Dark Rider (39 page)

No, more. So much more. The truth crashed down upon her, jarring her back to reality.

Dear God, how had it come to this?

She lay stunned, unable to believe she had not known before. She had not been careful enough. The Jared of daylight and darkness had merged, and she would never be able to separate them again.

“I didn’t plan this.” His words were muffled in her hair. “I didn’t want it to happen this way. I wanted Morgana to be a gift.”

“I’m certain you didn’t,” she said dully. She knew him so well now. She knew his humor and his impatience, his passion and sensuality, his gentleness with Josette and Bradford. She knew his strict sense of justice and his total determination. She wished with all her heart she knew less about him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

It was her own fault. She had done the unforgivable.

He raised his head to look down at her. “What’s wrong with you?”

She shook her head without answering.

He muttered a curse, moved off her, and adjusted his clothes. “You wanted it, dammit! I did
not
rape you.”

“No.” She sat up and brushed the hair from her eyes.

“Then why are you acting as if I did?”

“I want to go to my room.” She didn’t look at him as she straightened her clothes. “Will Kapu and Morgana be all right in the pasture?”

“Yes. We’ll leave them together for the night. They’ll couple several times before morning.”

“And you’ll have your foal.” She stood up and brushed bits of hay from the skirt of her gown. “Everything is working out just as you thought.”

“The hell it is.” He rose to his feet. “Tell me what’s wrong!”

“Nothing.” Her voice was halting. “I’m very grateful for your generosity in giving me Morgana. It’s very kind.”

“Kind? You must be ill. I’ve never known you to think me kind.”

“You can be kind.” Kind and ruthless. Gentle and erotic. Darkness and light. The tears were brimming, and she had to get away from him. “Good night …” She turned and fled down the corridor toward the door.

He caught her as she reached the courtyard and whirled her to face him. “Talk to me,” he said through his teeth. “For God’s sake, tell me what—” He broke off as he saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. “My God.”

“I have to go.” She started to struggle. “I have to—”

“Not until— All right, anything, just, for God’s sake, stop crying.” He let her go and stepped back. “But it’s not the end of it. Tomorrow you’re going to tell me what you’re upset about.”

She would never tell him.

She turned and ran across the courtyard. She could feel his baffled, frustrated gaze on her back as she tore
up the stairs and into the hall. She would never commit that final betrayal.

She would never, never tell Jared she loved him.

“Cassie?” Josette was sitting on the bottom step of the staircase, dressed in night shift and robe, bare feet curled beneath her. Her eyes were wide with alarm. “You’re weeping. What did he do to you?”

She wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hands. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard you and Jared arguing in the hall. I was worried … I couldn’t sleep.” She shook her head. “You said he wasn’t angry.”

“He wasn’t.” She started up the stairs. “Go to bed.”

Josette scrambled to her feet and followed her. “Then why are you crying? You never cry.”

“I just am.”

“Why?”

The tears wouldn’t stop flowing and neither would Josette’s questions. Cassie suddenly flared. “It’s my concern. Leave me alone!” Then, when she saw Josette’s stricken expression, she was instantly remorseful. “It’s not … Everything is … it’s too much.”

“Is it Jared? Do you want me to talk to him?”

“No!” She tried to temper the sharpness. “Nothing is wrong. Jared didn’t hurt me. He’s actually been very kind. He gave me Morgana.”

“You have to be jesting,” Josette whispered.

She shook her head. “He’s taking Kapu and Morgana’s foal. So, you see, everything is fine.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because I can’t—” She stopped and then said,
“Because it’s time I left Morland. I can’t stay here any longer.”

The words startled her as much as they did Josette, but once they were uttered, she knew no other action could result from the realization that she loved Jared. If she didn’t leave him now, she wasn’t sure she would ever leave him.

“No!” Josette cried, dismayed. “Why should you go? Everything is fine now. I don’t have to go back to school, and Jared gave you Morgana. We could have a lovely time.”

“Josette, I don’t belong here. Have you forgotten my father?”

Josette was silent a moment. “I wish you could.” She held up her hand as Cassie opened her lips to speak. “But I know you can’t.” She shook her head. “Jared won’t let you go.”

Cassie forced a smile. “Then I’ll have to go without his knowledge, won’t I?”

“Do you have any money?”

“About a hundred pounds my father left with Lani.”

“Lani will go with you?” Josette answered her own question. “Of course she will.” Her tone became wistful. “It’s just that I’ve gotten so used to both of you. I’ll miss you.…”

“We’ll miss you, too.”

“Truly?”

Cassie nodded her head. “Truly. But I have to go.”

“It’s difficult getting into French ports these days. Few ships will accept the risk.” Josette frowned. “And how will you manage to arrange passage? I doubt if you could leave Morland without Jared’s sanction.”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head wearily. It was trying enough to come to terms with the knowledge
that she loved Jared. She couldn’t deal with anything else. “I’ll think about it later. Right now I’m going to bed.” She started up the stairs again. “And so should you.”

“And what about papers?” Josette followed her. “I think you should stay here.”

Cassie shook her head.

“Then I think I should go with you.”

“What!” Cassie turned to look at her in surprise.

“Well, I could sail you across the channel in my boat. If we didn’t land at a major port, you wouldn’t be faced with the problem of papers immediately.”

“You would do that for us?”

Josette grinned. “You need me. I’ve had all kinds of experience in escapes. At least twice a year since Jared sent me to Carradine Hall. Do you think it was easy getting away from the gargoyle all those times? I’m more prepared now than you’d be in a year.”

“Carradine Hall isn’t Morland.” Cassie’s first leap of hope vanished. “I couldn’t let you do that for us.”

She coaxed. “I’m a very good sailor. It wouldn’t be that dangerous just to land you and Lani on a beach near a village and come back.”

“Jared would be angry with you.”

“Not for long. Besides, I’d rather face Jared’s anger than worry about your safety.”

It was very tempting, the answer to most of the obstacles that stood in their way. “I’ll consider it.”

Josette nodded briskly. “You’ll see that my way is best.” She turned down the wing where her chamber was located. She cast Cassie a mischievous glance over her shoulder. “And in the meantime I’ll start making plans. It takes a great deal of forethought to make good an escape.”

Josette’s sorrow and disappointment had been submerged
in anticipation and purpose. Cassie wished she could shift emotions so easily. She felt raw and desolate, and the entire world seemed dark. She wanted to run to Lani and hear her say that everything would be all right.

But she couldn’t do that this time. She had crossed into territory that was forbidden to her. How could Lani understand that she loved the man who was her father’s deadly enemy? How could she understand it herself? She didn’t even have the comfort of knowing that Jared loved her in return. He desired her, but passion was not love. He had been consumed by hatred of her father for too many years, and it was madness to think he would ever allow himself to love her. No, his bitterness was too strong, the gulf too deep.

Dear God, the tears were falling again. She must stop this stupid weeping. There was nothing to be done but what they had set out to do. She must save Papa and then return home.

She must make a life for herself far away from Jared, a world away.…

“
I
don’t like using Josette this way,” Lani said, seated in her usual chair in the library. “It could be dangerous for her.”

“Do we have a choice?” Cassie asked. She didn’t like it either, but there seemed no alternative. “If she turns around and immediately goes back to England, it should lessen the risk.”

Lani nodded slowly. “That’s true. And the journey is only a scant twenty miles or so. My people go much vaster distances in their voyager canoes.” She paused. “Have you a plan for finding Charles? Perhaps he hasn’t even arrived in Paris yet. I told you of the message Jared received from his man, Guillaume, saying that he had not been seen there.” She shrugged. “I suppose it’s possible that Jared received another message to the contrary. He was suspiciously careless of that first message. I think he meant for me to find it.”

But her father probably had not arrived, or Jared would have departed immediately for the Continent, Cassie thought. “I hope he hasn’t arrived there.
When he does, he’ll go directly to Jacques-Louis David for information about Raoul Cambre.”

“And you think this is a dangerous move?”

She shivered. “I met Cambre only once, but I didn’t like him.”

“A child has no great judgment.”

“But excellent instincts. I don’t want Papa near him.”

“And we go to this David and ask him to put us in touch with Charles when he contacts him?”

Cassie nodded. “We can find lodgings at a small pension near David’s residence until he arrives.”

“We are foreigners. There will be questions.”

Cassie chuckled. “I may feel as if I’m a foreigner, but I was born in France, remember. I believe I’ll have no trouble being accepted. We will say you’re …” She thought about it; Lani’s golden skin was both exotic and distinctive. “Egyptian. The widow of one of Napoleon’s officers. He met you when he was campaigning and brought you back to Paris.”

Lani said dryly, “You’ve been spending entirely too much time with Josette. You’re getting overly proficient at falsehoods.”

“Of course, it would be better if David could give us Cambre’s whereabouts in case Papa finds out in some other fashion.” She shrugged. “We will have to see when we arrive what is best.”

Lani looked down into the fire. “And when do we leave on this journey?”

“Tonight, after everyone has gone to bed. Josette says we can slip out to the stable and through the back pasture door. It’s only a mile walk to the path leading down to the shore where her boat is docked. She’ll
distract the guard at the stable and then join us there.”

“You’re leaving Kapu and Morgana here with Jared.
You
realize he’s going to be very angry. What if he refuses to return them to you when all this is over?”

“He won’t do that.”

“You seem very sure.”

“He keeps his promises.” She wearily shook her head. “And even if he didn’t, I couldn’t do anything else. It’s time we left Morland.”

Lani was silent a moment and then nodded. “I think you’re right. We’ve been here too long. One tends to become … confused.”

There was an undercurrent in Lani’s tone that made Cassie’s eyes widen with surprise. Had she been subjected to the same temptation Cassie had known? It seemed impossible. Lani was always steady, completely loyal, never deterring from her purpose. “Lani?”

Lani looked at her and smiled. “But we will no longer be confused once we find Charles. All will be clear and the same as it was before. Won’t it, Kanoa?”

It would never be the same for Cassie, but perhaps it would grow less painful. She nodded jerkily and rose to her feet. “We should each take only one valise. Pack no more than three gowns and your riding habit. Josette will take them to the stable and hide them under the hay in an empty stall. Oh, and wear a warm shawl under your cloak. Josette says it becomes very chill on the water at this time of year.”

Lani made a face. “Josette appears to be completely in command of this journey.”

Cassie nodded. “And she’s enjoying every minute of it.” She moved toward the door. “I’ll see you at
supper. Try to rest this afternoon. Josette’s sailboat is very small, and there aren’t any cabins. It won’t be a comfortable journey.”

Lani opened her book again. “Then you should take your own advice.”

“I have to exercise Kapu. After I’m gone, he’ll get little— I forgot, Josette can ride him. She did very well the other day.”

“But you want to ride him anyway.” Lani nodded. “Go on, good-byes are more important than rest.”

Cassie closed the door and moved quickly down the hall.

This ride would not really be a good-bye to Kapu, but it would be farewell to Morland. She might have to return briefly to retrieve Kapu and Morgana, but she would never live within these walls again, never ride with Jared along the cliff path, never watch the humorous byplay between Jared and Bradford at the supper—

“Cassie!”

Jared. Her pace quickened as she heard his steps behind her.