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After talking with Liz, she helped me see that to let go of Jake completely I need to write one last letter. I take out my stationery and write the last words I will give to Jake Daniels.

Dear Jake,

I’m not sure if you will see this or if you will return it like you have all of the others. I’ve tried to tell you in so many letters that I was pregnant. I wanted to let you know you have a daughter. I named her Lily Marie. She was a huge baby, so big they had to cut her out of me. The scar is healing nicely, though. I don’t even know what to say at this point. It’s not like you’ve been responsive.

I’m so mad at you. We could have figured something out. We could have talked with the prosecutor together. We could have come clean all those years ago. It wasn't our fault. For a long time, I thought it was, but Liz has helped me see that it wasn’t. Your dad was sick and he would’ve killed us both. I don't understand the choices you’ve made.

I’m a mom now and I need to do what’s best. I need to let you go. You obviously don't love me the way I love you, or you would have responded to one letter.

I do want you to know Lily one day. She looks so much like you and when she’s hungry she gets this dazed look. It’s the cutest thing ever. Anyways, here is a picture of her.

I love you and always will. I guess when you said goodbye I should’ve listened to you. I get that it’s done. I need to write this to say it to you, even though I’m sure it will come back to me.

Goodbye Jake

I’ll always love you, June

I fold up the letter and include a recent picture of Lily. A single tear falls on to the page and I know I have to let that be the last tear Jake gets. I have to move forward; for Lily.

A month later, I check the mail, like I do every day and I see the same white envelope marked return to sender and nod my head, accepting the fact that Jake may never know he has a daughter.

Chapter Ten

6 years later

“Lily! Hurry up, or I’m going to be late,” I shout up the stairs while slipping on a flat. I get no response from Lily so I sIip on the other shoe and run up the stairs. Lily is sitting in the middle of her floor, half of her dresser is spilling out and she’s wearing her favorite purple shirt with a huge green monster on it and her underwear. “Lily, why aren’t you dressed? It’s time to go.”

“I can't find any bottoms to wear,” she whines.

“What was wrong with the jean skirt you had on all day with that shirt?”

“It’s not the look I’m going for.” I roll my eyes at my daughter who gets her fashion sense from her Aunt Liz.

“The skirt looked great. I want you to put it back on. We need to leave.”

“But Mom,” I glare at Lily to let her know I don't appreciate her mini diva behavior Liz is only here for business today and has limited time.

“No buts. We’re running late. If we don’t hurry, Aunt Liz will be waiting for us at the restaurant.” I begin shoving her clothes back into her drawers and grab the skirt off the floor that was good enough to wear all day so it’s good enough to wear now. She sticks her hand out for me to hand her the skirt. I hand it to her and then take a minute and regard myself in her mirror. My hair looks good today. I just had it done and its long auburn waves look incredibly shiny. I no longer sport the semi-punk look or pixie cut I did in college. I’m wearing a flower print tunic with black skinny jeans and my favorite pair of flats. Seconds later, she is dressed and I hand Lily her favorite pair of pink high top Chuck Taylors that I fished from under her bed.

We race down the stairs and I grab my purse and keys off the entryway table and hurry into my black SUV. I didn't buy it new, but it’s been a godsend in the winter and it’s mostly reliable. Lily secures herself into her booster seat and we make the twenty-minute drive to one of the only restaurants in downtown that was smart enough to secure a place right on the Lake.

“Aunty Liz!” Lily shouts as she makes a sprint for Liz who is already seated by the window. Her phone is in hand as she looks up and smiles huge. Liz has only gotten more beautiful with time. Her blonde hair is pinned in a tight bun and she’s wearing a navy blue suit dress with matching pumps.

“Lily!” She exclaims opening her arms wide for a hug. “I missed you so much, let me look at you,” she says pulling away and giving a once over on Lily’s outfit. “I love the purple monster shirt.”

“I missed you soooo much more. Mommy says you have a meeting and it has to be a quick lunch today.”

“I do, but I had to make sure I made time for my favorite girl.”

I give Liz a huge grin and take a seat across from her. The waitress comes over and takes our order as Lily fills Liz in on all the kids in her class; who she sits with at lunch and which boys she likes to chase on the playground.

“Only six and she’s already chasing boys,” Liz laughs watching the iPad consume Lily’s attention.

I roll my eyes. “So, how is everything? Are you dating?” I ask taking a sip of my iced tea. Liz is habitually single. She’s only changed her habits because of her busy schedule. I wish she’d find someone, but every time I try to really talk to her about it she shuts me down.

“Ah, you know a little of this, a little of that,” she sighs. “What about you? How did that date go with Alister last weekend?”

Alister is an investment banker that Liz set me up with. Last night was our third date, if you count the second date as the time we met up for coffee on our lunch breaks.

“It was,” I pause and think about what I want to say next, “nice?”

“That man is hot is what he is,” she sighs, “So what’s wrong with this one?”

“Nothing. I promised I’d give him a chance, but I just don’t feel that spark.”

“June, you can’t keep,” she pauses to make sure Lily is completely engrossed in her game and paying zero attention to us, “comparing everyone to your first love.”

I blanch, “That’s not what I’m doing. He’s hot alright, it’s just he has these habits. Like when he orders, he orders for himself and then is all like oh, did you want something? He’s hot, but it’s like he knows it and so he expects everything to be easy for him. I want a man who will work for it.”

“Honey, no offense,” she whispers and then gets close to my ear to be sure Lily doesn’t hear, “Maybe you should take the hot for what it is. How long has it been since you got laid?”

I roll my eyes because we both know it’s been over a year, “Fair enough, Liz. I need to at least like him.”

Lily looks up from the iPad, “Who are you guys talking about? Alice? Total noob. He was all, so you like Dora? I'm all like Dora was so three years ago,” Lily scrunches up her nose in disgust.

I laugh at Lily’s nickname for him.

“He met Lily?” Liz asks aghast.

“Not intentionally, believe me. I thought it was my coming to pick Lily up for their sleepover, but Alister was early and Mom was late.”

“Oh God!” Liz says.

“I know. Then, my mom met him too.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Liz knows my number one rules is that I don’t introduce men to Lily unless it’s serious and this thing with Alister is not serious. Sure, I let him kiss me, but that’s about it.

Liz checks the time on her watch, “I hate to do this pumpkin, but Aunt Liz has to go.”

Lily sets down the iPad and looks up at Liz with her big beautiful blue-green eyes, “Do you have to? Already?”

Liz, with a look that says I do, but I really wish I didn’t, nods her head.

“But we just got here,” Lily whines.

“I told you Lily, Aunt Liz only has a small amount of time today.” I look at my daughter sympathetically.

Liz pays the bill because she never lets me pay and we hug goodbye.

I watch in my rear-view mirror making sure Lily buckles herself in her booster when my phone rings. I dig it out of my purse, spotting the tie dye case that Lily said I had to have and answer it smiling when I see it says Daryn. Daryn is Grace’s dad, Lily’s best friend.

“Hey, Daryn!” I answer with a smile.

“Hey, June. Grace has been at me all day and I need her to have company so I can get some work done around here. Can Lily come over? Save me?” he asks hopefully.

“I can take them, if you have a lot of work?”

“No, I just need to cut the grass and trim my hedges before Mr. Applegate calls the city because I can’t keep my lawn neat. Besides, I promised Grace that if you said yes, I’d take the girls to see that new Pixar movie.”

“Hang on. Let me ask if she’s up for it,” I look back at Lily smiling, “You want to go to Grace’s?”

“Yes!” she squeals.

“That’s affirmative. I’m just leaving downtown now. I can be there in twenty.”

“You’re a lifesaver, June,” he says disconnecting.

I make the drive, thinking that if it wasn’t for people like Daryn, Liz, or my parents that this whole single parent thing would’ve been a lot tougher. I lived with my parents for the first two years of Lily’s life, until I saved and finally landed a great job with the newspaper. I know newspapers are not the most current form of in the know, but we print online as well as the good old fashioned black and white and I cover politics which, considering all of the scandals Cleveland has had, keeps me very busy.

I pull up in front of Daryn and Grace’s bungalow-style house and Daryn is outside working on his hedges. It’s warm out. Daryn is already sweating, based on the fact that his tight black undershirt tank top has dark spots. Daryn is an attractive man with his dark hair, tanned skin, and chiseled chest. We have a lot in common. He lost his wife four years ago to breast cancer and has been going at it alone the best he can. Maybe that’s one of the reasons our girls have bonded so well.

Grace is doing cartwheels in the grass and runs up to the car as soon as Lily’s car door opens.

“Hi, Lil!” Grace jumps up and down, her blonde curls bouncing as she does.

“Grace,” Lily squeals just as excited, “I can’t wait to tell you about this fashion game that my Aunt Liz had on her iPad.”

The two girls run into the house with barely a backwards glance from Lily. I laugh and shake my head.

“No ‘bye Mom or anything,” I mumble and Daryn laughs. it shocks me a little. I give him a good hard look. I’m not sure I’ve seen him really laugh. He’s always had this look of loss hiding beneath the surface. For the first time, it looks like it’s gone. I flash him a huge grin.

“What?” he asks.

“Your laugh. It sounds good on you,” I smile and get back into my car, “Call me when you want me to pick her up.”

“I can drop her after the movie.” The look on his face changes, like he forgot he wasn’t supposed to be happy. I immediately regret bringing attention to it because somewhere deep in the buried recesses of my heart I remember how that feels.

I take advantage of my afternoon and clean my closet out, then when that’s finished, I clean my hardwoods. It’s nice for once not to have to work twice as hard keeping Lily off them while they dry. I take a call from Lily begging me to let her stay the night, so I talk with Daryn and give him the okay and let him know that I’ll pick both girls up for soccer practice in the morning.

I pour a glass of white wine and slip into a steaming hot bubbling oasis, better known as my awesome bath that I never have time for. The water feels good. I feel good. I think about Daryn and that if I was going to seriously date someone it would be someone like him. He’s an amazing dad and he’s hot, okay more like drop dead sexy, but his pain is still so raw. If things were different, I would ask him out. I think about my date with Alister and decide that if he asks me out again, I’m going to politely decline. He isn't for me. I haven’t had anything close to that spark I had with Jake, and I sure as shit don’t have that with Alister.

I try not to think of Jake. It hurts too much. The slightest comparison to Alister has my chest feeling funny. Even if Daryn is ready, am I? Will I ever be? Jake never contacted me, not once. A year ago I looked him up on the State’s inmate search only to find that he was released a year previous to that. He could have googled me, I come right up. My phone number is listed too, so it’s not like I’d be hard to find.

I sink under the bubbles letting the hot water clear my thoughts. I promised myself long ago to not let him have more of my heart. He doesn't deserve it.

I finish the bath and wrap my over-sized, terrycloth robe around me then head to the kitchen to pour myself another glass of wine. I sit in the small window seat and look around. My floors look good. I’m proud of how they turned out. My house isn't the biggest, but I’ve worked hard to make my home nice. Mom and Dad splurged and bought me new over-sized off-white sofas for Christmas three years ago; they’re perfect for having friends over. I swear every time Liz comes to visit we end up finding some brilliant piece of furniture for dirt cheap. She does corporate investments, but you would think she was an interior designer. With her keen eye for decorating and my obsession with Sensibly Chic on HGTV, the place has turned out to be my own personal paradise. I’ve worked hard to give Lily a perfect place to call home.

My cell rings in the living room. I set my glass of wine down, that I’ve barely touched and hurry to retrieve it. I smile when I see Liz’s name flash, “My plane is delayed, please tell me you can get a sitter?” she asks like my answer holds a cure for world hunger.

“She’s gone for the night. Staying at Grace’s.”

“She’s the one with the hotty dad, right?” she asks.

I giggle, “Yep, Daryn,”

“You have to come meet me. I have four hours to kill and don’t really want to do it sitting in an airport bar.”

“Alright, I’ll pick you up and maybe we can go to that Mexican restaurant you love.”

“We have a few hours and you’re kid-free. We’re going downtown and not for Mexican as much as I love guac. Wear something cute and going out worthy. No exceptions,” and with that she hangs up.

Not wanting Liz to spend more time in the airport than necessary, I race up the stairs and throw on a red blouse and black high-waisted shorts. To dress it up, I throw on my black strappy 3-inch sandals. I grab my make-up bag, deciding to fix my make-up at as many red lights as I can, and throw it into my over-sized purse and race out the door.

“Thank God, you’re here. I just checked and this storm in New York has just added another two hours to my delay. We could drive there in the amount of time it’s going to take to get a plane in the air,” she bounces into the seat and looks over my outfit, gives me a smile of approval once she sees my hot, fuck me heels, as she would call them.

“I’m not driving to New York!” I look at her sternly making sure she knows that’s off limits.

She guffaws at me, “As if I would ask you to take me to New York,” she says on a smile.

“How did your meeting go?” I ask.

“It went really good. If things go as planned I’m going to make a shit-ton of money,” she gleams.

“You already make a shit-ton of money.”

“This is a completely different caliber.”

“Well then, let’s hope everything goes as planned.”

“Amen!” she says dramatically.