CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1) (18 page)

CHAPTER 19

Catalina sent Chloé a questioning look, but
her friend just waved her worry away, letting her know she would be fine.

Cat wondered if she could say the same
about herself.

Being in Xan’s arms didn’t feel like the
safest place for her to be in, considering he was as far from innocuous himself
as one could get.

Not to mention the effect he had on her.

He was acting as if they had known each
other for a long time, as if they were
together,
while the reality was
nowhere close to reaching this point, and she didn’t think that was his
ultimate goal anyway.

He enveloped her in his arms, drawing her
so close she could feel the steady beat of his heart. But she didn’t mind
allowing herself the luxury of being held and the illusion of the meaning
behind it.

She wasn’t used to people encroaching on
her private territory without asking for permission first, while Xan didn’t
strike her like the kind of a person caring a big deal for assent as a concept
in general.

Her life was filled with meaningless and
passing touches dictated by requirements of society and they always left her
with a hollow feeling afterwards.

Her own grandmother had never touched her
with any kind of affection either.

The only time Catalina knew warmth and
tenderness was her childhood, but the time she had been allowed to spend with
her parents was too short and the memories were no longer enough to sustain the
feeling those emotions evoked in her.

His arms were offering her something she
didn’t know how to name or how to reach for even.
“Relax,” Xan said but the knowledge he understood she was tense didn’t work in
her favor, turning her body even more stiff.
“Come on, Kitten, you can do better than that.” He dipped his head, murmuring
into her ear.

His hands glided up and down her spine
because the need to touch her, to take her, seemed to evolve, morphing into
something close to compulsion now. It felt entirely too good to hold her close
but it was not enough, so he brushed his lips over the taut cords of her neck.
“I want you, Cat,” he said although he wouldn’t be able to hide it even if he
wanted to, Xan thought.

The rigid contours of his cock were very
insistent against her as his mind was filling with frantic images of their
entangled bodies. She shuddered slightly but he didn’t think it equaled
surrender on her part.
“I want to spend the night with you,” he added and this time she raised her
head to look at him.
“Don’t push me Xan… please.” Catalina knew he didn’t mean anything more than a
one-night stand and she didn’t think she was built for something like that, was
quite convinced she wasn’t.

There was something in her eyes he couldn’t
decipher. Pushing and insisting was exactly his way or he would have still
remained where he was years ago, not daring to even look at something that at
the time seemed completely out of his grasp.

But Catalina was probably used to much more
refined males, not someone who was bluntly stating his wants, he told himself.
“Let’s enjoy the dance for now,” he said although tempering himself felt like
an alien concept to him.

Yet this time he was willing to step down a
notch and let her breathe for the moment.

The night was young; he could push later
after all.

But they were not meant to enjoy the dance
because barely an instant later, somebody patted him on the shoulder and he saw
a scowling face of the Cul-de-sac’s bouncer.
“You are needed,” was all he said, but it was enough for Xan’s stomach to
clench as if it sensed impending trouble.

He glanced at Cat and found her frowning at
her cell phone.
“What happened?” He lowered his head to hers.
“Chloé just messaged me. I can’t believe she would leave me like that.” She
shook her head.
“Cat, I have to go to the… other part of the club, but I don’t want to leave
you alone here.”

Timing, he thought. Timing couldn’t have
been worse.
“I will be fine, I can take a cab.” She smiled at him but he wasn’t ready to
bid her goodnight yet.
“No, come with me. Whatever it is, it shouldn’t take long.” He took her hand in
his, leading her to the back exit but instead of actually leaving the building,
they entered the door with a ‘Personnel Only’ sign on it.

“I wish I had my camera with me,” she
muttered and he chuckled.
“Is there any time at all you stop being a photographer?”
“No, not really,” she admitted sheepishly, and he wanted to kiss her right here
and right now but the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach kept gnawing at him,
making his thoughts focus elsewhere.

And it was bad for a reason, he understood
as soon as they entered the afterhours part of the club and his gaze swung to the
ring.

Dragon took his place tonight but the other
fighter was not the one with whom Xan was supposed to fight. For reasons known
only to him, Tony switched players of the game pairing Noah with a man nearly
twice his size.

And Dragon was getting his ass handed to
him.

His left eye was swollen so much it was
entirely closed now. It was obvious he was favoring his right side and from the
looks of it one of his ribs or maybe several were cracked as well.

Yet he didn’t tap out, still standing no
matter how wobbly his stance was, Xan thought.
“Stupid fuck!” Xan hissed out.

It was more and more apparent that Noah had
a death wish, a wish that could come true sooner than anybody anticipated if he
didn’t back down now.

But Xan knew he wouldn’t.
“Where the fuck is Tony?” He demanded from the bouncer who came to find him in
the club.
“In his office.”

Xan had had enough. He pushed his way
through the crowd and bounded up the stairs to Tony’s den. He didn’t bother
with knocking at all this time, just shoved the door open and entered his boss’
domain.
“End it! Now!” He roared.
“You know that our customers demand a show, that’s what they pay us for. I
can’t deprive them of it.” He smiled coldly.
“He is killing him there!”
“Well, Noah knows better how much he can take, doesn’t he?” Tony’s coolness was
only increasing Xan’s fury.
“Bullshit! The guy is not even the one who was supposed to fight here tonight!
And when did you change the rules? No eye gouging, remember? Go and take a good
look what is going on there right now!”
“Well, I thought we could spice things up a bit.” Tony shrugged.
“If you want to spice things up, then you go into that ring and fight yourself.
Oh right, I forgot you have no balls for it!” Xan smirked.
“Careful! Don’t say one word too many, Xan.”
“Hardly! End it now!” He demanded again.
“You should have thought about it when you put yourself out of the ring for a
while. Someone had to take it over. This one is on you.” Tony informed him, and
Xan’s nostrils flared.
“The fuck it is!” He stormed out of the office heading toward the ring.

Somebody had to finish the fight and it
seemed he was that
somebody,
even if it meant stepping into the ring
himself.
“Tap out!” He yelled to Noah but the man was too far gone to understand him, or
perhaps really didn’t give a damn about losing big.

And it was a complete disaster already. His
injuries were going to put him out of fighting for quite some time and they all
knew it. Where exactly was Tony gaining an upper hand in this scenario? Xan
wondered. Could it really be as absurd as wanting to teach Xan a lesson? He
refused to believe in that possibility, even though everything was leading in
this direction.

He was about to step into the ring when the
other fighter threw his final punch, knocking Dragon out. The crowd roared with
glee, which had never sounded in his ears as vicious as at the moment, Xan
thought.

He was already dialing 911 when he reached
Dragon and knelt next to him. He was barely conscious and Xan wondered if he
was even aware of his own surroundings.
“I told you to tap out, you stupid son of a bitch!” He muttered, feeling
helpless in a way he knew too well.

People were cheering the winner and nobody
seemed to care about the defeated. Noah could have been dead already to them as
well, he thought, and a wave of hate that crashed into him caused him to see
red.
“Let me through.” Xan looked up and shifted slightly to make a room for the
doctor they had in the club in case of emergencies of any kind.

It was definitely one of them, he thought.

Peter Woodley was a forty-year-old doctor
with constantly tired eyes and kind hands. Xan avoided him like the plague and
it was nothing personal. He just hated dealing with medical personnel in
general since his childhood. Although the times he actually got to the ER with
his injuries while being a kid were few and far between.
“Call 911!” The doc told him.
“Already did.”
“Trying to do my job for me, Xan?” The man checked Dragon’s pulse and
responsiveness of his pupils.
“Someone has to; why the hell didn’t you stop the fight?” He snapped.
“It’s not my place. I am here to patch you up guys if need be, not to get in
the middle of your affairs.” Peter said, and Xan knew he was right.

The need to blame it on someone was spreading
through his veins like wildfire and he knew it was just a matter of time before
his temper would be in a full swing.
“I will go with him.” He said.
“You can drive after the ambulance, you know the rules man. Don’t make me waste
time on explaining the basics to you. Now step away and let them do their work.”

Paramedics came into Xan’s view and he
swallowed hard. Yeah, he wasn’t fond of medical personnel, although they were
only doing their job and he was not going to delay them.
“He needs his ribs x-rayed and right kidney checked for damage.” Peter Woodley said
and Xan allowed himself to feel a slight relief.

Maybe the doctor didn’t stop the fight, but
he definitely watched it close enough to know what Xan noticed himself earlier.

The crowd was moved by the whole scene, but
it was an unhealthy kind of interest, like drivers passing by a scene of an
accident. It was mixed with some dose of solace in the fact it was not them who
was being carried out on a stretcher. None of it was even the slightest
compassion toward the beaten fighter.

The defeated didn’t deserve mercy; Xan knew
it firsthand.
‘Remember it’s on you,” Tony said. “Now I need to buy over the paramedics so
they will keep their mouths shut. I will take it off your next fight.”
“Keep pushing me Tony, we are already on the ring. Want to raise it a notch?”
Xan looked at him and smirked when the other man took a step back. “Didn’t
think so.”
“Don’t think you have the last word, Xan.”
“Oh I know I don’t, since we are far from being done with the subject. I’m
out.”
“What do you mean you are out? Don’t forget you can’t be out. Remember the
stakes?” Tony asked him.
“I don’t need your reminder,” Xan said and stepped out of the ring, pushing
through the crowd still electrified by the events of the night.

He really didn’t need a reminder because
not one day passed by when he didn’t think about the one night that had altered
his life forever, tying him to the club and Tony in a way that could never be
unbound.

People were eyeing him warily, letting him
pass through, and it was then that he noticed Catalina standing between people.
She was pale and her wide eyes were fixed on him.

Damn
, he thought, making his way to her,
wondering how the hell he managed to forget about her presence in the whole
commotion, and how much it was going to cost him now.

CHAPTER 20

Catalina knew what happened behind the
hidden door leading to Cul-de-sac afterhours. It was the reason why she had
found herself on the scene the very first time, after all.

She knew about the not-so-legal activities,
had witnessed one fight firsthand. But so far the bloody sport was
bloody
only in name.

Now the brutal side of it became reality
and it hit her like a two-by-four or,
more accurately, a perfectly performed
punch nearly knocking the air out of her lungs.

Xan was a winner but she was convinced he
had taken his pound of flesh before he became that good. His bruised jaw, which
couldn’t be compared to injuries of the man taken by the ambulance mere minutes
before, was still a vivid sign of dangers concealed in the venture he was an
active participant of.

She had always been aware of leading a
sheltered kind of life. Photography was her way of stepping out of her comfort
zone and broadening her horizons. Catalina didn’t shy away from the harsh
reality of life, but she had never played an active part in it either. No
matter how often she had wished she could trade her privileged upbringing with
much more informal and ordinary life, it had never happened.

Now she wondered if she lived in this normal
life she’d always yearned for and if she was right to seek it out.

She observed Xan throughout the whole
ordeal, both the way he handled the situation and himself. It was obvious he
was at the end of his rope as far as his temper went. Yet he did what had to be
done, while most of the people gathered around them didn’t act as if they
comprehended how things could easily and tragically slip out of control.

Or maybe they did and that was exactly why
they were agitated more than before. Sadly she didn’t think it was the right
kind of anxiety vibrating in their bloodstreams.

It seemed ridiculous now to be mad at Chloé
for leaving her behind or worry about dozens of unimportant things after
witnessing something like that, Cat decided.

She watched Xan now as he made his way
through the indifferent and capricious turnout. It was obvious he had forgotten
about her presence and she didn’t mind it at all because it gave her an
opportunity to see a new face of the man who, in some inexplicable way, had
become important to her.

He looked miserable and furious at the same
time, which was a very volatile mix of emotions and she knew it was only a
matter of time before they all came to a tipping point, spewing all over.

She should have been making a U turn,
leaving the dangerous zone right about now, she thought. That was what her common
sense demanded of her, but she took a step forward and then another, reaching
out to him instead.

Apparently she and common sense were having
a falling-out.
“Are you okay?” She cupped his jaw when they met in the middle, but all she
really wanted was to wrap her arms around his waist and hold on to him.
“I’m sorry I left you alone,” he said instead of answering but she was not
interested in apology.
“Alex… talk to me.” She chose to use his name, reminding him that he had trusted
her before.
“I am not the one who took the beating tonight,” he reminded her, taking a step
back and Cat let her hands fell uselessly to her sides.

He hadn’t, not physically at least, but his
look suggested otherwise. She didn’t tell him that though, convinced he
wouldn’t appreciate hearing it at the moment.
“I will get the keys to my car and drive you home on my way to the hospital,”
Xan said, wondering why she wasn’t mad at him or terrified of what had happened
but seemed ready to comfort him instead.

It took all his will not to wrap her in his
arms and take her from this place. Not to take what her eyes told him she was
offering. He had never leaned on anybody and now was not the time to start
either.

Catalina sighed and followed him, feeling a
little bit silly. He was completely closed off and she had no idea if she
should back away and leave him be, or push in order to get through this wall he
built between himself and the whole outer world. It was easy to recognize it
since she was always doing the same. However, she was hiding behind the seamlessly
polite exterior while he was locking himself away with his inner turmoil.

He didn’t invite her in but she went
against her manners and entered the room he disappeared into anyway. One glance
at the unmade bed and an empty box of pizza told her he had spent at least the
previous night in here.
“Do you live here?” She asked and by the way he flinched she understood he
forgot about her presence… again.

And while it was still understandable she
wished there wasn’t going to be a third time.
“What if I do?” Xan snapped angry at her, at himself at the whole fucked up
world.

He didn’t want her to see the room because
while he had a perfectly acceptable apartment in the city, it still was his
reality for many years before.

So much for wanting to show her more than
the ugly side of his nature and the filthy world he was a part of, he scoffed
at himself.
“I am not your enemy, Xan,” she sighed and decided that pushing for answers was
overrated, at least in her case.

All she managed to achieve so far was
directing his anger squarely at her. She should be so proud of herself, Cat
thought mockingly.
“This was not my plan for tonight,” he said and moved closer, forcing her to
step back until she hit the wall.

Anger was still brewing inside of him, pushing
him to act his worst and he was aware there was only so much a person could
take.

He wanted to reach this point with her and
be done with it.

What was he thinking? He didn’t, he told
himself.

He just wanted to have her but it became
painfully clear why it was never going to happen. There was nothing more to
lose here.

Go big or go home, he decided.
“Since you are already here…” He muttered and dipped his head covering her lips
with his greedy mouth.

He curved one hand around her neck,
immobilizing her, not caring how unfair and ill-advised his behavior was. His
tongue sought the entrance out and pushed in with a bold demand once it was
found. She moaned but then stiffened almost immediately and pushed at the wall
of his chest.

Everything in him urged him to ignore it
and continue, but this vicious side of his died down as fast as it came to live
and he stepped away, letting her breathe.
“Come on, Cat, it’s just sex, not rocket science,” Xan smirked.
“I am not some floozy you can use whenever the mood strikes you!” She glared at
him, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth, sending him a very clear
message of what she thought of his kiss.

It felt beyond tempting to pick up her
little challenge, but there was a little catch to her voice now, making him
feel like the biggest bastard in existence.

No, she wasn’t one of the bimbos he was
used to, but he hated the reminder more than ever now because it was just
widening this precipice between them.
“I might understand where your mood is coming from, but I won’t be your
whipping boy. Not now, not ever. Let me go!” She demanded and he couldn’t not
admire the way she stood there, basically telling him to go fuck himself but in
this calm and elegant manner of hers.

He knew how to answer when someone
addressed him with anger equaling his own, or when a woman faced him with eyes
shining from her tears no matter how fake they were.

But he was defenseless against her quiet
dignity, defeated by her unfaltering class.

He sighed and leaned in close, boxing her
against the wall with his hands on either side of her face instead of letting
her go like she asked of him.
“I don’t know what to do with someone like you.” He admitted.
“Then we are even,” she said instead of pushing him away again.

He was no longer aggressive, although the
way he boxed her in could be still considered threatening, she supposed.
“Don’t ask me to let you go.” He looked into her eyes and she held his gaze.
“Don’t act like an ass and I won’t.”

He chuckled involuntarily because the word
felt wrong coming from her but sounded so damn sexy at the same time,
regardless that it was hardly an endearment.
“I want to be with you.” He could say it out loud since apparently they were
putting all cards on the table.
“I am still here Alex, but I am not one-night stand material.”
“Color me surprised.” He chuckled again and pressed his aching body against her
soft one, not able to stop himself. “You know how much I want you; will you
deny wanting me back, Kitten?

She sucked in a breath because she felt
how
much
very clearly. And the knowledge was… titillating.

Catalina was used to men who acted with
finesse and subtlety, hiding the true nature of their desires under the veneer
of civilization. Xan was as far from it as one could get, she thought.

Her eyelids fluttered when he cupped her
cheek and she could almost taste another kiss in his hot breath.

But this one, when it came, was a fleeting,
teasing thing so unlike the previous, filled not only with hunger but with
echoes of viciousness he was capable of as well.

Something she would do well to remember,
she told herself.
“Will you deny it?” He asked again when she didn’t respond.
“You know I can’t, but I am not ready for it, Xan.”
“I’ve figured that much, it’s okay.” Waiting wasn’t his preferable way, but it
was different.

She was different.
“Is
it? I know I am not like those women you are used to and…”
“Hell! Of course you are not, one of the reasons we are having this
conversation in the first place. Catalina, look at me. I want you, not those other
women. Are we clear on that?” He wanted to know.
“I just meant I don’t have their experience.” She blushed making him frown.

“Dammit! I don’t care how many men you were
with before,” He snapped.
“And I am trying to tell you I have never been with anyone, but you are making
it more difficult than it already is!” She said desperately, unhappy with the
direction their conversation had taken.
“What?” He gaped at her completely taken aback.

This was the last thing he could have
expected, Xan decided.
“You’ve heard me perfectly the first time.” She raised her chin in a haughty
way which any other time would have provoked him.

She waited for him to laugh, to comment on her
words, maybe being incredulous or…
anything
really. Because anything
would be better than the sudden silence between them, only deepening her
mortification.
“Forget it,” she muttered and tried to pass under his arm, but his reflexes
proved perfect and intact.

Xan blocked her and cupped her cheek with
one hand, bending his head to hers again. But he didn’t kiss her as she
expected him to, instead his green eyes skated over her face, down her
nervously working throat, over the rise and fall of her breasts and up again.
“Forget it, Cat? I don’t think so,” he murmured, and she sucked in an unsteady
breath. “Now I won’t be able to think about anything else.” His voice dropped
even more and she shivered slightly because those eyes of his, that captivated
her so from the beginning, became even brighter, even more focused on her as if
nothing else mattered.

Nobody had ever looked at her as if she
were the center of all that was important and as much as she wanted to bask in
it, there were other concerns they had left unaddressed for long enough.
“Did you find your car keys?” She asked, desperately trying to shake off the sensual
spell he had her in and return to reality, no matter how bleak it was.
“Got ‘em.” He nodded and she saw the solemn look filling his gaze again.
“Then let’s go,” Catalina said softly.