Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren

My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice.

I just like B and that’s all.

I am in the grade of kindergarten.

My room is named Room Nine.

I have two bestest friends at that place.

One of them is named Lucille.

She is way beautifuller than me. That’s because her nanna buys her fancy dresses. Plus also she has lacy socks with ribbons on them.

My other friend is named Grace. Me
and that Grace ride the school bus together.

She has my favorite kind of hair. It is called
automatically curly
.

Also, she has pink high tops. And fast feet.

That Grace is the fastest runner in all of kindergarten.

She wins me at all of our races.

I am a good sport about it. Except for sometimes I call her the name of
cheater pants
.

Me and that Grace and Lucille play horses together before school.

Horses is when you gallop. And trot. And snort.

I am Brownie. Lucille is Blackie. And that Grace is Yellowie.

Only today, me and that Grace couldn’t find Lucille anywhere.

We looked all over the place for her.

“Darn it,” I said. “Now we can’t play horses that good. ’Cause two horses isn’t as fun as three horses.”

“Maybe she’s just late,” said that Grace. “Or else maybe something went wrong at her house.”

I tapped on my chin very thinking.

“Yes,” I said. “Maybe her grampa brought a parrot to her house. And Lucille was getting dressed for school. And then the parrot flew into her room. And he got all tangled up in her hair. And so her grampa had to call 911. And a real live fireman came to her house. And he cut the parrot out of her hair with scissors. Only that left a teeny baldy spot. But guess what? If you wear a big bow, nobody can even tell the difference.”

That Grace looked curious at my big bow.

I did a gulp.

“Yeah, only pretend I didn’t even tell you that,” I said very soft.

After that, me and that Grace looked for Lucille some more.

And guess what?

I spotted her! That’s what!

“HEY, GRACE! I SEE HER! I SEE LUCILLE! SHE IS RUNNING PAST THE WATER FOUNTAIN!”

That Grace spotted her, too.

“HEY! SOMEBODY’S CHASING HER, JUNIE B.!” she yelled. “WHO
IS
THAT BOY? WHO IS THAT BOY WHO IS CHASING LUCILLE?”

I squinted my eyes very harder.

“IT IS AN EVIL
STRANGER BOY
,
GRACE!” I shouted back. “AN EVIL STRANGER BOY IS CHASING LUCILLE! AND SO NOW YOU AND ME WILL HAVE TO SAVE HER!”

I waved my arm in a fast circle.

“Come on, Yellowie! Let’s go! Let’s go save Lucille!”

Then me and that Grace springed into action!

We galloped our fastest after the stranger!

That Grace caught up to him speedy quick.

She shooed her arms all around.

“GO AWAY, BOY! GO AWAY AND LEAVE LUCILLE ALONE!” she shouted.

“YES!” I yelled. “LEAVE LUCILLE ALONE! OR I WILL TELL PRINCIPAL ON YOU! ’CAUSE ME AND HIM ARE PERSONAL FRIENDS. AND HE
WILL POUND YOUR HEAD!”

After that, me and that Grace kept on shooing our arms until he ran away.

Then we did a high five.

“HURRAY!” we shouted. “HURRAY! HURRAY! WE SAVED LUCILLE FROM THE EVIL STRANGER BOY!”

All of a sudden, Lucille came stomping at us very angry.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?” she hollered. “WHY DID YOU CHASE THAT BOY AWAY? NOW YOU’VE RUINED
EVERYTHING!
”

Me and that Grace looked surprised at her.

“But we thought you
wanted
us to do that,” said that Grace.

“We saved you from the evil stranger
boy,” I explained very proud.

Lucille did a mad breath.

“He is
not
an evil stranger boy, Junie B.! He’s a new kid in Room Eight. And his name is Warren! And he’s the handsomest boy I ever saw! He’s even been in a
TV
commercial before!”

Me and that Grace raised up our eyebrows.

“He has?” said that Grace.

“He’s been in a TV commercial before?” I said.

That Grace stood on her tippy-toes.

“Where did he go? I didn’t even get a good look at him,” she said.

“Me too,” I said. “I didn’t get a good look at him, too. How handsome is he, Lucille? Is he handsome like a movie star?”

Just then, that Grace jumped up and down very excited.

“THERE HE IS! THERE HE IS! HE’S OVER THERE UNDER THAT TREE! SEE HIM, JUNIE B.? SEE HIM?”

I squinted my hardest at that guy.

Then my eyes practically popped out of my head!

’Cause he
was
handsome like a movie star! That’s why!

“Wowie-wow-wow! What a
chunk
!” I said. “I would like him for my new boyfriend, I think!”

Lucille made angry eyes at me.

“No!” she hollered. “Don’t say that, Junie B.! He can’t be
your
boyfriend. He can only be
my
boyfriend. ’Cause I saw him first!”

I thought it over very careful.

“Yeah, only here’s the problem, Lucille,” I said. “Me and Grace didn’t actually get a crack at him yet.”

“Yeah,” said that Grace. “We definitely need a crack at him. And so now you have to introduce us.”

Lucille stamped her foot.

“No!” she yelled. “No! No! No! ’Cause you guys will steal him away from me! And that’s not even fair! Plus, Junie B. already
has
a boyfriend. Remember, Junie B.? You already have Ricardo! Remember?”

I did another peek at Handsome Warren.

“Yeah, only I think I may be ready to move on,” I said very quiet.

That’s when Lucille’s face got boiling mad. And she stomped away from us speedy quick.

Only me and that Grace didn’t even care.

We just kept peeking and peeking at that handsome boy.

’Cause he was beauty to our eyes.

Lucille sits next to me in Room Nine.

I kept on being nice to her.

’Cause I wanted to meet that handsome boy, of course.

“Want to be friends again, Lucille? Huh? Want to be friends like we used to be? That would be nice of us, don’t you think?”

“No,” said Lucille. “You only want to be friends so you can steal my new boyfriend.”

I did a big breath at her.

“Yeah, only how can I even steal him,
Lucille?” I asked. “’Cause you are way beautifuller than me. Remember that? Remember how beautifuller than me you are?”

Lucille remembered.

She fluffed herself.

Then she showed me her new lacy socks.

“Eight dollars and fifty cents…
not
including tax,” she said.

I bugged out my eyes at them.

“Wowie-wow-wow. Those are some fancy feet you have there, madam!” I said.

After that, I showed Lucille
my
socks, too.

“See, Lucille? See mine? They are very sagging and droopy. That’s because last night me and my dog Tickle played tug-of-war with those things. And he got drooly on them.”

Lucille made a face.

“Eew,” she said.

“I know they are eew,” I said back. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Lucille. I am a big pig. And so how can I even steal your boyfriend?”

Just then, Lucille looked nicer at me.

I scooted my chair close to her.

“Now we are friends again! Right, Lucille? Right?” I said. “And so now you can introduce me to Handsome Warren. ’Cause I won’t even steal that guy.”

Lucille fluffed herself some more.

“I don’t know…I’ll think about it,” she said.

I clapped my hands real thrilled.

Then I quick stood up on my chair.

“GRACE! HEY, GRACE!” I hollered. “LUCILLE SAID SHE’LL THINK ABOUT IT!”