Authors: Walter Knight
Tags: #science fiction military war alien spider cultural contimanation cultural icons taco bell pizza hut starbucks coffee skateboarding interspecies marriage
Culture War
AMERICA’S GALACTIC
FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
by
Walter Knight
Licensed and
Produced through
Penumbra
Publishing
SMASHWORDS
EDITION
EBOOK
ISBN/EAN-13: 978-1-935563-42-6
Copyright 2009
Walter Knight
All rights
reserved
Cover Art: G.E.
Ambrose, Thomas Smith-Hurt
Also
available in PRINT ISBN/EAN-13: 978-1-935563-43-3
This is a work
of fiction. Names, characters, planets, asteroids, alien species,
evil empires, galaxies far, far way, or future events and
incidents, are the product of the author’s imagination, or are used
fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons or aliens, living
or dead, events or locales including those on Mars and New
Colorado, is entirely coincidental.
Licensing Note: This ebook is licensed and
sold for your personal enjoyment. Under copyright law, you may not
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AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
by
Walter Knight
TABLE OF
CONTENTS
Publisher’s List of Other Titles
AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
The military science-fiction saga takes a new
turn as Colonel Joey R. Czerinski and his division of legionnaires,
just trying to maintain peace in planet New Colorado’s New Gobi
Desert, find themselves in the midst of more skirmishes with their
spider alien foes.
The spider Arthropodan Emperor declares war
on American culture, hoping to preserve Arthropodan traditions and
avoid cultural contamination from the American way of life. Tasked
with carrying out the Emperor’s new strategy, the spider Governor
of the North Territory takes his responsibility seriously by
ordering the spider marine commander in the New Gobi sector to put
a halt to interspecies trade. The spider commander complies by
confiscating all incoming US merchandise flowing over the border
between Legion-controlled and spider-controlled areas of the
Demilitarized Zone.
But despite the spider commander’s best
efforts, the new generation of Arthropodan citizens on New Colorado
have already adopted many American cultural icons, including the
Nike Swoosh and skateboarding. Addicted to Starbucks coffee, the
spider commander can’t see he’s a victim of cultural contamination
as well.
As the cultural war escalates, Czerinski
deals with everything in his own unique way – by overreacting and
alienating those closest to him. But this conflict is bigger than
even Czerinski suspects, and the revolution grows stronger while
the laughs keep coming.
~AUTHOR
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT~
I dedicate
America's Galactic
Foreign Legion – Book 6: Culture War
to American heroes Walt
Disney, Bill Gates, and Phil Knight, for their profound
contributions to American and world culture. The galaxy is a better
place for their genius. I also wish to thank Penumbra Publishing
editor Patricia Morrison for committing to this thirteen-book
project, and thank my loving wife Barb for her patient support.
AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
by
Walter Knight
Chapter 1
Blue powder immediately impacted the
Arthropodan Empire upon first contact with humanity. Even before
diplomatic relations were established, traders were importing the
drug. Drug addiction was a foreign concept before contact with
humans. Now, drug addiction and alcoholism was commonplace in the
Empire and a part of the culture. The Arthropodan Emperor declared
drug and alcohol addiction even more dangerous to the fragile
social fabric of Arthropoda than the human pestilence and their
satellite TV.
Nowhere was the American contamination of the
Arthropodan culture more pronounced than on the shared colony of
New Colorado. Even the planet’s name had been corrupted by the
human pestilence. After several wars, the Arthropodan Empire and
the United States Galactic Federation divided New Colorado at the
equator, but the contamination spread north anyway.
During peacetime, commerce flourished between
the spider North and the human South. Citizens of the Empire
consumed large amounts of blue powder and endangered their health
by eating fast food from Taco Bell, KFC, and McDonald’s. The high
cholesterol rates among spider youth were staggering. University
students, drunk on Coors (cowboy) beer and spurred on by
mind-numbing human pestilence music, demonstrated in the streets,
calling for reckless concepts like democracy and an end to the
Empire. Brain damage and hearing loss caused by the American music
threatened the health of an entire spider generation.
The Emperor was convinced that militarization
of the DMZ could at least slow down the American contamination from
the South, with the ultimate goal being complete separation of the
two species and cultures. A quarantine of the human pestilence
would be implemented in increments. Even if it took generations,
the Emperor was determined to purge Arthropoda of all human
pestilence influence. It would not be easy. First, businesses would
have to be weaned from free trade. Tariffs would be a good start in
that direction. Immigration of humans to the North would be
stopped. The Emperor realized public support was essential. To
merely impose Imperial will would only fuel discontent, driving
citizens to the increasingly popular Independence Movement and the
growing Insurgency.
An incident was needed to garner public
support against human pestilence contamination of Arthropodan
culture. That would be easy. Satellite images showed large
drug-producing poppy fields in the hills of the human pestilence
South. In spite of numerous diplomatic efforts, the United States
Galactic Federation seemed unwilling or unable to eradicate those
fields. In fact, the poppy fields were still not illegal in the
South. From an Imperial viewpoint, this was an inexcusable
provocation.
The human pestilence lack of concern about
the poppy fields would be their undoing. If the human pestilence
refused to take action, then Arthropodan marines would be given the
job of eliminating the blue powder menace. That would bring
America’s Galactic Foreign Legion into the fray. It would be easy
to pick a fight with the Legion. The Legion was predisposed to
fight. It would not have to be a big fight. There was no need for
nukes. The battle would be just big enough to create an incident,
and a pretext to close the border. There would be no more Big Macs
or Walmart Super Stores. With public support, the Emperor could
send tanks and the Air Wing to get rid of casino gambling run by
the human pestilence Mafia. Combating Mafia infiltration would be
an even tougher fight than the Legion. Strategy dictated one fight
at a time. Patience was the key, and the Emperor knew it.
The Emperor drank another cappuccino as he
daydreamed of victory over the evil human pestilence. A triple shot
of coffee in the morning gave the Emperor the boost he needed
during these trying times. Giving his attention to that thought,
the Emperor made a note to nationalize all Starbucks restaurants.
The human pestilence would be given no quarter!
* * * * *
I am Colonel Joey R. Czerinski, hero of the
Legion, Butcher of New Colorado, and commander of the Legion
garrison stationed on planet New Colorado at the New Gobi City
border crossing. After several intergalactic wars, the United
States Galactic Federation and the Arthropodan Empire are at truce,
sharing colonies on planet New Colorado. The new commander from the
spider side met me at the border checkpoint. He seemed upset, but
spiders these days are always upset about something.
“
Why are we meeting on the
street?” I asked. “What is so important it could not be discussed
later at poker tonight? The game is still on, right?”
“
Colonel Czerinski, thank
you for meeting me on such short notice,” said the spider
commander. “There will be no more Saturday night poker parties. The
Emperor appointed a new governor, and he is a real tight-ass. The
governor just decreed there will be no more fraternization with the
Legion. That means no more gambling parties or drinking
together.”
“
What’s his problem?” I
asked. “No more gambling? That’s un-American!”
“
Exactly,” said the spider
commander. “I am not even allowed to shop at Walmart. I have to
send a team leader to get in on the Thanksgiving pre-Christmas
sales. I’m expecting a boycott of Pizza Hut any day
now.”
“
So the poker games are
cancelled permanently?” I asked, unable to accept what I was
hearing. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
“
I am not worried about the
poker game,” said the spider commander. “I am sure the new governor
will forget about that directive after a few weeks, and things will
go back to normal. This always happens when a new boss comes in and
tries to impress everyone with how he is in command.”
“
Then what is on your
mind?” I asked. “It’s hot out here. Right now I could be in my
air-conditioned office, watching the World Series on
TV.”
“
The real problem is all
those poppy fields you allow growing in the hills,” said the spider
commander. “Either you weed your garden, or I will do it for
you.”
“
What?” I asked. “Poppies?
What do I care about poppies? The stuff grows wild. You want to get
rid of poppies? Lots of luck.”
“
Your farmers are
cultivating poppies used to manufacture blue powder,” accused the
spider commander. “It’s an issue the new governor raised today.
Drug addiction is causing untold harm to our population. All the
poppy fields are on your side of the border. Spray them, or there
will be serious consequences.”
“
The key to fighting
illegal drug use is education,” commented Major Lopez, my aide de
camp and military intelligence officer. “On Old Earth, the copa del
ora is just a harmless flower. If you spiders stopped snorting blue
powder, you wouldn’t have this problem.”
“
Who is he?” asked the
spider commander. “McGruff the crime dog? I am giving you a
heads-up that there will be serious difficulties along the border
if you human pestilence continue to provide a sanctuary for illegal
drug manufacturers and smugglers.”
“
We do not protect drug
smugglers,” I insisted. “It’s just that there is no law against
poppy cultivation. Besides, it’s a police matter. I am not a cop,
and I don’t want to be a cop. What can the Legion do?”
“
The governor does not want
to hear your lame excuses,” advised the spider commander. “He wants
results. Destroy the poppy fields, or I will close the
border.”
“
You can’t do that,” I
said. “The trucks would be backed up for miles. Besides, you would
upset the Teamsters Union big time. Do you want that?”