Cyborg (18 page)

Her shoulders slumped when the sound of his tread along the corridor outside faded. “It’s just as well,” she muttered to herself.

Amaryllis was torn between the need to seek comfort, somewhere, and the need to hide like a wounded animal. Her head ached incessantly from struggling to find a solution when there didn’t appear to be one, and her chest ached from a tightness that gave her no relief even when she slept.

For two days, she wandered almost aimlessly around Gallen, until she noticed that, wherever she went, the male cyborgs she passed stopped to study her speculatively.

She didn’t know whether it was because she kept walking around and around the medical center, trying to get up her nerve to enter, trying to come up with some sort of plan of action if the search for help backfired on her, or if it was because every male cyborg on the frigging planet was in the grips of mate hunting, but their interest made her too nervous to consider continuing her routine.

She couldn’t bear to stay penned up in her quarters, though, certain she would go completely mad. Finally, she decided that she would roam the countryside around Gallen and search for some sign of the native inhabitants. It seemed unlikely she would see any sign so close, even if there were an intelligent species on the planet, but it beat the hell out of doing nothing at all.

Notices had been posted calling for a town meeting, she saw when she left the barracks. She didn’t know what it was about, and she didn’t especially care until it occurred to her that it was probably about the hunters and what the cyborgs intended to do about their ‘new recruits’.

Making a mental note of the time and place, she turned her steps toward the landing field instead of the city. She was half way to the field before she emerged from her self absorption enough to realize she was being followed. There was no way, of course, to see who it was without giving away the fact that she knew they were there and after a few moments she decided just to pretend she hadn’t noticed. It might merely be someone who was walking in the same direction. It didn’t necessarily follow that she was being shadowed just because they both happened to be going in the same direction on the same road.

She was so dismayed when she reached the field and discovered that the ship had vanished that she had to jog her instincts into action and duck out of sight.

Either he had seen her duck behind the pillar, he was expecting an attack, or she made some slight sound that gave her away. When she slung a fist at his jaw, he caught her wrist mid-air, jerking her from her hiding place and twisting so that she slammed back against his chest. She was too stunned for several moments to do much more than gasp, but in that split second flash before he’d thoroughly subdued her, she’d realized that it was Dante and her fear subsided. Briefly, she struggled to free herself, but his arms around her were like solid titanium bands.

“Why did you attack me?” he asked harshly, his head lowered so that his breath brushed her ear, sending shivers of sensation along the sensitive flesh there.

“Why did you follow me?” she gritted out.

He was silent for several moments. “To make certain you came to no harm.”

“I can take care of myself,” she snapped. The words were no sooner out of her mouth than it occurred to her that the statement didn’t hold a lot of weight at the moment.

“I realized it was you only a moment too late,” she added, stretching the truth only a hair.

When he said nothing, she twisted her head to look back at him. Amusement was gleaming in his eyes. She glared at him.

“Anyway, I saw no danger … except the person following me.”

“I made no attempt at stealth. If my intention had been to do you harm….”

She’d been too distracted to be on guard. If she’d still been on active duty, and he had been an enemy, she would be dead now and they both knew it. “I hadn’t expected a threat so near the city. Is security so lax then?”

“There is always danger--anywhere--for the unwary.”

Amaryllis let out a gusty sigh of exasperation. “Point taken. You can let go of me now--unless this is your idea of romance?”

His hold on her loosened and she pulled away and turned to look up at him. “Why did you really follow me?”

He studied her in silence for several moments. “Initially--to talk. But your walk seemed more purposeful than not. Why did you come here?”

“Not to attempt escape, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she said dryly. “I don’t know how to pilot a ship and unlike you, I can’t just jack in and download the programming.”

He flushed slightly. She wasn’t certain if it was because of her tone or the reference to his origins, but she regretted the comment almost at once. “What did you want to talk about?” she added quickly.

He looked uncomfortable. “I wanted you to know that I did not betray you.”

She studied him piercingly for several moments and finally shrugged. “I realize that. At first, I thought I just didn’t want to believe it. Later, I came to realize that it wasn’t just wishful thinking.”

He looked relieved, but also confused. “Reese told you?”

She frowned. “Told me what?”

His lips tightened. An expression of chagrin replaced his irritation. “I suppose I should have, but I did not realize that you were the one Reese had … chosen, not until …

afterward.”

Amaryllis stared at him a long moment, trying to decipher the undercurrents of that comment. It sounded very much like he was saying he regretted what had happened between them and, to her surprise, she also realized it hurt to think he might. However she felt about Reese, she’d wanted Dante. She’d formed a bond with him in that time she’d spent with him secreted away from the others. “Sooo … you’re saying you wouldn’t have fucked me senseless if you’d known Reese had a prior claim?”

He shook his head slowly. Both desire and amusement gleamed in his eyes.

“You misunderstand. I do not regret loving you. Each time I look at you I remember, and I can almost feel the softness of your skin, taste you, hear your sighs of pleasure, feel your heat surrounding me--and I want you again.”

Amaryllis swallowed with an effort, trying to banish the images he’d conjured in her mind, trying to tamp the rising tide of heat that flushed her skin with tingling sensation.

He moved closer, lifting a hand to trace his fingers lightly over one cheek.

“I do not even particularly regret that Reese tried to take my head off my shoulders, or that I spent nearly a month in solitary for concealing you. I only regret that my need for you clouded my judgment and led to your discovery,” he murmured, leaning down and capturing her lips beneath his in a kiss filled with need.

Amaryllis’ head swam as a heady rush of desire filled her, her body instantly remembering and responding to the call of his, as if the moments of intimacy they’d shared had marked her as indelibly his just as surely as Reese had when he’d laid siege to all her senses.

A confusion of emotions pierced her desire, bringing with it an unwelcome dose of reality. Reluctantly, Amaryllis withdrew before temptation could overwhelm her.

Dante drew in a shuddering breath and leaned his forehead against hers, stroking the side of her neck with one large hand. “Make contract with me, Amy. I want … I want to have a family with you.”

A sense of despair filled her. Couldn’t she just look to someone for comfort without having them want more than she felt like she could give? she thought crossly.

She’d hoped to avert another situation like the one with Reese by avoiding intimacy. She might just as well have let him screw her brains out. At least then she would’ve found some release from tension, if only briefly. “Don’t call me that,” she said angrily, pushing away from him. “I’m not Amy anymore. I haven’t been Amy for a long time.”

His hands dropped to his sides. He looked at her with a mixture of anger and confusion. “Reese calls you Amy,” he said finally. “Is that it?”

Amaryllis glanced at him sharply. She saw then that he wasn’t just angry. He was hurt. A sense of contrition filled her. “It’s not that. It’s … it reminds me of everyone and everything that I’ll never see again.” It struck her then with a finality she hadn’t felt before. She couldn’t go back. She could never go home again. Even if the cyborgs freed her and allowed it, even if she could somehow find a way to convince The Company that they didn’t need to kill her to keep their secret safe, she had a baby growing inside of her that was only half human. Whether she terminated the pregnancy or not, she was never going to feel the same again. She was never going to
be
the same again. She’d had Reese and Dante inside of her, a part of her, and she’d loved every moment of it.

No one on any Earth colony would ever accept her again as being ‘one of them’.

And she wouldn’t be able to bear listening to them discussing ‘the machines’, as if the cyborgs weren’t human at all. She, at least, had had a choice. They hadn’t.

It was ironic, really, that she’d become half cyborg only to be accepted as a whole human being by the rest of her race, and these people had been made half without their knowledge or consent and were considered nothing but machines.

“So you choose to be alone?” he asked angrily. “We are so different that you can not stomach the idea of sharing your life with one of us?”

Actually, they weren’t really very different at all. They were about as fucked up as the rest of the human race, except that it had been with premeditation that The Company scientists had chosen to produce them this way. The goal, she supposed, was to give them the ability to think, and act, and follow orders like a human without having the undesirable conscience that so often made killing difficult or impossible and carried with it long range debilitation. “I do
wish
you’d stop throwing that in my face!” she snapped.

“It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s me, alright! If it had been my ambition to be nothing more than a breeder--if I’d thought I would be any damned good at it--do you think I’d have chosen to be a soldier? You’ll have a far better chance at having what you want if you choose one of the others.”

He didn’t believe her. She could tell by the way he was looking at her. “Why?

Because we are the same?”

“Yes!” she snapped, poking him in the chest with her index finger. “Because they selected only the best, the most superior DNA to produce you, all of you. You wouldn’t be taking the risks breeding with inferior genetics could produce.”

She stared at his stunned expression for several moments and finally brushed past him and walked briskly away. Tension filled her as she rounded the terminal and paused at the road, trying to decide whether to head back to the barracks or continue her exploration. She finally decided on the latter, because it represented a refuge of sorts.

Dante didn’t follow her. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or hurt. Deep down, she knew she was right, but it would’ve been soothing to have him brush her logical considerations aside and tell her it didn’t matter, that she was perfect in his eyes.

Even if it was a lie, it would have been nice.

Cain was leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest, when Amaryllis left her quarters the following day. She checked when she saw him, more than half tempted to retreat and lock the door.

He lifted one dark brow. “Coward,” he murmured with amusement.

Amaryllis’ lips tightened. Instead of retreating, she slammed the door and very pointedly turned and strode down the corridor. Cain fell into step beside her. After a few moments she gave up the effort to try to out-walk him. His legs were far longer than hers.

She’d have to run to outdistance him.

She sent him a resentful glare.

“Where are we off to today?” he asked agreeably.

“
I’m
going for a walk--in the countryside--alone.”

His dark brows rose. “Out for a lover’s tryst?”

Amaryllis ground her teeth. “I said alone.”

“You said you were going alone. You didn’t specify that you intended to remain alone,” he pointed out pleasantly.

She ignored that. “Where are you going?”

“By curious coincidence, I, too, am going for a walk in the countryside, alone.”

Amaryllis didn’t know whether to laugh or punch him. They’d exited the building by that time and had stopped by the road. “Which direction were you headed?”

He seemed to consider it for several moments. “Which direction were you headed?”

She pointed.

He looked pleased. “I was going that way myself. Perhaps we could walk together? I don’t mind telling you, this place makes me uneasy. I’ll feel better to walk with a military woman.”

Amaryllis chuckled in spite of her irritation. “And you can’t defend yourself, of course, having no similar training.”

He shrugged. “I have no weapon.”

Amaryllis plunked her hands on her hips. “Well, I’m not armed either.”

“Au contraire! You have a sharp tongue and a rapier wit.”

Her eyes narrowed. “If you’re implying that I’m stupid….”

All traces of amusement left his face. “I would never imply anything of the sort.

I’m merely pointing out that you have no more idea what roams the countryside than I do, no more training, and no weapon to defend yourself if you should meet with trouble. And there are beasts here in plenty that would just as soon drag you off and force you to accept them if they can’t convince you to be willing.”

“The cyborgs?”

“What else would you call them? They have been given nothing but the most rudimentary humanity and can not react with anything but animal instinct and the programming they were given--which doesn’t leave a lot of room for finesse. They are barbarians, and until and unless that is corrected with additional programming, they will remain little more than that. At the moment, they happen to be in hunter mode. They are hunting mates. Thus far their military programming has kept a modicum of order, but there are none that are not aware that females are in limited supply. The more aggressive will make certain that they are not the ones left out in the cold with no mate and no hope of one unless they can kill off one who has a female and take her.”