Damaged (5 page)

Jayson said, “You gotta pull on it till you feel a funny feeling, and then you hold it in your chest for like two seconds.
Then blow it out. Easy peasy.”

I tried again. This time when I did it, my face got numb and I felt like my toes was twinkling like stars. I laughed and then
pulled on it again, this time longer. The light from the tip lit up bright orange and then I started choking.

“Camille, put your arms up over your head!” Jayson said, laughing. I laughed and coughed until tears ran down my face, and
then I raised my arms up, letting air fill my lungs again.

We smoked the whole cigar, which he called a blunt, until it was smaller than my fingernails. Well, Jayson smoked it when
it got to that size. It was too tiny for me. I thought I was gonna burn my lips.

“Remember that day when I caught Ja’qui and Danica doing it in the laundry room?” Jayson asked, laughing.

I laughed because Danica told me Jayson had changed his voice like he was Mr. Big, and Ja’qui damn near passed out after he
bumped his head running into the wall, he was so busy rushing to put his clothes back on.

“No, you should’ve seen how he tried to fit her big ass in that little-ass space beside the washing machine. He had her looking
like a New York pretzel,” Jayson said.

“I miss that girl so much.”

“Me, too.”

“She used to hook me up. Made sure I ain’t leave out the house looking like a bama,” I said, laughing.

“Well, hate to say it, but… sometimes, you still did,” he said, joning on me.

“Boy, whatever,” I said, shoving his thigh.

We sat quiet for a while. I knew what he was thinking about, but I wasn’t going to bring it up.

“That man just tried to kill me,” he said, shaking his head. “Can you believe it?”

“Nah,” I said, putting my head in my hands as I leaned on my knees. But I
could
believe it. He did things to me at least once a week that I never thought was supposed to happen to a girl who tried her
best to be good. If Mr. Big thought his own flesh and blood—his baby boy—was a faggie, then he was probably gonna do a whole
lot worse if he knew for sure that he was.

“I’m not gay, Camille,” Jayson said, like he knew I was thinking it.

“Okay. I believe you. But… I don’t care if you is.”

“Just because I like some of the stuff I do, don’t make me gay.”

“Jayson, I said I believe you. Dag.”

He looked at his watch and then said, “We should start heading back before they change the locks.”

I laughed and then gave him my hand so I could pull him off the bench.

“Let’s take a long walk around the park after dark.” Jayson sang a line from one of Jill Scott’s songs, and I smiled. We were
both high, high, high.

“Find a spot for us to spark…” I added another line.

“Oh,
now
you know about that?” Jayson said, surprised. “Better not tell nobody but God.”

I giggled and held his hand as we walked back up the long hill. I ain’t care if he was gay or not, I was just glad he was
my friend even though I still hadn’t told him my secret. Maybe that day would come.

A COUPLE DAYS LATER

C
hu told me to meet him at the Rhode Island Avenue train station at nine o’clock. There was a breakfast spot he wanted to take
me to in Adams Morgan, and he said he wanted to take me shopping downtown. Of course, I had to hook school to make this date,
but it was worth it. I had only talked to Chu three times on the phone and met him once again after Ebony Fire practice, and
he wanted to take me shopping already? Bet. I still can’t believe it. But I wasn’t gonna give him a reason to change his mind.
When he showed up outside the train station riding in the passenger seat of a black truck Rob was driving, my knees locked
up cuz I was nervous all of a sudden.

“Hey, Camille, what’s up?” he said when I walked up to the truck. “Get in, sexy.”

I smiled and climbed in the backseat. “Hey, Rob,” I shouted over the loud music. He nodded at me and busted a U-turn. I ain’t
never been to a Go Go before, but my brothers always played Go Go music around the house, so I knew who some of the different
bands was and that it was TCB coming from the speakers.

“He goin’ drop us off after he make a run real quick,” Chu said, turning back.

“Okay,” I said, leaning back in the seat and checking my fingernails. Even though they were short, I had painted them dark
purple. I dug in my purse and popped a stick of gum in my mouth, and then I looked out the window. I was jamming to the rollaton
drums when I noticed we was going out Maryland somewhere. I ain’t ask no questions, since I knew that was gonna seem corny.
I just stared out the window.

When we pulled up in the gravel driveway at a big brick house surrounded by trees, I thought I was gonna stay in the truck
while Rob did whatever he had to do, but Chu told me to get out and come with him in the house. It wasn’t until that moment
did I think maybe I should’ve asked Shakira to come with me. I climbed out with my book bag and my purse and followed both
of them in the house. Inside, an old Jagged Edge song was blasting from somewhere, and a real, real dark-skin man in his thirties
came out from the back with a green gym bag.

“What’s up, Joe?” he said with an accent before handing the bag to Rob.

“Ain’t shit,” he said, taking the bag and giving him dap.

“Y’all wanna hit a Bob before you bounce?” the guy asked us.

“That’s what’s up,” Rob said.

We all sat in the living room smoking and listening to music. I was glad Jayson had taught me how to smoke, cuz I would’ve
looked real stupid in front of everybody, and that would’ve been real embarrassing.

“This shit is crucial,” Rob said, coughing up smoke. He passed it to Chu, who puffed with ease before he passed it over to
me.

As I inhaled, I thought about how crazy it would’ve been if something bad had happened while I was all the way out in Bum
Fuck, Maryland, with people I barely knew. No one would ever know what happened to me. I passed the blunt to Chu and watched
him smoke, then I thought about if anyone was even gonna care if I turned up missing. Who was gonna miss me? Maybe Jayson
or Shakira. Maybe Danica, but I hadn’t talked to her since she got put out, so she ain’t count. Ja’qui told me that she moved
out Virginia with her real family, so he never got to see her that much, especially since he was playing football at West
Virginia University. Yeah, they would miss me, but only for a little while. A year or two, and then they’d forget all about
me.

Chu and I was nuzzled together on a love seat with way too many throw pillows on it. He leaned over and slipped his tongue
in my mouth and then I sucked it and kissed his lips. My head was clouded with weed and my skin was real warm.

“I feel like I know you, young.”

“Huh?” I asked shook.
How did he know me?

“Relax, not like that…,” he said, kissing me. “I can’t explain it, I just feel… feel like we met before, or like I just know
you already.”

I raised my eyebrows, confused. “Why you say that?”

“It’s hard to explain. I just do,” he said, kissing my nose. “Something ’bout you.”

“Hmmm…,” I said. “I’m special, huh?”

“You know it.”

“Right?” I said, twisting my lips to the side. “Stop sycin’ it up.”

“What? I’m serious.”

I smiled and kissed him on his nose.

“You wanna go to the basement?” he asked before dipping his tongue in my mouth and all the way down my throat.

I tried to keep up with him, but I needed to catch my breath, so I said, “What’s in the basement?”

Chu laughed. “It’s goin’ be me and you in a minute.”

I smiled and nodded, then he grabbed my hand and took me downstairs.

The basement was really plushed out like a mini-version of
MTV Cribs
. I mean, it was real nice. There was a big movie screen with a projector in one section, and a framed blue and red flag with
a palm tree on a white square in the middle hung on the wall by the bar and pool table. I saw a room with high-tech gym stuff
and a room that led to a Jacuzzi and steam room. One wall was all glass, from floor to ceiling, and I could see a big swimming
pool and barbeque pit in the backyard.

“What’s that guy’s name?” I asked as Chu took me to a room with a bed. “Where he get all this nice stuff from?”

“If I tell you, I might have to kill you,” he said, laughing.

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, be like that,” I said, pushing him away.

“Nah, his name is Smurf.”

“Why they call him that?”

“Cuz that nigga blue-black, that’s why,” he said, smiling.

I shook my head at the silliness.

“You havin’ a good time?” he asked as he kissed me on my neck. Before I could answer, he started feeling me up and taking
my shirt off. It was feeling too good to stop him. He was touching me real soft-like, and being real careful. He rubbed his
hands over my body, massaging and squeezing, kissing and sucking.

“You a virgin, ain’t you?” he whispered.

“Uh-huh,” I lied.

“See, I’ma make you wifey, before anybody else start thinking about snatching you up.”

“You are?” I asked, kissing him on his neck and running my fingers over his cornrows.

“Yeah, I see how them niggas be watching your sexy ass while you be out there dancing and shit.”

I giggled. “You be watching me?”

“Always. Even when you don’t know I be watching you.”

“For real?”

“Mm-hmm,” he mumbled, while pulling my jeans down. “You goin’ let me taste you?”

“Okay, but I’m scared.”

“Scared? It’s not gonna hurt. You gonna love it. Watch,” he said, licking my legs.

I lied back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. I let him do the same thing Mr. Big do with his mouth. It even felt the
same weird way. I kept still the whole time, since I ain’t like this part at all. I wanted him to hurry up, but I ain’t wanna
seem like a little girl by telling him I ain’t like it.

“What’s wrong?” Chu asked, looking up.

“Nothing.”

“You sure? You still scared?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Come here,” he said, sitting up and pulling me to him. “Man, one day you gonna love it. We ain’t gotta do nothing else.”

I put my head on his chest and closed my eyes.

“Hey, I forgot. I got something for you.”

I looked up and watched him dig in his pockets. “You do?”

“Yeah. Here.” He fingered a gold necklace with the letters
C-H-U
spelled out in cursive.

“This for me?” I asked, surprised. “Oh, my God. When did you get it?”

“Don’t worry ’bout all that,” he said, grinning. “You like it?”

“I love it. Help me put it on.” I’d have to hide it from Mr. Big, since he’d go crazy if he knew I was talking to a boy, especially
one who was giving me gifts.

Chu crawled behind me and put the chain around my neck.

“I never knew that’s how you spelled your name. I thought it was
Chew,
with a
W.
I thought it was a nickname for a silly thing you must’ve did when you was young.”

He laughed. “Nah, it’s Chu. Short for Chukwuemeka.”

“Chu what?”

He laughed again and pulled me in his arms. Then he repeated it. “Chu-kwu-e-me-ka. It means ‘God has done something great.’”

“Chu-kwu-e-me-ka,” I repeated, letting all the vowels fall out my mouth. “Your family from Africa?”

“Yeah, my father is Nigerian.”

“Oh… I like it.”

“I like
Camille
, too.”

I blushed and fingered my necklace. Rob yelled from the stairwell, telling us he was ready to go. Chu helped me put my clothes
back on, and then we met Rob upstairs.

In the car, Chu asked me if I was hungry and if I still wanted to get breakfast. I nodded, but instead of going to Adams Morgan,
Rob pulled up into McDonald’s. After we got our food, he dropped us off at P. G. Plaza, cuz Chu still wanted to get me a couple
of tops. I certainly wasn’t going to complain about that. While we was out, he got me a prepaid cell phone, so I could call
him whenever I wanted and without my foster parents knowing my business. I couldn’t wait to tell Shakira about my wonderful
day.

O
ver the next few weeks, Chu and I started hanging real tough. I went over his crib after school just about every other day
cuz I skipped dance practice. He would order Chinese food from the carryout around the corner. Chicken with garlic sauce or
beef and broccoli and a fruit punch for me, and he always got wings and mambo sauce or a steak and cheese with fries and provolone
cheese melted on top. He lived with Rob and Rob’s older cousin Nut, who I never really saw much. He was in his twenties and
was always in and out, usually with a different girl. They all looked skanky, too. He was a strange but cute-looking dude.
Light-brown skin with a beard and mustache that he kept trimmed up. And he stayed fresh since he shopped at Up Against The
Wall a lot.

I saw him staring at me a few times. I ignored him even though he never really said anything. One day, out the blue, he had
the numbers 666 cut in the back of his head. I asked Chu about it, but all he said was that “nigga crazy, that’s all.” When
I heard Nut blasting the same Three 6 Mafia song over and over again like he was going into a trance, I figured that nigga
was more than just crazy. That shit always made me dizzy with the same beat and chants that repeated over and over. Nut walked
around chanting, too. I decided to keep my distance since he seemed like he belonged in St. Elizabeth’s Hospital with the
other nuts.

Their place was in a rundown apartment building on Montana Avenue. It kind of reminded me of my old neighborhood in Wellington
Park. It seemed like there was always a lot of people out and about. Dudes smoking on the corner or fixing cars in the parking
lot with their radios turned up real loud. Women sat on the steps out front, gossiping and watching their children play or
braiding hair. I got tired of hearing ice cream trucks come around every two hours waiting for greedy children to spend their
parents’ last dime on junk food. But that was their neighborhood.