Danny Baker Record Breaker (5): The World's Itchiest Pants (8 page)

We’ve also made funny walking sticks called Tallypant Twytty-knockers. They’re shaped like a daffodil, and in the mountains around Poo-wiggly-wig they play a game
called the Twytty-knocker Grab. You drop a pile of the sticks on the ground, bounce a ball as high as you can, grab a few sticks and then catch the ball. You keep doing it until you drop the ball.
The winner is the person who’s collected the most twytty-knockers.

It’s really hard, but I kept practising and managed to grab seventeen sticks! Is there any chance I’ve broken a record?

Best wishes

Danny Baker

PS I was hoping to get the chance to ride the scariest rollercoaster in the world, the Pontypyddl PantWetter, when I’m in Wales, but my dad says it’s in a different
part of the country. Not Ace!

The Great Big Book
of World Records
London

Dear Danny

You will feel at home at the Phwllwygol-y-wig Adventure Centre: it’s a record breaker! It has the biggest domed wigwam in Wales: ‘The Wygol-y-wigwam’. It is
21 m high at the centre and has a circumference of 135 m.

The ancient game of Twytty-knocker Grabbing is only played in Phwllwygol-y-wig, because that is the only place where you find the Tallypant Twytty. This is a rare breed of
Welsh mountain sheep, who has a right leg shorter than its left leg, so that it can walk straight across the steep mountain hillsides without falling over. However, it can only go in one direction,
because as soon as it turns round, it
does
fall over. Local farmers use the twytty-knocker to drive the sheep backwards across the mountain so they can begin grazing again.

The world record for grabbing the sticks is seventy-three, by Champion Twytty-knocker Grabber Olwyn Humphries of Abersoch, so your attempt was an excellent one, but well short
of the best.

Enjoy your stay in Wales, Danny.

Best wishes

Eric Bibby

Keeper of the Records

‘Look at the size of that wigwam!’ said Danny, peering through the window as the coach pulled to a halt in a forest clearing that was the Phwllwygol-y-wig
Adventure Centre. ‘Mr Bibby says it’s a record breaker!’

Danny and Matthew stared out at a huge domed building in the centre of the clearing. It was made of brown canvas stretched over long, curving tree trunks, and seemed to have grown like a big
pimple from the forest floor.

Two long, wide wooden huts stood on either side of the wigwam, one painted custard-yellow, the other gooseberry-green, while a row of ten conical tents signposted ‘The Pee-pee
Teepees’ stood behind it. Towering trees with trunks as straight as pencils pressed in on the clearing, enclosing it like a fence. Clumps of daffodils burst from the ground for as far as
Danny could see, like little glowing fountains of green and gold in the shadowy forest.

‘Girls, follow me to the girls’ cabin,’ called Miss Dunderhead, stepping out of the coach and striding away to the yellow hut.

‘Lads are in the green cabin,’ said Mr ‘Polly’ Parrot. ‘Find a bed and unpack your things. If anyone wants the toilet, you’ll find them in the Pee-pee Teepees
on the far side of the giant wigwam in the middle of the camp.’

Danny and Matthew grabbed their packs and raced across the muddy ground.

‘Bunk beds!’ exclaimed Danny as he pushed through the door at one end of the hut. ‘Ace!’

‘I bags the bottom bunk!’ said Matthew, diving on to the nearest empty bed.

‘I bags the top bunk!’ laughed Danny, clambering up the wooden ladder two steps at a time and hanging upside down making monkey noises at his friend.

The ten other boys from Danny’s class charged into the hut to claim their bunks. They were soon followed by around ten boys from another school, and playful pillow fights broke out.

‘What school are you from?’ asked one of the new kids, bashing Danny over the head with his pillow.

‘Coalclough Primary,’ replied Danny, laughing and fighting back. ‘What about you?’

‘We’re from . . .’ But before the boy could answer, Mr ‘Polly’ Parrot yelled ‘QUIET!’ and the hut fell silent. ‘Leave your bags on your beds and
get over to the wigwam for the Welcome Powwow,’ he ordered. ‘Take your wellies off and leave them outside on the left of the entrance.’

The boys funnelled out of the hut and hurried across the clearing.

‘Ace!’ gasped Danny as they entered the wigwam.

‘Cool!’ agreed Matthew.

The curving canvas roof rose high above them like a massive cave. It was painted white and decorated all over with drawings of animals and trees. The floor was covered with colourful square
rugs, and the space buzzed with the excited chatter of dozens of kids sitting cross-legged on them.

Teachers from the two schools directed the boys to one side of the wigwam and the girls to the other. Danny and Matthew found a space on a rug and sat down.

Suddenly, with a loud cry of ‘Geronimo!’, a man and woman swung over the children’s heads into the wigwam on ropes, landing nimbly like cats in front of the audience. The man
had curly blond hair and wore a gooseberry-green sweatshirt. He raised a short wooden whistle to his lips and blew:

‘QUAAAAAAAACK! QUACK! QUACK!’

The woman was dressed in a custard-yellow fleece and had pulled her long black hair into a flopping ponytail. ‘My name’s Bunny Grylls,’ she announced. ‘I’m an
Aussie too, and I’m Leader of the Gobsmacking Girls!’

‘We’ve got oodles of awesome adventures, crazy crafts and cool competitions for you this week,’ Bunny continued. ‘And it’s boys versus girls all the way!’

‘But first, the Camp Rules,’ said Bush. ‘Number One: every time you meet one of your mates, you must use the camp greeting, which is:
Silly-billy-dilly-dally-bing-bang-bong!’

The kids began to laugh and chatter again, until a blast on Bush’s duck whistle made them quiet once more.

‘Rule Number Two,’ said Bunny. ‘You get up at six thirty when you hear the Wakey-wakey Hooter.’ She gave three blasts on a klaxon horn. ‘And you go to sleep, Lights
Out at nine thirty, straight after you hear the Curfew Kazoo,’ she added, pulling an instrument from her pocket and tooting a silly tune.

‘Rule Number Three,’ said Bush. ‘No one is allowed out of their hut after we blow the Curfew Kazoo. If you want to go to the toilet in the night, you’ll need a Pee-pee
Pass-out.’

‘If you’re caught outside after Lights Out without a Pass-out,’ said Bunny, ‘you’ll have to do the Poo-wiggly-wig Wipe-up.’

‘Llewellyn, the security guard, and his guard goose, Gwyneth, patrol the camp after dark,’ continued Bush. ‘And let me tell you, you don’t want to meet gruesome
guard-goose Gwyneth on a dark night in the forest. She’s as cranky as a frog in a sock!’

Bunny nodded. ‘Too right, Bush! The competitions start this arvo, right after lunch, with a woodland bottom-shuffle relay race.’

At that moment an excited yelp burst from the girls’ side of the room.

‘DANNY!’

All faces turned to stare at a girl waving frantically in Danny’s direction. She wore a crimson jacket and her bright red hair was twisted into two tight pigtails.

Danny’s tummy did a somersault and his toes curled up inside his socks. He ducked down, his face burning, as all faces swivelled round to stare at
him.

‘I don’t believe it,’ he hissed at Matthew. ‘It’s Sally Butterworth!’