Damaged and the Knight (19 page)

“I feel like I’m being ungrateful and all the good stuff will go away.”

“That’s not how stuff works.”

“I don’t really deserve to be happy though.”

Farah pulled me to the headboard and had me lean my head against her chest. Like a child seeking comfort from their mother, I rested in her embrace as she caressed my head.

“You were always such a good kid,” she said. “So quiet, you never asked for anything. You were sweet, but our family just ignores people like that.”

“None of my teachers ever thought I was special like Mrs. Prescott thought you were.”

“Because I clung to Mrs. Prescott and you never clung to anyone except me. I was always wanting things, but you never did. You sat in class and disappeared. You did the same thing at home. That doesn’t make you bad. It makes you quiet. Why would being quiet mean you don’t deserve to be happy?”

“I don’t know.”

“The last few days were crazy, but I’m happy you have Judd.”

Nodding, I nuzzled her and smiled. “I really enjoy being with him. It’s comfortable like we’ve always known each other. I know that sounds stupid.”

“No, it doesn’t. You found your Cooper. I fought my feelings for Coop, but you’re not wasting time with Judd. That makes you smart, Tawny.”

I sighed. “Why do I feel so bad?”

“I don’t know. I think some people just have darker moods than others. It’s not your fault.”

“Do you think Judd could love me one day?”

“He might love you even now, but Coop said Judd doesn’t get close to people. He got close to you though. That’s because you’re special to him.”

“I want to be his Farah.”

Laughing quietly, she stroked my head for another five minutes. We often cuddled when life was ugly and the warmth of our embrace made the world bearable. Soon, my dark mood faded until I felt more like myself.

Sitting up, I smiled. “I’m staying at Judd’s again tonight. He doesn’t usually have people at his place, but he brought me there and he doesn’t want me to leave yet.”

Farah brushed my hair behind my ears and kissed my cheek. “I want you to feel proud of yourself. Judd isn’t an easy man and a lot of girls wouldn’t have given him another chance. They would have been too afraid. I know I would have, but you took a chance. You were brave and you should remember that when the dark feeling comes back.”

Sliding off the bed, we glanced at the closed door. “It gets loud with the Johanssons, but we’re safe here.”

Proving the loud part, the party exploded with laughter and hollering. We walked out to the family room where a few guys were wrestling on the ground. Apparently, the winner got a date with Bailey. Soon, Judd and Cooper appeared to take us to separate quiet areas.

“Feel better, angel?” Judd asked as we ate barbecued ribs on a back deck away from the others.

“Yes, thank you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me sometimes.”

Again, Judd looked ready to say something then decided against it. Instead, he just shrugged. “Let’s clock in another half hour at this thing then head back to my place. I’ve never enjoyed a beautiful girl in a hot tub before. I really should check that off my bucket list.”

“Hell yeah, you should. Wait, is that sanitary?”

“Babe, our biggest concern will be the audience.”

Laughing, I thought about Judd’s neighbors. The few who saw us in the hall were already treating me like part of the building. I was Judd’s girl, they said, introducing me to their friends. The women looked so happy for the good looking young man to finally find someone special. Judd just stared like he wasn’t listening, but I knew he had a soft spot for the older ladies in the buildings. He wasn’t quite the cold jerk he showed to the world. That was how he ended up with Pearl after all.

Chapter Nineteen

As per our new routine, Judd would pick me up after my shift and we’d spend the night together. We’d only been dating for a week, but I quickly grew to anticipate his face appearing as my shift came to an end. When it was time for me to leave work on Tuesday though, Judd didn’t appear. Instead, it was one of Cooper’s guys.

“You want to ride in my truck or have me follow your busses home?” Pete asked, scratching at his shaved head.

“Where’s Judd?”

“Didn’t he tell ya? He left town on a job. Don’t know when he’ll be back. Don’t know nothing about what he’s doin’. Just know I gotta make sure you get home safe. Cooper’s orders. Let’s go.”

I chose to have Pete follow my busses home because he was irritating me and I knew it would irritate him to waste nearly forty minutes behind my busses. I didn’t even wave at him when I arrived at my place. Why pretend I wasn’t disappointed that Judd hadn’t come to get me? Or hurt by how he hadn’t texted or called?

“He probably had to leave fast,” Farah said on the phone when I whined to her. “Cooper has some kind of issues, but he won’t really tell me what. I just know someone is messing with the business and he needed Judd to look into it. Vaughn went too, so it must be somewhere nearby. I got the impression Vaughn couldn’t travel out of the immediate Johansson territory.”

“I’ll text him and let him know I miss him. Maybe he’ll call when he gets where he’s going?”

“I’m sure he will,” Farah said full of conviction.

Farah’s certainty didn’t pan out.

Judd didn’t call or text that evening or the next morning. I spent the next day pretending like my mind wasn’t forever on my phone. When Farah and I had lunch, I smiled, but my heart hurt more and more. Every hour without word from Judd pushed me into a darker mood.

By the third day, I had a pit of depression in my gut and it was spreading. I didn’t understand why he hadn’t contacted me when I knew he had sent word to Cooper? Why would Judd ignore me?

“Men suck. It’s their balls,” Bailey said, driving Lark and me to a frat party that evening. “I think some kind of toxin is released from their sac and it makes them fucking stupid and mean. Can’t be helped, I guess.”

Lark grinned at Bailey’s comment, but I knew how tender Judd could be. How concerned with my happiness he was when he cared. Did he not care anymore?

“Perk up, Tawny,” Bailey added as we parked in front of a huge yellow house with Brad Paisley blaring from the open windows. “You can be my wingchick and help me find a guy to hump.”

“Romance is your middle name.”

Bailey snorted. “Romance is for suckers.”

“I would love to find a guy to romance me,” Lark said, climbing out of the SUV. “Man, it’s cold. Why would they have the windows open?”

“Frat guys are dumber than regular guys. More toxins in the balls, I guess.”

Finally, I laughed because Bailey was totally serious about the toxic testicles thing. “What’s the plan?”

“I want to try that new nicer shit to see if I can land me a man.”

“And I’m supposed to do what?”

“Remind me not to smack anyone or talk about toxic balls. You know, keep me soft and cuddly.”

Laughing, Lark and I followed Bailey into the crowded party. Instantly, people moved out of Bailey’s way and we reached the keg without issue.

Bailey offered Lark and me cups of beer. “You look sad. Drunk might help. I get happier when I’m drunk.”

“I’m a moody drunk,” Lark said.

“Thanks for the warning!” Bailey yelled over the loud music. “If you need a hug, I’m your girl. I’m all kinds of sensitive now.”

Lark grinned, but I doubted she would hug Bailey. Even the pixy girl knew better. “I can’t drink because I told my stepdad and brother I was studying. Coming home liquored up will ruin my lie.”

“Designated drivers provide a vital thing to drunks. You’re vital,” Bailey said, patting Lark’s shoulder before downing a cup of beer.

Four beers later, I learned I was a moody drunk. All of the pain from Judd’s silence had been shoved deep inside me where I might control it. The alcohol broke it loose and I accepted he had dumped me. Silence was how a man like Judd handled a breakup. He wouldn’t share his feelings. He certainly wasn’t letting me down with cruel words. Cooper might kick his ass. No, he’d just go silent and hope I got the point.
Well, I had.

By the time the party was winding down as people hooked up and disappeared, I felt depressed. Lark looked bored by her attempt at a wild night out. Unable to be a moody drunk, she held Bailey’s keys while our leader danced around as if living in her own private party.

“Guys are complicated,” Lark said to me as we stood against a wall and watched a wasted Bailey dance with no one. “They have lots of feelings, but they pretend like they don’t. When those feelings get all twisted up, they don’t cry or whine to their friends. They get quiet. Sometimes, they freak out about unrelated shit. Judd might be having a PMS moment and silence is how he handles it.”

“I think he doesn’t want me anymore.”

“You shouldn’t assume with men.”

“Guys blow girls off like that all the time.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think Judd is a normal guy. I think he would tell you if things were over.”

“What are you basing that advice on?”

Giving me her sweet smile, Lark shrugged. “Honestly, I’m making shit up as I go along because you look like you’re about to cry.”

“I never told him, but I love Judd. I thought he might love me too. Now, he’s gone.”

Lark wrapped an arm around me and started to speak until Bailey’s startled voice interrupted us. A huge football player had her pinned against the wall and she was yelling for him to back off. Instead, he crowded her more while playing with her blonde hair.

“Hey!” I yelled as Lark and I rushed over.

Six four and wide shouldered, the guy was wasted and angry at the interruption. “Fuck off, bitches,” he muttered.

Bailey clawed at his neck, but he had her pinned in a weird way, so she couldn’t get any leverage.

While I was ready to jump on him in a weak attempt to save my friend, someone shoved the football player off Bailey. I hadn’t even seen the guy appear, but he stood between Bailey and the pissed jerk.

“Fuck off, man,” the asshole said. “She’s mine.”

“Nick,” Bailey mumbled, looking ready to cry. “He humped my leg. Crush his skull, will ya?”

Nick frowned at Bailey who was leaning on him now. The football player was an inch or two bigger than Nick and outweighed him by probably fifty pounds. Feeling the fight would be short, the asshole reached for Bailey’s arm and Nick nailed the guy in the face. To my shock, the giant asshole collapsed on the ground.

“My hero,” Bailey said, looking ready to puke. She caressed Nick’s biceps and asked, “Do you work out?”

Running his hands through his dark wavy hair, Nick laughed. “You’re so wasted.”

“And you’re like the Energizer Bunny,” she cooed. “My bro said you took a punch, yet kept on ticking.”

Nick started to speak then heard the asshole’s friends riled up. I was too drunk to know if everything happened really quickly or if my brain just took awhile to catch up.

The guys rushed Nick who dodged most of them and hit another. The room emptied out except for Nick, the guys, and us. I grabbed a beer bottle and threw it at one of the guys shoving Nick.

When the bottle hit him in the back, the bastard glared at me. “You want to fight, bitch?”

“Leave her alone,” Nick said, kicking one guy into the jerk looking to hit me.

As impressive as Nick was against six guys, he was just one guy against six. A losing bet, he took a shot to the face then the gut. Lark grabbed a folding chair and went WWE on one guy. I was tossing beers in the roundabout direction of the other guys. Yet, Bailey was the one who ended the fight by pulling out a gun.

“Back the fuck off or I’ll burn this motherfucking house to the ground!” she screamed then fired at a lamp. Everyone stopped and stared at her. When she noticed me wide-eyed, Bailey frowned. “Too much?”

Grinning, I followed Lark to the door. Nick followed us while the assholes seemed ready to piss themselves. Well, except for an idiot who looked ready to go for Bailey’s gun.

Dude,” Nick muttered, “that’s Bailey Fucking Johansson. Unless you want to end up in a shallow grave, back the fuck off.”

“What he said!” Bailey yelled, waving her gun around before I hurried her out of the door.

The cold air sobered up Bailey enough for her to return the gun to her purse. She was still drunk enough to laugh hysterically as we reached the SUV. “Did you see me kill that lamp?”

“You did good,” I said, groggy as my adrenaline shifted to nausea and the alcohol threatened to come back up on me.

Nick walked us to the SUV. “Next time, you might want to wave the gun around before you get drunk and dance.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Bailey growled, crawling into the backseat. Then, realizing he saved her, she crawled back to face him. “You were so brave. I should totally get you off as a thank you.

“Maybe another time,” he said, laughing as she batted her eyes at him. “Are you guys safe to drive?”

Lark nodded. “I’m sober enough to remember everything tomorrow. Trust me that there’ll be mocking.”

Grinning, I fought with my seatbelt until Nick helped me. “Thanks. My sister said you were nice.”

“Tell Farah hi.”

“How do you know that’s my sister?”

“The eyes,” he said, grinning.

Bailey popped her head into the front seat and frowned at Nick. “If we tell Farah hi, Cooper will be pissed. Why do you want him to kick your ass so much?”

“Might get another free semester out of it,” he said, stepping away from the car. “Have a good night.”

Nick watched us pull away and I could see why Farah initially liked him. He seemed sweet, but I sensed he wasn’t nearly as dull and average as Farah thought.

On the ride home, Bailey insisted we pick up a few beers, so she’d be drunk enough to fall asleep quickly. Lark did as she was ordered and Bailey was thoroughly wasted by the time we dropped her off at her house.

As Lark drove to my apartment, I drank three beers. The fun of the night was gone, leaving only the acceptance that I’d lost Judd.

Lark walked me to my apartment and helped me inside. She also left me with the remaining beers. I stood in my dumpy apartment and smiled at her.