Dark of kNight (18 page)

“Are you okay?”.

“Yeah.” He turned his attention to me. “I guess I am just a little tired that is all,” he forced out a fake smile. He walked past me and went up the stairs.

The seconds that it took me to make it to the sofa felt like hours. A strange feeling of dread washed through me. Was my heart in danger? My chest tightened at the sudden rush of anxiety. The obvious factor for my opinion could’ve been the way he walked by me, moving quickly without pausing, and no eye contact. For the moment, I felt as if he was trying to avoid me rather than the question in my eyes. The struggle I contended with was whether to confront him, or just let him rest and talk to him later.

A few moments later, the noise from the bedroom door shutting, shocked me out my self-induced anxiety. Immediately, I decided I would confront this. Setting the book on the coffee table, I took a deep breath and headed toward the stairs. With one foot on the bottom step, I swallowed hard and pushed myself to move my feet.

Opening the bedroom door slightly, Daniel was stretched out on the bed with his hands behind his head. He was wearing pajama pants and no shirt. My eyes couldn't help from tracing the muscles on his chest down to his stomach. He truly had a beautiful body. Slowly his head turned to me, not speaking he just stared at me.

Seeing the depth in his eyes burned something inside me. It wasn’t passion, but pain. The tight feeling returned to my chest. Slowly I walked through the door without saying a word. Charlotte’s words rang in my head.
You will not be able to distinguish what he is feeling from your own feelings.
The second that it took me to determine that I may be wrong, was the moment I instinctively knew I needed to do something. Something I’ve never done before.

Fear screamed in my ears when I inched closer to the bed. My hands trembled. I took a deep breath. My heart beat rapidly. I stopped at the side of the bed and closed my eyes slowly, inhaling and exhaling. I opened my eyes to see his eyes were still on me. His expression didn’t change. Smoothly I climbed on the bed and moved closer to him.

Unsure of how to approach this, I swore I would do the best I could. There wasn’t much experience in my personal file for a situation like this. I climbed over on top of him.

Whether or not he could tell I was terrified, I couldn't see it in his eyes. His eyes never left mine.

Slowly, I moved my trembling finger to his face. I traced the cheekbone down to his jawbone. His chest expanded underneath me when he inhaled deeply. His jaw locked into place, the muscles tensed under my touch. My hand gently cupped his chin and I leaned down to his face. Gingerly, I touched my lips to his. There was no feeling of fire running through me. There was only softness in my heart. I pulled back from him slightly only to see that he was looking at me through those long dark eye lashes. His eyes were a clear hazel just like the morning I first noticed them. I placed my opened hand gently on the side of his face and kissed his lips once again. His lips parted to mine. Slowly and gently, I touched them. Moving my lips gently down to his jawbone, I traced the jaw line to his neck. He inhaled a heavy deep breath. His chest expanded underneath me again. His hands came from underneath his head and he placed them on the sides of my face. Pulling me back to his face, he held me firmly inches from him.

“Tell me something.” His voice remained low and firm. It sent a sense of fear through me. My eyes widened at this sudden response. “Tell me how you feel.” The tone was neither soft nor sweet.

Thoughts of fear ran through me. Had I gone too far? Maybe I should’ve taken those feelings seriously. I tried to pull back from his grip but he wouldn't let me move. His eyes searched mine for an answer.

“Julie.” His voice came out deep and rough. “I need to know.”

“I… ” My words froze when a battle burst out inside of me. My heart told me one thing but fear held me back like a strong fortress.

“Why is it so hard for you to tell me?” he snapped, releasing me abruptly.

I sat back on him and stared into his face. The frown on his face showed me more than just irritation but agony.

“I’m afraid.” The words staggered out my mouth.

“Afraid?” he repeated mocking me. “Afraid of what?”

“I,” for the first time in my life couldn't answer his question. “I… ” As hard as I tried, I couldn‘t do it. I pulled myself from his body and climbed off the bed. My heart ached in ways I’d never felt before. It was the worse pain that I’d ever felt. Was it my heart or his that ached this way?

“Why? Why is it so hard for you to tell me how you feel?” Daniel inquired behind me. “Julie!” He was off the bed and behind me. He turned me to him. “I can feel it! I feel it here!” he said as he hit his chest where his heart was.

My heart leaped up into my throat, tears filled my eyes and I froze.

“You do not know how all this is making me crazy! I need to know. I need to hear you say it!” The wildness in his eyes frightened me.

Fear tore at my soul, rippling down throughout my body at the thought of losing him. Deep within the essence of my heart, I gained the courage to fight that lie. I didn’t want to lose something as precious as him. How long could I continue to run? How long could I continue to try to protect my heart from the dogs of hell? Here before me stood an angel. I stared deeply into the eyes of the angel who so swiftly stole my heart. It was my turn to face my fears, to stop running from the unknown. Deeply, truly, and honestly I knew I was in love with him. Doubt, if there had ever been one, shattered like broken glass. My heart would win this fight.

“I’ve never met anyone like you in my life.” I began. “You,” I paused. “Have shown me things I’ve never seen or experienced before.” I shook my head trying to find the words.

“Daniel, you’ve brought something into my life I’ve never had before. The little things you’ve done which have touched my heart so tenderly. When you were gone for those three days I was utterly miserable.” I took a deep ragged breath as hot tears dropped from my eyes. “Never in a million years would I have expected to find what I never even knew I needed in you. It’s like you fill a void that I never knew existed until you came back into my life.” The tears flowed freely from my eyes. “
Daniel, I’m truly in love with you.”

I whispered.

Daniel stood motionless for a moment. Without warning, he grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me. His lips pressed to mine with more force than he’d used before.

My heart melted away. I’d fallen hopelessly from a cliff not knowing whether anyone would catch me. He pulled back from me.

“
I have always loved you,
” he whispered. His eyebrows drew together in a frown as he continued. “I never stopped and I never will.” He stopped for a moment searching my face. “Julie, I cannot
breathe without you.
Everything I have ever wanted is within you. I never needed to search for anyone else. No one else could make me feel the way you do.

No one ever will. You will always have my heart.”

The swift wings of my angel had rescued me once again. I’d become a hopeless disaster when I poured out the contents of my heart. My body was limp. My breath had ceased.

This was all new to me. Yes, Daniel had become my first love. After years of putting off the inevitable, time had caught up with me.

“Julie, I know all this is new to you. You just have to trust me. I will never hurt you. You just have to open yourself up to me. Talk to me; let me know what is going on with you. I want to know everything. Even things you think are not important. Sometimes you have a way of shutting me out without even realizing it,” he said softly.

“But, downstairs when you first came in?”

“I had been thinking. There are a lot of things I have been thinking about.” He said as he swept me up into his arms, carried me over to bed, and laid me down gently. He crawled over me to the other side of the bed and lay on his side facing me with his head on the pillow.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Everything. For one, you. I knew that you had been in a tragic accident and we swore to keep the truth from you. The truth of who you really are. Dr. Miller thought that if we were to press you, it might have caused more harm than good. I know you must be very angry with all of us.”

“No, I’m not. It’s just a weird feeling. I feel so embarrassed that everyone knew so much about me that I didn’t even know.” I paused for a moment. “Daniel, how much have I missed?”

“Well, there is a lot of catching up to do. There is still a lot you need to learn about who you are, and… ” He paused laying on his back “us.”

“Us?”

“Julie, there are things you need to understand about us, our relationship.”

“Charlotte filled me in on parts of it.”

“Well, it is a serious matter. We have to be very careful. I cannot help the way I feel about you at times. You cannot imagine how badly I want you sometimes. I know that I cannot cross that line. Everything will be lost to both of us.”

“Daniel, what will be lost?”

“Everything. We will never be able to fulfill our destinies. When you find your mate, the attraction is unbearable. I did not believe it until now.”

“So, if you give in to your desires you lose your destiny?”

“Something like that.” He took a deep breath. “One thing we have to learn is to control our desires. Giving in to that type of desire before it is solemnized will forever leave us walking on the earth as creatures no greater than the werewolves. We will be like fallen angels.”

“Solemnized? What is that, a marriage?”

“Yes and no. It is a union ceremony, which the Lycan counsel performs. A rite, so to speak.”

“Daniel you speak of it as if we’re not human.”

“Then you heard me correctly. Julie, we are not human. We are Lycans.”

“But my mother?”

“It was because of your father that you are what you are. If you have any doubts about this, it will be proven to you tonight.”

“What am I supposed to expect tonight then?” I asked.

“You will just have to trust me. Please Julie, just trust me in everything.” His face turned to me. His eyes looked tired and I knew he needed to sleep.

“Okay,” I replied softly. “You rest. I’ll go and… .”

“NO!” his voice rose. “Just stay here with me for a little while longer. Come here,” he held his arm up for me to snuggle under him.

I turned around with my back to him. He moved closer to me and put his arm around me, fitting my body to his. His breathing became softer.

“The closer we become,” he mumbled, “the harder it will be.”

He spoke incoherently. There was something to being a Lycan, which meant it was important to control your desires. Remembering the legends Daniel told me concerning the werewolves, they gave in to their desire for revenge. To kill and murder. Yes, we had to be stronger. The purpose of the Lycans is to kill the evil of the werewolves. My mind raced to put the pieces together. If we break these rules, then we have failed. We ourselves would become the creatures we were to destroy. Evil by nature.

In one eye opening moment, I realized that this life is more than what I’d thought. I was born into it. My stomach tightened in a knot. The words were there in front of me though the picture was still unclear. My mind reached deeper to the part that haunted me the most. It reached into the depths of my soul. There I felt warmth and smoothness.

There was no longer fear. The wall of fear broke around my mind. The protection from all facets of unimaginable images that haunted me in my dreams at night disappeared. My heart reached a new level of commitment and love. With one deep breath, I rose from Daniel’s arms.

My eyes widened with new knowledge. Only now did logic and reasoning draw a perfect line together.

“Choice,”
I whispered to myself. Glancing at Daniel, he was asleep.

The choices that we make are what define us. It separates us from the werewolves. I wondered back to my father. He chose a human wife. Charlotte had said there were severe penalties. What was it that my father lost when he made the decision to break the law? He broke it out of love for my mother. Why would this type of love carry such a high penalty? Pondering on the thought, I slowly laid back on the pillow so as not to wake Daniel.

My mind raced to figure out this type of mystery. The laws were set for a reason, I thought. If my father made a choice out of love to marry my mother, a human--then it hit me.

Of course, she wasn’t able to be his mate. Pain swelled inside my heart for my father. All those years he must have spent with my mother, loving and cherishing her. Until I came along. This was his penalty. His choice made his penalty his sentence without even realizing it. His penalty was my mother’s death. How my father kept that grief inside of him for so many years I would never know. The choice he made affected the life of someone he loved so dearly.

Deep in my own thoughts, I heard the doorbell ring. Easing out from under Daniel’s arm I tip-toed to the bedroom door and sprinted down the stairs. The doorbell rang again.

Looking forward, I could see that it was Heather. She saw me at the foot of the stairs and smiled.

“Hi there,” she said. She held out a shopping bag in her hands.

“Hey. Come on in.” I stepped aside to let her in and glanced behind her. She was driving Charlotte’s car. I wondered how many miles Charlotte actually drove the car herself.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you. Charlotte wanted you two to have these,” she handed me the bag.

We walked toward the living room and sat down on the sofa. Her eyes darted around the house taking in the large room.

“I know,” I paused. “The glass walls,” I said smiling.

“Yes. I’m very amazed. Your home is absolutely breathtaking.”

“My father built it for my mother. She loved the woods and wanted to be able to walk through the house and see perfect views. Even in the cold winter months, the home is very comfortable. I guess my Dad had a good builder.”

“Truly.”

“So what do we have here?” I opened the bag and pulled out something that was a dark brown soft fabric. “A hooded cloak?” If I wear this I’ll look like the Grim Reaper.