Cut Too Deep (48 page)

M
iller worked late Wednesday, and Antonio escorted Hadley to the home of Valentina Benvenuti at six o’clock.

Valentina opened the door and wanted to hug her granddaughter, but knew her affections were unwanted. They may cause Hadley to leave.  Hadley regarded her grandmother with heartbreaking caution, a warning for Valentina. Antonio smiled at Mrs. Benvenuti, feeling awkward, his eyes shifting between the two women.

“Please, come in,” Valentina offered.

“I’ll wait here, ma’am.”

“Ragazzo sciocco! Get in here, Antonio. You can wait in the front room and eat cookies.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Antonio bowed his head and went inside.

Hadley followed Valentina through the familiar condo to the dining room, taken aback by the happy memories the home brought on. There were pictures of her and her mother throughout her grandmother’s home. Hadley had yet to decide how she felt about the photographs being displayed prominently, as if to show pride in a daughter and granddaughter Valentina abandoned.

“Please, sit. I ordered in. It should be here soon. I hope that’s okay. I have arthritis and I don’t cook much anymore.”

“It’s fine.”

Hadley sat down, nerves dancing in her belly.

“Would you like something to drink?” Valentina asked.

“Water, please.”

Valentina filled a glass from a pitcher on the table. Hadley took a sip, feeling awkward and doubting her decision to visit her grandmother. Valentina sat down next to her and sighed.

“I’m happy you called.”

“Why is that?” Hadley silently scolded the curt tone she used. Her intentions for coming here were to try and make peace. “That wasn’t nice,” she offered apologetically.

“This isn’t easy for either of us.” Tears glossed the old woman’s eyes. “I have many regrets and can’t think of a single way to make amends with you, other than to tell you that I think of you every day, and I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.”

Hadley sucked in a ragged breath. She didn’t want tears for a woman she’d spent her life resenting.

“That is the part I don’t understand. Why didn’t you fight for me?”

“I don’t have a good reason. It was a lot of things. Your grandfather was extremely ill. We knew he was dying. When that couple showed up and said they loved you and wanted you, I thought it was best for you. They claimed you knew them well. It made sense for you to be raised by two people who cared for you, more so than by a single grandmother, grieving the loss of her husband, who’d failed miserably in raising her own daughter.”

Hadley toyed with the lace trim on the table cloth, choosing her words carefully.

“We’re back to neither you, nor my grandfather, knowing my father was an only child. Did you hate him that much, that you never spoke to him about his life?”

A hurt expression descended over Valentina’s features, twisting Hadley’s heart, but she would not cry.

“We never spoke to your father at all. At first, it was because of his Russian heritage and where he lived. Salvatore and I were raised in a different time, set in our ways. But, we knew we couldn’t stop your mother from seeing him. She was in love. We tried to invite him over, to get to know him, but he refused. It was the beginning of him completely alienating her from us and, eventually, her friends, too. Her world revolved around him and only him. Then she got pregnant, moved in with him, and stopped coming around all together. It’s like she was in hiding. We lost our daughter and we blamed him. We hated him.”

Hadley clung to every word. Her life with her father had been a life in hiding. He isolated both her and her mother. She almost felt sorry for her grandparents and was slowly realizing they were more victims of her father’s abuse.

She offered her grandmother a small, reassuring smile, but internally she still felt angry.

“That had to be very difficult, but she came home. I remember living here. I heard papa tell her they would end up killing each other and that the two of you would never claim me, and you didn’t.”

“Oh, dear, child. Those were angry words from an old man crushed that he failed his little girl. When she first came home, she confessed everything to us. Your grandfather went to see Vitale. The altercation became physical. Salvatore was furious. When it was all said and done, your father made Helena a bunch of empty promises. When she told us she was taking you and going back to him, we were devastated. We both told her your father was lying and that it would only be a matter of time before he abused her again. She refused to listen.”

At the same time they both said, “Because she loved him.”

Hadley added, “She used to tell me she loved him too much to leave him.”

“I think your mother wanted to believe he would change.”

Hadley knew her mother had. She used to think it too, that if they did everything right, he would love them, stop hurting them, change.

The doorbell interrupted the moment. Hadley was relieved, as the intensity of the conversation felt like a pile of bricks resting on her chest.

Hadley didn’t feel hungry anymore. Valentina returned with their food. She pulled two paper containers from the bag along with two plastic tubs of salad.

“I didn’t know what you liked. I went with Lasagna. I figured it was safe.”

Hadley opened the container and ran her fork through the sauce and cheese. She set the fork down and took a drink of water.

“I’m not sure how we move forward.” Valentina pushed her meal forward, not hungry either. Hadley continued. “I want to, and I’m trying to let go of my anger, but it’s hard.”

“You’ve been through a great deal in your young life. I can’t pretend to understand what it was like for you. Sorry doesn’t begin to cover it. So often, I’ve prayed you would return to my life and, eventually, accept me. I’ve waited a long time, and I hope we can heal the tiny family we have left.”

Hot tears finally surfaced and rolled down Hadley’s cheeks. She stared at the older version of her mother. A woman asking for a second chance at providing her a family. She felt Valentina’s sincerity and, more than that, felt her love. She reached across the table and held her grandmother’s small hand in her own.

“I will try.”

“That’s all I hoped for.”

The two women picked at their meals for a while in silence. The air in the room substantially less awkward and filled with a new beginning. After Valentina cleared the table, she excused herself.

Antonio walked past the dining room and into the kitchen. He came out a few seconds later with a container of ice cream at the same time Valentina returned to the room with a box.

“Did you want some ice cream, Antonio?” Valentina asked and placed the box on the floor.

“No,” the big guy replied, setting the ice cream on the table with two spoons. “It got awfully quiet in here, and I think the two of you should sit down, eat some ice cream, and get over whatever is bothering you.”

Both ladies burst out laughing. “That is how a man would handle things,” Valentina teased.

Antonio may have blushed on his way out of the room.

A short while later, they did enjoy some ice cream. Afterward, Valentina lifted the box she brought in earlier and placed it on the table.

“I thought you might like to have these.” She opened the box and handed Hadley a red sweater. Hadley unfolded it, noticing it was a varsity sweater. She ran her fingers over the shiny brass pens, one for volleyball and one for hockey. She couldn’t picture her timid mother playing hockey. “Your mother was quite the athlete.”

“I didn’t know. She never talked about herself.”

“She was on her way to playing volleyball in college when she met your father.”

Hadley frowned. College was something else her father took from her mother.

They spent the next hour going through the remaining contents of the box. Her mother’s class ring, old doodles, small trinkets, and a stack of photographs of her mother as a child. Hadley looked almost identical to her mother and that thrilled her. The smile on her mother’s face in every photo made Hadley miserable. She couldn’t remember her mother as happy as she appeared in the pictures. Her mother had given up so much to love a man unworthy of her. She brought one of the photos to her lips and kissed it softly. Hadley said a silent prayer, hoping that her mother finally had peace and that she smiled again, maybe down on her and her grandmother as they mended a relationship they both needed.

After saying goodnight, Hadley and Antonio got inside of the SUV and headed for home.

“Mr. Genetti is still working. He asked me to stay with you until he’s finished.”

Hadley felt disappointed. She wanted to share her joy and excitement over the evening with him. “I’m not ready to go home. Can you take me to the office?”

“Of course, Ms. Walker.”

Hadley jumped from the SUV the second it stopped in front of the building. She couldn’t wait to tell Miller everything and to thank him, for his love, for his efforts to reunite her with her grandmother, and for his support. It meant the world to her.

The building was mostly deserted, all but a few janitors and night security. Hadley took the elevator to the top. She skipped to his office, excitement building in each step. Through the half open door, Hadley heard voices, Miller’s and a woman’s that made her skin crawl. All of her exultant happiness turned to suspicion. They were meeting in his office at night when he knew Hadley was preoccupied. Miller had told Antonio to take her home.

Hadley stood outside the door afraid to open it completely. She shifted until they came into view. Miller cradled Theresa in his arms, her cheek against his chest. He stroked the side of his wife’s hair with the same tenderness he often soothed Hadley. Her heart sunk.

“I do care about you. Oh, bella, I’m sorry for everything.” Miller kissed the top of Theresa’s head. “I missed you. I never thought you were coming back to me. I’m so happy you did.”

Hadley backed away. Her foot tangled in the leg of one of the waiting room chairs. She fell back, taking the chair with her. She kicked the chair and hurried to her feet. As she ran for the elevator, she heard him.

“Hadley, wait! It’s not what you think!”

Theresa smiled victoriously. She hadn’t planned the turn of events, but considered it a win nonetheless.

Hadley didn’t stop. She knew what she heard. Miller ran after her, reaching her as the doors sealed shut. He cursed and sprinted to his office. He picked up the phone and called Antonio.

“Yeah, boss.”

“Do not take her home. Wait for me. I’ll be right down.”

Hadley stormed out of the building. She glared at Antonio before avoiding the SUV and turned left.

“She’s not stopping, boss.”

“What is she doing?”

“It looks like she’s walking, and she’s pissed.”

“Follow her!” Miller growled. “Get her in the car. I don’t care if you have to pull over, pick her up and shove her inside. I’ll be right down.”

Miller slid his phone into his pocket and walked out of the office, leaving his soon to be ex-wife stunned. Her marriage was officially over, not because Theresa signed on the line, but because Miller obviously loved someone else.

The tires of the SUV rolled slowly as Antonio trailed behind Hadley with the window down.

“Ms. Walker, please get in. You won’t like the alternative.”

Hadley didn’t look at him, kept her feet moving, her eyes on the sidewalk. Antonio made a sound and stopped the SUV in the middle of the road. Traffic maneuvered around the vehicle, honking and shouting obscenities. Antonio opened the back door and set the child locks so she couldn’t get out. Seconds later, Hadley screamed when his giant arms picked her up and swung her over his shoulder like a ragdoll.

“Antonio, put me down!”

Her kicking and screaming did nothing to deter the giant of a man. He tossed her in the back seat and slammed the door. Hadley screamed at the top of her lungs. She tried the door and screamed again. Antonio climbed in the driver’s seat and glanced in the rearview mirror. He grinned.

“I told you, you wouldn’t like the alternative.”

Hadley glared at his reflection.

“I cannot believe you man handled me like that!”

“And I can’t believe you kicked me,” Antonio shot back playfully. “Besides, boss’s orders. Yell at him.”

She looked out the window, seething.

“Oh, believe me. I intend to.”

Antonio drove Hadley back to the building. Miller was out front when the SUV stopped at the curb. He opened the door and jumped in next to Hadley. She lunged across the seat and slammed both of her palms into his chest. “I can’t believe you did that!” The intimate moment with Theresa she witnessed played in her mind. “I hate you!”

Miller gripped both of her wrists and held them down.

“No you don’t, Love.”

“Don’t call me that!” Hadley shouted, spit flying out between her teeth. Angry she trusted him, feeling stupid for thinking he was over his wife. She didn’t like how she felt. It was a comfortable rage.

“Would you listen to me?”

“Did you fuck her?”

His eyes narrowed.

“What? No! How can you ask me that?”

“Isn’t that what you do when she comes crawling back to you?” Miller couldn’t deny his old habits, but his last time with Theresa was almost a year ago.  “That’s exactly what I thought.”

Hadley’s doubt in his love made him furious. He squeezed her wrists tighter. “No, I didn’t fuck her! Jesus!”

“But you wanted to. You want her back. I heard you.”

“I don’t know what you think you heard, but…”

Hadley ripped her wrists from his grasps.

“Oh, bella, I’m sorry for everything. I’m so happy you’re back. I missed you,” she repeated in mocking fashion. “Sound familiar?”

His nostrils flared and Miller stared at her with glacial intensity. He ran his hands through his hair and inhaled a breath to calm him, hoping he could calm her.

“Yes. I am sorry, and I did miss her, but if you’d listened a bit longer you would have heard me tell her it was over between us. I told her I adore you, that you’re everything to me. Fuck! She signed divorce papers tonight.” Hadley peered up at him, her anger softening. “I couldn’t stand to be married to her another second, knowing I want to spend every waking moment for the rest of my life with you. When are you going to understand that? You’re it for me. The one I spoke of in my letters, the one who completes me, who my soul aches for when we’re apart.” Miller threw his hands in the air and looked up. “The one woman in this entire world that I would die for, and I can’t fucking convince her I love her.”