Dark Destiny (Dark Brothers Book #4) (5 page)

“Don’t you see, Willow. I don’t feel anything. Not for you. Not for my family. Not for anyone. I’m fuckin’ numb. I’ve got nothing left.”

Hot tears spill out of my eyes and stumble down my cheeks.

“You don’t love us anymore?”

He grips his hair and makes a pained sound. “I…don’t know how to explain this. I’m sure underneath it all, I love everything I used to. If it was just you I was numb towards, I would say no, I don’t love you anymore, but it’s not just you. It’s everything. I feel nothing. I feel no happiness. No sadness. No anger. Nothing. I am so fucking numb I forget what feelings are like.”

I feel my knees wobble, so I grip the table behind me to steady myself.

“We’re your family…” I whisper, my voice too broken to be used. “Those are your kids in there.”

“And right now, they’re better off without me,” he says, his voice a pained, empty shell.

“That’s not true!”

“It is true! I can’t do this, Willow. I can’t walk around pretending that I am not suffering.”

“I have tried to help,” I say, blinking through the blurry haze covering my vision. “I have sat here trying to help you, but you won’t talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to fucking talk about! What do you want from me? Did you really think I could just come back from that and be completely ok? I killed my own father, Willow. How the fuck do you expect me to be ok with that? How do you expect me to make it go away? Tell me, god dammit, tell me how to make it go away because I’m out of ideas. The only thing I have left, is to walk away. I can’t be here. I can’t do this to you. I can’t let my kids see me like this. I can’t destroy them.”

“We were ok,” I cry. “You came back and we were ok. How did it change so quickly?”

“I was still on a high, I was free, I was ok. It was there, it just didn’t come out. I can’t keep pretending this is ok. You can’t either. You know I have to do this.”

“Don’t leave me,” I plead, dropping to my knees. “Jagger, please. I love you.”

He looks down at me, tears are thundering down his face. “I know you do, that’s why I’m leaving. I’m sorry, Willow, I have to go. Sometimes, the best option for those you used to love, is to walk away. That’s what I’m doing. You’ll thank me for it, one day…you will see I did this for you and the kids.”

Used to love? A strangled scream escapes my throat and I grip my hair, heaving as pain fills my body. Jagger grips his phone and keys, and then he pulls on a shirt. I’m on the ground. I can’t seem to make my body move. I’m almost completely broken. I manage to lift my head and watch him walk to the door. He turns to me just before he steps out, his eyes are pained, his soul broken.

“Jagger, please…”

“Goodbye Willow.”

Then he’s gone. I hear my own agonized screams as I register the front door closing and the sound of his truck starting up outside. I grip my hair, heaving and sobbing. He’s gone. He left me? He doesn’t love me anymore. He feels nothing. I sit on the ground, trying to process everything that happened, but I just can’t seem to get one image from my mind. Jagger crying. His face as he walked away, he must care. He wouldn’t have been crying if he didn’t feel. I have to fix this; I have to find a way. Oh god this can’t be it - it can’t be. I get to my feet, desperately. I make sure I’m fully covered with whatever clothes I can find, then I rush out the door.

I run down the hall, so fast I nearly trip a few times. I charge out the front door, and his truck is just pulling out of the drive. I run towards him, and his eyes widen as I get closer. He doesn’t stop. He keeps reversing, his eyes never moving from mine. He’s still crying. I’m still screaming. I stretch my hand out, like a pathetic, desperate woman. “Jagger,” I scream. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t leave me. God, please. I need you. I love you. Don’t go.”

He actually heaves and I can see that he’s panting. He shakes his head painfully and begins driving off. I scream his name, but he doesn’t stop. I am half
way down the driveway, and that’s where I fall to my knees. I ugly cry so loudly the neighbors come out of their houses. I see the flash of car lights, then I hear someone calling my name. I look up, heaving and sobbing, so see the guys and Ava standing and staring down at me. Their faces are empty, broken, but most of all…they’re hurt for me.

“He left me,” I scream. “Oh god, no…please…don’t let him go.”

“Fuck,” Ace rasps, dropping to his knees in front of me.

“He’s gone,” I wail.

“Honey, shhhhh.”

Ava.

I feel arms around me, I feel myself being lifted, but I’m beyond caring. The pain I feel right now, is indescribable, it’s making me physically sick. When I get inside, I spend the next ten minutes throwing up the vodka I drank. I can hear the faint voices of everyone around me, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. I’m still sobbing, I sound like a wounded animal. Ava is beside me, stroking my hair, soothing me with words I can’t even make out. When I finally drag myself from the bathroom, I see all the guys standing in the kitchen. They’re with me. They’re all here…with me. Who is with Jagger?

“Go to him,” I rasp. “Someone, please, go to him.”

Rusty steps forward. “I’ll go.”

Ace nods at him, and I watch him leave. Then I turn back to the guys. My family. They are supporting me, even though their loyalty is with Jagger. They’re…here…with…me? That has me sobbing again. Ace sighs and walks over, wrapping his arm around me and pressing me into his side. Ava grips my face, swiping my tears away.

“You’re going to get through this, we’re going to find a way.”

“He left me,” I choke out.

“He’s not thinking, we’ll come up with a way to fix this. I promise you, Willow, I promise.”

She looks over at Angel, and he gives her a weak smile.

“Come on, we’re going to put you to bed.”

“I don’t want to go in there!” I cry.

Ace turns me, leading me towards the couch instead. “You need to rest, kid.”

“He left me, Ace,” I whisper, hanging my head.

“We’ll fix this, just like Ava said. I swear to you, Willow.”

He lays me down on the couch, and gives me a weak kiss on the head before letting Ava take over again. She strokes my hair until I fall into an exhausted sleep.

He left me. He really left me.

~*~*~*~

JAGGER

I don’t feel anything. I cried. I smashed apart my old apartment, but now…no matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself go back. I don’t even want to. I’m so numb. I don’t understand it anymore. I walked away from everything I have fought for. It’s better for them, I know that. Why doesn’t it hurt? I feel absolutely nothing. For a brief moment, when she was on her knees in the driveway, my heart hurt, but then like a wave, this numbness washed over me and I drove away. Just like that. Leaving my wife screaming my name on her knees.

What the fuck has happened to me?

I shoot back another shot of whiskey and let the burn fill my body, making me just a whole lot number.

“Boss?”

Fuck it. Rusty.

“Fuck off, Rusty.”

“Let me in.”

“No.”

A few swift kicks later, my door swings open. Piece of shit door. Rusty walks in, looks at the bottle of whiskey in my hand and then around my trashed apartment and sighs.

“What is wrong with you?” he barks, walking over and shoving my chest. “You should have fuckin’ seen her. She’s devastated. That’s your wife, your kids, you piece of shit.”

“I know,” I say simply.

“You don’t even care, do you? Does it not bother you at all that your wife is crying for you right now?”

“She’s better off.”

“Are you fucking serious?” he growls, shoving my chest again.

“Stop shoving me, Rusty,” I snap, glaring at him.

“Hit me then, you want me to stop, hit me.”

“No.”

“You’re really fucked up, aren’t you?”

“This is how I am now, you lot need to deal with it.”

“Are you serious?” he says, eyes wide and horrified.

“Yeah, I’m fuckin’ serious, now if you don’t mind…I am drinking. Alone.”

“Is there anything in there, anything at all?” he says, shaking his head.

“No, now get out.”

Closing his eyes a moment, then opening them, he turns and walks to the door. When he gets to it, he turns and looks back at me.

“Then you don’t fuckin’ deserve her.”

Then he’s gone. I stare at the door a moment, then I turn and fall onto the couch, bringing the bottle to my lips once more.

~*~*~*~*

WILLOW

All night I have thought about what to do. All night I’ve laid alone wondering how to deal with this. When everyone left, I picked myself up off the couch and stared down at Ace sleeping on the floor. I should have known one of them would stay, I also should have known it would be him. I sneak over him and take myself into the bathroom after checking on the kids. I stare at my red puffy face in the mirror, and see what I’ve let myself become. I have to fix this. Living without him, it’s just not an option for me. It’s just…not. The idea I have been playing with, is still hazy in my mind. It has potential, and right now it seems the only thing I can think about.

I splash my face with water, then I turn and walk back out into the living room. Ace is sitting on the couch now, his hair sleep ruffled and his bare chest shining under the lamp light. I tilt my head, thinking that one day Ace will make someone very happy, I just wish my sister would pull her head out of her ass and see it. When he notices me, he gives me a gentle smile and pats the couch beside him. I walk over, dropping my backside down. Then I turn to him, letting my gaze search his. I wonder if Ace will go for my idea? I know he’s hesitant about how he treats Jagger, so he might not think it’s a good idea but I have to try something, I can’t let this be the end.

“Why aren’t you with him?” I ask, my curiosity burning more than my needing to ask him for help.

“He fucked up, Willow. I have his back, I’ll always have his back, but right now…he’s makin’ a mistake and I can’t let him do it to you. If you were just some girl, I wouldn’t care, but you’re not. You’re his wife, you have his children. It’s very different.”

I nod. “I need you to help me, Ace. For real though. Not some stupid strip club. It’s not enough. He’s broken. He doesn’t feel. I don’t even know if he cares about me anymore, but that doesn’t mean I’ll give up on him, because I’m not ready to do that. He needs help, no matter what he chooses in the end. I have tried so many different tactics, but what I have come up with now, isn’t exactly on everyone’s to do list.”

“What is it you’re thinking?”

“Do you know if he can still access that old house? The one he put me in when he captured me?”

“Yeah, it’s still his.”

“Do you have a key?”

“I can get in. Where are you going with this, Willow?” he says, narrowing his eyes.

“Hear me out before you say anything. I want to lock him out there, with all of us. I want to take him from all of this and keep him there. He’s blocked
everything out. All the talking in the world won’t make him feel again. It’s in there, I know it is, we just have to get it out.”

“How’s locking him up going to cause that?”

“He’ll go mad. It will get to him. He will get angry. Explode. He will want to be let free and it will break him. At least, I hope it will.”

“It’s risky Willow, if he’s too far gone and doesn’t break, then we could make it worse.”

“I’ve tried everything else, Ace. I need my husband back. I love him and I won’t stop until he’s ok. If he just lets the wall down, and lets himself deal with what happened, then he can start piecing his life together again.”

“This is a risk, Willow.”

I swallow and nod my head. I know just how risky it is. It could go so horribly wrong, and it could ruin everything. In a sense though, how much more can I possibly lose?

“I know it is, but I have to do something Ace. He walked out on me. He is willing to give up his family because he honestly believes he feels nothing. I don’t know any other way to bring him out, aside from risking my life and scaring him. But that’s not going to happen. I think getting him angry, could be the only way.”

“What about Mag’s?”

“I don’t know, she’s already angry at him…I don’t know if that will help. He needs to get frustrated, he needs to explode.”

“I think you could be right,” Ace sighs. “God, he’s going to hate us for this.”

“You talk to the guys, I’m going to back a bag and get the kids ready. We will leave in the morning.”

“You sure you want the kids to see this?”

“He won’t explode in front of them, I know that much. If he’s going to lose it, he won’t do it while they’re around. He will walk away. He will keep them away from it. I can’t leave them behind, Ace, they’re my kids and I need them. Cody will think it’s a big holiday. With all that grass out there, he’ll spend most of his time outside.”

Ace nods. “We will get the girls in, to help out. If things get messy, Ava or Jenny can take the kids away. No one wants them involved. I think it’s time Uncle Ace buys some outdoor toys to keep him entertained. I’ll get a yard built too, so he can’t run off.”