Cut Too Deep (16 page)

Paul caved to his curiosity.

“What is it about her?”

Miller shrugged.

“I’m not sure, yet. There’s something about her that touches me.”

Paul wanted to say that he’d never seen Miller behave this way toward a woman, but he had. His sister had a similar effect on Miller when they first met. He only hoped this time ended differently for Miller.

“Maybe if you give these assholes what they want, you can come home, where she can actually touch you.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, friend. I’ll go when I have what I need.”

Paul didn’t comprehend his cousin’s insistence to stay in this hell when he could simply buy his freedom. The group holding him was more than eager to accept payment from Miller in exchange for favors. Paul’s visits, calls to his office, and the arrangements he’d made for Hadley all came easily when the price was right.

Miller could afford his freedom, yet he stayed willingly in this grungy hole, which left Paul to realize the item these men wanted returned to them was priceless. Paul resigned he couldn't convince Miller to do anything the man didn’t want too. With that understanding, Paul left Thailand hoping his cousin would give up his quest soon and return home.

T
he weekend came and went without a letter from Miller. The other responses had come quickly. Hadley wondered more than once how it was possible with the distance, but hoped this one would arrive as soon.

Hadley ran home from work on Monday to check her mail, but still no letter. She spent hours cleaning her house that evening to distract herself from thinking that maybe Miller decided he wasn’t interested in getting to know her after all.

Tuesday morning, Hadley sat on her couch eating cereal and listening to the news. She nearly choked on a raisin when the anchor announced that Mr. Genetti had requested the public cease writing him letters.

“I know hearts are breaking everywhere.” The pretty anchor made a sad face and continued. “In a statement from Genetti Industries, a representative told the press today that ‘As much as Mr. Genetti appreciates all of the letters he has received, he is being detained by a dangerous group of people, and fears for the safety of those writing him.’ Sorry, ladies.”

The anchor went on to make assumptions as to what she felt those dangers were, though clarified it to be merely speculation.

A smile tugged at the corners of Hadley’s mouth, and she let it lift to a full blown shit-eating grin. She simply couldn’t hide how happy the news made her feel. In his last letter, Miller stated he hadn’t read the others and didn’t want them. Hadley couldn’t help but think he knew she wouldn’t believe him. He proved it to her, like a show of good faith. Maybe she was still giddy from his letter and reading too much into it, but she chose to believe Miller did it thinking of only her.

Work that day proved interesting. Hadley was presented with her first solo task and given a week to finish it. It was a campaign for a posh children’s learning center in Upstate. Not a large client, but Hadley was excited to get started. At lunch, she bounced ideas off of Mac, who expressed his genuine excitement for his friend.

Hadley left work and floated home to more happiness. She threw her things down on the counter, including a small box postmarked from Miller. The suspense of what it could be kept nudging her. She wasted no time in tearing into the box. She pulled out a folded piece of paper and looked down to see an iPhone.

He sent me a phone?

Hadley wondered if it meant they would be able to talk, although wasn’t sure she was ready. It was one thing to write down her thoughts and to read his, but to hear his voice—well, that was more intimate. She unfolded the paper in her hand. Releasing a sigh, she read his words.

Dear Ms. Walker,

I am humbled.

After my first letter, I didn't deserve a response, but I can't begin to tell you how much your letter means to me. Knowing you've imagined us kissing fills me with hope.

Please, stop smothering the spark between us. I feel it, too, and have since the first time I discovered you watching me. Let it rage. Allow yourself to feel. I won't hurt you, and I would never intentionally cause you pain or suffering. I want to know why you hurt, and I want to take it all away. Please, don't fear me. Let me in. Allow me to heal your heart and soul.

As for your questions, I can't share with you the purpose of my visit to Thailand as it could put you in danger. I won't allow that to happen.

The scar on my chin happened as a child, and I'm afraid it isn't a very exciting story.

Now, with regard to the many different women in my life and why I date so often, I love sex and the way a woman's soft skin feels under my touch, but, in truth, it's deeper than that for me. I date many women seeking the one woman who owns the other half of my heart, so that together, we can be whole.

I want to find the one capable of illuminating the darkest parts of me. So far, she's eluded me, but I continue searching for her. I'll know who she is by the sick feeling in the depth of my gut that chisels its way into the pit of my soul every time I touch her. I want the kind of love that marks me, where every thought of her gives me shivers and makes my heart ache when we're apart. The kind of love so deep, I'd rather die than ever see her hurt or sad. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, and maybe my notion of love is idealistic to a fault. Perhaps I'm destined to live my life alone, but I'd rather live in solitude than settle for a woman who falls short of completely shattering my expectations.

I'm so close to finding her now, I can feel it.

There's something behind you're shimmering brown eyes that tells me I may have found her, only you're too scared to reveal yourself to me. It's my hope that soon you'll be brave enough to lower the mask, show me who you are, and light up my life.

Does that answers your question, Ms. Walker?

The phone provided with this letter is for us to text as even with my company's jet delivering your letters, it takes too long. I've paid a significant amount of money to these animals to allow this. I will only get one hour a day. At eight pm every evening (eight am here), they will bring me a phone for us to communicate. They will read the texts, and that means some questions you ask may go unanswered. Do not tell anyone about this arrangement. Do not ask any questions about who has me or why I'm in Thailand. If you do, they will no longer allow us this privilege.

If my calculations are correct, you should hear from me in fifteen minutes.

With anticipation, M

The letter floated to the floor as her trembling fingers reached into the box for the phone. Her eyes blurred with tears, of what kind she wasn’t certain; joy or fear, or an emotion much deeper. Hadley felt elated that she would be able to communicate with Miller every night. However, she questioned if she was capable of revealing herself. A mean voice in her head answered for her.

No! Are you foolish enough to believe you’re the woman he’s searching for? A woman capable of this kind of love is pure and untarnished, not tainted and damaged.
Remember, you’re worthless.

Hadley spent her life listening to that voice, but she couldn’t deny the pull she had toward Miller, how his words made her feel, and how if she was the one he sought, he would cherish her in a way she didn’t deserve, but wanted desperately.

The fear of the fall terrified Hadley most. She knew if her feelings for Miller went unrequited, she would end up buried beneath rock bottom and never escape. In her experience, one didn’t gain anything from taking chances, but Miller made her believe this time the reward would be worth the risk.

Hadley didn’t realize she held the phone in her hands until it began to vibrate. When she glanced at the screen, it showed a new text from PIG. She nearly doubled over in laughter before her shaky finger swiped the screen. Anxiety filled her to the core.

Miller: Did I scare you away, Love?

Did he?

Miller wanted Hadley to let him in, which should send her running. He wanted to heal her, but was that love? She felt love to be a cultivation of feelings by two people who shared an unbreakable connection. Two people who existed solely within each other. Healing nurtured those you love. With time, and a willingness on her part, Hadley felt that perhaps their connection could grow into something more, something meaningful. Without further hesitation, she jumped.

Hadley: No. I’m here and a little shocked.

Miller: And scared I presume?

Hadley: Yes, a little.

Miller: Don’t be.

Hadley: I’m trying.

Miller: Let’s just chat, okay?

Hadley: Okay…are you doing okay? Have they hurt you?

Miller: As I stated in my letter, no questions about my detainment.

Hadley: Right...okay then, you missed a question ;)

Her referral to the question about his arousal in the elevator made him smile.

Miller: So I did, but I think you know the answer.

Hadley flushed red before replying.

Hadley: Because you’re a Pig? Lol

Miller: Very funny, Ms. Walker. How was work today?

Hadley: It was okay. My boss surprised me. He’s usually such an ass!

Miller: Yes, I know, but he’s damn good at what he does.

Hadley: True. I guess I should be careful what I say, since you’re a client.

Miller: Don’t worry. I won’t share or pull my account.

Hadley: Good to know.

Miller: Do you have plans on Saturday?

Hadley: I do at 8. There is this guy I’m trying to get to know.

Miller: Lucky guy! Are you occupied at two?

Hadley: No

Miller: Good. You are now. Check with your friend, Mr. Walsh. I’ve made plans for you, but you’ll enjoy yourself more if you have company.

Hadley: Are you going to tell me what these plans are?

Miller: No. I want to surprise you. First thing tomorrow, go up to my office. Renee is my assistant. She’ll have an envelope for you. A car will come for you and Mr. Walsh at one on Saturday.

Hadley: I hate surprises, and what if I say no?

Miller: Get used to them. I love surprises, and you’ll love this one. Please don’t decline. I only wish I could be there to see the look on your face and to accompany you myself.

(Hadley may have jumped up and down, letting out a loud squeal.)

Hadley: Hmmm…can’t say no then. Thank you.

Miller: You’re welcome.

Hadley: Any time frame for your return?

Miller: Hopefully soon.

Hadley: Hopefully.

After meaningless exchanges, the hour ended all too quickly. Eight o’clock tomorrow felt like an eternity. Hadley had so much more to learn about him. She curled up in bed, holding the phone that represented the first man she ever had feelings for, even if she couldn’t clearly identify what they were, and went to sleep.

Heavy machinery outside her window pounded into the concrete. Apparently the city had finally gotten around to fixing the potholes on her street.  A smile spread across her face when she thought about the previous night, although her internal Drill Sergeant was determined to call the shots this morning.

End this now, before you get hurt. Don’t be stupid. He only wants to fuck you. You aren’t worth anything. You mean nothing to him.

Hadley was tired of being bullied. There were times, like now, she led the charge. She ignored the negative voice she allowed to rule her life. It was driven by fear, but she was no longer afraid. Instead, she chose to listen to the voice of a man who soothed her.

Allow yourself to feel. I won’t hurt you, and I would never intentionally cause you pain or suffering. I want to know why you hurt, and I want to take it all away.