hmm? Do you know that isn’t the type of man I am? I don’t get distracted by a woman… and I was in a relationship for ten fucking years… never was I distracted like I am with you! You want to know how you are the only woman I have ever slept with the whole night without touching? Even after being in a ten year relationship, I never did that. Never with Holly or anyone else, only with you!

“How I thought my balls were going to turn blue and I would look like a fucking Smurf from the fucking waist down because of how bad I fucking wanted you, but I wouldn’t let myself have you?” Part of me wants to laugh at the Smurf reference but I keep quiet and just stare at him. He runs his fingers through his hair. I can tell he is frustrated and exhausted and I am completely turned on.

Mike normally could light me up without even trying. But right at this moment, as he tells me all this, as he opens up to me about how he feels, how we are on the same page even if he is a little angry, I can feel myself getting wet. I can feel my skin start to warm up, and my nipples tighten as need grows in me.
God I want him so badly.

“How since that day at Starbucks, I haven’t had any damn self control or power at being away from you. How making meatballs with your kids showed me I had been missing something in my life I wasn’t even sure I had wanted? How I fucking like your friends, even your weirdly possessive best guy friend? How I like your family? How great dating and getting to know you these last couple of months has been even with the large grey cloud looming over my fucking head, worried and fucking terrified you would find out the truth and wouldn’t want shit to do with me? How I think your kids are freaking awesome, and watching them with you, around me has been pretty great? Do you want to know that you are the first thing I think about every morning and last thing I think about every damn night!”

I’m breathing hard, almost as if I’ve just ran a mile as my heart beats furiously against my chest. Listening to him say everything, lay his cards on the table is incredibly sexy. I want to laugh and cry all at the same time, but all for the same reason. Because I am happy, incredibly happy. I know the circumstances are less than stellar and ideal, but that’s life.

Life had shown me that one day it could shine brightly and show you double rainbows without rain, yet in the next moment it could shit rain all over your newly washed car, leaving you wondering what way was up and which was down and made you question whether you really even gave a shit about the difference. That’s life.

With life you took the good with the bad hand in hand, walking side by side with it. Nothing was pristinely perfect. With him, our paths had intersected by chance in a shit storm of actions caused by others. Life and death, happiness and sorrow. All of these thoughts are running through my mind and I am sure I am about to cry.

He is staring at me, waiting for me to say something; yet I can’t seem to find the words. For once I am the one that is vocally challenged, the one who has no idea how to say what needs to be said, and for a moment I wonder if this is how he had felt all those times he had been so irritatingly quiet.

“I…” I start to say but stop because I don’t know how to word it. So many words feel as if they are choking my throat and the more words I think of,  the more jumbled they become.

“Give me a chance Sabrina. Give me a chance to make it right sweetheart. Give me that chance and I promise you will get it,” he says almost silently. His eyes, God his pale ice blue eyes are killing me as they beg me to give him a chance. “You will get what you mean to me.”

“If I did… if I gave you another chance, is there anything else I should know about? Anything else you have been… holding back about?” I ask with a bravery I’m not really feeling, but I want to lay all the cards on the table. I don’t want anymore surprises or secrets. If there was any type of future between us we have to lay it all out.

“No. Nothing else.” His voice is clear and confident and all I can do is stare at him. Soak in the sight of him in my house. His large body somehow feels bigger at the moment, more prominent, taking up a ridiculous amount of space.  He is in his usual business clothes. Pale blue dress shirt that is rolled up to his forearms, black slacks that fit him perfectly. His hair slightly overgrown and ridiculously sexy in a rumbled bed-head sort of way.

“Okay.” I say simply. I could have gone with a drawn out answer, but honestly we didn’t need it.

“Okay?” he repeats a little surprised.

“Yeah. Okay. Just… just don’t lie to me Mike. Don’t lie again.” I say my voice gradually getting softer almost to a whisper.

“Mike…”

“Sabrina.”

We say at the same time and just look at one another.

The air around us feels electric, heavy and way too warm. Summer is a hot one this year in Southern California, but it has nothing to do with the season of the year or the weather even. It is all about the man in front of me. I want him. There is nothing holding him back any more. I swallow hard as I look at him.

“We don’t have to,” he says, his voice slightly strained almost as if he can read my thoughts.

“I know.” I breathe out and walk to him, slamming into him as I close the space between us. My hands directing to the back of his neck, I stand on the tips of my toes, his mouth falling to mine. Kissing him, licking his lips, I nip his bottom lip. Feeling one of his huge hands cup the side of my head, his fingers tangle into my hair while his other hand is on the small of my back. His fingers dig deep into my skin pressing my body into his, hard and punishing. He takes control of everything as he pins my body against the wall in my living room and I let him.

“We don’t have to tonight. I meant it when I said I didn’t want to rush what we have,” he says, his voice still completely strained as his lips still touch mine. Feeling his breath on my lips, his taste in my mouth I feel like I’m going crazy. I want more. I want to go there. The air around us is heavy in our lust filled fog. I lick my lips at the thoughts racing through my head of what we are about to do.

“We’re not rushing… Mike it’s been months.”

“Baby…” he whispers against my lips almost as if he is torn.

“Mike… I have wanted you so bad for so long. Please… “ I start to plead with him. I want him so badly. There’s an emptiness that I want and need him to fill and I am not above begging if I have to.

Mike

“Mike… I have wanted you so bad for so long. Please,” her sweet voice begging as her lips touch mine, her body pinned between mine and the wall.

That was it for me. The need in her voice, begging, it broke whatever fucking self control I had been holding onto. I was at the point of no return now.

Pinning her to the wall, I put my leg between hers so she won’t move. My hands move to the hem of her shirt, and then to her waistband, unbuttoning and unzipping her clothes in a blur of colors and motions as they fly around us.

She’s giving me another chance.
When she had opened the door, searching for her keys, just as I was about to knock on the door, my heart doubled the speed it had already been pounding at. She could have easily made me grovel and beg, many other women would have done just that. Played games to get the upper hand. But not her. Not Sabrina. My girl always let me know exactly where I stood with her.

Now my hands are on either side of her face holding her tight, tilting her so that I can taste her, drink from her. Fuck I can’t get enough of her. My tongue traces her pouty lower lip. My hands move into her soft hair, tangling them in her hair. I move my mouth to her jaw and then to her neck. She tilts it to give me better access to her sweet skin. She tastes incredible. A taste that is indescribable and completely unique to only her. Her fingertips dig into my chest slightly, almost like she is afraid I will push her away. She is unbuttoning my shirt as my mouth tastes the skin on her neck and collarbone. Sinfully sweet sounds escape her mouth.

She tugs at the belt on my pants and I leave the sweet skin I had been tasting and devouring to pull the small foil packet from my wallet.

“Let me,” she says, her voice raspy and thick with need. Catching me off guard she takes the condom and kneels in front of me.

I look down at her and damn if it isn’t a fucking sight to behold. She’s naked on her knees in front of me. Her dark eyes catch mine as they glitter with mischief. I almost fall back when I feel her soft, warm small hand hold my balls and her wet tongue touch the base of my cock. She licks my shaft painfully slow in a beautiful torturing way. My balls ache. My dick feels like it’s going to explode. She gets to the mushroom tip, taking me into her mouth and I am sure she is going to kill me. She is sucking and licking my dick like a fucking genius. I’m not sure how much more I can handle. Thankfully she stops and smiles up at me as she covers me w. Her eyes are hungry and smiling. The second I feel the condom rolled up my shaft I pull her back up, and push her hard against the wall.

Kissing her, my hands travel down her silky skin, grazing the outside skin of her breasts that are heavy and warm. Squeezing them then pinching her nipples, I love the sweet sounds that come from her mouth, surprised at how my brave girl curses when she is turned on. I enjoy the fact that she has a dirty mouth. Bringing one hand down I travel and explore lower, all the way until I find that warm tight piece of Heaven on Earth. When my hand found it,  I leaned my forehead into hers and groaned, feeling my erection straining even more against my slacks.

She is fucking soaked. More than soaked she’s drenched. For me.

“Fuck baby. You are so wet. God I can fucking smell how bad you want it…”I growl into her ear. Her heat and wetness wrap around one of my fingers. The pad of my thumb lightly grazes her clit as she bucks into me.

“Mike…” she pants as she squirms trying to get my finger to go into her wet slit.

“Is this for me baby? Hmm?” I say into her ear as she throws her head back to the wall. I should fucking take her to her bed, but I don’t think I can wait until then.  I don’t even think I can wait to take her to the couch.