Dangerous to Know & Love (22 page)

He laughed and pretended to look scared.

Lisanne didn’t want to spoil the banter, but there was a big elephant in the room that they weren’t discussing. She wasn’t sure how to bring up Dr. Pappas’ words to her. But she
needed
to know… to understand.

“Daniel…” she began. “About what Dr. Pappas said…”

He frowned and looked down, his mood changing rapidly.

“Lis…”

“Please, I just want to understand. What did he mean?”

For a moment she thought he was going to refuse to explain, but instead he took a deep breath.

“He was talking about a cochlear implant.”

“Cochlear?” Lisanne tested the unfamiliar word.

He nodded. “It’s part of the inner ear. I can give you all the technical shit but basically it processes sound. There’s an implant that’s been developed that can give back some hearing. It doesn’t work for all deaf people – it depends on what caused the hearing loss.”

“Would it work for you?”

“Maybe. Dr. Pappas thinks so.”

Lisanne was confused. If the doctor thought it could help Daniel to hear again, she couldn’t imagine what he was waiting for.

“You don’t want to?”

“No, I fucking don’t!”

Lisanne was shocked by the vehemence of his reply. She pushed her finger into a worn patch on the knee of her jeans.

“I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because!” he shouted, then lowered his voice. “Because it means having a fucking chunk of metal drilled into your skull, and a magnet shoved under your skin so you can clip on a receiver that’s attached to
another
fucking hearing aid. And after all that, there’s no guarantee it would work. I told you – I’m sick of hospitals.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m sick of being different.”

“But you could hear again?”

“
Could. Could
hear. Nothing’s definite.”

Lisanne wasn’t sure how far she should push him, but she still didn’t understand why he was so against trying.

“Wouldn’t some hearing be worth it? Isn’t it worth trying?”

He looked at her angrily.

“You think I’m broken, don’t you? You think I should be
fixed
. You want me to be normal. I’ll never be your version of normal, Lis. I’ll never be like you – like them.”

He waved his arm around, to emphasize his point.

She felt tears start in her eyes.

“I’m not trying to fix you, Daniel. I just want you to be happy. I love you just the way you are.”

He blinked at her, looking shocked. Lisanne held her breath when she realized what she’d said. She hadn’t meant to say it. She didn’t even realize it was true until that moment.

“You… you
love
me?” His voice was faint, disbelieving.

Lisanne nodded slowly, afraid to take her eyes away from his beautiful face.

“But… why?”

He looked lost, confused, so unsure of himself: Lisanne felt her heart tremble.

“Because you’re kind, and good, and sweet, and funny. Because I feel happy when I’m with you. You make me feel protected, safe.” She shrugged. “You’re everything.”

His voice was bewildered. “But why?”

Lisanne shook her head, unable to speak any further.

She crawled up the bed and he automatically wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her toward him. She lay with her head on his chest, listening to the frantic pounding of his heart.

His skin was warm and silky, inviting Lisanne to place gentle kisses over his torso.

He shivered under her touch and pulled her in tighter, making it hard for her to move. Needing to keep touching him, she traced the tattoo on his left shoulder with one finger. It was a bird, bursting from flames – a phoenix in red and gold: the symbol of rebirth. The tail feathers curled around to the top half of his chest, resting just above the small silver ring that pierced his nipple. Further down his arm, there were dark blue swirls that looked like waves and in between them, tiny musical notes in black.

She knew that on his other shoulder, he carried a dragon in a Celtic design of sea-greens and blues. She pushed away from him so she could see it again.

A sinuous lizard coiled itself from his elbow to the top of his arm, silvery gray smoke curling from its nostrils.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed. “You’re beautiful.” She let her finger drift over his bicep. “Why a dragon? Does it mean anything?”

He nodded slowly, one had stroking her back in long, languid, featherlight touches.

“The dragon means
wisdom, and the ability to go through different worlds.”

Different worlds.

Lisanne thought she was beginning to understand, but Daniel didn’t make it easy.

She followed the dragon’s tail thoughtfully, Daniel’s eyes watching her.

“You’ve got another tattoo… on your hip. I saw it… last time.”

He nodded, his eyes so dark and sensuous, the hazel eclipsed.

“Do you want to see it again?”

Lisanne wasn’t sure if they were still talking tattoos, but managed to murmur, “Yes.”

Daniel unbuttoned his jeans and pulled the zipper down. Then he pushed a corner of the denim away to reveal his hipbone and two Kanji in black ink.

“What do they mean?”

“It’s Japanese. It says ‘nozomu’. It means hope or wish.”

Lisanne traced the outline with her index finger and his body quivered under her touch.

Suddenly, he pulled her hand away.

“What?”

“Lis, you’re making it hard for me to stop from fucking you here and now,” he said, breathing heavily.

She froze, then looked up at him.

“What if I don’t want you to stop?”

He hesitated, trying to read certainty in her steady gaze.

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I do. I do mean it.”

He growled low in his throat, suddenly pulling her face to his lips and kissing her cheeks, her chin, her throat, her mouth.

Lisanne gasped and wound her hands behind his neck, kissing him back passionately. She felt his tongue slide into her mouth, tasting faintly of beer, her brain fogged with lust.

His hands tugged on the bottom of her t-shirt and Lisanne pulled it over her head. Daniel moaned at the sight of her bare flesh and sank his face between her breasts and nuzzled them softly, letting his teeth pull at the cup of her bra.

The breath caught in her throat as for the first time in her life, she had the sensation of a man’s hot mouth on her bare nipple. His tongue rolled over and around the tight bud and his teeth grazed the flesh, making Lisanne arch her back. With a quick, practiced movement, Daniel snapped the fastening on her bra and pulled the straps over Lisanne’s arms, tossing it to the floor.

Then he rolled her onto her back, bracing himself on his forearms, his left knee between her thighs, and began to feast on her breasts.

Lisanne’s senses were overwhemed as his hard, heavy body pressed into hers. She couldn’t help wanting to stroke his broad back as he hovered over her. She felt his muscles shiver as she touched him, running her fingers all the way down to the curve of his ass cheeks.

A long sigh left his throat as he sucked her skin gently.

Barely coherent, she forced her hand inside his jeans and started to push the waistband over his hips. He leaned away from her and sat up long enough for him to kick the pants and his briefs free.

They didn’t speak as her hands reached for him again, and he sighed again as she wrapped her hand around him.

He kissed her down her body, forcing her to let go of him. Then his fingers unhooked the button on her jeans, and he pulled the zipper down. Without moving them off of her, he slipped a finger inside her panties and groaned when he found her wet.

Lisanne gasped and arched her hips into his, feeling his erection pushing against her stomach. She couldn’t imagine how that would feel
inside
her – everything she’d read, everything she’d heard made her afraid it would hurt. But she didn’t want to stop. She couldn’t.

His fingers pumped gently inside her, his thumb pressing against the warm, tight flesh. His mouth mimicked the movements on her neck and shoulders, gradually increasing the speed. She tried desperately to assimilate everything she was feeling, but her mind was overpowered by sensation.

Her hips bucked onto his hand and the same slow burn, the fizzing of her blood, that she’d felt before, began again.

“Daniel!” she gasped. “Daniel, I… I…” but her thoughts and words were swept away as her body took control.

This orgasm was even more intense than the last. The intimacy they’d found by sharing their doubts and fears, maybe that was the reason.

She hadn’t run. And he was still there, with her.

Daniel stroked her face.

“Lis? Lis? Do you still want me?”

His voice was filled with tension.

“Yes,” she said, the breath shuddering in her lungs. “I want you.”

Daniel tugged off her jeans, followed by her panties, surprising her when he leaned down to kiss her pubic bone, nuzzling her wiry hair.

“You smell so good,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Can I taste you?”

“Uh… uh… I don’t know…” she gasped.

“Please? It’ll feel good, I promise.”

She nodded, bewildered, and he smiled at her.

To Lisanne’s extreme embarrassment, his head disappeared between her thighs and she felt his hot tongue between her lips. When he flicked her clit, he drew a long moan from her.

Embarrassment fled, and Lisanne was pulled under again by the extremes of her responses.

Her fingers clawed at his shoulders, making him look up.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his voice tight with need.

“Y-yes, I think so,” she whispered.

He closed his eyes for a moment.

“Be sure, Lisanne.”

“Yes, I’m sure. Please, Daniel.”

The need in her own voice surprised her.

He pulled away from her and reached down to the floor to find his jeans, plucking out his wallet and grabbing a condom. He sat on the edge of the bed, ripping open the foil packet. Lisanne watched, fascinated, as he rolled the thin film of rubber over his erection, tugging it into place securely.

“Okay?” he said again, his eyes locked on hers.

She stroked his arm. “Yes.”

He climbed back onto the bed, his body shadowing hers.

Lisanne screwed her eyes shut and grabbed the duvet and sheet with her fingers, waiting for the invasion.

Her eyes flickered open in surprise when she felt soft kisses drifting across her chest and neck.

“Relax,” he breathed. “It’s going to be fine, baby.” He rubbed his nose across her cheekbone. “Kiss me, Lisanne.”

The way he said her name freed something in her mind. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth toward hers.

He kissed her with such intensity, with such certainty and ardor, that her whole body flamed under his touch.

Gently, he pushed her knees into place and settled himself between her legs. Using his left hand, he coaxed her knees upwards, stroking her thighs.

She felt his tip probing at her entrance and he pushed inside a short way.

Lisanne tensed immediately.

“Relax,” he breathed onto her lips.

She took a deep breath, and as she did so, he moved into her with a quick thrust.

Lisanne cried out as a brief spark of pain shot through her.

Daniel held himself without moving.

“Are you okay?” he asked tightly, staring down into her eyes.

“I… I think so.”

He moved his hips slowly, and sank a little deeper into her. She gasped as the strange and alien feeling filled her. Her flesh burned, but tiny shivers of desire skittered around the edges of her consciousness.

“Tap my arm if you want me to stop,” hissed Daniel, his eyes scrunched shut.

He started to pull out slowly, then push back in. Out and in, long, supple strokes.

Lisanne’s body stretched and pulsed around him, and he groaned.

He continued to move carefully, establishing a slow, steady rhythm.

“Fuck, you feel so damn good, baby doll. Nngh, shit…”

Lisanne opened her eyes and gazed down at herself, hypnotised by the way their flesh was initmately connected, his length glistening with the proof of her own arousal.

She looked up, and saw his eyes fixed on hers, full of dark heat. He circled his hips and she cried out again, this time with pleasure.

“Oh!” she breathed out, the sound faint on her lips, as she watched his eyelids flutter.

She gripped his biceps and Daniel opened his eyes.

“Okay, baby?”

“Oh, God, yes!” Lisanne gasped out.

He kissed her roughly and his hips began to move faster, the rhythm faltering slightly as he neared his own orgasm.

His breathing became erratic and he couldn’t help himself from thrusting hard, despite the promises to himself that he wouldn’t lose control.

“Shit, I’m coming,” he gasped.

He felt the tightening in his balls as Lisanne’s flesh quivered around him. She cried out again, and he felt it vibrate through her chest. It was too much.

He reared up, his back arching as he thrust into her one last time, trembled and was still.

Panting hard, he rested his forehead on her neck, and felt her soft hands in his hair. He took a deep breath to try and steady his racing heart, then reached down between them and made sure the condom was still in place as he carefully pulled out of her.

He noticed there was blood on the sheets and on his hand as he tugged off the condom and tied it in a knot, before dropping it onto the floor.

Concerned he’d hurt her, Daniel leaned up on his elbow and stared at her flushed face. Gently he stroked her cheek.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded, smiling up at him.

“Sure?”

She raised her fingers to his lips and pushed them into a smile.

“I’m sure.”

“Did it hurt? Did I hurt you?”

“A little, but it’s okay. It felt…” but Lisanne had no words.

Instead she smiled her answer and kissed him lightly on the lips.

Relieved, Daniel lay back, one hand behind his head.

Lisanne was struggling to define how she felt. Amazing, for one thing, but confused how pain – and it had hurt as he’d pushed inside her – how pain could bring such pleasure. Feeling him inside her, around her, surrounding her…
seeing
him move inside her – it had been extraordinary. And yet part of her felt the same: she was still Lisanne – music major and major nerd. She now knew that no matter how many times you read about the mechanics of making love with someone, it could never really explain the feeling. Girls at her high school had either raved about it or said it was horrible and painful.