Deadly Expectations (8 page)

He looked away.
 
“Someone ran you down hard from behind.
 
You were in pain, saw a knife.
 
Then he was gone and the sun was up.

“You said you were in the same place he attacked you but you went back in time to get away.
 
It sounded all mixed up.
 
You thought I was on
Vancouver Island
and had no idea where you really were.

“Ray finally let you off the board and you went after him for trying to give you morphine.
 
I was pissed at him but he wouldn’t without your permission.
 
Mercifully you passed out while we relocated your shoulder.”

Paul moved closer, putting his arm around me and I let my head rest on his shoulder.

“The road out front filled with the sound of motorcycles.
 
I ran out … those fuckers who hurt you were back and I wanted my piece.
 
I don’t think I ever ran so fast, there was still dust in the air from their crash.
 
Lieutenant Wells pointed one of them out to me running for it, they had the others.”

I could hear his voice tighten as he went on and his other arm went around me.
 
I tensed not knowing why.

“He ran between the sheds and I flattened him with every ounce I had.
 
He screamed like a girl and I heard his head hit the ground, felt him flatten underneath me.
 
I slammed my elbow in his face but he wasn’t going anywhere … got my knife out … ready to make him pay for what he did to you.
 
I started to drive it to his throat … and I was alone on the ground as my knife sunk into the dirt and your scent filled my nose.”

His hand went up and wiped his eyes.

“The bikes were gone … the three who came with you were gone.
 
You were gone.
 
I ran back to the house and you were still passed out.

“It was me Sugar.
 
I didn’t listen.
 
I’m the one who hurt you, I know it.”
 

I took a deep breath and turned my head to look at him.
 
“I remember the pain and the knife in the moonlight,” I admitted.
 
“I didn’t see your face … then I was alone and the sun was up.
 
I pushed myself behind the barrels and woke up here in your bed.”

Paul let me go and moved away a bit.

“Are you afraid of me?”
 
He sounded so small.
 
His guilt rolled in to me in waves.
 
I took his elbow as I turned to him carefully putting one knee to his side and swinging the other over.
 
An involuntary gasp from the movement hurt my side more than the movement did.
 
I straddled him, not too close and pulled his face to mine.

“You were protecting me,” I told him.

“I tried to kill you.”

“Would you ever
lay
a hand on me?” I asked and he shook his head.
 
“Then how could you try to kill me?
 
You were trying to protect me.”

He met my eyes briefly and nodded, seeming to relax a bit.

“How did it happen?”

“It was
Vancouver
,” I told him.
 
“Two weeks after we met.”

Disappointment spread over his face.
 
After telling me his crazy story he obviously wanted to hear something other than what he’d heard already.
 
“But more days have passed for me than for you.
 
You saw some of those hours yourself.
 
To you I didn’t get hurt until after you and Ray treated me.”

“How?” he asked again, whispering.

I leaned on Paul to rest a bit and wrapped my arms around his head.
 
“When I left you to go home the day after we met I rode west.
 
It didn’t take long to decide I would jump home.
 
That’s what I call it.
 
I waited for dark.
 
I’m never sure where I’ll wind up so it feels safer.

“Every season being out in the open gets harder.
 
I can feel something up there, pressing on me.
 
Agoraphobia is a fine thing for a nomad on a motorcycle.

“I knew I’d be just as exhausted if I jumped as if I rode straight through.
 
At least I’d be spared the days of fear.
 
I don’t think I made a single trip anywhere last summer without jumping home.”

Paul reached around my butt and pulled me close.

“When it got dark I started to set it up,” I said as I straightened up so I could keep an eye on his reaction.
 
He just listened and I was fine with that.
 
“I picture where I want to be.
 
I think it’s emotional.
 
I have to really want to be there.
 
Pressure starts low in my back as I let desperation for the place take over.
 
It climbs and as it gets into my shoulders I get pushed around.”

His hands worked their way up my back as I talked and I felt my tension disappear, not build like I described.
 
He wanted to believe me.
 
I shifted my hips on him needing to be much closer than I was and he leaned back kissing my chin in response.

“Mm,” my voice lowered.
 
“It gets up in my helmet … doesn’t matter how fast I’m going I get pushed down on the tank and the pressure gets up in my head.”

Paul worked the knots from my neck as my mouth quit working.
 
“Go on …,” he breathed as he settled for holding me.
 
He had to cool me off if he wanted to hear the rest of it.

“I … it gets so strong it hurts … I make sure I’m completely focused.
 
Then I close my eyes and open up the throttle.
 
I was sitting in the trees.
 
The smell of pine and damp earth was right so I knew I was near home.
 
It was the same day and time as when I started the jump but I was three thousand kilometres away.
 
My phone rang … it was you.”

“You said you were five minutes from home, up the hill by the city pound.”

“I was.
 
A car passing below lit up my bike in its headlights and I went home.
 
Paul I had three days of gas receipts … days that hadn’t happened yet.
 
My passport was stamped at Peace Arch three days away.
 
The
odo
showed the whole trip.

“The next day I fell asleep for a long time … eighteen, twenty-four hours sometimes.
 
A long black sleep; nothing wakes me.
 
I aged three days I don’t remember.
 
I know I did.
 
Cuts heal, nails grow.
 
My menstrual cycle speeds up.
 
I could be a year older than my driver’s license shows.
 
I just don’t know.”

“Incredible,” he said after a minute.
 
“If I hadn’t seen it …,”

“Something went wrong this time Paul. I’ve only ever gone to a place … never to a person.
 
And I jumped twice.
 
Once to where you found me and the second time to stop you from doing something you’d never forgive yourself for doing.”

Paul nosed me until he found my mouth and pushed his hands down the back of my loose bottoms to grab my bare skin.

“I never lied to you Paul … did I say anything else?”

“You said you love Denis …,”

“He’s adorable in a loud and rough kind of way,” I laughed.
 
Paul gave my butt a slap making me yelp in surprise.

“And Ray,” Paul added.

“Mm,” I answered.
 
“He’s so serious and mysterious … ow.”

Paul turned and pulled me down beside him so I rested on my good side.
 
He reached behind me and folded the bedspread over top.

“You said you love me.”

I paused as I felt the truth of his words.

“I didn’t lie to you,” I whispered putting my hand over my chest.
 
“I think I did before you left me … I couldn’t let go.
 
Maybe it was too soon to get so attached.”

“I think its okay Sugar,” he replied as he tucked my head into my favourite place under his chin.
 
“We’re having a baby.
 
It’s okay.”

“Did you say you love me too?” I yawned settling in to sleep.

“Yes.”

“I don’t feel empty anymore Paul.”

“Neither do
I
,” he whispered.
 
I closed my eyes and gave in to the pain pills for a while.

“Is she asleep?” Ray whispered.
 
Paul nodded and I agreed.
 
I was definitely asleep.
 
“It’s interesting.
 
He’ll get his long memory from you but what do you think he’ll get from her?
 
Your son could be unlike any who have come into the family.”

Paul eased himself out of bed and I slept a little longer in silence.
 
“You know that’s a long way off Ray.
 
Damian knows she’s here now and the pregnancy is the only thing that grants her our protection.
 
One way or another, he can’t have her.”

“You didn’t always live by that Paul,” Ray said.
 
“I’m glad I don’t have your job.”

“Yeah, you never did like me sleeping with your sister.”

Chapter 8

I stood on the street in front of my house looking north, facing the flames.
 
Bright orange light washed everything, flames licked as far as I could see and in the distance they obscured what I couldn’t.
 
The heat stung my skin and I kept my eyes squinted in the hot dry wind.

This dream had been the same for years but this time was more.
 
I’d been on the main floor, in Mrs. Desmond’s part of the house.
 
My back was to the explosion when it came.
 
I had been in her bedroom doorway.

The roar of the plane filled my ears then everything shook as the ball of fire tried to crush my house and threw me on to the bed.
 
The pain in my back was enormous.
 
I could feel the burning and without thinking I rolled over to smother the flames.
 
When I could stand I used something to knock as much of the broken glass as I could from the window frame and escaped to the outside, cutting myself up in the process.

My bike was on its side by the driveway, lying in the smouldering grass.
 
That was disappointing.
 
It had never been down before and it would stay down until I could get some help to stand it back up.

Everything stung in the heat of the inferno.
 
My feet were cool and when I looked down I couldn’t see them, my huge belly blocked my view.
 
I put my hands on her.
 
It’s
okay, I thought.
 
It’s okay.
 
She booted my hand.
 
She knew … and she didn’t like it.
 
She wanted to get back to Paul.

“Anna?
 
What are you doing outside?”

I peered into the flames and couldn’t see anyone.

“Is somebody out there?”
 
I called back.