Dark Curves (Dangerous Curves Book 6) (13 page)

“And how are you doing with… ummm… have you…”

His voice trailed off, and he had no clue how to ask her about being around men. Being
with
men. Shay understood what he was driving at, though.

“I joined a rape survivor’s group,” she said quietly. “I got intensive private therapy. I’m past it all, for the most part. I’ve been lucky in that there have been men since everything that happened. Good men, men who’ve been patient and treated me well. But I never –” She hesitated. “I never told them what happened.”

“Never?” Warren was stunned. “But how’s that possible?”

“Well, I told them that I’d been raped, since they needed to go slow with me, but I never went in to details. I sort of led them to believe that it was only one guy and only one time. I haven’t told anyone anything about my life in the MC outlaw world… not until now. Not until you.”

“Nobody in Montana knows that your brother’s an MC Prez? That you lived with the club for over two years?”

“No.” She traced patterns on his t-shirt, over and over again. “I didn’t know how to explain it. It’s a damn hard thing to explain to people who are outside of the one-percenter world. They either glamorize it and think it’s sexy as all hell, or they think it’s a bunch of boys on bikes, hanging around a clubhouse and being generally disrespectful to the law. They don’t
get
that these are hardcore criminals that you don’t want to
ever
come across, and being a woman forced in to that world is nothing short of terrifying and degrading.”

“Oh, honey. I know.”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “I know you do.”

“And the kick-assedness?” he said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “How and when did
that
happen?”

“Oh, right.” She laughed. “I wanted to be ready in case the Highway Hellions ever reneged on our deal, or someone came looking for me as a way to get to my brother. I kickbox five nights a week, and I learned to shoot a gun, just to cover all my bases. I have my gun license and I carry, and I’m a brown belt in kickboxing.”

“Brown? How close is that to black?”

She flashed him a grin. “One level down.”

“Damn. No wonder you almost kicked my lungs clean out of my chest.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that. Also about the frying pan.”

“Don’t be.” He shook his head. “You were defending yourself, and you had every right to do it.”

“Are
you
OK?” she asked him, running her fingers over the bruise on his face. “Did I really hurt you?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“You sure?”

“Totally sure. You pack one hell of a punch, baby, but I heal fast.”

She smiled again, and he returned it. Their gazes locked and held, and suddenly, they were all alone in the world. There was nothing but them in these woods, in this cabin, in this room, in front of this fire, on this small piece of floor. Nothing else existed; nobody else existed.

“So,” she said, her voice lower than usual. “We know each other better now. In all kinds of ways that really matter.”

“We do,” he agreed.

She hesitated. “And so… can we talk about what’s happening here? Between us?”

“You
want
something to be happening between us?”

“Yes,” Shay said simply. “I do.”

Warren paused, searching for the right words. “Even after – after what they did to you?”

She stiffened. “Does what they did to me disgust you? Are you grossed out that I was a pass-around for an MC? I
know
what you think about the women at your own club, that they aren’t even worth touching.”

“What? No!” he said, aghast. “Baby,
no.
It’s just – there are
way
too many similarities between what happened to you then and what’s going on here now. I don’t want to scare you, not ever, and not if I can help it. I know you said that you’re mostly past it, but I don’t want you to go back to all of that because of something that I say or do. I couldn’t stand hurting you, Shay, not even if I did it by accident.”

Despite his reassuring words, she looked away, and he felt her pulling back from him both physically and emotionally. She was shutting down, and he had to stop her from disappearing on him. He cradled her face, tried to turn her back to meet his eyes.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Hey, honey. Look at me.”

She shook her head, tried to sit up and move away.

“Please.” He was begging, and he’d keep begging until he had her back with him. “Shay, please. Look at me.”

Finally, she glanced up, and his heart broke at the sight of her tears.

“Don’t you do that,” he said. “Don’t you think for one fucking
second
that you disgust me. All I see when I look at you is a beautiful survivor. You’re the strongest, most stunning woman that I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I’m
still
in shock that you’ll let a man like me even touch one hair on your head.”

She blinked. “Really?”

“Really.”

“So – so how does this work, Warren?” He heard both the hope and the hopelessness in her question. “I mean – it
can’t
work, right?”

“Truth?”

“Yes.”

“No. It can’t work, baby.” He hated to say any of this, but he hated the thought of lying to her more. “I’m in the club for life, and I know you understand what that means.”

She nodded.

“The only way we can be together is if I claim you as mine, if I make you my old lady.” He saw her blanch, and he shook his head. “I know you won’t stand for that, but you need to know that even if you asked me to, I wouldn’t do it. There’s
no way
I’d drag you back in to the life, not after what you went through back in Utah. And the truth is that even if you were mine and that made you safe from my fellow Fallen Angels, you still wouldn’t be anything
like
safe.”

“I know,” she said. “Rival clubs and people looking to hurt you boys through your women. I experienced a few lockdowns at the clubhouse when things were heating up for the MC guys.”

“And not just that kind of stuff.” Warren’s voice was hard. “The Angels work closely with Kirk Jensen, and we get up to all kinds of shit for that man. More than once over the past eight months, I’ve damn near died, and I went home those nights totally unable to
believe
that I was still breathing. There’s no way in
hell
that I’m bringing you in to that kind of mess, especially since the club rules state that you’d be Fallen Angels property if anything happened to me. If I died, then you’d have to protect yourself by making sure one of my brothers claimed you after I was gone.”

Shay shuddered and he saw the flare of anger in her eyes.

“No way,” she hissed. “No way I’d
ever
do that.”

“Then the rules say that you’d be kicked back down to pass-around level,” he said. “And you know what
that
means.”

A chill ran over her skin. “I know.”

“So, you see,” Warren said. “It can’t work between us. I think we’ve got something and I wish to hell that we could give this a shot, see where it all ends up… but we already
know
where that is, don’t we? It’d end up with us at the clubhouse with a bunch of criminals, and me in a body bag, and you stuck in a life that you barely escaped the first time. It’d
wreck
us, Shay, it’d totally destroy anything that we tried to build up together. ” He smoothed her hair back from her forehead. “You know I’m right.”

She sighed. “Yeah. You are.”

He fell silent, trying to think how to say the next thing: that they couldn’t work long-term, but they
could
work just for a little while. That they had no hope for anything even approaching permanent, but they
could
commit to something temporary. That there was no future for them, but there
was
the present. There was this moment.

There was
now
.

But was
now
enough for her? Would she want to be with him until this whole fucking mess ended, and he went back to the hell that was the Fallen Angels, and she went back to her safe, respectable life? Would Shay agree to something temporary, to something fleeting, to something with absolutely no future? Could she be with him just for a little while?

Warren almost asked her. He had his mouth open, and he was taking a breath to speak. Then it occurred to him that he was being a selfish asshole –
again
– and he slammed his mouth shut.

The truth was that he
needed
her. He needed her to be here in his arms, so sweet and warm, so soft and trusting. He needed all of that desperately – but he needed something else more, and in this moment, he finally knew what it was that he
really
needed from her.

He needed her to look at him just like this.

Shay looked at him like was a good man. Like he was the kind of man who could meet an incredible woman and cook her dinner, and take her to the movies, and bring her to meet his parents. Like they could hang out on the sofa and drink coffee, and laugh, and talk about nothing. Like they could get in to bed together and make love every night for the rest of their lives.

Shay made him feel… normal.

Yeah, that was it, in the end. She made him feel like a normal man, a man with a nine-to-five job, and a power bill, and a hard-earned savings account. A man who could make her promises and then actually keep them. A man who could make her happy, and for longer than just a few days. A man who could do better than a little while, or temporary, or now.

A man who could be trusted to do right by her – and do right forever.

So, a man nothing like him, in the end. No matter how badly he wanted to be that steady, strong man for her, it wasn’t ever going to happen. Shay deserved a guy like that, and he wasn’t anything even close to it. All he could offer was the relationship equivalent of a one-night stand… though it’d be closer to a one-week stand. Not that
that
was much better.

So he shut his mouth, kept it shut.
No way
he was articulating his selfish, petty wants and needs to her. Not when he couldn’t give her what she wanted and needed in return.

Shay sighed again, but she sounded exhausted this time. Right away, he tipped her chin up, met her eyes.

“Tired?” he said gently.

“Yeah.” She fought down a yawn, and utterly failed. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. It’s totally rude to yawn in someone’s face.”

He laughed. “I don’t mind, Shay. You want to brush your teeth, climb back in to bed?”

“Ummm-hmmm.” She rolled over and tried to get up, but she was struggling. He shot to his feet, helped her up. He held her under her elbows, made sure she wasn’t wavering. “So is my bed ready?”

He paused, not sure what she was asking. “
Your
bed?”

“Yeah. Downstairs. That
is
where I’m supposed to be, right?”

Oh, no.
Hell
, no. No goddamn
way
she was sleeping in the basement. It was chilly down there, and no matter how brave of a face she was putting on it, he knew she was still in pain. The thought of Shay being away from him, cold and in agony and all alone, wrenched at his gut and his heart. She was staying close, and that was the fucking
end
of the matter.

And just like that, every single one of Warren’s good intentions where Shay was concerned flew out the window.

“You’re not sleeping downstairs,” he growled at her.

“I’m not?” she faltered.

“You’re not. That bed isn’t comfortable and you’re still hurting. You stay up here.” He stared at her, hard. “With me.”

“You mean…”

“In my bed. Yes.”

“With you?” she squeaked.

“Yeah. I just said that.”

“I mean – with you in the same bed?”

“You got a problem with that?”

Shay gazed up at him, not quite sure what to do or say. He’d just stated unequivocally that
nothing
was going to happen between them, and although she had some rebellious thoughts about
that
, it seemed to be a done deal from his side, and she wasn’t about to throw herself at a man who wasn’t interested.

So how did sleeping in the same bed work? Maybe his concern was strictly from a medical point of view?

“Uh,” she said cautiously. “I don’t have a problem,
per se
, but I don’t understand. I mean… I thought that we just decided that nothing was going on between us.” She glowered at him. “Not that I
agree
with that, for the record.”

His breath juddered to a stop. “You – you don’t?”

“No.” Her glower turned mutinous. “I don’t.”

He blinked at her expression, suddenly found himself beating down the urge to laugh.
God
, everything about this woman was amazing, and even when clearly pissed off, she was still adorable.

“OK,” he invited her. “Tell me what you think.”

“
I
think you’re crazy if you think that I’ll get in to bed with you and not want more.”

Now he did stop breathing, and for real. “Shay…”

“No,” she ordered him, all snarling and scary-as-crap. “It’s
my
turn to talk, so you just shut up.”

He did. In a hurry.

“I know that this can’t go anywhere, Warren. I do. But – we’re here now. We’re together now.” She dared to reach up and touch his cheek, ran her fingertips over his rough stubble, over the soft hair of his beard. “I want now. I want you any way that I can get you, for as long as I can get you. I just – I want
you
.”

He sucked in air, sure that the woman had to be a mind reader. “I just spent the past ten minutes lying on the floor, talking myself out of this very thing.”

“Really, huh?” The terrifying glare was back. “Because
I
just spent the past ten minutes lying on the floor, telling myself that we need to stop worrying about the future and just be here. Together. Now.”

“Just for now?” he asked, his voice so soft that she had to strain to hear him. “Just until this whole thing with your brother winds down?”