Death Knows My Name (Memory Keepers) (7 page)

Chapter 7

Valience

I realized then that the nightmare that I called my life had a name. The name wasn’t the one that I had suspected. The name wasn’t Eric. It was that of this man, Valience. I cringed as a shiver ran through my body.

I have no idea how long I sat against the cold wall. I didn’t feel the brick pressing against my skin, its jagged squares digging in. I kept my eyes shut squeezing them tight enough to forget all that I had been shown—Dante dying with no one to help him. The love that we’d shared severed on that long ago, but never forgotten, night.

Footsteps approached, but I didn’t bother to move or acknowledge them in any way.

The steps stopped, and I sensed a familiar presence. Eric. Calming. I knew it was him without having to look. I scrambled, all knees and hands. I didn’t trust my feet to stop running from what I had seen if given a chance. I was afraid of how much I needed to feel Eric’s arms. To inhale his scent. To be near him to make me feel safe again. To let myself see that he was okay.

While I sat there in paralyzed horror, my mind’s eye twisted to replace Dante dying alone on the ground to Eric. It terrified me. I realized I never wanted Eric to be hurt. If he fell because of me . . .
No
. I wouldn’t let him.

“When the time comes,” I said while I buried my face in his chest. “Just say the name. Don’t worry about who it is or what they mean to me.”

He stiffened, easing me from him gently. “What are you talking about?” He scanned the alley around us before his eyes met mine again. “What happened?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that it wasn’t you? That you hadn’t called Dante. I hated you. All this time I blamed you, and
you
weren’t the one!”

Eric stood and backed away. The loneliness overwhelmed me. He couldn’t seem to meet my eyes anymore.

“Because it
should
have been me. Dante shouldn’t have had to suffer as he did.” Eric came back to me and helped me to my feet. “I will take you home.” He was so closed off, it hurt. After being alone for years and not letting anyone in for so long, I should be used to the void. But these last few days, I had let Eric into a part of my life that I didn’t know I still had. To have him remove himself emotionally stung.

“Hold on to me tightly and don’t let go.” His hand went to the back of my head and guided it until I snuggled my cheek on his shoulder but still he held his distance. “And, Mayne,” he whispered, “don’t look. Trust me.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Something in his warning told me that I didn’t want to see whatever he was afraid of me seeing. And, I did trust him. I trusted him very much. That fact scared me, but a part of me thrilled inside. I wasn’t by myself anymore, or rather, I no longer wanted to be. I knew I only wanted Eric. Only now, I couldn’t have him. 

A second later, the air around me went hot. Not a sunny day hot or even a sexy hot. This was a stifling, life-stealing white-hot. The air tugged at me, like an icy hot hand grabbed at my waist and was trying to grab my body. Eric’s grip tightened as my throat filled with a scream.

Don’t say a word
.

Eric’s voice filled my head, and I struggled to swallow the terror threatening to spill from my mouth. I buried my face deeper into Eric. I inhaled his scent. Instant calm rolled through me. Here, in this place, wherever it was, every single nerve tingled. I was on edge and heightened. He smelled like safety. My arms wound around his back and beneath his shirt as I held him to me tighter. His smell, and, oh god, his touch, affected me immensely. Everyone’s touch since Dante’s death had only been phantoms. Their hands were only ghosting Dante’s. But Eric’s, his felt different to my new senses. His hands blazed a new trail. Bold, confident, and hot. Too hot. I struggled for every breath I took. I was scorching, and not just from the air but from Eric’s touch. The air crackled like fire. I wanted to feel his lips on my skin. I wiggled my body as I pressed firmly into him.

What. Are. You. Do-ing
?

Even in my head, he sounded aroused. If he had to ask, then I wasn’t doing something right. I lifted my head and kissed his jaw line softly, as if my lips were feathers.

“Shit,” he hissed, and his breath tickled passed my ear. “You are making this extremely hard.”

I smiled as I kissed his neck. That was the point, at least for me it was. I needed to close the distance he was trying to put between us, if only for a moment. Then, in the scorching air around us, a heavy presence pressed on me and the air sizzled its name, as if it were a reminder of the earlier warning. As if I needed the reminder. Maybe I did need one. It was very potent.

Valience.

I almost jerked free of Eric in terror remembering all Valience’s warnings, remembering all he showed me. Not just Dante’s death, but his fellow angels, every single one fallen at his hands. Eric’s grip loosen as I pushed away from him. I was falling. I screamed as I left Eric’s embrace.

When I opened my eyes, Eric kneeled beside me. I was on my recliner.

Worry lined Eric’s face. “Are you all right?”

I took a deep, shaky breath. “I fell.”

He nodded. “You did. Onto your recliner after you damn near attacked me.”

“I thought, someone was, coming for you. Coming for you because of me.” I sat up. “I heard . . . never mind, it’s crazy.”

Eric left my side and took a seat at the table. “Who would be coming for me?”

I followed him, still not wanting any physical space between us along with the emotional. I slid a chair out to sit across from him with our knees touching.

“I don’t know his name, but I think it’s Valience. It’s what I always hear when he . . .”

Eric stilled. Was it in terror?

“Eric?”

“Has he threatened you?” The muscles in his jaw tightened. His eyes were a rich brandy color.

“I-I think . . . he wants . . . you to do what you have come to do . . .  he doesn’t want . . . to lose you . . . so, yes. I do believe you are right. I was threatened.”

Eric stood up so abruptly that his chair wobbled, almost falling over. He paced the distance of my living room and dining room. I wanted to go to him but something in his eyes told me to stay seated.

“Who is he, this angel?” I asked. “I assume he is an angel, right?”

Eric finally stopped pacing, his body tense with emotion.

“Valience. He is the leader of a group the Angelican host call the Swarm.” His eyes pierced mine.

“Swarm?” I asked meekly. Swarm of anything didn’t sound all that good.

“Swarm of Death Angels. You read the Bible?”

I realized when he paused that the question wasn’t rhetorical. “Born and raised Roman Catholic. I can quote it in my sleep.”

He nodded. “Then you know their work. Every time there is a call for mass death or destruction, it is the Swarm. They were the Destroyer Angels in Egypt. Valience was called to kill all the first born of the nation, animal and human alike. He has no bounds on what lives he takes. He would take my list and be done with it. He would have no second thought, just wipe them out and be done. No finesse. He is what humans would call an assassin. They all are.”

I blocked the path, forcing him to stop and face me.

“Is that what happened to Dante?” There was no anger in my voice, and it surprised me.

Eric’s sigh was heavy, and displayed how tired he was. Millenniums worth of tired. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back.

I stepped closer to him and rested my head on his chest, counting the slow beats of his heart. I closed my eyes as the tempo almost lulled me into a false sense of peace. I wasn’t aware that angels had heartbeats, or hearts for that matter.

“Dante was my fault. I was trying to protect you. I was tired of taking from you. Parents, siblings, friends, and I was supposed to take your lover next?” He stepped away from me like it hurt to have me touching him while he said this. “Valience tried taunting me into doing the job when he saw what I intended to do.” He looked me in the eyes as he sat down in his chair.

“Valience is a good angel, but he doesn’t understand love. Valience thought I should want Dante dead for the fact that he laid with you every night. That fact alone, he claimed, should move me to do the job.”

I spoke. “You would rather me grow old with another than hurt me.”

“My actions did end up hurting you! Dante could have died a peaceful death at my hands. Do you remember the car accident he was in? I couldn’t do it. You were there and I didn’t— Instead, he died at the hands of the butcher!”

Dizziness and nausea hit me. My thoughts grew fuzzy as it always did at the thought of Dante bleeding to death in that alley.

Valience’s cold face being the last one Dante saw. The cold blue eyes looking into his. Both of them just waiting for his last breath to come.

I struggled for my next breath and my hand went to my heart. Tears stung my eyes. I was having a panic attack. I had them frequently after Dante’s death, but when I became numb to all those around me they stopped, until tonight.

Eric’s strong arms wrapped around me and they pulled me into his chest.

“It’s okay, love,” Eric whispered in my ear and his breath brushed my cheek. My hands curled into tight fists around his shirt as I held on. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to keep out the sight of the alley, those of Dante as well as the visions Valience planted of angels falling out of God’s favor.

“I will be fine. I-I just let Valience get to me.” I paused, letting myself hold on to Eric for just a while longer. Then I removed myself from him.

I continued my steps away from him, making space. I tried to make myself meet his eyes but I couldn’t, not while doing what I was about to do and not while saying what was about to come out my mouth. I inhaled deeply.

“I cannot do this.” I hoped I sounded as confident and as sure as I needed to sound for him to believe me.

Confusion shadowed his face.

“Cannot do what exactly?” He spoke slowly and deliberately.

I fought the urge to fidget under the weight of his eyes. I had to look at him. My mind screamed for me to do whatever it was I had to do. I needed to save Eric from himself. From what Valience warned me would happen if we did what we so desperately wanted to do.

I wanted to be with him forever, to look forward to opening my eyes and seeing him every morning then falling asleep every night in his arms. Not to mention the sex we would have.

I could only imagine the mind-blowing, earth-moving sex. He could probably do things no human should be able to experience. My body craved it, but not at his expense.

He already told me what his job meant to him. He was God’s. Who was I to try and come between them? But my heart, my heart begged me to give him a chance to fight for us. Maybe he could find a way. Maybe he would pick me. But somewhere inside whispered,
What if he didn’t, or, worse, what if he did
? So I opened my mouth and let my mind lead my heart into heartbreak.

“I cannot do us. Whatever it is we are trying to do. I can’t do it anymore. It hurts. It hurts too much. Eric, I was fine. I lived my life just fine until you came and opened up things and shook my life up. Now, I—I just can’t do it. I tried.”

He took a step toward me like he wanted to plead with me, then he stopped. “You tried? You haven’t tried shit since you gave up on life years ago. You actually call what you were doing before living!”

For once, I saw a face capable of belonging to one called Death. His voice was stony, and he cursed at me. That was a first, as was the tone he was taking.

“You just mimed the living. You walked among them but you haven’t lived. Watching romance movies so you can pretend you aren’t dead inside and locking yourself inside these walls because you are afraid is not living.” He glared down at me, and I finally had to meet his eye. We stared at each other. I broke the silence first.

“Whatever it was, it was mine. I want it back.”

“Because it is easier.”

My smile was bittersweet. “You only think it’s easy because you have never loved, and then lost, and then loved, and lost, over and over and over again, since you were a toddler.

“What I chose is far from easy. But you can walk away, and give me no guilt for this and make it a little easier for me to make this choice.” I knew it was low. I knew he would go now because the thought of hurting me was like ripping his own heart from his chest. I know this because it felt like I was doing the very same to my own heart.

He closed his eyes and nodded. Slowly at first, then one last definitive nod.

I knew he was about to fade away. “Wait.”

I didn’t realize I said it aloud until I saw my hand stretched out to him and he was still standing there watching me expectantly, waiting patiently.

“Eric.” My voice broke on his name. My heart wanted to say her piece. “I love you.”

He came to me, his steps reluctant. The pain in his eyes when he dipped his head down to my face, and covered my lips in a kiss broke my heart even more and let me know his was doing the same. He pulled back his mouth, still almost touching mine.

“Goodbye, Mayne.”

Then he was gone.

I only realized we had both been crying when I tasted my own tears mixed with his in the taste of our kiss on my lips.