Read Danny Baker Record Breaker (5): The World's Itchiest Pants Online
Authors: Steve Hartley
Danny Baker Record Breaker (5): The World's Itchiest Pants (5 page)
‘DON’T BE DOPEY!
YOU’RE MAKING ME GRUMPY!’
‘Our snowmen have been squished,’ said Matthew. ‘What’ll we do?’
‘We’ll rebuild them all tomorrow!’ whispered Danny. ‘This is a job for the Abominable Snowboys!’
Matt called for Danny straight after breakfast the following day.
‘I’ve hidden our disguises in the HQ,’ said Danny. ‘Let’s go!’
The boys scurried down to the corner of the front garden, crawled into the igloo and put on their disguises. They grinned at each other, pulled down the bobble-hat masks and put their underpants
on over their overpants.
‘The Abominable Snowboys are go!’ said Danny, peeking out of the entrance to make sure Natalie wasn’t watching from the house. ‘All clear!’
He and Matthew scuttled across the snow and headed down the road to check on the snowmen they had built at school.
‘The Squisher’s been busy again,’ said Danny as they approached the gates.
Mr Flutey’s arm had been broken off, and the tutti-frutti lolly shoved up his nose. ‘Beaky’ Rogers was just a shapeless white mound with the orange cone on top, and the snowy
dinner lady, Mrs Gommersall, had been chopped and sliced like a loaf of bread. Mrs Woodcock’s huge head had been knocked off and yet another note skewered to it with a long glistening
icicle:
‘DON’T LOSE
YOUR
HEADS!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!’
The boys made quick repairs to Mrs Gommersall and Mr Flutey, then heaved Mrs Woodcock’s head back on to her body.
‘It’s back to front,’ said Matthew.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ replied Danny. ‘She looks better that way.’
He scribbled a defiant message of his own on the back of the note and stabbed it into the snow-teacher’s back:
‘WE’LL STAY ONE STEP A-HEAD OF YOU!’
Danny and Matthew made their way into town. This time there was no need to duck into doorways or creep around corners – their disguises hid their identities – and they were able to
take their time repairing all the spoilt snowmen.
Whenever the boys came to a nasty notice, they flipped the card over and wrote a cheeky reply:
‘WE’RE NOT SNOWFLAKES!’
And:
‘WE WON’T MELT AWAY!’
And:
‘YOU’VE GOT SNOW BUSINESS WRECKING OUR SNOWMAN!’
And:
‘WE ARE THE ABOMINABLE SNOWBOYS!’
Outside the Woof and Fluff Animal Hospital, Danny and Matthew decided to make some brand-new snow-sculptures. They dug and shaped, making a queue of animals waiting for the vet
to arrive.
At the front stood the Big Bad Wolf being chased by the Three Little Pigs; next in line came Nellie the Elephant being frightened by the Three Blind Mice, and bringing up the rear was St George
and his Dragon.
As it began to get dark, another heavy fall of snow swept across the town. A small crowd of people who had stopped to watch the boys clapped and cheered as Danny stuck a final message on the
end of Nellie the Elephant’s trunk:
‘IF YOU KNOCK THEM DOWN, WE’LL BUILD THEM UP AGAIN!’
‘Time to go home,’ he said. ‘We’ll see what happens tomorrow.’
The next morning, the boys followed a fresh trail of ski tracks through the town. Every single snowman they had made or repaired had been smashed to the ground during the night.
‘Look at this,’ said Matthew, pointing to the note Danny had left on Nellie the Elephant’s trunk.
On the back of the card was another spidery scrawl:
‘IF YOU BUILD THEM UP, I’LL KNOCK THEM DOWN AGAIN!’
‘It said on TV that the Big Thaw will start in three days,’ said Matthew. ‘If the Squisher keeps squishing, we’ll just run out of time.’
Danny thought for a moment. ‘We
can
still break the record,’ he said, setting off for home. ‘I’ve got a letter to write, and this time it’s not to Mr
Bibby!’
To the Editor
The Penleydale Clarion
Wapping Street
Dear Sir
Please can you print this notice on your front page:
