Darker Jewels (59 page)

No, do not tell me. I know what possessed you. And much as I might castigate you for the injury you did yo
urself, lean never

have anything but the most profound compassion for your loss ofXenya. You say you regret that there was no time to make her one of your blood, yet you told me she loved you for what you are not, not for what you are. And I know how you long for someone who will knowingly love you. But, Sanct’ Germain, you loved her for what she was, and it is your grief that troubles me, not her understanding. It may be that she found greater deliverance in standing against that soldier than she would have in coming to your life, for you were not of her choosing.

And so your back is healed as if the beating had never happened and only your soul carries the scars. As you taught me yourself, those are the only lasting wounds a vampire knows. But what wounds are worse than those to the soul, and what scars are deeper?

Do not be offended, dear, dear friend. Isay this in concern, not to reprimand you. If I reprimand you, it will be for living in Ghent, not for your courage in love. So, speaking of Ghent, you will have to let me know how long you plan to be there, and where you intend to go next. I myself will not remain in England much longer, though I am quitefond of the place; it is a pleasant change to be in a country where a woman rules. I must return to Italy in the next two or three years. Why not join me there? We can visit all the places ive knew when I was still alive. Give me your word you will not say no out of hand. And I will give you my word that I will not hector you about it.

By my hand with my enduring love Olivia

April 14, 1586, by English reckoning, at Greengages, near Harrow