Damaged and the Outlaw (5 page)

“What changed?”

“I realized love
is overrated.”

“It really is.”

Raven smiled in
a soft way that made me want to touch her. I thought about reaching out and caressing
her cheek. Just a minor gesture of affection, but I sensed she would know it
meant more. Raven would rebel at the idea of true intimacy. Then, I would rebel
at her telling me I was whipped. It wouldn’t end well, so I kept my hands to
myself.

“I love Lark and
I’m going to love her babies. One day, I’ll love Aaron. He’ll be like a
brother. For now, he’s the guy I’m waiting to fail her.”

“Aaron’s a good
guy.”

“I know. It’s
not him that makes me worry. It’s every man before him. Aaron is great and Lark
smiles so much when he’s around. Not that fake smiling shit either. She really
smiles. She laughs too. A lot. Even as sick as she is lately, she’ll laugh at
these looks he gives her. That kind of love feels weird to me. Feels like a
lie, but Lark isn’t a fool and I trust in her and Aaron.”

“It isn’t easy
being on the outside,” I admitted. “Judd and I were tight. We spent a shitload
of time together. Not talking or having feelings, but I had someone to sit next
to me and drink beer with. We played pool every night and had sex with
different chicks every night and woke up alone every morning. We were the same.
Now, he’s whipped and Tawny walks around with his balls in her purse. I asked once
if we could take his balls out occasionally and let them breathe, but she just
laughed. Tawny’s sneaky that way.”

A giggling Raven
reached across the table and caressed my hand. Even though I sensed she was
fucking with me, I enjoyed the feel of her.

“I’d ask why you
don’t want to be whipped, but I sense there’s a long heartfelt story behind it
and I’ll feel sorry for you and I’m not really in the mood to feel pity. Maybe
after a few more orgasms, I can fake sympathy. We’re just not there yet,
champ.”

“I like that
nickname,” I said, taking her hand between mine. “Stud works too. King Cock is
another favorite.”

“How about
Cock-A-Doodle-Doo?

“Too cartoony. I
need something manlier. Cockinator.”

Laughing, Raven
yanked her hand away. “How about Robo Cock or White Cock Down? Ooh,
Cockageddon.”

“Independence
Cock,” I suggested, laughing as I drank my juice. “Cock Hard or Cocky. You know
the third one where Cocky goes to Russia.”

Raven snorted.
“Cocks on a Plane. No, Planet of the Cocks.”

“Kindergarten
Cock,” I said and Raven balked. “Did I take that too far?”

“Perv. Oh, how
about World War C?”

“Too subtle.”

“Iron Cock or
Cock of Steel. You know, if you’re interested in the superhero route.”

“
Star Trek
and superheroes. I sense the nerd is strong in this one.”

“Fuck off. I saw
the videogames at your stag shack.”

“Wanna come over
and play sometime?” I asked, giving her a wink. “Then, after we’re done
playing, we can do that videogame thing you mentioned.”

“Hang out time
like you shared with Judd?”

Expression
hardening, I glared at her. “I never fucked Judd.”

“Why? He’s hot.”

Unable to keep
up the façade, I laughed. “He’s a pretty fucker, ain’t he?”

“Oh, yeah,” she
sighed and I stopped laughing. Raven noticed and it was her turn to laugh.
“He’s got those beautiful eyes.”

“They’re beady
rat eyes.”

“He’s so
strong.”

“Puny girly man.”

Raven licked her
lips. “I bet he hung too.”

I showed her my
pinkie finger. “He’s barely this big when hard.”

“And how do you
know that if you two never fucked?”

“Fine, we
fucked, but we were pretty drunk and he is really pretty.”

Raven nearly
fell off her chair laughing. I felt intensely proud to make her lose her cool
so thoroughly. After calming down, Raven threw up her hand and I high fived
her.

“You win,” she
said, catching her breath. “I’ll play videogames at your place after fucking
your brains out. Make you forget all about sexy Judd.”

I loved how pink
her cheeks were from laughing. They were different than when we fucked. Raven
seemed less guarded now and the way she looked at me put all of my worries back
into overdrive.

“Don’t fall in
love with me,” I warned, finishing my drink. “I know I’m charming and every
girl’s dream, but I’m in no position to be your Cock in Shining Armor.”

“Don’t worry
about it, Raiders of the Lost Cock.”

Laughing, I
hoped she kept her word. Deep inside, I got the impression if Raven ever
focused all of her power on me that I’d beg to have my balls in her purse.

“I’m tired,” she
said, stretching. “After you nail me at my place, feel free to get the hell out
so I can sleep.”

“Well, gee,
you’re making me feel like a piece of meat.”

Raven smiled
softly. “I like when you pretend to have feelings. It’s really sexy.”

“What was your
last man like? Did he have feelings?”

Raven’s smile
faded. “He was a turd. They’re all turds because that’s my type. I’m drawn to
losers.”

“You’re drawn to
me and I’m not a loser.”

Smirking, Raven
nodded. “Why do you say things like that if you don’t want me to make you cry?”

“Who says I
don’t? If my feelings turn you on, I’m all for faking what needs to be faked to
get you wet.”

“Just take off
your clothes and let me ravage you. No feelings necessary to get me wet.”

“You can’t know
how hard I got when you said ravage.”

Raven studied my
face. “I would caress you with my foot, but I worry I might crush your balls
instead.”

“Man, if you
keep sweet-talking me like this, I won’t be able to wait until we get you home.
I’ll just do you in the bushes.”

Raven gave me a
big smile. “Every time I worry you’ll get all weak and clingy, you say
something so unromantic and I immediately like you more. You’re the best fuck
buddy ever.”

“Shit,” I
muttered, reaching for my wallet. “I need to get you naked soon before my dick
instigates a revolt in my pants.”

“Hallmark
called,” she said, giving me her bitchy girl face, “and they want their
romantic drivel back.”

Standing up, I
pulled her out of her chair and sucked on her neck until she lost the superior
expression on her sexy face. Relaxing into my embrace, she moaned my name
quietly and I finally relented. I stared down into her faded blue eyes and
smiled.

“I may never own
your heart, plum, but I’ve paid for your pussy in full.”

Raven burst into
laughter then pulled out her phone. I watched her text something then hit send.

“I know Lark’s
been in the dumps lately and that’s totally going to give her a good laugh.”

“Sounded better
in my head.”

Raven patted my
cheek. “Dumbass. Fortunately, I like my friends stupid. It helps me fit in.”

“Thanks,
pancake.”

“Keep trying,
nutless. I’m going to pee while you pay.”

“I thought this
wasn’t a date.”

“It’s not,” she
said, walking away. “I mooch off my friends too.”

I paid the check
and left a nice tip for the waitress who had to endure all of our cock talk
through the meal. While I considered waiting for Raven, that seemed like a
boyfriend move. Instead, I walked outside and stared at the late morning sky.

A Harley woke me
from my horny thoughts and I noticed Reaper Scott Clark arriving with a small
girl on the back of his bike. I was no Mister Law and Order by any means, but
even I knew the kid could fall off in traffic and die. Guys around Ellsberg
thought they were tough shit having their princesses riding on their Harleys. They
figured as long as she was wearing a helmet that a three year old should be
fine.

Rolling my eyes
as the thought process of the guys in my motorcycle club, I felt Raven exiting
the restaurant. She pushed past me and walked towards my Harley. I assumed she
was pissed because I hadn’t hung back like her bitch.

“What?” I asked,
knowing the answer.

“I want to go.”

“Hey, Vaughn,” Scott
said, walking with his kid. “Raven.”

Turning away
from the guy, Raven stared at me. “I want to go home now.”

“Sure,” I said,
giving a head nod to Scott who disappeared into the restaurant.

Raven climbed on
behind me and held on tight.

“Did you have a
run-in with that fuck?” I asked, glancing back at her. “Shit, don’t tell me
he’s an old boyfriend.”

Raven frowned at
me. “That’s my dad, you jackass.”

Oddly relieved
by this news, I hated to have been jealous. Man, were my balls already in her
purse? Had I not noticed when she removed them?
What was wrong with me?

Raven said
nothing as we rode to the Johansson property outside of Ellsberg. She didn’t
speak after we parked by Cooper’s old apartment or during the walk up the
stairs. She ignored the Rottweilers running around in the yard and the sounds
of Sawyer squealing in the pool.

I tugged her to
a stop once we were inside. “What’s the deal? Did the fucker hurt you as a
kid?”

“He didn’t do
shit when I was a kid,” Raven said, kicking off her sandals. “He has a bunch of
little girls around Kentucky from the many women he’s nailed. I suspect the
fucker will keep trying until he makes a boy.”

I walked to the
fridge in the small kitchen for a drink. Finding beer and fruit punch, my
choice wasn’t difficult. I brought a beer for Raven too and joined her on the
couch where I kicked off my boots.

“I didn’t know
your dad was a Reaper.”

“Doesn’t matter.
He’s never been a dad. I didn’t even know he supplied the sperm to make me
until we moved back here and Mom hooked up with her current turd. Larry said he
didn’t want biker trash as a stepdaughter so I needed to disown Scott. I was
like, ‘Who the fuck is Scott?’ Suddenly, the asshole showed up and announced I
was an adult and he wasn’t making a claim on me. It was stupid as shit and I
was like good riddance.”

Raven struggled
to sound angry, but I heard pain in her voice too.

“Then, a few
months later, Scott saw me with my boyfriend Dex and started telling us how to
behave. Like we were goofing around and Dex was stoned and Scott said we were
embarrassing him. I should have kicked his ass, but I worried he’d hurt Dex who
could barely stand because he was giggling so much.”

Raven stopped
speaking. She likely heard how stupid it all sounded and was embarrassed. I
knew how she felt when it came to a shitty family and non-existent dad. Guys
like Kirk who married his baby mama and stayed faithful were rare. Most were
like Scott with kids with several chicks and a wife at home who was lucky to
have him in her bed once a week.

“I never knew my
dad either,” I said, drinking half my beer. “Could have been a couple guys. My
mom was club pussy then got run off after she wouldn’t have an abortion. She
raised me half of the time. The other half, I was with my granddad in West Virginia.”

“Do you ever
wonder about him?”

“No, I don’t
need to know his name and life story to know he was a piece of shit. My mom was
a dumb fuck, but she was young and looking to belong somewhere. She’s always
wanted to belong. She does now, but she knows her place. Anyway, having a dad
sounds great except when that dad is a fucker. Better to have nothing than a
bastard giving you shit all the time.”

Looking a little
lost, Raven nodded. “I’ve never let a man talk to me like I let Scott do that
day. He called me a whore in front of a bunch of people and I didn’t do
anything. I should have, but I felt so weird to have him act like I mattered
enough for him to be disappointed in me. I felt like I was a little kid wanting
his approval except who the fuck is he? Just some guy who fucked my mom. They
weren’t together. They weren’t anything and he was nothing to me. I don’t even
have his last name. Mom gave Phoenix his shitty dad’s last name and the guy had
tried to kill her. Anyway, Scott made me feel like a loser, but I let him.”

“I’ll kick his
ass next time I see him,” I said, giving her a smile even though I had every
intention of making Scott bleed.

Raven shook her head.
“Whatever. I just don’t like seeing him. I’m embarrassed about that day. How I
let him make me feel. When I see him, even from afar, I feel like I’m back
there. It’s stupid and I left Ellsberg thinking people like him were the
problem. It’s me though. I’m the one who lets them mess with my head. I just
need to stop being stupid about it.”

“Easier said
than done.”

“True, but I
can’t control assholes. I can only control me. If I make good decisions, I can
have a better life. I don’t have to be like my mom, begging for scraps of
attention from a jerk. I can be free of that life.”