Dare (Finding Love Book 1) (12 page)

It’s been a few weeks since that night with Dare. We’ve slowly grown closer to each other in that time, opening up a little bit. I’m still keeping my texts and my past a secret from him, but I don’t feel as guilty since I know Dare is also keeping something from me. Not a very good idea, but I’m letting it happen. He’s still texting someone and every time I attempt to ask him about it, he shuts down or changes the subject.

Today we’re at his apartment, watching a few movies. I can tell Dare is preoccupied from his continuous glances at his phone. Though annoying, I can only watch. If it was a real emergency he’d be out of here, and if he’s texting a girl… I can’t even think about that.

I pull open the tab on my soda and sit down next to Dare. “What are we watching now?”

“I got this movie. I haven’t seen it before, but thought it looked good,” he answers as he picks up the DVD case and hands it to me.

I gawk at him. “You haven’t seen Star Wars before? How is that possible?” I ask incredulously.

He chuckles with a shake of his head. “I don’t know. Just haven’t.” He shrugs.

“Well, I’m going to have to fix that.” I lean over and kiss his cheek. He grabs onto my waist when I try to get off the couch and pulls me down onto his lap. I start laughing as he tickles me. “Stop! Dare, quit it!” I shout out.

“But I love seeing you laugh.” He becomes serious. “I love seeing you this way. Relaxed and comfortable in my home. I like
you
here.”

Cupping his cheek, I lean forward and kiss his forehead. “And I love being here with you. You make me happy, Dare. The most I’ve been in a long time.” I frown down at his shirt, absently drawing shapes on it.

He tilts my chin up with his fingers and gazes down at me; seemingly so open and adoring it makes me rethink asking him once again about the texts. “I know, sweetheart, and I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I’ll do my best to keep you happy,” he whispers.

Before I can move in to kiss him, his phone goes off. Silently groaning, because I know he’ll answer it, I get off his lap and I turn to face the TV. I hear him clicking away on his phone, and I glare at nothing, anger stewing as seconds turn into minutes. I’m tired of getting interrupted by his phone. Who the hell needs him so much anyways?

“Sorry. Where were we?” he teases as he sets his phone down on the coffee table. I turn my glare onto him, and he falters. “What? What’s wrong?”

Can he really be so obtuse? Doesn’t he see how annoyed I get? Especially knowing that he won’t tell me who it is when I bring it up? I’ve tried to ignore it, not wanting to be the whiny, insecure girlfriend, but I can’t anymore. I shift so I’m facing him, pulling my knees up to my chest. “Who are you texting? I know you don’t want to tell me for some reason,” I rush to say before he can interrupt me. “But your secrecy is starting to make me paranoid.”

He stares down at the floor, his hand clenching around his phone. I lean forward and grab his hand. “Please, Dare. You can trust me,” I plead. Trust is major between two people in a relationship. I know I’m being hypocritical, but this seems different. He could be talking to a girl. My secret doesn’t seem like a big deal to me.

Slowly he looks up, his jaw tight and his eyes closed off. Not showing anything. But before he talks, I swear I see a flash of guilt. Mentally I prepare myself for the damage I know is coming.

“I know you think I’m talking to a girl, but I’m not. Honestly,” he firmly promises.

“Then why won’t you tell me? You getting upset when I ask hurts me, Dare. It’s like you don’t trust in me?” I’m horrified when tears spring to my eyes. I hate crying in front of people. Steven’s words always reach to me when I do: how weak it makes me.

He scoots closer to me, grasping my knees. “No, Jennifer. Don’t believe that. I
trust
you, and I don’t do that for anybody.” He shakes his head. He’s gently massaging my calves, slowly moving back up to my knees. “I guess I’m afraid. If I tell you everything about me, you won’t treat me the same. I know,” he interrupts before I can say no. “It’s stupid to think, but I can’t help it. I love you so much, and I don’t want to lose you.” He sounds so scared, desperate for me not to leave him. How can I convince him that anything he tells me won’t make me run?

I grab his shoulders and pull him closer. I rest my head against his and sigh, our noses gently bumping each other. “I won’t leave you. If you really trust me, then know I love you too much to do so. And,” I pull back a little to look at him, “I won’t let you leave. Ever.”

He closes his eyes. “I have a… brother,” he admits. “We aren’t actually related in any way, but to me he
is
my brother. After my dad died, I was sent to foster care. I didn’t have any other family. I was at a shelter when I met him. He was pretty beat up, shaken and scared. I could tell he was new.” Dare is lost now, hesitantly telling me the story. It seems like he’s trying not to tell me how bad it really was. He’s holding back for some reason. “I never had good luck, so my foster homes weren’t… nice. I didn’t want him to go through what I did so I helped him. We were on the streets for a while, and it wasn’t easy, but somehow, we turned out okay.”

“That’s who you’ve been texting? Why didn’t you just tell me?” I ask. I want to know why he couldn’t tell me about his brother. Why hide him?

“My brother, Marko, isn’t entirely his best yet. He still struggles with things, and though I try to help, I know I’m not enough.
He
isn’t ready to meet
you
.”

I guess I can understand that. Though it does make me happy that Dare has talked to him about me. “He’s okay though? I mean, physically? What does he do? Does he have an apartment or something?” I shoot off questions before grimacing. “Sorry. Just want to know more I guess.”

I want to ask questions about
him
, but I’m not sure if he’ll answer. I know he doesn’t want me to know everything that happened to him, to keep the darker side of it all from me. I’ll wait, give him time, and hopefully someday he’ll tell me.

“It’s fine. He does have an apartment actually. Though he doesn’t spend a lot of time there. He’s a fighter,” Dare says.

Arching a brow, I ask curiously, “A fighter? Like a professional wrestler?” I don’t know much about that world, but I think I heard that it’s all practiced.

But he shakes his head. “No, not a professional wrestler. More like, an underground fighter.”

“As in, illegal fights?”

“Yes. Those. He’s good though, amazing actually! He hardly loses, doesn’t get hurt too bad. Honestly, I don’t think he could do anything else. He’s never been able to let go of his past and what happened. It helps him.” He shrugs.

While I don’t know anything about underground fighting, I believe when Dare says that it helps him. Before I left for California, I went a little… off the walls. It wasn’t my best time, and I ended up in a few fights. It felt great at the time, but now I’m almost ashamed to admit that.

“I’m glad you finally told me.” I hesitate before saying, “I have a brother too. Or, I did, I should say.” Always admitting it hurts. I don’t think it will ever stop.

He tenses, and I look up at him. “Had a brother? You want to tell me?” he asks gently.

Grimly, I tell him, “I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t. He died five years ago in a car accident. It was really hard on me.” The first few weeks were the worst. I barely ate, didn’t leave my room, and I admit, I tried everything to piss Steven off. I think he knew what I was doing though, because he never gave me the satisfaction of putting him through hell. After Mo died, Steven stayed away from me. For a while. When I finally felt better about his death, Steven came back at me. It’s like he was waiting for that day, and I nearly ended up in the hospital. But nothing ever hurt more than the loss of Mo.

He was my twin, my partner in crime. The other half of myself. We were inseparable and to lose that, was world ending.

“Steven - my step-dad - wasn’t nice. Any chance he got he would hurt us. Mo would try to keep him away from me, but sometimes he couldn’t.” My voice is far away, almost foreign to me.

His fingers tighten around my thighs, and he pulls my legs down on either side of him. He grabs my hips and sets me on his lap. “He hurt you?”

His voice is dark with anger, his rage barely contained. I’m almost hesitant to continue. “Yes. My mom never tried to stop it from happening. He was always so gleeful when he would hit me. Like he won something.” I shake my head. “It wasn’t just physical either. He called me every name in the book and when he ran out of those, he would tell me I’m ugly. A mistake or the reason why everything had gone wrong.”

Biting my wobbling lip, I look away from his piercing eyes. Vulnerability isn’t something I like to show.

“Hey, don’t look away from me.” He cups my cheek, and I look at him. His mouth hovers over mine, our breath mingling together. “You don’t know how sorry I am that you had to go through that. He shouldn’t have touched you or called you anything but your name. I will spend the rest of my life erasing those words. They aren’t true, and I will make sure you believe that.”

He kisses me then. It’s filled with promises and hope, love and forever. The longer I spend with him, the more I start to believe in that word: forever.

Maybe we can get our happily ever after.

After our talk, we finish watching the movies. Even though there seems to be a new openness between us, I can’t help but feel guilty for hiding more from him. I don’t want to ruin what we have going by coming clean though. Nothing will be the same if I tell him about the texts.

I want the rest of the day to be normal.

Smiling, I sit up and stretch, feeling his fingers run through my hair. He has a thing for my long mane of dark hair, telling me that it’s beautiful and shiny. Like a beacon. I always snort at that. Why would I want my head to be a beacon?

“I’m starving. How about some pizza?” I ask him as I reach for my phone.

He intercepts and grabs it before I can though. “Actually, I got some stuff from the store. Come on, I’ll make something.”

Following him into the kitchen, I sit on the counter. My eyes are fixated on him as he makes us sandwiches with chips and potato salad. It will be the best meal I’ve had in a while for sure. He sets my plate by my thigh, and I spread my legs so he can step between them.

“Hi,” I grin, overwhelmingly giddy.

He chuckles, my favorite smile of his making an appearance. “Hey, you.” He becomes serious after he bites into his sandwich. He slowly chews, and I wait, eating my own food. “Thank you for today, Jennifer. Sometimes I forget how freeing it is to talk about my past. Horrifying, but freeing.”

I rest my head against his neck, closing my eyes in pure contentment.
Please, let it always be like this.
It’s an unrealistic thought, but one I want. “No need to thank me. I’ll always be here for you, Dare.”

We finish our food, playfully taking chips from each other’s plates. It feels like the most fun I’ve had in a while, and I enjoy this time of relaxation.

Once our plates are entirely empty, he sets them in the sink. “I’ll clean those later. Now,” he points at me. “I have a surprise for you.”

I point at myself. “
Me?
Why, whatever for?” I play on my southern bell voice.

“Hey, that was pretty good actually.”

I slap his chest as I hop down. “Enough, give me my surprise!” I’m nearly jumping with excitement. He shakes his head with a smile and pulls me down the hallway and into his bedroom.

“Close your eyes,” he orders.

“If you’re into that kind of stuff you just have to tell me, Dare. No need to hide,” I tease him.

I screech in surprise when his hand gently hits my ass. “Hey! Watch it!”

“Stop messing around. It’s like being with a two year old.” I can hear the amusement in his voice and bite back my smile.

“Then give me my gift already. Old man,” I tease, waiting for his response.

He growls, and I feel his lips against my ear. “You really try me, you know that?”

I shiver at the heat in his voice. The playfulness is gone. Sensual heat in its place. “I live to annoy you.” Though I meant for it to come out teasingly, my voice sounds low, and I clear my throat.

His fingers are under my chin, tilting my head up. “Open your eyes. Now,” he demands.

Slowly I open them, his demanding voice strangely hot. “What do you want, Jennifer? You want me to kiss you? Where?” he slowly asks me.

My eyelids are half-lidded, his words barely penetrating my conscious. “Huh?” I slowly ask.

He smiles and places his left hand against the small of my back. His other behind my neck. “What do you want?” he slowly asks.

Looking over his shoulder, I clear my mind. What do I want? Him. Always him. But is it too soon? It’s been a few weeks now. I know if I said no he’ll step back and accept what I want, but is that what I really want? I find myself craving him like I’ve never wanted before. In the end, it’s my choice, and I know I won’t regret anything that happens between us.

I step up onto my toes and graze his lips with mine. “I want,” I look up at him. “You to love me.”

His eyes darken, searching mine for the truth. When he finds it, he tightens his grip. “This isn’t what I brought you in here for. I don’t want you to think about it that way.”

I shake my head. “I’m not. Believe me, I want this.”

With those words, his mouth crashes down on mine. It’s heated, not at all like our gentle ones, and I find myself pushing against him, wanting more.
Needing
more. My hands move around his body in wild abandon. It’s like I have to touch every part of him. I slowly lift up his shirt, and he breaks away from our kiss, pulling his shirt off and tossing it somewhere behind him.

My hands glide over his hard chest, over his pecs and hard abs. His body is lean and tan, strong yet soft. He’s perfect. I lean forward and lick his nipple, smiling at his groan. I move away and walk around him, gently trailing my fingers along his shoulders to his back. I stop as I see a tattoo.

It stretches across one shoulder blade, ending at the other. It’s a set of wings with a saying woven in the feathers.
No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.
I kiss the center of his tattoo, feeling him tense up. I move to stand in front of him again and cup his cheek. “I love you.”

Our lips touch again, more gently this time. It’s slow, a hot build up until we can’t stop. We walk backward, the bed hitting the back of my knees, and I sit down. The look that moves between us is one of understanding. This is it. I’m about to lose my virginity, and I’m glad I waited for this moment.

I crawl back and lie down, my dark hair a stark contrast to his white sheets. He stares down at me, his eyes wide with love and heat. Holding out my hand, I wait for him to grab it and gently tug. He moves down, hovering over me and continues our kiss. I don’t know how long we lie here, kissing and discovering each other’s bodies, but when I couldn’t take it anymore, I pull off my shirt and kick my pants off.

He follows along, and we take our first glance at each other naked. Nothing stands between us now. I’m nervous, about a lot of things, like the pain I know I’ll feel, or how he’ll see me, but I push that away. I won’t let insecurities rob me of this moment.

“You are so beautiful. I love you so much,” he whispers huskily against my lips, his hands clenching around my thighs as he gently pushes them apart, setting himself where I want him.

His lips trail down my neck, past my chest and around my belly button. My back arches off the bed as his lips move lower, to the spot I most want him to be. Minutes later, when he finally puts me out of my torment, I gasp out his name and fall into oblivion.

_*_*_*_

Afterward, as we’re lying in his bed, I lean up. “Hey, what was your surprise?”

Dare’s fingers move up and down my spine, eliciting shivers of delight from me. Making love to him was everything, every minute of it is etched into my memory forever.

“Oh, right. Hold on.” He stands up, and I watch him walk, naked, to his dresser. I’m distracted, so I don’t see the black leather jacket flying until it hits my legs.

“You didn’t!” I say, holding up the jacket. It reads
Dare’s Girl
on the back. I giggle and slip it on, loving the coolness against my heated skin. “I love it!” I tell him, sitting up on my knees to kiss him.

He grabs my cheeks and kisses my forehead. “Of course. You couldn’t use mine forever, though that isn’t a bad thing. I like seeing you in my clothes,” he growls and starts to tickle me.

“Stop it! Dare!”

Finally, after much yelling, he stops and sits back against the wall. I curl into his side and kiss his shoulder. “I love you. A lot.” I peek up at him.

He leans down and nuzzles my head. “I love you too. A lot.” He chuckles and kisses me.

My heart is soaring, but in the back of my mind, I can’t help but think something will happen.

_*_*_*_

When I get back to the apartment, I find I have a letter. Shouting out a hello to the girls, I go into my room and drop onto my bed. Opening the letter, I pull it out and read.

Dear Jennifer,

I know you won’t believe me when I say this, but I’m in rehab. Our last few calls have really struck something with me. The shrink here is really helping me, and I realize how bad I failed you and Mo. I shouldn’t have been drinking -ever. I did that out of pure selfishness. Your dad wasn’t around -and I don’t blame him for that. He was working to keep our house, to put food on the table, and to take care of us. I was in the wrong, and I’m sorry. When he died, I felt so guilty. It was all my fault that he was taken from you, and I tried to replace him. I was wrong to do so. I picked the first guy who came into my path, and that was my biggest mistake. He hurt you and Mo. I should have stepped up, to stop him and kick him out, but he scared me. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I have to be honest to you. I let him hurt you two because I was scared. He would have hurt me in ways he didn’t do to you. I’m sorry, Jennifer. I know this is a surprise for you, to hear from me and my apology, but I’m planning to do better. I promise. I understand if you don’t write back, I wouldn’t blame you.

Love always,

Mom

I fold up the paper and stuff it back into the envelope. I’m afraid to get my hopes up, that this will turn out like the last few times, but something is different. She’s never written me from rehab, never apologized or explained. I’m not sure I can fully forgive her though. A part of me can’t find myself to do so. After all the hurt she’s caused, how can I just let her back? This will take more than a letter from her to fix things.

My phone alarm goes off and I sigh, realizing I have work to get to. Shoving the letter in the box under my bed, I get ready.

By the time I reach the library, I’ve pushed all thoughts of the letter from my mind. I don’t need to do anything about it right now anyways. I wave to Cole as we pass each other a few times, keeping to myself for the time being. It’s when I’m finished for the night that I get the text.

I know something you don’t.

I frown down at the text, shuddering at what it could imply. Before I can read it a second time, the text is erased and another pops up in its place.

Still don’t know who I am? Think harder. To that night. You’ll get it.

To that night. The night Steven got arrested; I know that’s what this text means. I hate thinking about it, but images hit me. Steven standing just outside the back door, a tall greasy-haired man with yellowed teeth standing next to him, holding a white bag of some sort of drug, probably cocaine. At the time, it came as a shock. I didn’t know Steven was doing that, selling drugs. Mom was gone that night, doing God knows what.

I didn’t think about the consequences that night. After getting up to see what the noises were outside, I ran into the house and called the cops. Both he and Steven were taken to jail that night. So it can’t be them then.
Who else was there?
I think hard and realize that there was a third person that night. It wasn’t just Steven who was dealing to the greasy-haired guy, it was someone else.

Someone who looked like Steven.

Steven’s son, Tyler.

I gasp in realization. I look down as my phone beeps again.

Ah, finally you got it. I’ll be seeing you around, Jennifer. We have unfinished business.

There on the front steps, the night sky swirls around and I fall down, the world going dark.