Cut Too Deep (49 page)

Hadley’s lip trembled. His anger was so passionate, emotional, and raw. She wounded him.

“I’m sorry. I misunderstood.”

Miller reached over and cradled the sides of her face in his hands, his eyes scanning her delicate features. Doubt still reflected back at him in her soft brown eyes. He sighed.

“I know you have low self-esteem, and that it’s truly hard for you to believe someone could be madly in love with you, but I am. You deserve my love. Stop fighting it. Quit fighting me. Stop doubting us. I’m not going anywhere. You’re the only woman I want in my life.” Miller let go of her face and planted a soft kiss to her lips before leaning back in the seat. His elbow rested against the window and he rubbed his temple. “You don’t understand the guilt I live with. I wasted so much time trying to save her when I should have been looking for you.”

Hadley inhaled a ragged breath that caught in her throat. She opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut when she saw the intensity in his eyes.

Miller leaned forward and spoke between the seats.

“Take us home, Antonio.”

Before Antonio drove away, Theresa knocked on the window. Miller rolled it down.

“What is it?” he snapped.

Theresa rested her hand on the side of the door and leaned down. “I wanted to say goodbye.” She glanced across the seat to where Hadley was sitting. “Be good to him. He deserves it.” She tapped the door once and walked away.

Hadley and Miller swapped forgiving glances before she leaned over and rested her head on his lap. She looked up at him, overwhelmed with emotions. This man knew her perhaps better than she knew herself, and he loved her
madly
. A mad, crazy, beautiful love. A love she wanted to keep forever.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Miller smiled and looked out the window. For the remainder of the drive, he ran his fingers through her silky hair, silently hoping he’d finally convinced her.

H
adley and Miller walked hand and hand into Dr. LeClair’s office. The doctor greeted Hadley and shook hands with Miller before everyone sat down.

“Who wants to start?” Both Miller and Hadley stared back at him in silence. The doctor noted Miller’s posture, his legs crossed, his body turned slightly. “Okay, then. Mr. Genetti when we spoke on the phone, you expressed concerns about your ability to control your anger. How are you dealing with that?”

Miller’s eyes widened. He didn’t expect the doctor to challenge him immediately.

“I’m not sure what you’re asking. I haven’t hunted Duwatski down and killed him yet.”

“But, you’d like to?”

Miller blew out a rush of air and unfolded his legs.

“I would like to make him suffer, yes.”

“I see. And, you don’t because of Hadley?” he prompted.

“She asked me not to, and I respect that.”

“Do you think it’s wrong?”

“No! He deserves it for what he did to her.”

“But, you do understand that both morally and legally it’s wrong?”

Miller leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs, and glared at the doctor in annoyance.

“I’m not a sociopath, doctor. I know the difference between right and wrong. In this case, I don’t particularity care.”

“I see.” Dr. LeClair made some notes and turned to Hadley. “And how does that make you feel, Hadley?”

Her hands tangled in her lap. Having Miller here was harder than she thought it would be. “Sad, I guess.” Miller swung his head around to her. “A little guilty.”

“How so?”

“I don’t like the idea of Miller not caring what happens to him if he acts on his anger. If he got hurt or went to jail, I would feel responsible. I’d have to live with that guilt. The thought of living without him makes me sad.”

It was a punch of reality, straight to the gut. He wanted Duwatski to suffer, but he never considered how she felt about it, only that she sought traditional justice. Miller believed he would get away with it because of his family. What if he didn’t? It would be a heavy burden for her to carry. Worse than anything she’d dealt with in her past. In those thoughts, Miller realized she was incredibly stronger than he was. Resorting to violence was the easy way to lick his wounds and move forward. It took strength to go through the process and relive the moments with her. That was what he’d been trying to avoid, and it made him weak.

Miller looked at his hands, balling his fists until his knuckles turned white.  He turned his head to see Hadley visibly shaking.

“I didn’t…fuck! That was selfish of me.”

“Now, I’ll ask you again, Mr. Genetti. Do you think it’s wrong?”

Miller didn’t take his eyes off of Hadley but answered.

“Yes.”

“Good, now Hadley. We haven’t had a chance to speak about the news of your father. How are you handling things?”

“Surprising well. I guess I wasn’t completely shocked by it.”

Hadley went on to tell the doctor about everything new in her life. Her love for Miller, her amazing friend, Mac. She shared with him about her two grandmothers who were back in her life, and her pending audition. Dr. LeClair took notes, considering as he did that Hadley Walker may be his biggest success as a therapist, although he wouldn’t take all of the credit. He recognized her resiliency from the very first moment she walked into his office. Now, she finally recognized it too. She spoke of her accomplishments confidently, with a sense of pride, and remarkably without doubting if she deserved them.

Friday evening, they went to dinner at Miller’s parents’ house. Hadley invited Valentina to come along. Her grandmother was a friend of the family, and she saw the invitation as an effort to move forward. Miller’s nana was there, and the two old women sat by the fireplace in the living room, playing rummy and sipping coffee, which was mostly brandy, but no one commented.

A new and well-known face was also in attendance. Adele brought Mac for dinner. He did remarkably well with the twins. Hadley couldn’t wait to get him alone. He hadn’t mentioned them seeing each other once since Meadowbrook. Her chance came after dinner when Adele was busy tending to the twins and Miller went out back for a cigar with the uncles. She asked him to accompany her to the wine cellar to help her carry bottles. He rolled his eyes, knowing full well what she was up to.

They barely descended the stairs when she said, “I hope you’re being careful with her?”

“Careful how?” He smiled roguishly.

“I mean it,” Hadley warned. “She’s been hurt, and Vito is extremely protective.”

“Relax. I haven’t slept with her, and Vito likes me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I’m very likeable.” Hadley scowled. “Look, she totally friend-zoned me, but I’m cool with it. I like hanging out with her and her kids are great.”

“Oh, my God! MacElroy Walsh. You like her.”

Mac blushed.

“I do like her. A lot actually.”

Hadley felt awful for Mac. She friend-zoned him before also. He couldn’t seem to catch a break with the girls he wanted more with.

“So, are you okay with the friend thing?”

“I don’t have a choice. It’s fine for now, but I’m hoping it leads to more.”

“Me too.”

She’d never seen Mac quite so smitten.

“How is your relationship with her now?” Mac asked. “I know she feels terrible for everything she said at Meadowbrook.”

Hadley smiled.

“We’re great. She’s apologized a dozen times more than she needed to. I can’t be angry at her for voicing an opinion, even if it hurt. She didn’t know it was me and wasn’t being spiteful.”

“So you’re still friends?”

“Absolutely.”

“Good, because if she does ever unfriend-zone me, it’s important to me that you approve.”

“Are you asking for my blessing?” Hadley asked teasingly.

Mac shrugged. “Kind of.”

“Then you have it, but if things ever do get serious between the two of you, remember who her father is. I don’t want you to end up at the bottom of the Hudson.”

Mac laughed and shook his head.

Miller lay flat on his stomach on the bed, watching Hadley get ready for a day in the studio with Sasha.

“I like you in that get up.”

She spun and arched a brow.

“Get up? What a marvelous vocabulary you have.”

He got off the bed and stalked toward her, his eyes gleaming.

“It’s tight.”

“Don’t even think about it.” Hadley put her hand on his chest, holding him off. “I don’t want to be late.”

“I always think about it.”

Hadley tossed her pointe shoes on top of the bag and ignored him. Miller made a face when he saw them, the satin torn and laces frayed.

“Aw, Love, I think a mouse may have gotten into your closet and destroyed your dance slippers. We’ll have to get you new ones.”

Hadley laughed at his joke, only realizing quickly he was serious.

“They haven’t been chewed by mice. They’re well loved.”

“They’re ruined.”

“Structurally they’re fine, and I love them.”

They were her first purchase once she was in charge of her own funds. Hadley would never give them up.

“You can’t possibly wear them to the audition.”

“Of course I can.” She placed them in the bag and zipped it up. “They’re comfortable and perfectly acceptable for an audition.”

“They’re ugly.” Hadley stood silent, wondering if the man she loved was truly so pretentious. “But I guess if you love them, they’ll work.”

Hadley shoved Miller backward onto the bed and crawled up his body. She kissed his neck.

“You’re a snob.”

“No. I like pretty things.”

Miller removed some hair from between her lips and tucked it behind her ear.

“Well, if I get in, I’ll get a
pretty
pair for the stage.”

“When you get in, Love,” he corrected.

She kissed him again and then jumped to her feet.

“Come on, let’s go. I can’t be late.”

Miller glanced down at his lap.

“I’m going to need a minute.”

Hadley flushed, feeling apologetic.

Antonio and Armonno drove Hadley to the studio. They were stuck standing watch at both doors. Hadley felt bad for them, but Miller reminded her, they are paid well to watch doors.