Dark Destiny (7 page)

Stop it
! Nicolae said sharply, a command from an ancient accustomed to instant obedience.
You were a child, a little girl, with no knowledge of such evil creatures. You could not possibly have prevented what that vampire did to your family, nor were you responsible. You have rare gifts. There are others in the world such as you, other young women, possibly young men, who inadvertently draw the monster through their incredible gifts. They are in no way responsible for what a vampire does. The vampire chose his way of life. At one time he walked in the light and had honor and respect. At some point in his life he knew he was risking his soul if he continued. He knew what to do but chose to become the undead. Look into my memories; I offer them freely to you. You cannot believe you are responsible.

Destiny was silent a moment, wanting to believe him. Wanting to be absolved. Wanting the magic of his voice to wrap her up and take her away from all that had ever happened to her.
Your voice is a weapon
. She whispered the words to him aloud as well as in his mind. She needed the sound of her voice to believe it.

You are afraid. It is natural to fear what you do not understand, little one
. His voice was so gentle she wanted to cry. She wanted to reach out to him and be held. Her reaction was so strong, so foreign to her nature, it shocked her. Frightened her even more. She felt off balance and indecisive, and she didn't like it. He hadn't called her "little one" in a long while. She tried to tell herself the endearment had thrown her, but she knew better.

She might be afraid, but she was no coward. She could at least be truthful with herself… with him. Her chin went up and she straightened her shoulders.
Yes, I am afraid. I don't know how to trust anyone. I don't know that I even trust myself. I trusted the beauty of a voice and I was deceived
.

You were a child
. His very gentleness caught at her, turned her inside out.

Does that excuse me?

You did nothing wrong. And yet you blame yourself for surviving. You were meant to survive. Let me help you.

She raked her hand through her hair so that it fell in a dark cloud around her face. Hunger was burning through her body, gnawing and crawling. She tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the knowledge that feeding was no longer as repulsive to her as it should be. Just as she tried to ignore how easy it was to control her prey. She winced.
Prey. Did you hear me? I thought of them as prey, not people. That's what I've become. That's what he made me. How can you help me? How can I trust you? I know what you are. You helped me to kill him. You taught me to be what I am. I see the darkness in you. Do you deny it?

Of course I do not deny it. The beast is a part of me. It is my strength as well as my weakness. But there is much more to me than a mindless beast bent on death and the torment and pain of others. Just as there is more to you than what he tried to make you.

There is darkness in me
. She wouldn't lie. Not to him. Or to herself, not anymore.

My love
. He said the two words softly, wrapped her up in his magic.
His blood flows in your veins, haunting you, tormenting and whispering, but it is
his
darkness you feel, not your own. Carpathians are great healers. The soil here is adequate, but the soil of our homeland is like no other. His tainted blood can be removed. His shadowing can be dealt with by our healers and the soil of our homeland
.

How can I trust anything you say to me
? She repeated her question almost desperately, wanting something from him he could never give her. Reassurance. She wanted reassurance, yet she didn't dare believe ever again.

That is something only you can answer
. There was no impatience in his voice, no anger, only a soft gentleness that threatened to fragment her heart.
You have to find that answer for yourself. If you truly cannot see a difference between me and that unholy monster who dragged you from the safety of your home and subjected you
—
subjected both of us
—
to his depraved tortures, then I have nothing with which to defend myself. And I never will. You have to see into my heart and soul. Look past the beast and see the man. See what you are to me. My heart and my soul. My everything. See me, all of me, not just fragments, and you will have your answers
.

She hated him for whispering the words in her mind. For tempting her. His touch was feather-light, brushing the words against her hideous memories with the caressing stroke of an artist's brush. He was luring her deeper into his web. She was mesmerized by him. By everything he said. Everything he promised. By what he left unsaid. The strength and power he possessed. His knowledge. The way he had sheltered a helpless child. Even the way he had given her his blood and had not taken a single sip of hers. Blood was power. Connection. He had cradled her to him as no other ever had. Held her as if she mattered to him. He said things that pierced her armor like arrows. Beautiful things she needed, she craved. Beautiful things that terrified her.

Strangely, as she filled in the earth where she had rested, restoring it to its original state, a slight tremor in her legs caught her attention. Alarmed, Destiny lifted her hand in front of her face. It was shaking.
Damn you, I don't want you here
. What if she had to kill him? What if he gave her no choice? He was making her so weak, her body trembled. She couldn't afford him. She wouldn't have him in her territory.

You are worth the risk to my life; you always have been worth the risk
. Nicolae spoke sincerely, as if he meant every word.

Destiny shook her head in denial. He wasn't going to leave, and as hard as she tried, she could not believe him evil. He wasn't going to make it simple for her by disappearing. Did she really want him to? The thought came unbidden. Sneaking in and tugging at her conscience.

"I'm fragmented." She said it aloud as she looked up at the sky. She wished she were truly friends with MaryAnn and could talk to her about Nicolae. "A part of me would be disappointed in him if he didn't stay. If he didn't want me." There, she had admitted it to herself and she hadn't used the word
devastated
.

The word might have floated for one second in her brain, but she hadn't acknowledged it aloud. Given it life.

How could she survive without him? She had lived with him for years. Shared his mind on every rising. Listened to the magic of his voice. She didn't know, hadn't known when he had begun invading her heart. She had known she needed him for the continual battles with the undead. She hadn't realized she needed him to be alive.

Destiny could find him now, anytime, anywhere. There was a blood tie between them. She could monitor him at will, touch his mind to see what he was doing. It gave her an advantage over him. She would know when he was hunting her. And she would know if he made a kill.

Resolutely she turned toward the city teeming with life. She had left her business with Mary Ann for too long. She preferred to get it over with. Three running steps and she launched herself skyward, spreading her arms as feathers sprouted and the wind took her higher. The earth fell away, taking her fears with it. She blocked out all thoughts of Nicolae and Vikirnoff and allowed herself to indulge in the sheer joy of flight. She would never tire of taking on the form of an owl and used it often when she traveled.

The world was a thing of beauty when she soared through the sky, when the air washed her body clean and she felt whole and pure and alive. She cut through the clouds, not taking the time to play. She had business. She searched familiar places, looking for traces of MaryAnn. Her scent. The sound of her voice. Her soft laughter. She found what she was looking for in a small bar where the locals hung out to exchange the latest gossip.

Destiny sat on the roof of the deli across the street from the bar and surveyed the street. Despite the lateness of the hour, Velda Hantz and her sister Inez sat in their chairs on the sidewalk in front of their apartment building, watching the world go by. Both in their seventies, they were permanent fixtures on the street, greeting each passerby by name and yelling out friendly advice or motherly admonishment if the situation warranted. It was impossible to miss either of them, dressed as they were in their favorite colors of fluorescent pink and chartreuse green. Velda's pink-tipped gray hair was in its usual artsy windblown style, while Inez's rich purple do was swept up on top of her head. They both wore the latest running shoes, which they carefully scuffed as they sat in their chairs. Destiny found the sisters oddly endearing. More than once she had allowed them to see her, and always they called out friendly greetings and waved her over for a quick interrogation.

Knees drawn up, her chin propped in her hand, Destiny watched the two women, unaware of the smile on her face. She had moved often from city to city, state to state, always hunting the undead. Always staying ahead of Nicolae and his relentless pursuit of her. She knew the way his mind worked. He had given her access to his battles, his strategies, his very thought process. She had soaked up his knowledge, knowing her life depended on it, knowing other lives would depend on it. That had enabled her to stay ahead of him. Until she had heard Mary Ann Delaney speaking, counseling a young woman whose life was a shambles. That soft, clear voice, the things Mary Ann had said, kept Destiny chained to Seattle. To these streets. Eventually she had come to secretly think of all the people in the neighborhood as her responsibility.

Destiny sighed and straightened very slowly. She had made a conscious choice to stop running and allow this city to become her home, to allow herself to care about its inhabitants. It gave her a semblance of normalcy she desperately needed, a purpose to continue her life when she knew she was evil.

Not evil. Carpathian. You carry the tainted blood of the vampire, but you are not vampire. I have explained this on more than one occasion
. There was a patient note in Nicolae's velvet-soft voice.
What is troubling you
?

Destiny sighed softly, blew at a strand of hair that fell across her face.
Don't you have anything better to do than harass me? Are all men as annoying as you
?

There was a brief silence. She could feel him struggling not to laugh. No one ever spoke to him the way she did, and he was shocked as well as amused. It made her feel all the closer to him. Connected to him.

Good God. You are going to give me more trouble than I ever thought possible.

You have no idea
. There was a certain feminine satisfaction in having the last word, delivering her line smartly and breaking the connection between them quickly and decisively. Just that brief communication between them had given her the courage necessary to do what had to be done. She forced herself to leave the safety of the rooftops.

The sounds of music and people talking seemed to burst from the walls of The Tavern. Destiny stood outside the bar, as she had so many times before. Her small teeth tugged nervously at her bottom lip. She never entered but perched instead on the roof, just listening to all the conversations. She always found it comforting, as if she were really a part of the neighborhood.

Tonight MaryAnn was inside the bar; Destiny was certain of it. And MaryAnn would have questions. Lots of questions. Destiny would have to remove the woman's memories, something she was reluctant to do. She liked and respected MaryAnn, and the idea of deliberately removing her memories disturbed Destiny. She had avoided the issue for two risings, preferring to stay hidden in the solace of the earth, healing the wounds on her body and hiding from the ancient warrior hunting her. Hiding her dark soul from Mary Ann. Now she had no choice but to face her.

The door to the bar swung open and two men emerged, laughing, talking together as they walked past her without seeing her. She recognized them. Tim Salvadore and Martin Wright. She whispered their names under her breath, as if greeting them. They lived in a small apartment over the little grocery store on the corner. For business reasons, they tried to hide the fact that they were a couple, but everyone in the neighborhood knew they were more than roommates. No one cared; most liked the two men. Still, no one alluded to the relationship out of respect and courtesy.

Destiny bit her lip harder as she watched the two walk down the street. She enjoyed watching their lives unfold. They were nice, ordinary people who seemed genuinely devoted to one another. They were so much a part of the small community Destiny protected. Her gaze remained on the two men until they turned the corner and she lost sight of them. Then she looked back at The Tavern with a frown on her face.

She would have to go in and face Mary Ann. She was certain there would be revulsion and fear in MaryAnn's soft brown eyes after they spoke. Compassion and friendship would be replaced by the knowledge of what Destiny was. Destiny knew she could erase that knowledge from MaryAnn's mind, should she not be able to accept her as she was, but there would always be a barrier between them. Nothing would ever be the same again. Destiny would never be able to even pretend they were friends, and MaryAnn's friendship was important to her. She wanted MaryAnn's acceptance, but how could anyone accept her when she couldn't accept herself?

For a moment she stood outside The Tavern, her shoulders slumping, her heart heavy with dread. At once she felt him. Nicolae. He stirred in her mind, his touch gentle, inquiring, drawn by her deep sorrow. The ease of the connection surprised her. His gentleness warmed her. The way she craved his touch alarmed her. Destiny slammed her mind closed to him. She couldn't afford to risk his finding out about MaryAnn. It would be a certain death sentence for the woman. He would not allow the continued existence of a human who knew about vampires. Lifting her chin, she squared her shoulders and decisively pulled open the door.