Read Death on the Installment Plan Online
Authors: Louis-Ferdinand Celine
“What’s that? What’s that?” she flung at him … “I don’t quite follow you … What’s that you say? …” She shoved her face into his … “What’s that you’re telling me? … That I did him in? … Why, you’ve been drinking, my good man! … You’ve got your nerve with you! … Or are you crazy, the whole lot of you? … What’s that? You’re accusing me? … Of killing that scoundrel? That gallows bird? … I’ll remember that one … Oh, it’s rich … I’ll have to write it down … That stinker who’s been my misfortune … and nothing else but … He’s the murderer … He’s been murdering me for years … Vampire? He’s the vampire! … And not just once! not ten times! not a hundred times! but a thousand times! Two thousand! … Why, he was murdering me every single day before you were even born … I ran myself ragged for that man! … tore my guts out! … I went hungry for weeks on end so they wouldn’t take him away to Rungis … All my life, you hear? Tortured … abused … that’s right … crushed! Yes, all my life for that skunk! … I did everything in my power to save him … Everybody knows that … Why don’t you keep your questions for them, for the people who know … who know us … who saw what I did? … Go to the Palais-Royal … Go to Montretout … They know me … They know all I did … all I went through … Ferdinand can tell you … He’s young, but he understands … I performed miracles, monsieur, to keep him from falling back into the gutter … miracles … and dishonor … That was his nature … He wallowed lower than a pig if you turned your back for half a minute … He fell into every cesspool … He couldn’t help it … That’s right … I’m not afraid to say it … He was a dungheap … I’ve nothing to hide … Anyway, everybody knows it … He had no shame, heavens above … Every evil instinct … every last one … the vilest … things you gendarmes are too young to understand … You’re even too young to hear about them!”
She looked the cops up and down … Her hair was loose, it fell down over her eyes in scraggly gray wisps … She was sweating hard … She reeled a little, she sat down.
“You fellows think it’s decent the way he ended up? … Is that all you’ve got to say? … Treat me like a whore? … That’s my reward! … If you knew about the debts! … Ah? … That’s news to you? … He didn’t give a good god damn … Bills, bills, bills … You go pay them, you old crab! … And always new ones pouring in … Break your back, that’s what you’re good for … Double-talk! Cock-and-bull stories! Sleighrides! Hokum! Liquor! … That’s how he lived! That’s all he knew! Swindling and low living! He hadn’t an ounce of feeling! …” She was convulsed with misery, bellowing between spasms …
“It was me! me that saved his house to the bitter end! If I hadn’t fought for it, it would have been sold centuries ago … He couldn’t control himself … The dirty bastard took advantage of my being so sick just then that I didn’t know what was going on … He unloaded … he drank it all up … he sold us out bag and baggage! Ask if it’s not true … if I’m a liar … He never spared me anything! Never! He couldn’t … It was second nature with him … He had to torture me … All for his whores! For his vices! His horses! His races! His damn foolishness! His drinking, and I don’t know what else … Generous? … He gave to strangers … It was all the same to him, as long as it went out fast … It slipped through his fingers … I could be on my deathbed, he didn’t care … That’s what he always wanted … Thirty years it went on … Thirty years I put up with it … Thirty years isn’t five minutes … So now I get accused! … After all the vilest affronts … after all I’ve suffered … Oh no, it’s too much! …” The enormity of the thing sent her into hysterics again. “What’s that? What’s that? It can’t be! So now he disfigures himself … He shoves off … He makes hash of himself, and I’m the guilty party? My oh my, that takes the cake! … It’s enough to make your hair stand on end! What a filthy business! To the very end that stinking rotten clown has poisoned my existence … you can say that again! … But I’m not going to take it lying down! … I’m still here! … It’s up to you! … Hold the fort, you old mule! There won’t be anything left! Not a crumb! Nothing but debts! Nothing but debts! He doesn’t give a damn … as long as he can spend … He took everything I had … Ferdinand knows all about it … He saw how the land lay … He saw how I toiled and struggled and racked my brains to the very last minute … so as not to leave Montretout … so as not to come to this stinking hole … and bury myself with his potatoes … All in vain! … He was dead set on disaster … Ferdinand knows that too! … I’ve wasted my life … I’ve lost everything for that jack-in-the-box … that unbelievable scoundrel! My position, my career! my profession, my friends! … Everything! my parents! … Nobody wanted to see us anymore … except a bunch of cutthroats! A gang of crazy hoodlums … escaped from the bughouse … I ruined my health … First my operation … And I’ve aged twenty years in the last six months … Before that I never had anything wrong with me … I didn’t know what a cold was … I could digest anything … I had a stomach like an ostrich … But what with one disaster after another … That’s all he ever brought home … And there was never an end to it … We’d hardly finished one … Whoops! … He’d dream up another … loonier than the last … It undermined my resistance … That’s not hard to understand … I was operated, it was bound to happen … They warned me at Péan’s: ‘Don’t keep on with that kind of life, Madame des Pereires … it’ll turn out very badly … Take it easy! Take care of yourself! … Avoid worry! …’ Ah, go shit in your hat! It got worse from year to year! Never a moment’s peace … Nothing but lawsuits, summonses … Green papers … yellow papers … Creditors at every door! … Persecuted! … That’s the life I’ve had … Persecuted day and night! Exactly! Hunted like a criminal! For his sake … always for him! … Who could bear up under that? … I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in twenty years … if you want to know … That’s the honest truth … Everything’s been taken away from me … My sleep, my appetite, my savings … I’ve got such flashes I can’t stand up … I can’t take a bus anymore … I’m sick to my stomach right away … Any time I try to hurry, even on foot, I see stars … And now they tell me I’m the murderer … That’s the prize package! … My advice to you is to think it over before you say such things …”
She led them out under the arch, the four cops and the sergeant … She went up to the body … she lifted the pants leg …
“You see those socks? … Take a good look … Well, he’s got the only pair … There’s not another in the house … The rest of us haven’t got any … Never did … Neither Ferdinand nor the kids …” She hiked up her own pants to show the cops …”I’m barefoot myself … Go on, see for yourself … We always went without just for him … for him and nobody else … He took everything … We gave him everything we had . . He had everything … Always did! … Two houses … a magazine … at the Palais-Royal! … motors … thousands of gadgets and infernal majugguses … God knows how much they cost … the skin off your ass … The whole works … just to satisfy his whims … I can’t even begin to tell you … I never crossed him … Don’t worry, that’s not why he bumped himself off … He was spoiled! … He was rotten! … That’s right … rotten! … You want electrical jiggers? … All right, son, here you are … You think we should go to the country? … OK, we’ll go … You want some more potatoes? … Sure, go right ahead … It never stopped … Never a moment’s doubt … it was cut-and-dried … His highness couldn’t wait … Wouldn’t you want the moon by any chance? … Splendid, my love, you’ll have it … Always more fancy ideas … new crazes! … You couldn’t be more indulgent with a six-month-old baby … He had everything he wanted … before he could even open his mouth! Ah, that was my weakness … Well, I’ve got my punishment … Ah, if I’d only known … if I’d known what you people were going to say … Believe me, I’d never have brought him back … I don’t know how the kid felt about it … But as far as I’m concerned, take it from me, I’d have sooner chucked him in the ditch! Then you wouldn’t come around maligning me … That’s where he ought to be … The rotten filthy scum! That’s all he deserves! I don’t give a shit about going to prison … It’s all one to me … I won’t be worse off than anywhere else … But Christ almighty Jesus, no! Hell, no! I’m not such a sucker …”
“That’ll do! Come over here … You can tell all that to the judge! First answer my questions … We’ve heard enough talk … You say you don’t know the gun he killed himself with? … But you brought it back … And the kid? Had he seen it? … He’d rammed it into his head, eh? That’s how you found it, isn’t it? The two of you pulled it out, eh? … How did it happen according to you?”
“Why, I never said that, I never said I didn’t know the gun … It was up there over the fireplace … We’d all seen it the whole time … Ask the kids …”
“Pipe down! I’ve had enough of your idiotic remarks … Let’s get down to brass tacks … name and destination … First the victim … Date, place of birth … What was his name anyway? … Courtial? Courtial what? And where was he born? … Reputation? Occupation?”
“His name wasn’t Courtial at all,” she answered point-blank … “It wasn’t even des Pereires … or Jean … or Marin … He made that name up … It was like everything else … One more invention! … A lie … what a liar he was! Always! Everywhere! Still! … His name was Léon … Léon Charles Punais! … That’s his honest-to-God name … It’s not quite the same, is it? … Like me, my name is Honorine Beauregard, not Irène! … That was just another name he dug up for me … He had to change everything … I can prove it … I’ve got the proof all right! … I’m not trying to pull the wool over your eyes. I never go anywhere without it … I’ve got my family booklet … I’ll go get it … He was born in Ville-d’Avray in 1852 … September 24th … That was his birthday … I’ll go over and get it for you … It’s in my reticule … Come with me, Ferdinand …”
The sergeant was writing it out … “Escort the prisoners!” he ordered the two bulls … We passed in front of the wheelbarrow … We came back again. “Can we take it in now?” one of the cops asked … he shouted from under the arch.
“Take what in?”
“The body, sergeant … There’s people all around it.”
He had to think it over …
“OK, bring it in … Put it in the kitchen …” So then they took him out of the wheelbarrow … They lifted him very gingerly … They carried him in … They laid him down on the tiles … But he was still all crooked … He wouldn’t unbend … The old lady went down on her knees to look at him up close … She was sobbing hard … Her tears flowed in rivers … she caught hold of me with her handcuffs … She was overcome with grief … You’d honestly have thought she’d just noticed there was nothing left of him but hash
“Oh! Oh! Look, Ferdinand …” She forgot the family booklet … she forgot about getting it … she just slumped there …
“Oh God, he hasn’t any head! … He hasn’t any head, Ferdinand! My darling! My darling! Your head! … It’s gone …” She implored, she dragged herself at the gendarmes’ feet … She crawled between their boots … she rolled on the floor …
“A placenta! … It’s a placenta! … I know … His head! … His poor head! … It’s a placenta! … Have you seen it, Ferdinand? … Do you see? … Look! … Oh! Oh! Oh!” she screamed like her throat had been cut …
“Oh! All my life! … Oh! … All my life! … Oh! Oh! …” More and more piercingly.
“I didn’t do it, messieurs … It’s not me, how could it be? … I swear it! … I swear it! … I gave him my whole life! … To bring him a little happiness! … to make him comfortable … He needed me … day and night … believe me … I’m not lying … Tell them, Ferdinand … Tell them if it isn’t true … All my sacrifices! … He hasn’t any head! … Oh, why are you all against me? … There’s nothing left for him! … Good luck! … Good luck! … he says … the poor darling … good luck! … Oh God! You saw it? . . It was written … It was him, wasn’t it? … It’s written in his writing! It wasn’t me! Good luck! That’s him! All by himself! You can tell his handwriting! Oh! it wasn’t me! … It’s obvious! … Isn’t it obvious?”
She’d thrown herself full length on the ground … Her whole body hit the packed earth … She pressed close to Courtial … She was shivering …
“Courtial, I implore you … Courtial, speak to me … Tell me, my angel … Why did you do it? … Why did you do such an awful thing? … Eh? Tell me, my dumpling, my treasure! …” She turned toward the cops …
“It’s him! It’s him! It’s a placenta! …” She threw another fit … She started eating her hair … she was bellowing so loud we couldn’t hear each other in the room … The snoopers at the window climbed up on each other’s backs … She bit right into her handcuffs. She flailed around on the floor, possessed. The gendarmes picked her up by main force, they carried her into the barn … She yelled like a stuck pig … She clutched the door … She fell … she charged back against it … “I want to see him … I want to see him!” she screamed … ‘“Let me see him! … They want to take him away! … Murderers! … Help, help! My angel! My angel! … Not you, Ferdinand! Not you! … You’re not my angel! … I want to see him! … Have pity! … I want to see him! …” This went on for an hour. They had to go back and take off the handcuffs … Then she calmed down a little … They didn’t take mine off … though I promised to behave.
In the afternoon another cop came out on a bicycle … He’d been sent specially from Persant … He told the sergeant again that we mustn’t touch anything … that the prosecutor was coming … and not the inspector … Those were the orders from above … He also told us to get the kids’ stuff ready, they’d all be leaving next day, first thing in the morning … They were expected in Versailles at a juvenile welfare home, the S.P.C.C… . Those were the orders … By ten a.m. there wasn’t to be one kid left on the premises … Two special people were coming from Beauvais to get them … to take them to the station …
We passed the orders on to the brats who were out in the yard … after all, we had to let them know that the jig was up … dead and buried … They didn’t exactly get it … They tried to figure out what was going on, where they were being taken … They wondered if the whole thing wasn’t a gag … I tried to explain that our show was over … the record was busted … they didn’t get it … I told them the judge had sent orders to close up shop … and send the “New Race” home … that they were closing down our “wave” farm too … they were good and sick of it … that they were a lot of savages … perfectly ruthless … that it was finished … that they were looking for their parents … and this time they’d find them …