Damned and Desirable (Eternally Yours Book 2) (5 page)

I cringed when Boner stood and produced a box of cookies, tossing them to Jack over the threshold. “Oh, please don’t make a mess.”

I stuck my head out the door and quickly scanned the hall, exhaling a sigh of relief when I didn’t see anyone. Grabbing Boner’s shirt collar, I jerked him inside my room and waved Sarge in, too.

“What’s the matter?” Boner asked as Jack scooted closer to him, whimpering against his leg while keeping his gaze locked on the box of cookies.

I felt a twinge of guilt when my doggie whined again. This wouldn’t have been an issue at Delta House. “I don’t want crumbs everywhere.”

“Don’t you have your own maid?” Boner asked.

“Yeah, but you know, getting ground cookie crumbs out of carpet is hard.” And knowing my luck, I’d probably ruin the carpet in the process.

My gaze was drawn to Sarge, who was walking the perimeter of my room. His shoulders were pulled back, his spine ramrod straight as he surveyed the contents of my dresser. When he smiled down at a photo of my mom, one that I’d begged an IT guy running the level one surveillance cameras to print for me, my heart clenched. I didn’t know why that smile of his caused a surge of emotions to swell my chest. Maybe because I enjoyed Sarge’s rare and fleeting smiles. Maybe I was moved he would show compassion toward someone who meant so much to me. Maybe I still secretly had a thing for Sarge, and wondered, not for the first time today, if I’d chosen the right guy to be my boyfriend.

When I caught Sarge staring back at me in the mirror, I had to look away as heat crept into my cheeks. I turned to Boner, who was still tossing Jack cookies, and cringed when I saw crumbs spew from my dog’s mouth with each bite.

“Why don’t you feed him outside?” Sarge said. Obviously, he sensed my unease.

“Good idea, Sarge.” Boner slapped his thigh and whistled for Jack, although he didn’t need to call him. Jack would have followed Boner down to the thirteenth level of Hell as long as he had cookies. My relief as they walked out onto the veranda and down the stairs was short-lived. Now I was alone with Sarge.

He sat down on my bed, patting the mattress as if I was supposed to sit beside him. I paused, pondering what sitting next to Sarge could lead to. Even though I was seriously pissed at Aedan, I wasn’t a cheater. Never had been and never wanted to be. Maybe it was because I’d been cheated on enough times to know I wouldn’t wish that soul-crushing feeling of betrayal on anyone else.

Still, it was hard to resist his crooked smile and those penetrating dark eyes. In the end, I sat on the bed, although I made sure to sit on the opposite end, in case he got any funny ideas.

“So how you liking Alpha House?” he asked.

“I hate it.” I turned to him, and that’s when I noticed the ugly red bump on the side of his head. Well, shit. I swallowed a wave of regret when I saw stitches fused through the center. “I’m sorry about your head. I didn’t mean it.”

The tenderness in his smile matched the warmth in his eyes. “I know you didn’t.”

I held my breath when he scooted closer. When his spicy male scent wrapped around my senses, my instincts told me to fly out the door and down to the bottom level of Purgatory. Anything to get away from such temptation.

I froze when he cupped my cheek and wiped under my eye with the pad of his thumb. Frowning, he pulled back his hand, looking at the moisture on the tips of his fingers. “You been crying?”

I was too choked up to speak, so I just nodded. I had no idea why I was getting PMS-y all of a sudden, and my Aunt Flo wasn’t even due for another week.

When Sarge cupped my cheek again, I averted my gaze while fighting the urge to sigh into his warm skin. One signal from me, and I knew we’d be falling on the bed in a tangle, knotted together so tight only an act of God could tear us apart. And then, hot damn, when his knee grazed mine, a shudder of desire coursed through me as if he’d flipped the switch on my lust-o-meter. This guy was not supposed to be turning me on. I had a boyfriend. This was so not good.

“We miss you,” he said softly as he tilted my chin until I was forced to meet his eyes. “
I
miss you.”

A lump of panic wedged in my throat, and I pulled back enough that he took the hint and released me.

“I miss you guys, too.” I made sure to emphasize “you guys,” as in plural, as in I’m not missing your hot, tight, ass at all.

He scooted back on the bed, his metal leg clanking as it scraped the frame. “Just ask, Ash, and I’ll work on getting you back with us.”

I shook my head. “I can’t. Shadow said he’d fire me if I went back to Delta.”

Shadows fell across his angular face, his full lips thinning as smoke swirled beneath his dark gaze. And just when I thought his cocky drill sergeant demeanor was sexy, he pulled the sexy-times-two with the pissed off look. It really wasn’t fair that he was so damn gorgeous.

“That’s bullshit.”

“It is what it is.” I pretended to be interested in a speck of grime beneath my fingernail. Nail crud was so much more manageable than unfulfilled desire. “Besides, Shadow is right. Look at your head.” I nodded toward his injury. It looked like an anthill with a train track running through it. Sarge had had to get stitches because of me. “I don’t want to risk hurting you again.”

He laughed. “I’ve had worse injuries than a little bump.” His smile faded. His gaze sharpened with an intensity that made me uncomfortable in my own skin. “How does
your Grim
like you working here?”

The way he sneered when he said “your Grim” made it sound as if the words were acid burning his tongue.

I squeezed my fists in my lap thinking I so didn’t want to get into a conversation about Aedan right now. I mean, the guy had just broken my heart. “I guess Aedan likes it. He’s on the squad now, too.”

Sarge’s eyes narrowed. “Is he why you been crying?”

I jumped off the bed, crossing the room with urgent strides. I ended up at an ornate dresser with a tall, oval mirror. I hated that dresser. It was this weird, pinkish-grey with the most hideous flowers carved into the sides. At the moment, though, I hated the reflection in the mirror even more, and not just because of the frizzy hair and smeared makeup. Though my afterlife was somehow supposed to be a new start, I’d allowed myself to tumble into the same old shit, falling in love with the wrong guy and giving him my utmost devotion while letting a great guy, maybe even a much better guy, slip away.

I clutched the side of the dresser, turning my gaze away from the mirror. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sarge came up behind me, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “When you’re willing, I’ll be here for you. Okay?” There was sadness in his voice that tugged at my heartstrings and nearly brought fresh tears to my eyes.

I turned around and faced him, lacking the energy, or maybe the willpower, to fend him off when he snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest.

“Thanks,” I breathed against the starched cotton of his shirt.

His hands roamed from my waist to my hips, and then he settled them dangerously close to my ass. I thought of that time Sarge had smacked my butt so hard I saw stars. I remembered how the stinging slowly faded and was replaced by a new sensation: lust.

Even though I’d already had amazing orgasms today, I was horny again. What the hell was wrong with my libido? It wasn’t just stuck in overdrive, it was set to warp speed. There was no way I could fall for two guys. No way. I couldn’t even walk and chew gum at the same time. How could I manage two relationships? Besides, it wasn’t right.

Loathe though I was to pull out of his embrace, I backed up a step, and then another, wishing his heat didn’t linger, shrouding me like a fog.

“Ash, we need to talk.”

I gasped and my hand flew to my chest when Aedan stormed into my room unannounced. He came to a halt as if he’d slammed into a brick wall when he caught sight of Sarge.

Sarge didn’t bother turning around to acknowledge my boyfriend, but his flushed cheeks and hardened jaw told me he was less than pleased with the interruption. “I should get going,” he said, his tone cool and impassive.

I wrung my hands together as my emotions warred with each other. I wanted him to stay. I needed him to go. I was so damn confused. My bottom lip quivered as I struggled to keep it together. “You don’t have to go.”

As tempted as I was to look into those molten eyes of his, I felt the gravitational pull of Aedan’s heavy gaze, and I looked at him instead. The pain reflected in his blue eyes nearly took my breath away. My mouth fell open as an apology formed at the back of my throat. But then those jumbled emotions swirling around in my head slammed together and came to a full stop.

Why the hell did I feel the need to apologize? For allowing a friend to comfort me in the wake of Aedan’s heartbreak? So what if that friend also happened to make me horny. I hadn’t acted on it. I wouldn’t act on it, which was more than I could say for Aedan. Whatever had caused him and Marie to split, I wasn’t convinced he didn’t still love her. Besides, Aedan had left me alone all afternoon without so much as an apology or an explanation after calling another woman’s name in bed and then lying about it. If anyone had the right to feel betrayed, it was me.

The door to my patio swung open, slamming against the wall. I jumped back as Boner and Jack came racing inside like two mischievous children looking for trouble.

“I’m all out of cookies,” Boner said as he paused to catch his breath, completely oblivious to the tension as thick as fog radiating off Aedan and Sarge. “Mind if I take him back to Delta and get some more?”

“Good idea,” I said with forced perkiness as I ushered Boner and Jack toward the door. Sarge followed beside me, his stiff gait reminding me of a robot. A really pissed robot.

Jack didn’t even spare me a sloppy kiss or backward glance as he followed Boner out. Aedan, whose large frame filled most of the doorway, looked ready to block Sarge’s exit.

I shot Aedan a pleading glance before Sarge turned to me and, without warning, pulled me into a hug. “I meant what I said,” he whispered against my ear. “If you need me for
anything
, I’m here for you.”

Hot damn. Somehow when he’d emphasized the word “anything” I got the feeling he meant
anything
. I wasn’t ready to contemplate sex with another stud at the moment, as tempting as his offer was.

Sarge let me go with a wink, spun on his heel, and bumped Aedan’s shoulder hard before walking out, the clank of his metal leg echoing down the hall.

I held my breath as I waited for Aedan to go after Sarge, but thankfully, he stepped inside my room, slamming the door behind him. The look he shot me nearly made my knees weaken. This creepy sense of déjà vu swept over me, churning my gut as I looked into his thunderous expression. Dear God, the molten lava surging beneath his gaze reminded me so much of that dragon demon who’d almost taken me to hell last week. I swear, Aedan just needed to sprout a few scales, learn how to blow smoke out of his nose, and they could have been twins.

There was no mistaking Aedan was seriously pissed, which made me doubly pissed. What the hell gave him the right to be angry with me?

He crossed the room in a few long strides, his heavy boots thudding across the carpet loudly enough to wake the dead, otherwise known as the other Alpha House ghosters, whose quarters were a floor beneath us.

“So is this you getting back at me for Marie?” he bellowed, bearing down on me with a scowl.

“No.” I was tempted to take a step back, but I lifted my chin and held my ground. I refused to be bullied by a jealous ass. “This is me visiting with friends.”

He arched a brow, eyeing me coolly. “And I’m supposed to believe that?”

Of all the nerve!

I glared as I crossed my arms. “I’ve never given you a reason
not
to trust me,” I said with a pout, laying the guilt on thicker than warm, gooey hot fudge sauce over vanilla ice cream.

He cupped my face in his hand, a bold move for someone who was still on my neck-deep-in-shit list, but I didn’t pull away. That heartfelt look in his eyes put me in a trance. Damn. I sure hoped that look was for me. I mean, really for me, as in he’d forgotten all about Marie and was frightened at the possibility of losing me. And I thought
I’d
perfected the guilt trip. All he had to do was look at me, and my resolve was about as solid as melted butter.

“The soldier desires you.” His soft gaze sharpened. “I can see it in his eyes.”

I pulled away, missing the warmth of his touch but knowing I needed to keep my distance if I was going to have any chance of convincing Aedan he was wrong.

“I know he does.” No use lying. Sarge had desire practically stamped across his forehead when he’d left my room. Besides, I didn’t want to lie to my boyfriend. I actually had a conscience.

The smirk that tugged at the corner of his mouth looked more accusatory than friendly. “So you invite him into your room?”

I rolled my eyes. “Just because he has the hots for me doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it.” Then I leaned up and jabbed him in the chest. “I only date one asshole at a time.”

He flinched. “I’m sorry about what happened today.”

Such a typical guy. Apologize for something broad and sweeping like what had happened earlier instead of admitting the specifics, namely his obsession with Mar.

I cocked a hand on my hip. “Oh, you mean calling me by another woman’s name after sex or lying about it?”

He colored, and damn him for managing to look masculine and boyish at the same time. “Both.”

Some part of me, the chicken-shit part, told me to drop it. He’d apologized. It was over. Now go back to pretending the relationship was perfect.

But the more dominant part of me, the bitch part, said no fucking way was I going to let this slide. And no, it wasn’t about being angry or enacting vengeance. I wasn’t PMSing yet, after all. This was about me not wanting to spend the rest of my eternity with a man who didn’t truly care for me, no matter how much I cared for him.

“And what about using me to fulfill some sick fantasy?” My tongue felt heavy as I spoke, the weight of my insecurity bearing down on my shoulders as I fell into a nearby chair and curled inward. I imagined myself a beetle, my arms and back a shell, protecting me from the pain as memories washed over me. I’d had a major crush on a boy when I was in eighth grade. James had been a ninth grader, tall and tanned with a deep voice that sometimes cracked, a wide mouth, and a smattering of freckles across his nose. I’d been struggling in algebra, and he was eager to volunteer when my math teacher asked him to tutor me. I’d thought it was because he liked me, but he’d only used me to get to my sister, a sophomore in high school.