Damaged and the Knight (18 page)

Smiling at him, I lifted on my tippy-toes and kissed him softly. He just watched me.

“Oh, we’re having lunch at the Johansson’s place tomorrow. Cooper’s order.”

“Terrific.”

“Don’t go drama llama on me,” I teased. “Not when we have strip poker on the agenda.”

Judd gave me a little grin, but he seemed farther away now. Returning to the living room, I shuffled the cards while he brought us a few beers. Pearl jumped up next to me and got comfortable.

“She’s a smart cat,” Judd said. “When she came to live here, she was always climbing on me and I would shove her off. Soon, she sat near me and I left her alone. She figured out what I could deal with and adjusted.”

“Are you hinting I should do the same thing?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Judd sat across from me and grinned. “I have three pieces of clothing. You have four. I guess we’ll have to consider your bra and panties as one.”

Dropping the cards on the table, I stood and slid off my bra while keeping my shirt on. Judd watched and leaned back like his jeans were snug.

“I could have used a flash of something,” he said, grinning. “Little nip slip would be nice.”

“Spring break!” I cried, yanking up my shirt and giving him a peek before returning to the chair.

“
Arrested Development
,” Judd said, after adjusting on the couch.

“Yeah.”

“My angel has good taste.”

“My knight is making me super horny.”

Exhaling hard, Judd shook his head. “Let’s skip the cards and have you come over here now.”

“Only if you strip for me,” I said, licking my bottom lip. “Real slow too. I want to enjoy a show.”

Laughing, Judd stood up, yanked off his jeans, and tossed them aside. Once he sat back down, he wiggled a finger for me to join him.

“Lame,” I said, standing up and slowly raising my shirt over my head before turning to hide my breasts. “I wanted a show, stud. Something I would pay money for.”

Wiggling out my jeans and panties, I shook my ass at him. When I glanced back to find him staring with such need, I nearly lost my confidence. How could I ever keep a man like him interested? Pushing aside those concerns, I stepped around the table. While Judd reached for me, I didn’t straddle him. Instead, I knelt between his legs and stroked his thighs.

“Tawny,” he whispered, desperate for relief.

“I’m here,” I murmured, taking his cock into my hand and licking the wet tip. “I want to play.”

Judd just stared, his fingers gripping the couch as I kissed his thick erection. Soft, hungry kisses as I learned every inch of him until my hand stroked his cock and my lips tasted his balls. Breathing heavily now, he gently moved aside my long hair so he could watch me.

A little part of me panicked when his fingers touched my hair. I remembered how rough those bikers were when they used my hair to guide me until I was chocking and crying. Judd though was tender, instead of commanding. His gaze was so beautiful that I became aroused without him even touching me.

Soon, I slid a hand between my legs and stroked my clit. Never would I touch myself before because orgasms made me a dirty whore. They were bad, but with Judd, I could embrace my needs without feeling guilty.

Sucking him into my mouth and stroking him with one hand, I caressed myself softly. Whenever I felt shame building inside me, I lifted my gaze to Judd’s face and remembered he was mine.

It didn’t take long before I felt the pleasure explode and I whimpered as the waves of heat rushed over me. Catching my breath, I still stroked Judd. When I regained control of myself, I looked up and found him watching me in the strangest way.

“I’m sorry,” I said automatically, afraid he was upset.

Leaning forward, Judd lifted me off the ground and onto his lap. “You looked so amazing,” he whispered in my ear while pressing his cock into me. “So fragile too. So fucking young that I seem evil for being with you.”

Staring into his eyes, I felt a mixture of panic and pleasure. Our bodies just moved without us thinking, working together to find relief. Mentally though, Judd and I were in a bad place. In his eyes, I saw his need to run away from his feelings again.

“You make me feel beautiful,” I said, caressing his face as my hips worked rhythmically. “I hate myself with everyone else, but not with you. I’d never touched myself like that before because I felt dirty to want to orgasm. With you, I feel sexy and strong. It can’t be evil to feel free of all of that ugliness.”

Judd cupped my face and stared sadly into my eyes. “I’m not nearly good enough for you.”

“You make me happy. If I deserve to be happy, you can’t push me away.”

“You deserve everything, angel,” he whispered, kissing me hard as I orgasmed and brought him along with me.

Settling against him, I whispered, “I don’t want to leave, but I know you’re used to having space.”

Judd wrapped his arms around me and stroked the back of my hair as I rested my cheek against his shoulder.

“I should feel suffocated having you here for so long. I’ve never had anyone sleep over except for one night with a wasted Vaughn. He woke up, we had breakfast, and he went home. Even that got on my nerves. I should hate having you here, but it feels easy and right. I want you to stay.”

Lifting my head, I smiled. “I don’t see you the way you see yourself. I see a man I want, not a man I should fear.”

“How about on the balcony?”

I shrugged. “You’re complicated. It’s why you don’t think I’m broken. You don’t, do you?”

“I think you’re all kinds of damaged. Battered, but unbroken, babe.”

Softly, I sucked on his bottom lip then nuzzled his cheek.

“I know you took a nap,” he said as I wiggled my hips upon feeling him hardening inside me. “You might not be tired, but I’d like to go to the bedroom.”

“More room,” I muttered, finding a rhythm.

“Hold on,” he said, pushing himself up and walking with me attached to him into the bedroom. He lowered me gently onto the bed and never left my body. “Much more room.”

Grinning, I stroked his arms, over the tattoos and muscles. “Today has been fucking perfect, Judd. You can’t know how perfect.”

“Oh, I know. I’ve been counting my blessings since the moment I woke up with you next to me.”

I wanted to say something beautiful or romantic, but he was thrusting hard into me and the pressure was unbearably perfect. All I could do was pray I kept the noise down, so we didn’t kill poor Verna.

Chapter Eighteen

Riding on the back of Judd’s ivory colored Harley, I felt a weird darkness clouding my mood. Our morning together had been wonderful, yet I was nervous about visiting the Johansson’s place. Unsure how many people would be at the barbecue, I worried someone might make fun of me. Even knowing I was being ridiculous, I was in a bad mood when we parked in the massive driveway where dozens of Harleys were lined up.

“What’s the problem, babe?” Judd asked, climbing off the bike and caressing my cheek.

“I feel underdressed. I look trashy.”

Glancing over my jeans, gray sweater, beige jacket, and tennis shoes, Judd frowned. “We’re visiting the Johanssons, not the Rockefellers.”

 Crossing my arms, I felt dirty like I needed a shower. I felt hideous and unworthy of every good thing in my life.

Judd leaned down and pressed his forehead to mine. “You know who’s inside? Your big sis surrounded by loud stinky bikers. They’re burping and stinking up the place and she’s all alone, waiting for someone to save her.”

Grinning slightly, I still felt grumpy. Yet, Judd tugged me closer until I smiled up at him.

“After we do this family crap where Cooper acts like I should give a shit what he thinks, we’ll go back to my place and try out the hot tub. We might have to share it with one of my elderly neighbors. If it’s Morty, he won’t mind a little show.”

Laughing, I sighed. “I don’t know why I get so pissy sometimes.”

Judd looked ready to answer then changed his mind. “Everyone gets pissy sometimes, babe. I almost did once too.”

“Almost?”

“This close,” he said, showing me his fingers. “It was so fucking close, but turned out, I was just hungry. Maybe that’s your problem?”

“Maybe.”

“Let’s get you fed then.”

Judd took my hand and led me into the house where people wandered around with paper plates full of food. Judd barely acknowledged the greetings we received. The only person he stopped to talk with was Kirk who looked like an older, rougher, scarier version of Cooper. The head of the organization gave me a tight smile while Jodi hugged me tightly as if I’d done something amazing and the hug was my reward. The men didn’t waste time with chitchat and Judd was back on the move through the crowd of people. Soon, we reached the kitchen where Farah stood with Cooper, Maddy, and Tucker.

My sister looked gorgeous in a green turtleneck and black jeans. Her dark hair was wavy and long around her shoulders and Cooper was playing with a lock of it. Seeing her so happy and confident, I felt like I was interrupting her fun. The dark mood swelling up in my gut, I tried backing away from Farah, but Judd nudged me forward.

Once Farah noticed me, her eyes lit up. Suddenly, my dark mood felt stupid. I gave her a hug and held on, even after Cooper stepped up to Judd to do his big brother thing.

“I told you to stay away from her.”

“So?”

“So, it was an order.”

Judd frowned. “Do you have a point, Cooper?”

“You shouldn’t be dating Tawny.”

“Too late.”

Laughing nearby, Tucker was likely on beer five. “Love is in the air.”

Maddy laughed in a way that told me she knew Tucker was on beer five. “You’re so romantic.”

Bailey appeared in the kitchen to fake barf. After a deep breath to calm her irritation, she fake smiled. “I mean, love is great and shit. Hey, Tawny, want to play in my room?”

“Yes,” Cooper said. “You girls should go and do girl stuff. I want to talk to Judd alone.”

“Human shield time,” I announced, letting go of Farah and sliding between the men. “Hi, Coop.”

“Hello, Tawny. I told you to stay away Judd.”

“I forgot. Sorry. Anything else?”

Cooper glared at Judd who looked bored. Finally, the younger man shrugged. “Well, if you’re hooked up, nothing I can do now. Just don’t fuck it up, O’Keefe.”

“Sure, boss. Thanks for the romantic advice.”

Cooper grinned. “You should listen to me, man. After all, I’ve got a way with the ladies.”

When Judd said nothing, I realized he wasn’t even looking at Cooper. Everyone followed his gaze until we realized he was glaring at Mac. Tucker laughed for the simple reason that he was hammered. Maddy rubbed his face and they started making out.

Bailey rolled her eyes. “What did Mac do? Should I kick his ass?”

Cooper patted his sister. “You could so take him too, midget.”

Nuzzling Judd, I ignored Cooper tugging my shirt as if to separate me from my man.

“I never liked him even a little bit.”

“You touched his arm.”

Bailey stepped closer and slapped Cooper’s hand off me. “Judd, the only way to make things right is to cut off Mac’s arm and feed it to our dogs.”

“Sounds about right,” Judd muttered, still glaring at Mac who moved around the large packed family room as if trying to dodge the eyes on him.

“Bailey,” I whispered, giving her the look.

“What I meant was that Tawny is all kinds of loyal and shit, so cutting off Mac’s arm, while fun, isn’t necessary. Trust your woman.”

“I do trust her,” Judd muttered. “I still want to stab Mac’s face.”

“Yeah, that takes me back,” Cooper said, grinning at Farah who frowned. Rolling his eyes, he sighed. “Trust your woman. You know, what the dipshit said.”

“Don’t call her a dipshit,” I told Cooper who glared down at me. “I’m not having a staring contest with you.”

“Cause you’d lose.”

“Farah,” I said and she wrapped her arms around Cooper who sighed.

 Seeing a way to fix my other problem, I hugged Judd to me. As he looked down and grinned, I murmured, “Pay attention to me.”

Exhaling hard, Judd caressed my face. “Sorry, but that guy had your fingers on him. I feel like I should make an example of him, but I won’t. That wouldn’t be nice.”

Bailey leaned in and whispered, “Are you training him too?”

“I’m training everyone,” I whispered back.

Laughing, Bailey still put on a little frown. “I want a man to cuddle.”

Tucker stopped kissing Maddy long enough to look at Bailey. “Everyone needs love. Even the dipshit. I’ll find someone for you.” Tucker looked around. “How high are your standards?”

Bailey opened her mouth and I knew a tirade of profanity was coming. Before she got started, I hugged her to me.

“Tuck wants to help you. It’s his asshole way of showing his love. Tell him thank you and we’ll train him to be less of a jerk.”

Bailey took a deep breath and nodded. “Thank you, Tucker.”

A sober Tucker might have teased his sister, but the drunken version hugged her and told her that he would find someone great. Hot, big dick, money, nice hair, the whole package.

Cooper frowned at both me and Farah. “You two are having an adverse influence on the family. Fucking Sawyer said thank you earlier today. What’s next? Will she say please?”

Grinning, Farah cuddled up to Cooper. I should have felt happy too. Instead, my mood shifted fast and I felt out of place. Judd watched me then he leaned over and said something to Farah. My sister’s smile faded as she took my hand and pulled me away from the kitchen.

I glanced back at Judd and Cooper who watched us go. Bailey just fought to free herself from Tucker’s continuing brotherly hug. Nearby, Maddy found the struggle so hilarious that she had to sit down from laughing so hard.

Farah led me to a small bedroom where she shut the door. We sat on the bed and she studied me.

“You’re having one of those bad days.”

Nodding, I fought the urge to cry. “I don’t know why either. I woke up happy. Judd had been great and I have what I want, but I feel down.”

“Changes are hard and you’ve had a lot of changes lately.”