Daughter of Chaos (19 page)

“Of course! Thanks for being willing to take an adventure with me.” She smiled and turned the car back onto the interstate. We drove in companionable silence for almost fifty miles, but then Mom spoke. “Darlena, I know there’s more going on right now. Justin isn’t the only thing upsetting you, is he?”

Stunned, I shook my head.

She smiled. “I thought so. I know you think you love him, but I didn’t raise you to cry that much over a boy. Can you talk about the rest of it, whatever it is?”

My heart swelled up with relief. She wanted me to tell her! I could reveal everything, and then I wouldn’t be carrying my burden alone. She would help me. I opened my mouth, and the image of my mother kneeling to Hecate came into my mind. Even if she knew everything, how much help would she be allowed to offer me? Hell, what if it wasn’t a question of offering me help; what if she would actively work against me to please Hecate? I closed my mouth and shook my head.

Her face fell. “I’m sorry you don’t feel that you can trust me. Please remember, if you ever do want to talk, I would do anything in my power to help you.”

My throat swelled, and I almost started to cry. Not trusting my voice, I nodded.

“Just remember, sweetie, whatever it is, you can’t change everything. Don’t bog yourself down worrying about things outside your control. Fix what you can, and leave the rest alone.”

I nodded again and closed my eyes. Her words had triggered a thought: there wasn’t much that I had any power to change. Even though Red magic was supposed to be strong and chaotic, I had felt utterly useless since stopping the hurricane. Aphrodite didn’t want me meddling with anything except love.

My eyes popped open. If I couldn’t fix everything, maybe I could at least heal the crack in my relationship with Justin. I needed him to trust me again. Love usually grows from trust, but maybe with a little magic, I could make trust grow from love.

***

That night, alone once more in my room, I grabbed a photo of Justin, my red candle, a box of matches, and the mirror Aphrodite had given me, then crept into my closet. My parents and the instructors at Trinity had tried to teach me not to use magic on another person, Witch or Non, but years of experience had taught me the value of sympathetic magic. I tried not to cast hexes that were too powerful, because I firmly believed what I had been taught about magic rebounding on the person who cast the spell. I didn’t want to hex an enemy and end up in the hospital. But, I reasoned as I lit the candle, a love spell wasn’t a hex. I wouldn’t worry about any negative echoes from this spell.

Setting the picture in front of the candle on the floor, I held the mirror up and gazed into it for a long time. When I saw my image begin to shift to my glamoured self, I turned the mirror facedown over Justin’s picture. I stayed there in the closet until the candle burned itself out, leaving a red puddle of wax on the floor, the mirror, and the photo. Leaving everything where it was, I whispered a prayer to Aphrodite before crawling out of the closet.

I couldn’t fall asleep right away; I was too anxious about my spell. My body pulsed like I’d grabbed a live wire, and every time I closed my eyes, steamy scenes of flesh and lust filled my mind. My subconscious should have been embarrassing, but I reveled in the images my mind supplied, thinking about Justin’s warm embrace. A part of me hoped the spell would work instantly, but when the clock said it was past two and the phone was still silent, I gave up and tried to sleep. Hopefully, I thought as I hovered on the edge of sleep, I would know if my spell had worked in the morning. At that moment, there was nothing I wanted more than Justin’s love. I had screwed up once, but I wouldn’t lose him again.

Wednesday morning dawned bright and clear, and I smiled as I looked out the window at the street. After the trip to the beach and my spell work the day before, I felt confident that today would bring better things than the rest of the week. I resisted the urge to text Justin, trusting that the magic I had begun would bring him to me. Instead, I took a long shower. I drew hearts in the fog on the bathroom mirror, then laughed at my foolishness and wiped them away with my hand. I had never been so silly, even the year before, when things with Justin had been intense. Brushing my teeth, I wondered if my mushy mood was a by-product of dedicating myself to a goddess of love. Or maybe, I wondered fleetingly, it was the rebound from the love spell.

“Good morning, sunshine!” Dad greeted me with a smile when I strolled into the kitchen. “You look like you’re in a fabulous mood!”

“I am.” I grabbed a bagel and some peanut butter and sat down at the table with him. The paper was next to him, folded messily, and I glanced at the front page. “Anything interesting in the world?”

Dad sighed. “Interesting, yes. Good? Not really. There was an earthquake in Asia last week, and a lot of people are still without basic needs.”

I hummed as I spread the chunky peanut butter on my bagel, not really listening.

“And I’m in the middle of a major project at work, so there’s a lot on my mind. Did you have fun with your mother yesterday?”

I nodded. “Yeah, it was just what I needed.”

Dad looked thoughtful. “I don’t know if it was what your mom needed.”

I looked around, realizing for the first time that we were the only ones in the kitchen. “Where is she, anyway?”

“She’s got a headache, so she decided to lie down. I think she’ll be staying home again today.”

My mother had only ever missed three days of work that I could remember: yesterday, the time I broke my arm in third grade, and the previous winter when Dad had walking pneumonia. She never stayed home when she was sick, trusting instead in magic and herbs to heal her quickly. What if the ritual we’d done yesterday had sapped her strength? Fleetingly, I wondered if there might be a way I could use Red magic to recharge her. I’d never done anything like that before, though, and I didn’t really want to experiment on Mom. Still, I should try to do something. “Maybe I should stay home with her.”

“No.” Dad shook his head. “You can’t afford to miss any more school.”

I shrugged, not making eye contact as I bit into my breakfast. “I guess. Well, I’ll at least come right home at the end of the day. I’ll tell Rochelle we can hang out later.”

Dad beamed at me. “That’s my girl. It wouldn’t break my heart if you stopped hanging out with Rochelle altogether.”

Usually, when my dad said something like that, I got angry. Today, nothing seemed to faze me. I shrugged again. “She’s my best friend. I’m not going to ditch her.”

Dad folded the paper and tossed back the rest of his coffee. “Just think about it, sweetie. You don’t want to spend your time with someone so … negative, do you?” He didn’t wait for my answer as he picked up his briefcase and glanced at the clock. “I’ll try to be home around six. Look in on your mother before you leave, okay?”

I nodded as the door swung shut. Finishing the second half of my bagel in one bite, I raced up the stairs two at a time. I tapped gently on the door, and when I didn’t hear any response, I opened it slowly. My parents’ bedroom was dark and I could barely see Mom’s lumpy shape passed out on the bed. Quietly, I shut the door. She probably just needed to sleep, I reasoned as I grabbed my bag and cell phone off my desk. Once I was out the door, my worries about Mom were quickly replaced with heady anticipation. I had a feeling that my spell would yield results today, and I knew just the place to wait for that to happen.

***

It hadn’t changed: the same ivy crept up the brick walls, and the same creepy gargoyle grinned down at me as I passed beneath the gate. I don’t know why it would have changed. I hadn’t been out of school for that long, but everything in my world was different. I guess I had expected that things would be different here, too.

School had already started, so the courtyard was deserted. I snuck past Snout’s office and headed straight for the library. I could hide out there all day and no one would ever find me unless I wanted them to.

The library at Trinity was the one thing I had missed since my declaration to Red magic. The school had reappropriated the old gym when the book collection surpassed our athletic skills, and a new space hadn’t been built yet to house the books. Shelves were arranged like prison bars across the court, and no matter where I stood, I could see at least two basketball hoops. It was weird, but kind of cool at the same time.

I slipped between the
biography
and
miscellaneous
shelves and began browsing. Some of the books were shiny and new, while others were bound in dusty leather with gold lettering. Still others were so old that they had no writing on the spines. It was insane how much knowledge was stored at Trinity, and for a moment, I wondered about Rochelle’s suspicion. How much magical information was the school keeping from us?

I paused, my fingers hovering over a book entitled
Love, Lust, and other Longings
. It wasn’t the kind of thing I usually went in for, but I was feeling all mushy that morning, so I pulled it off the shelf and curled up on the floor, leaning up against the bleachers. Before long, I was immersed in the book, fantasizing about trying some of the spells on Justin. There was one in particular involving feathers and cinnamon that I thought would be interesting, and I made a mental note of the page. I was totally focused on memorizing the spell when someone coughed.

“Oh, good, you’re studying.” I jerked my head up to find Aphrodite sitting next to me.

I exhaled in surprise. “I really wish you would stop sneaking up on me! You’re going to give me a heart attack.”

“You’re a Red Witch, Darlena. Toughen up!”

I closed the book with a snap. “Are you here to lecture me?”

She looked genuinely surprised. “No, I’m here to see if your spell has worked yet.”

“How did you know about that?”

“Darlena, when will you learn that there is little about you that I do not know?” Her words grated on me, but I tried to keep my temper.

“Well, if you know so much, you should know if it’s worked or not.”

Aphrodite eyed the dusty book on my lap and glanced around the room. “I’d say not, unless you’ve hidden your boy somewhere in the bookshelves.” She stood up and crossed to the nearest shelf. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” She searched around for a moment, then looked at me and smirked. “Nope. I was right. You aren’t hiding a boy in here.”

I glared at her, fighting the urge to blush. “It will work. I’m just waiting to be around when it does.”

“Child,” Aphrodite chided, “you are sworn to a goddess of love. You of all people don’t have to mope around wondering if a boy will call. He will call.”

I turned an even brighter shade of red. “Fine. While I’m waiting, maybe you can teach me something. We haven’t had many lessons yet.”

“You’re right.”

I was surprised that she agreed so quickly, so I stuttered, “Can you teach me how to bind the spell so it lasts?”

She looked at me for a moment, her face expressionless. “Are you so sure that you want it to last? It is not in the nature of love to be unchangeable.”

I paused, trying to put my thoughts into words. “It’s just that, in the past few days, I’ve felt like I’m totally alone. My parents don’t remember anything about me being a Red, and now Justin stopped talking to me because—” I broke off, not sure I wanted to say anything to the goddess about my suspicions, but of course she could read my mind.

Her eyes grew wide and her face flushed in anger. “Someone has been using your image to work magic?”

I protested quickly, even though she’d just voiced my own deep fear. “Maybe not. Maybe Cindy just saw someone who looked like me, and in the chaos after the fire, she wasn’t thinking clearly.” I felt a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach as I realized my theory wasn’t plausible. Someone had posed as me. I just had no idea why.

“I am beginning to understand.” Aphrodite’s comment took me by surprise. She went on. “You said you feel isolated, and now because this boy thinks you are lying, you have lost his support, too. Someone is trying to make you vulnerable, Darlena. It is easier to attack one who stands alone than to target a person surrounded by love.”

“But I don’t understand. Who would want to attack me?”

Aphrodite narrowed her eyes. “Don’t lie. You know exactly who is behind this.”

I saw Hecate’s flashing yellow eyes in my mind, and I swallowed. “Yes.”

“What I don’t understand,” she continued, “is how she is going about it.”

“What do you mean? She’s the Queen of Witches!”

Aphrodite shook her head in irritation. “The gods are bound by different laws than mortals. You may remember our part in the Trojan War.”

I thought hard, and grasped a scrap of memory. “You pushed the mortals to act, but when it came to the actual fighting, all you could do was watch from above and hope that they would carry out your conflicting wishes. Does that mean that you—any of you—can’t actually do anything in the real world?”

She looked down and nodded. “I have always hated the fact that I am, essentially, powerless when it comes to the lives of men. I may manipulate, I may plan, I may cajole, but in the end, I may not act for myself.” She clenched her robe in her fists. “For all that I am, a goddess, possessed of powerful magic, I am sometimes helpless without the assistance of my sworn mortals.”