Dancing Hours (33 page)

When he ran into Andy’s mother, Josephine, they shared their mutual loss.  It was almost a serendipitous meeting because David needed a spare sitter and
Jospehine
needed a little girl to spoil.

It happened gradually that
Jospehine
and Andrew
Taylor
became their surrogate family. 
David and Jessica
started eating dinner over there at least once a week, which Ms. Nessa usually brought from some local restaurant.  David
housesat
for them when they had trips out of town and relished the small slice of privacy it gave him.
  On all of his visits to their home, he never went into Andy’s room.  She had left behind a bulletin board filled with news clippings, notes, photos and ribbons.  A large poster of the Eiffel Tower hung prominently over her bed and a framed print marked
Musei
Vaticani
took up another wall.  On inspection from the doorway, it was definitely the room of a girl with big dreams.

David began to love the Taylors for how attentive they were to Jessica.  They were like the grandparents she deserved to have, but hadn’t gotten.

David never asked Andy or her parents about Andy’s romantic life.  Although they had never been together, being apart was lonely for him and he didn’t want to know what kind of company she kept as long as it wasn’t with Noah.

He hoped every phone call was not going to be the one that crushed his heart forever
– her saying she was in love, engaged
.  He hoped that some day she would find her way home.

The women at Jessica’s school were surprisingly friendly. 
In the case of a couple of divorced ones, aggressively friendly.
  David tried to be polite, but there was no way to lie about a wife or a girlfriend or being gay. 
Tony was right, t
he eyes and ears of the small town
were very big.  They
knew all about him –or at least they thought they did.

He saw
Kate
every once in a while
.  She li
ved at home and went to school in
a neighboring town.  They were friendly with each other, like neighbors.  With Andy gone, the
y didn’t have much in common an
ymore, but they shared news of their friend together and so David was usually happy to see her.

The day that Nessa told David she knew the truth about Jessica, he felt like he’d been punched hard in the stomach. 
Was it even possible that he had basically kidnapped Jessica from her mother?  Was it possible that his mother and brother were so despicable that they hid everything from him and then abandoned him to raise her?

It was June again when he finally wrote to Holly.  He couldn’t bring himself to call, he might say something terrible and Vanessa was right, he didn’t know whether Holly knew where they were.  An email seemed too close and personal.  David knew he would be constantly checking for a response.  He wasn’t sure he could handle the immediacy and finality of it if she rejected Jessica that way.  Ultimately, he decided to pull out a piece of paper and write.

Dear Holly, 

That was a good start, right?  Why did letters always have to start with “Dear” he wondered.  It must be an old custom from a time when you wrote letters to people who meant a lot to you – your dear ones.  Holly wasn’t that.  She was just a girl – Jessica’s mother – who had the power to crush him by taking Jessica away or maybe not taking her away.  Still, he kept the formality.

A year ago, when we moved out here, my brother told me that he gave you our address and phone numbers.  So I’ve been surprised that you haven’t called Jessica at all.  She missed you
a lot in the beginning and I was pretty mad at you.  But I realize that Noah sometimes stretches the truth.

He went back to California last summer and I haven’t heard from him much.  I’ve been taking care of Jessica.  Enclosed is a recent picture of her.  As you can see, she’s grown a lot in the last two years.  She started Kindergarten here and she still talks about you.  I tell her that you’ll visit as soon as you can, but I don’t know if I’m lying to her.  She deserves better than that.

I really don’t want to force you to be her mother if that’s not what you want.  Noah has formally ma
de
me her guardian and I love her as much as anyone could possibly love her – father or not.  So, if you’ve stayed away for a reason you should know that I’m taking good care of her.

BUT, she would like to know her mother and if you have it in you to call or write or something, it would mean the world to her.

David included his
cellphone
number and address.  He put the letter in an envelope, addressed it to Holly at the Arizona address Ms. Nessa gave him, put a stamp on it and then tucked it into his desk drawer.  He wasn’t ready for this.

Since Andy had left for school last year, her emails came less and less often.  David had gone on a few dates – one with a girl from the food court at the mall, another from Jessica’s old daycare and a blind date that his grandmother had insisted on.  He didn’t go on any second dates.  They all seemed so awkward and forced.  When the girl from the mall found out about Jessica, she couldn’t find the door fast enough.  The daycare girl loved children, but she was really limited in adult conversation skills.  The last girl really,
really
wanted to be married soon.

David gutted through each date more horrible than the last and found himself thinking about the flecks of gold in Andy’s eyes and the way she could easily make him laugh.  Part of him wished he had kissed her the night of her going away party, but that would have been a game changer.  No, he decided that it was better he could be her friend.  She was too young to date a single father anyway.

Still, he was disappointed that she stayed in L.A. for the summer. 
Mrs. Taylor was happy to watch Jessica while he worked and, in exchange, he did their yard work and maintenance that Mr. Taylor complained he was getting too old for.  David was pretty sure it wasn’t a fair deal, but he wasn’t in a position to reject their kindness.

He took Jessica to Mr. and Mrs. Taylor’s for the 4
^th
of July again. This year she invited some school friends.  The Taylors seemed really excited to host a group of 5 year old girls and their parents.  When it got dark, they walked to the town square.  David put Jessica on his shoulders to watch the fireworks.

When they got home that night, he put Jessica to bed still covered in sticky red, white and blue
snow cone
juice.  He could hear his grandmother in her
bedroom,
she had probably waited up for them.  He watched Jessica sleeping with her mouth hanging slightly open and his heart was swollen with love for her, but he thought that maybe he deserved a little independence too.  He put Holly’s letter in the mail the next morning.

The call on his cell came at midnight a couple of days later.  He didn’t answer it because he didn’t recognize the number and it was too late to talk to strangers.  Holly left a message rambling about the time difference,
apologizing for calling so late
, saying that she wanted to find Jessica but that David’s mother wouldn’t tell her where they were.  She really wanted to talk to Jessica and thanked him for his letter.

They exchanged calls and emails for weeks before David brought it up to Jessica.  Holly understood that she couldn’t just walk back into her life, but she sounded good, much more mature than she had when he last saw her.  She really wanted to talk to Jessica and David finally gave in.

Holly had a scholarship and was studying graphic design.  She sent David her own creation of a graphic design using the letters in Jes
s
ica’s name.  Jessica began talking about her mother constantly and David knew that they would eventually have to meet.  The thought gave him mixed emotions, but the more they talked about her absence from Jessica’s life, the angrier he was at Noah and his mother for keeping Jessica apart from Holly.  What was clear was that Holly was trying.

Part IV - Andy

1

Nan must have defied the laws of physics to get to me as quickly as she did.  By dinner
the next day
, Nan was at my apartment door in a perfectly tailored black and white dress and red shoes.  Carrying the luggage was David.  My heart jumped.
  He had grown a little older in the last year or so, but it looked really good on him. 

“What are you doing here?” I laughed and nervously asked.
 
Seeing them both out of context felt strange.

“Nice to see you too.”

“That’s not what I mean.  Oh, I’m just a mess.”

Nan piped up “Andy, a lady should never travel alone and David was kind enough to offer his assistance.  Your parents are watching Jessica.  It’s a great favor to me that he’s here.”

“Of course, of course and I’m so happy to see you both.”  I hugged Nan who smelled faintly of roses and baby powder.  Then David gave me a long embrace and my
pulse quickened
.  Nan pretended to be looking at my apartment.

“Now, sweet pea, tell me what the trouble is.”

I looked anxiously at David.  I didn’t really want to air my dirty laundry in front of him, but he was here and I had no choice.  X was a problem and I didn’t know how to fix it myself.  Nan remained calm while I told her about him and our dates and what he’d done to Noah.  She even admired my new dress.  When I was finished, David excused himself to make a phone call.  I heard him yelling something about ruining another girl’s life and supposed he was talking to Noah.  I no longer cared.

Nan looked a little fragile that night, but a proud peacock as always.  I finished up with “Nan, I’m so sorry.  I don’t know how I got into this mess.
”  I threw myself into her arms
.

“I do, sweet pea.  You’re a nice girl and you think nice things about everybody.  It’s just in your nature to think the best of people.  This (she gestured grandly to the world) is not Kansas, Dorothy.”

“So what do I do?”

“I have a few thoughts on that, but it’s best not the think too hard on an empty stomach.  The car is coming to take us to the hotel to freshen up. I’ll send the driver back to get you and we’ll take you out to dinner.”

“But what about your bags?
  You aren’t staying here?”

Nan laughed lightly.  “Dear, those bags are for you – some comforts from home.”  I smiled gratefully.

As if summoned, the driver appeared at my door.  David and Nan left.  I immediately started digging into
my goodie
bags.  She brought me the old comforter I left because I thought I was
too grown up, Beardsley the bear
I named when my dad was in a beard phase and an envelope full of cash with a note to use it only for fun. 

I showered and changed into what became my nighttime uniform:  a black blouse, skinny jeans and boots.  It fit almost everywhere without being too trendy.
  While I was waiting for the driver to get back, the
robo
-phone rang.  Accept or Decline?  I wasn’t sure. 
In the end, I just star
ed at it, not touching it for fear of accidentally accepting the call until it stopped ringing.  After what felt like an eternity, the new message sound rang.