Dancing Hours (37 page)

He talked to me through the open bathroom door while he dressed
, brushed his teeth
and combed his hair.  Whatever cologne he spritzed on smelled like heaven to me.  Having no idea what kind of debauchery had been going through my mind, he popped out and asked if I was ready to go.  I said I was, but just before we left he said he had something for me.

“As you can imagine, we didn’t end up spending all the money your grandmother gave me last night.  She didn’t want the rest back, so I found something for you today.”

“Really?”
  I blushed.
“How sweet.”

He pulled
out
a box
and opened it to reveal
a
beautiful necklace.  I put it on right away and he smiled.  He touched the pendant, which hung in the middle of my
chest, setting off rapid heart
beats. 

“I hope you like it.”

“I love it.  It’s beautiful, thank you.”

“You’re beautiful.  And I know you feel weird about it, but I
do
love you.”

My heart was pounding now
, but I made a face
.  I looked into his eyes and wondered how I could have ever not been attracted to him.  Was there really a time when I thought about him as this older single dad, in a category different from my own?  I wished that I could take it back now.  I wished that I could go back and bonk myself on the head years ago and knock some sense into me.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I wasn’t really sure what to say.  I could tell him that I loved him, but he said it first and I really didn’t want him to think that it was just a knee jerk response.  And I knew that when he said he loved me, he meant that he loved me as a friend, his best friend and that he loved me so much he wanted to keep it that way.  That’s what we agreed. 
I had told friends I loved them before.  It was easy and I meant it.  Somehow, it was more complicated with David.  Before I could say anything, he
saved me from stumbling on my own tongue by grabbing my hand and heading for the door.

At my apartment, I found myself idly wondering in the shower if he was going through the same thoughts that I had.  I took some perverse pleasure in imagining that he was trying to see through the bathroom walls.  Unlike him, I wasn’t about to come out in a towel with my hair wet.  Although David had seen me
plenty
of times in a ponytail and no makeup, I was going to get gussied up before he saw me again.  My routine wasn’t complicated; I was probably only gone for 20 minutes, but David was asleep on my bed when I came out.  It was late afternoon and the sun was shining in warmly in an
orangish
glow.
  He looked so comfortable and I realized that I was pretty tired too from being up most of the night and then up again early this morning.  He’d gotten up even earlier than I had and he was in the wrong time zone.

I sat carefully on the bed and looked at him.  I thought for a few minutes about whether I should wake him.  I decided to lay down with him instead.  I was asleep in no time.  It was dark when I woke up.  The window was still open and I could see the glow of the city outside in the sky.  David had wrapped himself up behind me, his arm around my waist.  I could feel his breath on my neck and it tickled.  I could have laid there forever if not for the fact that I had to go to the bathroom.

I tried to gently disentangle myself, but he was awake.
  I promised to come back in a moment and I did.  I wasn’t sure if he had been cuddling with me on purpose or if he’d woken up while I was trying to get out of bed.  He was waiting for me in the living room and reached out to take my hand.  “I’m starving.  Let’s hope we can find some food.”
He said.

M
y stomach was empty too.  Lucky for us, restaurants
were still open
. 
He called Jessica to wish her a good night, but she was already in bed.  She’d waited up
until 9, but finally exhaustion had taken her over. 

Having run through most topics of conversation in the last couple of days, it turned to serious matters pretty quickly.  He wanted to know why I hadn’t come home, what I was hoping to accomplish out here.

I told him truthfully that I’d dreamed my whole life of getting out of the small town life, but when I got to Los Angeles, I was really homesick.  I missed being able to walk to the coffee shop and see some of my friends or
seeing the fireworks display from so close up without having to share a giant field with thousands of people.  But I didn’t want to be a failure.  I’d been staring at the same postcard of the Eiffel Tower for ten years and when
the opportunity to go presented itself, I had passed.  I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore and I felt ashamed. 

David wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.  I felt it like a hot ember burning there.  “The people who love you are always going to love you, whether you’ve been to Paris or not.  You should take a good long look in the mirror sometime, you’re pretty damn lovable.”

I laughed.

“So, are you going to come home and visit soon?”

“Yes, I will.  I know I need to.  Besides, Nan already got me a plane ticket
home for the summer
.”

“Good.  I knew I had a good reason to love her too.”

I smiled, but he couldn’t see it.  Everybody loved
Nan,
she was pretty hard not to love.
  But the fact that he loved my Nan made him even more attractive, if that was possible.  Before I could think about it, I kissed him.  He didn’t mind. 

We went back to my apartment and it was getting pretty late.  My roommate left a message that she was extending her weekend away and not to worry about her.  I had no intention of worrying about her anyway, but it felt like a sign to me.  I asked David to stay with me.
  “Let’s
not
be friends tonight.”
I said self-consciously, forcing myself to hold both his hands and look directly in his eyes.

He looked back at me intently
and seemed to be pondering my request, but I didn’t
want to
allow him the moment of indecision.  I pulled him to my room
and tried to push him onto the bed
like I’d seen in movies, but he remained standing
. 

“Let’s just think about this for a minute, Andy.”
he pulled away a hand and held it up between us.

I kissed him
and he kissed me back
, which lasted fo
r a few minutes until he pulled away
.  “I told you that it can’t be just a one night thing with me.”

“Are you telling me that you don’t want to?”  I could tell that he did want to and I was pretty sure I could get him past the point of objecting, but
a little part of me
knew that he was right.

“No, I really, really do.  And I really, really want to
be with you
the next night and th
e
night after that and every other night, but I have to go home to work and
Jessica
and my life there.”

“You have been acting like a grown-up, like an
old man
, for
years
.  You love me, right?  You said that.  And I love you too and I’ve had so much fun with you the last two days.  This feels right, doesn’t it?” I kissed him.  He stood there, thinking.  I turned off the lights and kissed him again.  This time he let me push him down onto the bed.  It wasn’t long before he started to respond.  He was tender, not aggressive, like he wanted to make it last forever.

With the shades still open from the day, the glow of the city competed with the fainter glow of the moon to illuminate us for each other.  I could see the rippled body I’d been aching to touch all day.
There were no ripped clothes or broken bedposts, none of the things you read about in romance novels.  It was beautiful
and perfect
.

Before we knew it, the sun was coming up and it was time for David to go.  He had an early flight to catch.  He laid there kissing me, though
, and I ran my hand along the length of his back
.  Our goodbye was prolonged and I doubted he even would have time for a shower at his hotel before it would be time to go.  Nan called and that’s what
finally
prompted him to get out of bed.  He dressed quietly while I chatted with her saying that I would miss her, that we hardly got to see each other and promising I would come home for the summer.  David smiled agreeably and the young guy in love shone through.  My heart
was
stabbed with the realization that he didn’t just love
me,
he was
in love
with me if there was such a thing as a difference.

As if Nan could read my thoughts, she asked me to tell David that he needed to be back to the hotel in 30 minutes to catch the plane.  I blushed and stammered and promised that I would tell him. 

“Did you two have a nice day together?” she inquired, innocently enough.

“Yes, of course we did” I insisted “but I wish I’d gotten to see you again.  What did you have to do that was more important than seeing your granddaughter?” I thought I might turn the tables on her inquiry.

“Just some old friends to see and things to take care of… don’t worry.  You’ll see me again soon because you’re coming home for the summer.  And you can thank me later for having things to do yesterday when I’m dancing at your wedding.”  I could hear her smiling on the other end of the line.

“Nan!”
  I exclaimed, chiding her presumptiveness.

W
e got off the phone
shortly after that
.  
I turned to David
“She said she needs you back in 30 minutes.”

He looked
surprised  “
She knows that I’m here?”

“Apparently.
  I shouldn’t be surprised.  She knows everything.”

He headed for the door, but before he walked out he took my hand and kissed me hard.  He pulled back and said “Promise me
this wasn’t just something you needed to get out of your system.”

“I promise.”  I said solemnly. 

“I’ll call you later.” 
Another kiss a
nd he was gone.

I meant what I’d said, everything.  I loved David.  I didn’t sleep with him to get it out of my system although it felt like it was a long time coming. 
A
fter he left, I showered and slept for a long time.  When I woke, I had to go to class and to work and to my life.  He was
back
home and phone calls weren’t much of a relationship.  I wouldn’t be able to go to movies with him or have dinner with him or real dates.  I felt suddenly more alone than I had when I first showed up.