Dangerous to Know & Love (47 page)

Daniel took a deep breath, trying to order the words that he’d thought a thousand times.

“If this works, I’ll hear music again. It’s about the music. Lis – she just… I see what music means to her.” He shrugged. “She reminds me of me… how I used to be.”

Zef sighed, and his shoulders dropped as his aggressive stance relaxed.

“Yeah, I get that. I just hated the way you snuck off and did it. I mean, fuck. I’m your
brother
and you told that bitch but you didn’t tell me.”

“If you call her that again, we’re going to have a serious fucking problem.” Daniel paused. “And I didn’t tell
anyone
. It was
my
decision – no one else’s.”

Zef shook his head. “Whatever. Just tell me that Medicaid covers
everything
. We’re not going to get landed with any big hospital bills or shit.”

A bitter expression crossed Daniel’s face. “No. It’s covered.”

“Good.” Zef stared at his brother. “Look, I’ve got to get going. I brought you some smokes and a little something extra.” He winked. “See you at home tomorrow.”

After Zef left, Daniel dragged himself back to bed. Despite bitching like crazy about having to stay in for another night, he was secretly relieved. Everything at the hospital was in order, everything was calm. He didn’t have to worry about who the hell was in his house, or what shit his brother was getting into. If his Baby Doll could have been there, it would have been damn near perfect – except for feeling like he’d lost a fight against a bad-tempered rhino, and now had a hangover that could have felled a Canadian hockey team.

He climbed wearily onto his bed, pulling Zef’s gift toward him: the plastic bag contained two packs of Camel, a lighter, blunt wrappers, and a small cube wrapped in tin foil. Daniel sniffed it – resin dope. It explained the blunt wrappers. Jeez, he was tempted.

He hadn’t told Zef, but he’d tried to give up smoking before the operation – an additional reason that Lisanne had found him jittery and with a short fuse. It wasn’t the best timing, what with feeling so fucking stressed, but he figured he’d feel shit enough in hospital without being desperate for a smoke, as well. Trouble was, three weeks hadn’t been long enough to break a three year, 20 a day habit.

He checked the window by his bed. Typical hospital arrangement – it would only open a few inches. Not enough room to lean out and have a smoke. Or take a fucking dive. Sighing, he dropped the bag on the floor where it was out of sight, and lay back carefully. His head hurt like a bitch and he could only lie comfortably with his face turned to the right.

He knew he wasn’t the world’s most patient person, in fact he’d go so far as to admit he was an impatient son of a bitch – which meant that the next few days of sitting around were going to be a pain in the butt. And it would be well into January before the audiologist first attempted to tune in the processor and transmitter, followed by more weeks of waiting to see how much – or if – he’d be able to hear.

He hated the thought of having to deal with a hearing device, batteries, and all of that again. He remembered when he’d first worn hearing aids to high school. His real friends had treated him pretty much the same, but there was all the usual name-calling: ‘soundproof’, ‘earwax’, ‘cyborg’, ‘Dan Deaf’ – short conversations with fuckwits that Daniel had ended with his fists. Conversations that had driven his parents crazy because of all the times they’d been called in to speak to the Principal about another fight he’d gotten into.

But worse than the fights had been the pitying glances. Girls who’d flirted with him and thought he was hot, now looked like they felt sorry for him and wanted to bake him cookies instead of making out behind the gym. He never wanted to see that sort of pity on Lisanne’s face. He couldn’t help worrying how she’d react the first time he wore his new hearing processor. He knew from experience that it was one thing to know that someone was deaf, but a whole other thing entirely to see the physical manifestation of that
disability.
Would she look at him differently? Would he start to see the sideways glances? Would he read regret in her face? Regret for getting involved with someone like him.

And while he was still concerned to maintain his privacy at college, he didn’t care so much anymore about the negative comments from people he didn’t know. They could all just fuck right off.

His thoughts turned to Zef. He’d never seen him wound so tight. Whatever was going on was serious. 

He rubbed his forehead again. It was the only part of his head that didn’t hurt.

A nurse came in with more Tylenol and looked like she wanted to stay and chat, but Daniel was feeling drained and his eyes were closing.

He slept fitfully, dreaming that Lisanne’s disappointed eyes were turning away from him.

By morning, Daniel was desperate to leave. His headache had lessened, and he’d practiced walking across the room, testing his balance and fighting off sudden attacks of vertigo. He was left kicking his heels until the doctor made his rounds again. Daniel was just thinking of heading the hell out, when the same guy as the day before wafted in.

“Good morning, Mr. Colton,” said the doctor, trying to sound severe.

“Yeah, can I get out of here now?”

Dr. Mendez checked the wound again, declaring himself satisfied – but wouldn’t sign off because of the fact that Daniel was still lurching as he walked across the room.

“I think one more night just to be sure, Mr. Colton.”

“Not going to happen, doc. Things to do, places to be.”

“That would not be sensible.”

“Come on, give me a break. You want me out of here just as much as I want to go.”

The doctor finally cracked a smile.

“Will you have someone to look after you for a couple of days until you’re back on your feet?”

“Sure. My brother is… home.”

“Fine,” said the doctor, resigned. “I’ll get the pharmacy to send up a pack of gauze so you can have your brother dress your wound. You’ll need to return in five days to have the stitches removed.”

Daniel nodded.

“And I’ll have an orderly bring a wheelchair to take you down.”

“Fuck that! I’m not going to be wheeled out of here!”

“I thought you might say that,” sighed the doctor, “but if you fall over on your way out of the hospital, it’ll be my ass that gets sued. And wait until your taxi is at the curb.”

Daniel looked like he was about to argue.

“Just take the damn chair,” snapped the doctor. “Please.”

Daniel smiled then cautiously pulled on a black beanie, making sure it covered the gauze as well as both ears.

“Fair enough.”

It turned out that the porter was a football fan, and soon forgot that he was supposed to be wheeling Daniel
in
the chair as they walked along. Instead they talked about the new Falcons signing who could bench press 225 pounds 24 reps, and run a forty yard dash in 4.43 seconds.

Daniel was so focused on the conversation that he almost missed Lisanne and her parents, as they made their way through the crowded entrance.

He felt someone grab his elbow, nearly tipping him over. When he’d caught his balance he glanced up to see Lisanne’s worried face.

The porter hurried away, looking guilty.

“Hey, baby doll” said Daniel, with a grin. “I got sprung.”

“Are you sure? You look kind of wobbly.”

He winked at her, and she sighed.

“Fine. Mom and dad are here – we can give you a ride.”

“‘S’okay, I can get a cab.”

“Shut up and get in the damn car, Daniel.”

He grinned. “Feisty, baby doll. I like it.”

She pulled his arm again, more gently this time, and placed it around her waist, where Daniel was more than happy to have it.

Monica hugged him and kissed his cheek, which made Daniel duck his head in embarrassment. He was much more comfortable with Ernie’s brisk handshake.

He climbed into the back of their station wagon, trying to ignore the annoying feeling of vertigo every time he leaned forward. That shit could make you nauseous. He gave Ernie the zip code for the GPS, and sat back in the car, feeling Lisanne’s warm hand in his. He wished he could kiss his girl properly, but he knew she wouldn’t want that in front of her parents. He sighed. It was three weeks until the start of the next semester – three weeks before he’d see Lisanne again.

He felt her fingers tighten on his hand and he smiled at her, before leaning back and letting the streets drift past him, a silent parade of shops, offices, people, cars.

When they reached Daniel’s house, Monica turned worried eyes toward her husband. There seemed to be a party going on at the Colton home. Cars and motorbikes lined the road and loud music blared out. One guy was urinating by the side of the house, and two more were sitting on the front steps, sharing a bottle of tequila.

Daniel kept his face neutral, but he could make a pretty good guess what Lisanne’s parents must be thinking.

“We can’t leave him here!” hissed Monica.

Ernie nodded, his face angry.

“Daniel…” Lisanne began.

“Hey, don’t worry, baby doll,” he said, kissing her cheek lightly. “It doesn’t bother me – I can’t hear any of it, so no problem.”

Lisanne hated hearing him laugh it off like that.

He leaned forward to open the door, pausing until the head rush passed.

“Hey,” she tapped his hand, “do you have any food in the house?”

“Sure. I stocked up on Pop Tarts. I’m kidding! Yeah, I bought food, no problem.”

“Is… is Zef home?”

Daniel shrugged. “Don’t know. Baby doll, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Text me when you get home? Thanks for the ride Monica, Mr. Maclaine.”

“Mom!” said Lisanne desperately. “Dad?”

Her parents looked at each other, a silent agreement passing between them.

Monica turned around so Daniel could see her face.

“Why don’t you come and stay with us while you recuperate. You’d be more than welcome.”

Daniel glanced at Lisanne in surprise.

“Um, that’s really nice of you, Monica, but…”

“You can’t stay here!” said Lisanne, desperately. “Who’ll look after you?”

Daniel started to shake his head, then winced.

“I’ll be fine, Lis. I wasn’t expecting anything – this is what I’m used to. And I have to be back at the hospital in five days for them to take the stitches out.”

“But…”

“I should stay near the hospital where the surgery was done, Lis. Just in case.”

Which was the winning argument.

Lisanne bit her lip. “But you’ll come after that? Mom, Dad, he can come for Christmas, right?”

“Of course,” said Monica, looking to her husband for confirmation.

“You’ll be very welcome,” said Ernie.

Daniel still looked surprised as he turned to Lisanne. “I just gotta get through the next week, baby doll.” Then he looked at Monica. “Is it okay if I let you know?”

“Yes, of course. Be well, Daniel. But… you know you can call if you need anything?”

He gave a wide, genuine smile. “Thanks, Monica.”

Moving slowly, he climbed out of the car and made his way up to the front door, turned carefully and waved.

Chapter 20

Daniel made his way past the men sitting outside his house, who glanced at him with slight curiosity, then pushed his way through to the hall. It was jammed full of strangers – and even more trashed than usual. He hadn’t thought that was possible, without actually torching the place.

The living room was full of gyrating bodies dancing, drinking and snorting fuck knows what. His eyes narrowed on a woman who was shooting up in the corner. Nobody noticed, or if they did, nobody cared. Fuck, he had to admit that things had gotten a lot worse recently.

For the first time he felt disgusted with what his home had become. He could put up with people drinking, smoking weed and snorting coke – hell, he’d done all of those things and often. Well, not so much since he’d started college – or rather, since he’d started seeing Lisanne – but he didn’t count it as anything too serious. If people wanted to party, that was their choice. But this – this was different. He thought back to what Detective Dickwad had told him – that Zef was dealing meth. As far as Daniel knew, that shit could be smoked, snorted, injected or just plain swallowed. Maybe Dickwad was right, and this had all been going on under Daniel’s nose, so to speak. Maybe Daniel had closed his eyes to all of this for too damn long. He tried to push the thought away but it was like a virus, working through his body, spreading its insidious poison.

As he trudged up the stairs, the whole scene happening in the rooms below made him wonder if he didn’t need a better lock on his bedroom door. Or maybe just reinforced steel plate. He wished again he could afford to move out, then felt guilty for thinking about leaving Zef. His brother was all the family he had left.

Instead, he sent him a text letting him know that he was home.

His head was pounding and the skin on the left side felt tight and sore. All he wanted to do was lie down in his own damn bed and rest. Tired as he was, his brain was twisting with thoughts and ideas, trapped in the whirlpools and eddies of his consciousness. He’d learned that you can run from everything but your own sweet self.

He tried to focus.

When had Zef changed his business pattern? Daniel searched backward through his memories: when, when had things started to accelerate toward the bad?

He sat up suddenly and had to clutch his stomach, as a brief wave of nausea rushed through him.

Fuck, he’d been so blind!

He lowered himself down carefully, and knelt on the dusty floorboards, pulling out a box from under his bed. It was filled with financial documents, many from his parents’ time: their Wills, along with health insurance, college fees, bank statements, bills, credit card statements – and details of his college trust fund. He’d gone through it all when he’d decided to have the CI operation. He’d needed to confirm that Medicaid covered it, as it turned out – at least until he was 21. But now, he couldn’t find the trust fund documents. He searched through the papers but they’d vanished. Frustrated and starting to see double, he went through each document for a third time. Still nothing.