Damaged and the Cobra (14 page)

Most days, I felt like a grown man who could win a
fight, pay his bills, and gain the respect of others. Occasionally, Mom would
wipe my mouth at a restaurant and I’d feel like a kid again. I felt that way
waiting for Vaughn at the quarry. Like a child waiting for his big brother to
get him out of a bind.

Fact was I had never stolen a car before. I was
strong and smart and figured I would be stealth too. Vaughn rolled his eyes
when I said this then he ditched me at the quarry and stole Gloria on his own.

A loser like Larry didn’t deserve a fine vintage
car like Gloria. The
Corvette
Stingray had been lovingly restored by a jackass who named his car, yet treated
his kids like afterthoughts. I planned to lovingly tear the fucking thing
apart.

“Have your fun then we’ll torch it and get
a beer,” Vaughn said, yawning.

“Did anyone see you?” I asked just to annoy
him.

My question worked like a charm and Vaughn
squinted disgusted at me then walked over to a large rock where he sat down and
looked at his phone.

Swinging the bat, I smashed out the taillight. As
painful as it was to tear apart such a beautiful car, Lark needed vengeance. In
my mind, I wasn’t hitting the Corvette. I was destroying every person who ever
hurt my girl. Every stepfather who hit her, mocked her, and ignored her. I
imagined the hung over fucker who let her little brother die. I even pictured
her mother who chose the latest fuck over her own kids.

I hated them all for every tear Lark ever shed. If
I couldn’t hunt them down, I’d destroyed the prized possession of the latest
bastard to mistreat my muse.

Smashing the windows, the lights, denting the
cherry red doors, I trashed the car until I was out of breath. Eventually, I
grabbed a blade and tore the tires, just to finish off my rage.

“Wuss,” Vaughn said, standing over me as I leaned
against the car. “Shame about Gloria. She was a beauty.”

“I haven’t been to the batting cage in awhile. I
think I pulled something”

“Sure,” Vaughn muttered, yanking me to my feet. “Let’s
light this little bitch up and get a beer.”

“I need to get home to Lark.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I steal this car for
you and don’t even get to trash it and you won’t have a beer with me? What an
asshole.”

“Please, don’t cry,” I said, patting his shoulder.
“I don’t have the energy to hold you until your sobs turn to baby hiccups.”

Vaughn laughed. “I miss Judd. The guy knew how to
drink a beer and he didn’t mind when I pissed myself weeping like a chick.”

“The guy is the epitome of patience,” I said, picking
up the container of gas. “Or indifference. He always did seem a little bored
when you two were talking.”

“You looking to have me use that bat on you, is
that it?”

Grinning, I splashed gasoline on Gloria, careful
not to have the liquid hit me. Once the car was thoroughly drenched, Vaughn lit
a match.

“Are you sure he won’t be able to restore this
car?” I asked.

Smirking at me, Vaughn threw the match and Gloria
burst into flames. “We oughta get back, just in case the old girl blows. The
tank was pretty full when I snatched her.”

Gloria did let out more than a baby hiccup before
blowing onto her side. Vaughn took the gas tank and threw it into the fire. The
police likely wouldn’t find the car until the next day, maybe longer. The
quarry was abandoned and rested in Reaper territory. Cops weren’t welcome and
no one would call them. Eventually, Larry would learn of his precious car’s
fate and I just prayed the shock killed the fucker.

The Storm Babes barely lost the game. Cheering so
much that my throat hurt, I was excited to share roller derby with Aaron. When
Raven left, I gave up on the sport even before Larry told me to. My sister had
been the one to get us involved and I always felt like the team was more hers
than mine. I was the tiny chick who sped around and occasionally scored. Raven
was the tough chick who scared other tough chicks. In the end, the team missed
her more than they missed me.
I missed them both.

Team leaders Sarah and Chantal noticed me in the
stands before the game and waved, but the other girls seemed irritated to see
me. Or they were just putting on the grumpy game faces. After the match, they
surrounded me. With them wearing skates and me in flats, I never felt tinier. For
days, I’d struggled with dizziness and the vertigo returned as I stared up at
them.

“Thunder Kitten grants us a visit. We’re honored,”
Chantal said, giving me a bow. “Did you come to beg for your spot back?”

“No.”

“Shit,” Sarah said. “I was looking forward to some
begging.”

The girls laughed while I rolled my eyes. “I wanted
to show off my hot boyfriend and let him see how I used to be cool.”

Sarah and the girls eyed Aaron who turned around
for them then flexed his muscles. Clearly impressed, they smiled.

“Snagged yourself a hot one.”

“He’s really good at fucking too.”

The girls high fived me and I felt like I was the
old cooler Lark. Well until Chantal hit my hand and I nearly fell on my ass.

“Damn, I’m strong,” Chantal said, flexing her
fingers.

As a worried Aaron helped steady me, I mumbled,
“Not that you aren’t quite the Hulk, but I feel dizzy.”

“Sure, pixy,” Chantal said as I found a bench to
rest on.

“Are you alright?” Aaron asked, kissing my cheek
and sliding his hand between my knees. “That’s to give you something to think
about.”

“All of the roller derby stuff turned you on, huh?”

“Hell yeah,” he whispered, kissing my neck. “Crap,
Tucker’s in a headlock. Better go help him out.”

“Save the dummy. I’m fine. Just dizzy.”

Aaron gave me a great kiss. The kind signaling he
wanted to be inside me. My body responded to his kiss and I imagined us alone.

After Cooper and Aaron dislodged Tucker’s head from
Gail’s grip, Maddy sat next to me and rubbed her belly. “Man, the last few
weeks aren’t fun.”

“You look good though.”

Maddy grinned. “Thanks for lying. Um, I was wondering
if you were on the pill.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you tested it out, you know?”

“I don’t get it.”

Farah sat next to me and smiled at Maddy. “What are
we talking about?”

“I think Lark might be preggers.”

“No,” I gasped. “I’m on the pill.”

“Don’t freak. I just saw how dizzy you are. Might
be the flu or weather or mono. Who the hell knows, but I was super dizzy when I
first got knocked up. Before the nausea and all that stuff, I was dizzy and
felt tender like I was going to start my period.”

Touching my slightly bloated stomach, I tried to
think happy thoughts or blow off her comments. Instead, I panicked because I
wasn’t fit to be a mother. I would let my baby die the way I let Phoenix die.

“But she’s on the pill,” Farah said, trying to calm
me. “I was on the pill and I come from fertile people, but I didn’t get
pregnant.”

“It happens sometimes. With me, Tucker was fucking
with my pills, but I’d tested out the pill. Like he wasn’t my first or
anything. My cousin though was on the pill for nearly a decade because she had
weird periods. She was a virgin until college though,” Maddy said then
whispered, “She’s kinda fugly.”

Staring at her in horror, I didn’t care why her
cousin didn’t get laid before college. I just wanted her to tell me something
that made my being pregnant impossible.

“Anyway, she’d never tested out her pills in the
Biblical sense. A drunk one night stand later and she knew they might regulate
her periods, but they didn’t keep her from getting knocked up.”

“Was she on antibiotics?” Farah asking, holding my
shaking hand. “I heard they can mess with the pill.”

“Nope. Her pills weren’t old and she was good about
taking them. She’s a nerd when it comes to her vitamins and stuff. Anyway, she
got preggers and tried having an abortion, but it didn’t take. Talk about all
signs pointing to God wanting her to have a kid by some random guy. She gave it
up for adoption though because she wanted to finish college.” Maddy paused and
glanced around. “I forgot my point. These baby hormones are making me so dumb.
I’m always walking into rooms and forgetting why I went in there.”

“I probably have sinus issues,” I said, hoping I
was coming down with the flu rather than having a baby. “Spring can do that.”

“Sure, but I’d pee on a stick to be sure,” Maddy
said, struggling into a standing position. “It can’t hurt to be sure. I read
that the baby does all its important growing at the very beginning. After that,
it’s just getting bigger. You don’t want to take anything that makes your kid
stupid. I am super careful about that. You know…” She leaned over and
whispered, “Because Tucker’s no Einstein.”

Despite my fears, I laughed at her expression. She
laughed too then gasped.

“I need to be careful about laughing too much.
Don’t want any accidents,” she said, giving me a wink before waddling over to
Tucker who was fascinated by the rollers on the skates resting on the table in
front of him.

“If you are, you know,” Farah whispered, “it
wouldn’t be so bad. In fact, if we both get pregnant around the same time, our
babies can grow up and be friends like we are.”

Grinning at Farah, I didn’t feel so afraid to know
I wouldn’t be alone. Mostly, I figured she would help me from destroying my
baby’s life like I destroyed Phoenix.

The whole evening, Lark refused to make eye contact
and the wall she put up between us felt like a slap in the face. When we
arrived at home, she walked around with her arms wrapped around her body as if
for protection. I watched her wander from the kitchen back to the living room. Lost
and needing an anchor, Lark wasn’t reaching out to me for whatever reason.

Taking her hand, I walked to the couch and sat.
Lark joined me, but still wouldn’t look me in the eye.

“Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”

Sitting at the edge of the couch and wrapping her
arms tightly around her body, Lark started to speak then she shook her head. After
another minute, she sighed. “I shouldn’t say anything until I know for sure.”

Leaning back on the couch, I studied her and really
saw my sweet muse. Not the spunky girl who smiled and teased. Not the roller
derby Lark with a tough edge, but the little girl who turned away from watching
her baby brother for a few minutes and he ended up dead. The child Lark whose
self value came solely from others.

“Do you know one reason my parents have stayed
married so long?” I asked and Lark shook her head. “They’re a team. If one has
a problem, they both have a problem. No secrets, no holding back. They face
everything together.”

Lark glanced at me and I saw such despair in her
eyes.

“Whatever it is will be easier if we face it
together.”

Lark scooted away from me then nodded. “I’ve been
dizzy the last few days. Maddy heard about that and said she got dizzy when she
was first pregnant.”

A tight ball in my stomach, I wasn’t sure what to
say. Lark continued, “I’m on the pill and I promise I never forget.” When I
moved closer, she scooted away. “I thought Maddy was wrong. All she thinks
about is babies, so it made sense for her to think I was pregnant. I thought it
wasn’t right, but I did the math in my head and I’m late.”

Lark turned her gaze to me and her voice sounded so
panicked when she spoke again. “I hadn’t been paying attention. Everything has
been so good and I’m on the pill, but I should have started a few days ago. I
never paid that much attention before, but I’m regular and I didn’t start.”

Enough of letting her set the mood, I pulled her
against me and stroked her hair.

“I’ll go to the store and pick up one of those
tests. I see those commercials and they are supposed to work once you missed
the first day. I don’t know, but I’m sure there are instructions.”

“I don’t want to know,” she whimpered. “I’m not
ready for everything to be ruined.”

Cupping her cheek with my hand, I forced her gaze
to mine. “Why would it be ruined?”

“I can’t have a baby.”

My chest hurt at the thought of what she was
saying. “Lark, my biological mom was younger than you. Poor and alone. I’m glad
she didn’t make the choice you’re thinking about.”

“No, not that. I just can’t be. I don’t want to be.
I’m not a good enough person yet. With time, I could get better. With your
help, I could stop being a failure.”

“Shh…” I said, kissing her. “Nothing about you is a
failure. You had a crap mom and a convoy of shit dads and you turned out
wonderful. Just calm down.

“I don’t want to know,” she begged.

Having never seen Lark in such a state, I wasn’t
sure what the right words were. I just knew what I needed.

“I’m going to pick up a test,” I said and Lark
immediately freaked.

Before she could complain, I kissed her. Stealing
her breath, I kissed Lark until her body softened in my arms. Leaning her back
on the couch, I pulled my lips away then kissed the corners of her mouth
lowered into a frown.

“Just watch TV and I’ll be right back. We’ll find
out then we’ll deal with the result. We’ll do it all together. Even if you
can’t see how amazing you are, Lark, you must admit I’m pretty damn flawless.
Just rely on my half of the team to get things done.”

Lark gave me a little smile. “You are amazing,
but…”

“No, buts,” I said, kissing her. “I’m breaking a
few speed limits then I’ll be back. You know how I’m always looking for a
reason to speed.”

Lark curled up on the couch and stared at where I
turned on an episode of
Friends
from the DVR.

“This is the one where Phoebe thinks her mom is a
cat,” I said, having taped the shows for Lark. “I should be back by the end of
the episode.”

Lark stared up at me, looking exhausted in a way
I’d never seen before. “I love you.”

Kissing her cheek, I smiled even though I was struggling
with my own fears. I left her to watch TV while I raced several blocks to the
CVS. After a bored clerk helped me find the best tests and told me way too much
information about when she used them for her kids, I returned home. Deputy
Dickhead gave me an angry glare when I sped by. Even enjoying his anger, I lost
my grin when I saw Lark staring blankly at the television.

When I entered, she sat up and focused on the bag
in my hand.

“The chick at the store said it works better in the
morning, but it might work tonight. I bought a few extra tests, just in case.
Do you need to pee?”

Lark stared at me then burst into laughter. “A few
weeks into our relationship and we’re talking about peeing. Awesome.”

Smiling, I set the bag down on the counter and
joined her on the couch.

“Did you ever meet your biological mom?” Lark asked
and my smile disappeared.

“A few years ago. She’s nice, but I didn’t feel
anything particularly special for her. Of course, I’m grateful she gave me life
and a chance with my family.”

Lark said nothing, so I continued, “If you’re
pregnant, I want to keep the baby. You’re my girl and I’ve wanted to marry you
since the first weekend you spent here.”

Lark glanced around the room while thinking then returned
her gaze to my face.

“If it’s a girl, can we name her Phoebe?” she
asked, taking my hand. “That’s my favorite character because she weird, but
resilient. The name sounds kind of like Phoenix too.”

Relieved to hear her talking about the baby like it
was ours, I smiled again. “And it’s a boy?”

“You have those books on Leonardo Da Vinci and I
know you love his work. Phoenix was a Leo. Could we name the baby Leo, if it’s
a boy?”

I kissed her hand. “We can name our baby whatever
you want.”

“You’ll make sure I do a good job, right? You won’t
let me kill our baby like I killed…”

“You didn’t.”

Lark pulled her hand and stood up. “I’m going to
pee on the stick and find out then you’re going to give me a pep talk and make
it all seem okay.”

“It really will be okay.”

Looking like she didn’t believe a word, Lark took
the bag and walked to the bathroom. She shut the door and turned on the water.

Attempting to keep busy, I did the two dishes in
the sink. Next, I fed the dogs even though they had food. Then, I checked my
mail. Finally, I stood near the bathroom door and waited.

Lark emerged with tears in her eyes. I knew it was
my job to give her a pep talk, but I didn’t know why she was crying. Positive
and negative, happiness and sadness, I had no idea what I was seeing on her
face.

“When I was little,” Lark whispered, her voice
catching, “I wanted to be a mom and my favorite toy was a baby doll. I
pretended she was my real baby and took good care of her. When Phoenix died, I realized I should never be a mom. I couldn’t be trusted not to kill my baby.”

Stepping closer, I wiped away a tear from her
cheek. “You’ll make a great mom.”

“I guess we’re going to find out,” she said,
melting into my arms. “I was on the pill. I can’t even do that part right.”

Taking a deep breath and accepting this direction
in my life, I said softly, “Don’t listen to the crap in your head. Listen to my
heart. It’s known you from the beginning.”

Lark tightened her grip on me. “You’re not mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“We just started dating.”

“Oh, I had our whole lives planned out before you walked
into my shop to fix your worm.”

Lark smiled up at me. “Do you feel like I tried to
trap you?”

“Shit, you really have no idea how I see you. None
at all. In fact, I’m happy on two levels. As the guy who wants to spend his
life with you, I’m excited to think of our baby growing inside you. Plus, the
caveman part of me is just excited that I beat Cooper.”

Laughing, Lark nuzzled my chest. “And you knocked
me up when I was on the pill. You have the mighty Thor of sperm.”

We both laughed and I felt Lark lighten in my arms.

“Can we go to bed?” she whispered.

“You look tired.”

“No. I need you inside me. I need your hot skin to
warm me. I need you to help me feel like the Lark you see and not the Lark who
let me down all my life.”