Damaged (10 page)

“Come here, Camille,” Mr. Big called.

I turned around and walked back to the living room.
Be calm. Don’t worry. Just be normal.

“Let me see what kind of money you have to spend these days. What’s in the bag?”

“Huh?”

“If you can
huh
, you can hear,” Mrs. Brinkley said.

“It’s nothing. Just some pajamas that was on sale. I saved my money up for this,” I said.

“Let’s see,” Mr. Big said, reaching for the bag.

I snatched it back and said no.

Mr. Big’s face frowned and he reached for it again. “I said, give me the bag!”

“No!” I screamed and backed away.

“Camille? What’s your problem?” Mrs. Brinkley yelled and stood up. “Do what your father says!”

“He’s not my damn father, and you’re not my mother! So get off my back!” I shouted.

They both gasped. Mrs. Brinkley covered her heart with her hand, and Mr. Big took off his glasses.

“Little girl, you better watch who you’re talking to and what filthy things come flying out of your mouth!” he yelled. “In
my house, you honor and respect us! How dare you say I’m not your father and she’s not your mother!? How dare you!?”

“Spare the rod, spoil the child, Frank,” Mrs. Brinkley said, standing behind him. Mr. Big looked like she had just given him
permission to do what he had been wanting to do for a long time. He began unbuckling his belt and snatched it from his pants
loops like a whip. Fear crept over me.

Oh, hell no, he ain’t.
I ran through the living room and out the front door, as Mr. Big stood yelling from the porch for me to come back. But I
ran all the way to Rhode Island Avenue.

Not on top of everything else he did to me. No, he wasn’t going to start whipping me, too.

Once down the street, I called Chu, but his phone went straight to voicemail. I knew he was still in North Carolina, but I
needed to talk. I sat under a bus stop shelter for a minute, clutching the Macy’s bag and thinking about calling Peaches.
She could let me stay with her and Nut at the apartment, but I wasn’t really trying to be there without Chu or Rob. And something
told me Chu ain’t quite want to leave his stuff around Nut anyway, since every time he went out of town, he called me up to
stash it.

“Oh, that’s right,” I said, remembering that Jayson had called. Maybe he was home. I dialed his cell.

“Where you been?” Jayson asked without even saying hello.

“You will not believe what just happened, Jayson!” I shouted, out of breath and holding back tears.

“Whoa, whoa. Calm down,” he said. “Where are you?”

I inhaled and then let the tears fall. “Rhode Island Avenue. I just cussed them out and ran out the house.”

“Whoa,” he said again. “Meet me at Kerry’s. I’m on my way back home.”

“Okay,” I said, wiping my face.

I hopped on the bus and caught the train to Minnesota Avenue. When I walked out the station, I crossed the street and headed
to the Capitol Terrace Apartments. I had been there twice since Jayson moved. I knocked on the door to their second-floor
apartment. Kerry opened the door.

“Hey, Camille. Come in. Jay’s not here yet, but he told me you was on your way,” he said.

“Hey, Kerry,” I said, walking inside and sitting on the love seat.

“You want something to drink? We got some lemonade, some cherry Kool-Aid, some blue Gatorade. Shit, we got every kind of aid
you need,” he said, laughing.

“Kool-Aid is good,” I said, flipping the TV channel from VH1 to BET.

I could tell they had added more decorations from IKEA and Pier One. It looked nice, with lots of shades of purple and gold.
Kerry was in his early twenties and a dancer with the Washington Ballet. He taught children’s dance classes at a school in
Rockville. He was cute, with his goatee and short haircut. It was really Kerry’s apartment, and Jayson was living with him
in a one bedroom. Even though Jayson had never said the words, it ain’t take a rocket scientist to see that they was lovers.

“Hey,” Jayson said a few minutes later, with two Whole Foods grocery bags in his hand. “What the hell happened?”

“I can’t go back,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not living there another day.”

“Okay, okay! But tell me what happened, Camille!” Jayson said angrily. “What the hell happened at the house?”

“
Your
father called himself about to
whip
me with his belt, that’s what the hell happened!” I said, crossing my arms.

“What?! Rewind, rewind,” Jayson said, moving his hand from side to side.

“All because I said him and your mother wasn’t my
real
parents!”

“But where did that come from? I know they can be… ridiculous, but…”

Kerry stood up. “I’m going to go in the bedroom and give you two some space.”

We watched him walk across the room and then close the bedroom door.

“Listen, Camille, you know I got my issues with them, too, and I’d be the first to tell you they crazy. But I can’t believe
you’d even say that after all these years and all the stuff they did for you.”

“Jayson, stop acting like your parents adopted me, or that they ain’t kick Danica out just for being pregnant! Shoot, your
father did a lot, all right. Don’t even get me started,” I said, rolling my eyes. As much as it hurt, I couldn’t bring myself
to tell Jayson just what those things was. Saying it out loud would make it true and real for me somehow, and I wasn’t ready
to admit that, either.

“Okay, okay. I get the point, Camille. I just wanna know what made you say enough was enough, that’s all.”

“I’m just tired of not having any privacy. Like you. I want to be done with it already. I brought a damn shopping bag in the
house and they wanted to trip and make a big damn deal about it.”

“Hmmm… they think you stealing again?” he asked.

“Probably,” I said, thinking about that one time I got caught trying to pull another one of those tricks I learned from Shakira.
The undercover cop took me to the back of the store to see the manager, and since I was so young, instead of calling the police,
they made me call my parents. I called Mrs. Brinkley hoping she’d go easy on me. But of course, after she told Mr. Big, I
got punished in other ways.

“You stealing again?” Jayson asked.

“Hell no! Chu takes care of me.”

“Hmmm… so what you wanna do?” Jayson asked. “I mean, this place is too small for three of us, but I’m sure Kerry won’t mind
squeezing you in.”

I shook my head. “No, I won’t do that to you. I just need somewhere to sleep tonight. At least until I get in touch with Chu.
He’s out of town right now.”

“When he coming back?”

“In the morning.”

“Well, you know you’re welcome to share the pullout with me,” Jayson said, patting the couch.

Yeah, right. He ain’t sleep on no damn couch.
I smiled and said, “Thanks. And Jayson, thanks for talking to me, for real. You know you’re like the only person I can trust,
right?”

He nodded. “No problem, little sis. As long as you don’t start hollering about I’m not your
real
brother and shit,” he said, trying to tickle me.

“Stop it!” I laughed and kicked to get away from him. “Kerry, come get your boy! Please!”

MAY 2005

I
ended up staying with Jayson two more nights, since Chu and Rob got caught up in some minor drama with some Greensboro dudes.
Something about a fight and a car accident at a club. He wouldn’t tell me details, but I knew he was still angry about whatever
went down, and he said he probably wouldn’t go back for a while. He was overjoyed that I was moving in with him, and he even
told me to leave whatever I left at the Brinkleys, cuz he was buying me all new clothes. Now that made my day. But I wanted
to get some pictures I left behind of me and Mama and Nana back when I lived around Wellington Park.

There was pictures of Danica, Jamal, Ja’qui, and Jayson, too. Pictures of me in Ebony Fire and old pictures from elementary
school. I couldn’t just leave it behind. The pictures reminded me of who I was in the world. Since Jayson wasn’t talking to
the Brinkleys much these days, the only way to get the pictures back would be facing them.

The day I decided to stop by happened to be a clear sunny day. Not one single cloud in the sky. Flowers had already started
blooming in the front yard. Chu got out of his truck to come inside with me. I knew Mr. Big wasn’t home from work, so it was
the perfect time for Chu to show up. I tried my key, but it wasn’t working.

“No they
ain’t
change the locks already,” I said, pissed and looking at Chu.

Mrs. Brinkley swung the door open. “Do you need something, young lady?” she asked with an attitude. She looked me up and down
and then glared at Chu.

“I just want to get my stuff out of my room. That’s all.”

“We sent those things to Social Services weeks ago,” she said, twisting her cross necklace. “Try calling your case worker.”

Mrs. Brinkley was closing the door before I could even move my mouth. I put my foot in the door and said, “You did what?”

“Move your foot!” Mrs. Brinkley snapped.

“You crazy bitch!” I said, pushing the door, making Mrs. Brinkley jump back. “How could you throw my stuff out?!”

“Get out of my house, you skunt!” Mrs. Brinkley shouted.

Skunt?
Chu tried to pull me out of the house, but I couldn’t help what was about to happen. My hands was up over my head and then
latching onto the neck of the woman who had ignored everything that went on in that house with me and Danica since Day One.
“Fuckin’ crazy bitch! Call on Jesus now!”

“Camille!” Chu yelled, ripping my hands up off of Mrs. Brinkley.

She rubbed her neck and tried to catch her breath, sucking in air like she was a vacuum. “Get out, get out!” she whispered,
while pointing at the front door.

“You sat, and you watched what that nasty motherfucker was doing to us. You think I ain’t know, but I did. You knew it the
whole damn time. You was the one changing the dirty sheets and washing my dirty panties. So I know you knew. The money? You
knew. Danica’s baby was his, and you knew that, too!” I yelled. Chu held my arm and pulled me toward the door. “Fuck you and
him. And you can tell that nasty motherfucker I’ll see his ass in hell.”

I
cried in the car like a baby curled up under Chu, wailing loud and blowing my nose on his shirt. I cried for my secrets and
for Danica’s. I cried for all of my pictures and for my pain. Chu shushed me and kissed my forehead and wiped my tears. He
tried to make me feel better the best way he could, but the hurt was so fresh. He didn’t bother asking me anything about what
I had said on the Brinkleys’ doorstep, but he heard me. A part of me felt ashamed and another part of me felt relieved that
he finally knew what I had been going through and bottling up inside all this time. I never really thought about how my secrets
would hurt him, too, until now.

Back at his apartment, Chu lit incense and a special blunt just for me. He left me in the room to smoke it by myself. I fell
asleep and woke up with him holding me so close, I felt like I was going to suffocate.

*   *   *

T
hat weekend, Chu took me to Hagerstown to pay his brother a visit. I had only gone once before, but this time we was going
with his mother since it was Tep’s twenty-third birthday. It was weird seeing the three of them try to act like everything
was okay, just for the sake of getting through it. I knew Ms. Abani hated every single minute of being there. Her eyes looked
like she was a blink away from losing it. I think I was a good distraction for what they was all feeling, cuz just about everything
any one of them said revolved around me and Chu’s relationship.

I
hadn’t been back to school since I moved in with Chu. The semester was almost over anyway and wasn’t no way I could pay attention
in class with everything that was going on. Jayson had been calling my cell phone nonstop for two straight days. Almost every
hour on the hour. His voice messages was surreal:
“How the fuck you goin’ put your hands on my mother, smut!”, “Wait till I find out where the fuck you stayin’ at, cunt!”,
“Bitch, you better watch your goddamn back!”

The one person who I thought would still be in my corner had turned his back on me without even hearing my side of the story.
Maybe Jayson wasn’t supposed to ever know about the evil his parents did to me. I was sad every time I listened to my messages.
A few days went by with no calls from Jayson. And then one day I got another message. This time, he was crying loud and breathing
hard into the phone like he was drowning or something.
“Daddy dead… you gotta call me back, Camille. Daddy dead!”

Dead?
I stared at the phone for a long time wondering if it was a trick. If Mr. Big was dead, how? I lit a blunt and thought about
the first time he touched me and how he used to call me Nectar whenever he was inside of me. I closed my eyes, thinking about
his grimy hands touching my body and his rough lips kissing my skin. I felt my stomach knot up, and the feeling of throwing
up made me run to the bathroom. I stayed in there for a long time but nothing ever came. I walked out to the living room and
sat on the couch to stare at Jayson’s missed call on my phone for a while.
Should I call him back?

Peaches was in the kitchen washing dishes when she stopped and sat beside me on the couch.

“Hey, girl, what’s wrong with you? You been staring at that damn phone forever.”

I shook my head and frowned. “Nothing.”

“Hmmm… Let me do your hair while you sitting here. I’m so bored I could scream. Nut supposed to be buying some crabs from
the wharf, but he taking all day long. Can I do it? I need some more practice,” she said, scratching her fingers in my hair.
She had started going to hair school and was taking night classes to finish getting her high school diploma, unlike me. I
was probably going to fail my last semester classes since I had missed so much school.