Dead If I Do (5 page)

I watched him smile while my mother recounted a story she’d heard on NPR about the history of soufflés or some such related topic. I wasn’t really listening. I was thinking back to the dark pain in Sebastian’s expression when he suggested he had to finish things with Teréza. No matter what she was after, dealing with Teréza wasn’t going to be easy on Sebastian. All the times he had possession of her completely lifeless body he’d never been able to send her to the final death, even when he thought it might be preferable to her twilight state between living and dead.

If there was even the tiniest spark of humanity left in Teréza, I knew Sebastian would be honor -bound to rescue it. The image of Teréza standing forlornly among the headstones flashed through my mind, and my heart sank. Our wedding was supposed to be in two weeks.

“Have you picked out your dress?” my mother asked. Apparently while my mind wandered, the conversation had also turned to our upcoming nuptials.

“Uh, yeah, of course,” I said.

My mother raised her eyebrows. “I see,” she said icily.

That’ll teach me not to pay attention. My mind started racing: Was I supposed to have shopped for it with her? Did she have an heirloom dress in the attic? Had she hoped to sew it for me? Oh God, this was worse than the idea of Teréza bursting through the door with a foaming mouth and a butcher knife. I didn’t know what to say. Should I offer to throw mine out? Start over? “Uh,” I started. “Er.”

Unknowingly, my dad came to my rescue. “Are you getting married in a church? What religion are you, anyway?” he asked Sebastian.

“Catholic,” Sebastian said.

“Really?” My dad was astonished. I’m sure he was expecting Sebastian to also be Wiccan or maybe something even more oddball. Although my dad was enough of an antiestablishment sort to be a little skeptical of organized religions, I think he might have preferred me to find a nice secular humanist or atheist to settle down with. “Like, Roman Catholic?”

“Well . . .” Now it was Sebastian’s turn to be in the corner. When Sebastian was born there really was only one version of Catholicism, but shortly after his “death,” the church split, and Eastern Orthodoxy and its various regional expressions was born. Politics and religion shifted over time, but Sebastian always stayed true to what he ’d been raised, even though there was no church that existed today that held his precise beliefs. “Not exactly.”

Because everything was going badly tonight, my dad misinterpreted. “Are you with one of those ultraconservative groups?”

Why did he go there? “Do you think he’d be marrying me if he was?”

“Will you be wearing white?” My mother interjected, clearly still obsessed with the dress.

“No, Mom,” I said. Was this the issue with the dress? Did she have dreams of me in white? “Uh, that’s not really fashionable anymore.”

My mother gasped. “Please tell me you’re not wearing black.”

“Cream,” I insisted. Then I wondered, was I supposed to still be a virgin? Was that the deal?

My mom and I never really had the birds-and-bees conversation. When I got close to puberty, I found a book on my bed stand with all sorts of clinical terms for various body parts. Luckily, thanks to my mother ’s book obsession, I also had access to
Our Bodies, Our Selves
, which had much cooler pictures and a lot more modern language, if you considered anything written in the seventies “modern”—although it was definitely “mod.”

So maybe she thought I should wear white? “Uh . . .” I started, but didn’t really know where I was going. Barney barfed up the soufflé batter on my dad’s shoes. I’d never been more grateful for my cat’s sensitive stomach. After cleaning up the mess, Sebastian and I managed to steer the conversation back to safer and more mundane topics. The smell of cinnamon and baking bread almost made me cough.

At last the meal was over. My dad pushed back his plate and folded his
hands over his stomach. He looked full, satisfied, and ready to settle in for a long after-dinner nap. My mom too seemed sated. At some point during the meal, she’d kicked her shoes off. Her stocking feet stretched out under the table. Barney twined around my legs, hopeful for another handout or two. The window rattled. I jumped, my eyes seeking out Sebastian nervously.

“Sounds like a storm is coming in,” Sebastian said. “You should probably head back to your hotel before it gets bad.”

There was enough residue glamour in the air that my mother quickly got the hint. “I’m sorry we can’t stay,” my mother said.

“But I think that storm
is
really picking up.”

My dad, who must have been slightly more impervious to Sebastian’s magic, sighed. “What about dessert?”

“It’s been a long night. We should let these kids get some rest,” my mother said. She winked at me. “We can order something from room service.”

“Seriously?” my dad said. My mother ordering room service was a rare extravagance. “Well,” my dad said, making a show of looking at his pocket watch. “If that’s the time, you’re probably right. Let’s get on the road.”

We herded them into the living room to gather coats and boots and such. Sebastian whispered in my ear that he was going to send Benjamin along to guard them until they were safely off the property. So he made an excuse to duck back into the kitchen for a few moments.

“He’s all right after all, isn’t he?” Mom said, wrapping her pumps in a used plastic bag that she’d had in her coat pocket. She stepped into her tall, faux-fur lined boots.

“I’m rather fond of him,” I agreed.

My mother smiled. “You know, honey, you’re going to need a lot of help with the wedding planning and organizing. Maybe your father and I should stay in town.”

“But that’s two weeks!” I protested. Besides, the idea of my mother’s help made my blood run cold. I looked to my dad for assistance. He was busy lacing up his boots.

“I think it’s a good idea,” my mother said, “don’t you, Glen?”

My dad looked up. “Yeah, you bet.”

“Good, then it’s settled.” My mother looked genuinely cheerful, the happiest she had all night. I tried to smile back. When Sebastian returned to the room, the proper good-byes began again in earnest. He caught my eye and nodded, letting me know my folks would be protected by our house ghost.

Being Minnesotan, however, my parents had to repeat the good-bye ritual several more times before they actually made it out the door. Mom had to first make a few more complimentary comments about Sebastian ’s library. Dad had to discuss the advantages of using firewood for heat. I made sure my folks could make their way back to the city and their hotel. Sebastian drew them a map on a sticky note.

All the while, I bit my lip and tried not to shoo them out. Twenty minutes later the door finally closed behind them. I looked to Sebastian. “Now what?”

He was already putting on his coat. “Now I go out there and face her.”

“You think she’s still there?” I asked. I peered out into the lightly falling snow, ostensibly to wave a last good-bye to my folks, but their car was already around the bend and on the county highway. I glanced in the direction of the graveyard. At first, I thought Teréza had gone, but then I saw her sitting in the snow with her back resting against a crumbling marble marker. She looked like a child, huddled there. If you didn’t know what to look for, you wouldn’t know she was there. At least I wouldn’t have to try to explain
that
to my folks. “What are you going to do?”

Sebastian had told me time and time again that even though there were moments when it would be easier to “let Teréza go” and destroy her body, he hadn’t been able to do it. He’d loved her once, and she was the mother of his only son. More than that, he felt so much guilt about her current condition. He wanted to make things right. His voice was almost a whisper. “I don’t know.”

“I’m coming with you,” I said, taking his hand.

Outside, the wind had picked up. Snow creaked under
our feet as we made our way across the lawn to the cemetery. The moment the door of the house opened, Teréza stood up expectantly. I held tightly to Sebastian’s hand, but his eyes focused on the ragged, swaying form that hovered among the gravestones.

Something icy touched the back of my neck. The wind whispered in my ear, “I’m here.” Sensing a presence beside me, I turned. Even though I saw nothing but an added set of footprints in the snow, I knew Benjamin had joined us. Although I made a mental note to have that relationship chat with him sooner rather than later, I was glad to know we had supernatural backup. We were getting closer to Teréza. Dark circles ringed her manically glittering eyes. The icy wind reddened her cheeks and pulled the skin of her face into a taut, gaunt smile. Brittle-looking clumps of jet black hair swirled around her face. Her eyes darted back and forth between Sebastian and me as we approached. Sebastian’s face was grim, and she seemed frightened by it. My heart pounded in my throat. She raised a skeletal, clawlike hand to ward us off. My stomach got all queasy again.

Lilith perked up, as if she sensed trouble. I could feel her fire just under the surface, ready. Then my cell phone rang. The ring tone was Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ La Vida Loca.”

Everyone, even Teréza with her bugged-out eyes, stared at my coat pocket. The phone continued to ring. I reached for it automatically.

“What?” Sebastian asked. “You’re going to answer it? Now?”

Thing was, I’d set all the wedding related calls to that song. I’d been having such a hell of a time connecting with the band to discuss play lists and such, I didn’t want to miss it.

Teréza moaned.

I glanced at the screen. It
was
the band. “I’ve got to take this,” I told Sebastian. “It’s about the wedding.”

“You’re fucking kidding me,” he said, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Sorry.” I mouthed. I turned away slightly and connected. “Hello?”

There was good news/bad news, the band’s manager explained. The good news was that the band got a record contract. The bad news was that the stress was breaking them up. The good news was they had a replacement lined up for me. The bad news was it was a polka band.

“How is that good news exactly?” I shouted. My guest list was under the age of sixty, mostly, and I’d desperately wanted a band that could play our song. I doubted Rob Zombie’s “Dragula,” sounded the same on an accordion.

“Hang up,” Sebastian demanded. “Hang up the damn phone.”

Sebastian was right. I couldn’t cope with this right now, not standing ankle deep in snow in a graveyard. “I’ll have to call you back,” I told the manager. I hung up.

“Sometimes I rue the day I gave you that blasted contraption,” Sebastian said.

“I had to answer it. I’d been trying all week to get ahold of those people, and now they’ve canceled.” Turning around, I noticed Teréza was gone. “Wait, where’d she go?” I asked Sebastian, as I slipped the cell back into my pocket. Sebastian, who had been watching me with his mouth agape, turned to where Teréza had been standing. “Oh, great,” he said.

“I can’t believe you answered the phone. Now she got away!”

“And we have an oompah band!”

He opened his mouth and then closed it a few times. Finally, he said, “What, like, polka music?”

I nodded.

“Well, this is a disaster,” Sebastian muttered, though I didn’t think he meant the band. Leaning his butt against one of the marble monuments, he crossed his arms and glanced over the cornfield, no doubt using his preternatural senses to check for signs of Teréza’s escape.

I hugged myself as well. I was upset about Teréza, of course, but my mind kept returning to the music situation. The wedding was only two weeks away, and I’d already started having nightmares about it. My hands started shaking. For once in my life, I’d had every detail all planned out. In advance. Now everything was falling apart.

“I just don’t see her,” he said.

All I saw was dark and more dark and the impressive array of the Milky Way above, but I knew Sebastian could see miles in this light.

“That’s strange,” I agreed. “She moved all creepy crawly at the restaurant. You wouldn’t think she could go far like that.”

I closed my eyes for a second and reopened them in second sight. Before I bonded with Lilith, using my magical senses always took a few moments of prep and visualization. Now it came, quite literally, in the blink of an eye. I could see more too. For instance, though it was black on black, I noticed instantly the huge bend Teréza’s leaving had folded into the fiber of time and space. “She disappeared,” I said.

“I know,” Sebastian muttered. “It’s weird.”

“No, I mean she vanished. Teleported. Poofed!”

“Oh,” Sebastian said in a tone that was both intrigued and spooked.

Teleportation was a major skill for anyone corporeal; I have never heard of anyone who could do it. I glanced at Benjamin, who I could see clearly with my magical eye. I was about to ask him what he saw in the astral plane, but I thought better of it. He stood in front of a tilted headstone that simply said, Wife. He looked alternately saddened and angry. Every time his expression turned angry, his face became that of a monster: hollowed cheeks, empty eye sockets, and twisted, furious lips. I had a feeling the house was going to get a good tossing around tonight.