Dare to Breathe (15 page)

Finally reason takes over and he pushes me back onto the bed. “Shit, we have to stop now or else I won’t be able to anymore,” he says, breathing hard.

“Couldn’t we just, you know, experiment a little more?” I sulk at him, my body hot and wanting more.

Nathan looks down at me and bites his bottom lip. “You want to play?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.

“Yeah.”

“What did you have in mind?” he asks, smiling brightly now.

I think about his words for a moment and try not to die with embarrassment at having to tell him what I want to do. “I thought…I thought that we could you know, ‘get to know’ each other a little more,” is all I can mutter back, my cheeks flaming.

Nathan is smiling even wider now. “Take off your pants,” he says.

I look up at him with wide eyes. “I don’t know if I am ready…”

“Not for sex, just ‘to explore’,” he says, looking at me warmly.

I decide to do just what he says as my body is screaming for release, and I know I trust him implicitly.

Slowly I kick my pants off until all I have on now, is my blue tank top and gray knickers. Nathan looks down at me and I see his eyes darken again.

“So beautiful,” is all his says before his hands start exploring up and down my thighs to the edge of my panties. I stop breathing completely and close my eyes.

“Sam, honey, you have to breathe,” he whispers into my ear with a smile.

I take deep breaths, trying not to pass out, as I feel him rub one thigh at a time and then gently rub his fingers over my underwear. I feel myself go moist as his fingers rub me over and over again. Suddenly before I have a chance to touch him, his fingers slip underneath the delicate fabric and he slips a finger inside my hot center. I bite on my lips to stop myself shouting out loud. The heat rushes to my tip and I feel my body tense up with desire.

“Is this okay?” he asks.

I don’t answer instead I pull him down toward me and kiss him hard. His fingers continue to explore, slipping in and out of me, making me pant. His other hand slides under my top and soon he is grasping my breasts and gently squeezing the nipples. They go hard instantly, and I hear Nathan moan in my mouth. His head dips down and my top is magically lifted up. His lips find my breasts and he rubs his tongue over the nipples, one at a time. I am lost. My body feels like jelly with all the blood rushing down to my sensitive spot. His finger dips into me once more and his thumb rubs my clitoris again and again. My body can’t take any more and I find myself leaning into his fingers, rubbing myself on him, wanting more, and needing release. He does it once more and I feel myself free fall over the edge, panting loudly.

Nathan looks at me closely and then begins kissing me while I try and stop my body trembling.

“You are so amazing,” he says into my mouth.

I have never felt anything so powerful, so sensual. I want to return the favor and make him feel some of the relief he has given me but he lies down next to me and pulls me close to his side. “Sleep, we have heaps more time to explore,” he says, gently rubbing my hair. I close my eyes with some guilt, but soon feel myself drift off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“So, you need to know something,” I tell him as we board our plane to go home and buckle our seatbelts.

He looks over at me curiously. “My parents are kind of old.”

“Well, that’s not a crime,” he says, laughing at me.

“I know that! I just didn’t want you to get all weird on me and um…also because they are old they kind of have old fashioned values.” I can’t look at him and pretend to be really busy figuring out my belt.

Nathan looks up in mock shock and then takes off his belt and stands up. “Well, in that case, I’m off!”

Wait. What?
I look up at him with horror.

Nathan bursts out laughing, sits down and replaces the belt. Leaning over to kiss me he whispers, “Relax, I never expected to sleep in the same bed with you in your parents’ house. Even my parents would have an issue what that.”

“Jerk,” I mumble with a smile. “Oh, and by the way, I am terrified of flying.”

Nathan grabs my sweaty palms and kisses me. “I think I can help you relax.”

The rest of the flight, I fill Nathan in on my life at home. I talk about the tree house and how I used it as a place of safety but also as a place where I could watch birds nesting every spring. I tell him how my dad made a special window so I could sit in that tree house like a statue and watch the birds just outside in their nests. Nathan listens intently and I know that I am falling madly in love with him.

I look out at the world beneath us and I feel a sense of freedom at being so high up here above it all, far away from the reality below. Just like my eagle.

I feel Nathan rub my hand and turn to look at him. I see his tattoo peeking out from under his shirt and decide I need to explore it further. I lift his shirt up so I can have a closer look. It is a circular band that is woven around the biceps. It looks tribal.

Nathan sees me looking and knows what I am about to ask. “After we lost Kate, I wanted something to remind me of what it means to have courage. I lost everything the day I found her, along with courage and I needed to figure out what I wanted to do. Ben spent lots of time with me, listening to my shit, getting drunk with me and just letting me get it all out. Through Ben I found courage and I wanted something as a reminder, that with courage I can get through tough times.”

I touch his tattoo gently and pull him close to me. “It looks hot as shit, to me, but you didn’t need to ink yourself to show courage, it’s in everything you do anyway,” I tell him.

* * * *

“So, Nathan,” my dad starts to grill him once we have arrived, unpacked and are settled in the living room, “what is it you are studying?”

Nathan is sitting on a chair away from me while I am seated between my mom and dad on the sofa. It feels a little like an interrogation and I roll my eyes and mouth a ‘sorry’ at him.

“I am studying to be a veterinary physician, sir,” he tells my dad with a wink in my direction.

My dad laughs and we all look at him curiously. “Come on you guys,” he says to my mom and me. “No one else thinks it’s funny that my Birdie has fallen for a vet?”

My mom grins at him and then smiles at Nathan who is also laughing out loud now.

“You guys are all nuts,” I tell them getting up and heading over to Nathan. “Sorry,” I joke, sitting down on the armrest next to him and roughing up his hair, “but I did warn you.”

The rest of the week flies by with Nathan spending time with all of us. I can tell my parents love him by the way they include him in everything. My dad gets Nathan to drive him over to the hardware store and finds hundreds of little jobs that need fixing that he just can’t do anymore.

Nathan does it all with a kindness and warmth that melts my heart.

“So, you want to come and see my tree house?” I ask him contentedly one evening after a large dinner of roast pork, herbed potatoes and apple pie. We are sitting outside on the porch and I have a blanket around us.

“What, like now? It’s dark!”

“I do have a couple torches…unless you’re afraid of the dark?”

“Afraid? As if, let’s go.” He grabs my hand and drags me over to the tree.

I climb the ladder first and I feel rather than see his eyes follow me up.

“Are you staring at my ass?” I whisper over my shoulder as I climb up.

“Yup; damn fine sight it is too!” he says right back. I hear the laughter in his voice follow me.

I get to the top and crawl up through the floor into the house. Nathan is right behind me. The space is small so we sit close together feeling the heat from our bodies wrapping us up. Nathan grabs a torch and turns it on. I watch him as he carefully looks around the space.

It amazes me that my parents have left my possessions that were so important to me in here. I see my old binoculars, my first note pad and all my coloring in pens. Nathan takes my note pad and starts to flick through it.

Although musty and worn, I see all the drawings I did that first year. The ones when I first arrived are all different images of blackness. They have no defined shape or meaning that I remember. Nathan looks over at me with sadness in his eyes but then continues to flick through the pages. He stops when he finally comes to a child’s drawing of a robin. It is crude but the colors are breathtaking. Vibrant reds, browns and yellow are streaked across the page highlighting the pretty bird in all its glory.

Oh wow.
I feel tears prick my eyes. “I remember the day I drew that,” I tell him. “My dad had just let me help him finish the window you see over there. We were sitting here with a hot chocolate my mom had made for us, waiting for a bird to show up. I remember thinking I should be afraid to be up here by myself with this man, but I wasn’t. I felt safe. It made me feel for the first time in a very long time, really happy. Then just when I thought life couldn’t get any better, the robin turned up and sat on that branch just over there.” I point over to where the bird had been sitting, the image so ingrained in my brain I can almost still see it. “Anyway, then it started to sing and I remember I sat there just crying my first tears of happiness. My dad didn’t do anything. He just sat there, being with me and letting me find my peace. It was magic.”

Nathan puts the notebook down. “You were pretty lucky to end up here.”

“I know.”

Nathan kisses me tenderly. I feel his mouth gently pry my lips apart and his warm tongue finds mine. My body reacts immediately to his touch and I decide I no longer want a tender kiss.

I climb onto his lap and pull his head even closer, kissing him deeply.

Nathan moans and starts rubbing his hands up and down my back as I rub my own hands in his hair and over his face.

I feel Nathan shift underneath me and I feel him harden.

“I think I really want to try and take this further,” I tell him breathlessly.

Nathan pulls his head back. “In here?” he asks me incredulously.

“This is the one place that made me really happy. I want to remember this place as being where you and I, you know. If you have the um…the safety um…”

“I have condoms on me.”

“Huh, you were ever hopeful?” I reply.

“You have no idea,” he says, grabbing me again and kissing me roughly. His stubble grazes my neck as he lowers his kisses. I feel my heart beating madly in my throat. “Tell me to stop at any time, okay?” he whispers onto my neck. I nod and close my eyes. No way am I stopping this. Nathan continues to trail kisses on my lips, down to my neck all over my face. Then he stops and gently lifts both hands in the air. “I want to take off your top,” he says, looking at me right in the eyes. I nod again and swiftly, Nathan pulls my top over my head in one swoop.

He looks at me with hooded eyes and then lowers his gaze to my breasts. “The bra has to come off too,” he growls.

I smile at the sound of his voice, excitement flooding through me. This time I unclasp the bra while he watches me. I fling it over to the side. Nathan moans at the sight of me and then kisses my breasts one at a time. I sigh as he kisses and sucks on each nipple, feeling them harden under his warm mouth.

“This isn’t fair,” I whisper into his hair. He stops and looks up at me with smoky eyes. “Your top has to come off too.”

In one move the T-shirt flies off and lands in a pile next to my bra. I see his perfectly sculptured chest and my breath catches. I am still sitting on top of him and I playfully rub my bare chest onto his. It feels amazing and I pull Nathan to me, kissing him passionately.

Nathan reluctantly pulls me away and then lays the blanket we brought up with us on the ground. Once he has it just the way he wants it, he lowers me onto it gently and climbs on top of me, kissing me once again. Our hands explore each other’s bodies and our kissing reaches a level I never knew existed.

“I’m going to take off your pants and then mine. You still okay with this?” he asks.

Hell yes.
“Yes,” is all I can say between my breaths.

Nathan gently unbuttons his jeans and pulls them off, next come his boxer shorts. I see him fully naked for the first time. He is breathtaking and I reach out and touch him.

Nathan closes his eyes and groans loudly.

“Samantha baby, you need to stop or I won’t have any control,” he says through clenched teeth. I ignore him and continue to run my fingers up and down his hardness, fascinated by the look of pain or pleasure on his face. Suddenly he pushes me back down and holds onto my hands. Then he lowers his other hand and pulls off my pants and underwear until I am lying naked next to him. Nathan lowers his eyes to look at me. The desire in his face makes my breathing erratic. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I know my body is desperate for his.

He lies gently on top of me, his body between my legs, and continues to kiss me. I feel him down there, swollen and so close and I buck my hips upwards wanting more.

He quickly lifts himself off me and rummages through his jeans until he finds the foil packet. He opens it with his teeth and then with one hand puts it on. I watch him fascinated with his every move, desperate for his touch.