Debutantes Don’t Date (15 page)

“Why not? Don’t you like her?”

“Of course I like Lady Anne, everyone likes her. I just couldn’t see myself being
married to her the rest of my life. She has no backbone and she does everything her
family tells her to do. I would end up walking all over her. I need a woman with some
fortitude.”

“So you don’t love her.”

“I’ve never been in love with Lady Anne.” His voice held enough conviction that Grace’s
heart leapt with hope before she could remind herself she didn’t want his love either.

Conflicting emotions fought in her head. Why did she care if he loved Anne or not,
she had no right to care; but she did. “So, if you don’t love her, why were we a mistake?”

“A mistake?”

“When you walked out on me in the library the other day you said we were a mistake.
You practically ran from the house. I assumed it was because you were still in love
with Anne, but if you don’t love her then why would you marry someone who sends you
running? Why would you marry me?”

“I have to.” She could hear his sigh cut through the stillness of the room even as
the sharp pain cut through her heart at his words.

“No you don’t. You don’t have to marry anyone. You can happily go along with your
life without a wife. Your fortune and future don’t depend on anyone else but you.
You won’t have to sell your body on the street to support yourself.” She was grateful
for the dark covering the tears silently streaming down her face.

“Grace, that is why I have to. If I don’t marry you, you will be ruined. I thought
you understood that.” Jasper came back to where she was standing. Tremors ran up her
arms when he touched them.

“Oh don’t worry, I understand all too well.” She pulled away from his touch. “I have
no options, but you do. But I don’t plan on staying around here, you know, I am going
home.”

“You can’t leave me.” He reached out and grabbed her elbow. “I need you.”

Grace tugged on her arm, but he wouldn’t let go, he was getting too close…in more
ways than one. It was one thing to give him her body, quite another to give him her
heart as well. “You don’t need me.” It was getting harder to remember just why she
was resisting. She needed to change tactics if she was going to remain strong and
protect her heart. She couldn’t handle having it broken again; there was no way she
was risking that.

“What about Anne though? Didn’t she want to marry you? If it was arranged when she
was a baby, she must have spent her whole life waiting for you to ask her.” She remembered
her conversation with Anne and how she had seemed so happy for Grace taking Jasper
off her hands. But was Anne really happy? “And now instead you’re engaged to me. Oh
poor Anne, how can she even look at me?” She needed to talk to Anne again and make
sure she wasn’t just trying to make the best from a bad situation. “She must’ve been
devastated when she found out.”

Jasper ran his hand up and down her arm but still would not let her go when she gave
a small experimental tug. “I doubt it. As far as I could tell she wasn’t all that
thrilled to marry me either. We were just stuck together and had to make the most
of it. It’s her father that I’m most concerned about. It’s rumoured her brother, Lord
Wester, was expecting some money to come into his family when Lady Anne and I married
and it seems he may have already spent it. It’s her father who will eventually have
to cover those debts. Or see his son deported to the colonies.”

“That is retarded.”

“Retarded? I hardly think that’s an appropriate word”

She ignored his interruption, “How come he should be expected to pay his son’s debts?
He’s not the idiot that counted his chickens before they hatched.” She was thankful
for the change in the conversation and she ran with it.

“Nevertheless, he will be the one that it falls back on. I worry how Lady Anne’s dealing
with all this; first the scandal between you and me, which would have caused quite
a stir amongst her friends, and now her brother. I profoundly hope, for her sake,
the rumours regarding his finances are unfounded.”

“This isn’t your fault you know.” She placed her hand on his and squeezed, but he
pulled away from her before she could make any more sympathetic gestures. She didn’t
blame him for turning away from her as it was she who had insinuated he should feel
guilty in the first place. “I blame your parents. I can’t imagine arranging someone
else’s life without consulting them about it first. How must Anne feel? Constantly
being told what to do? That’s bullshit. This type of arrangement would never happen
where I’m from.”

“What did you just say? Did you just utter a profanity?” He paused but when she wisely
kept her mouth shut he continued, “Surely if your father arranged for you to have
a better future than you would otherwise have, you would agree to it.”

“Not if it was something I didn’t want…or in this case,
someone
I didn’t want.”

“What about your family honour?” he asked in confusion.

“You think it’s honourable to force someone into a marriage with someone they don’t
want to be married to? Especially to force your own daughter or son? Like, come on,
what kinda loving parent is that?” Grace knew she was ranting, but this was a very
big peeve of hers. She was
so
happy she had been born in the time she was and her father had left her relationships
up to her.

“Keep your voice down, Grace. Do you want us to be found?” he hissed through closed
teeth. “Besides, it doesn’t matter what I think. It was what was arranged and to go
against that is dishonourable to me. You have some strange conceptions.”

“Put it down to me being American,” she muttered. “So now what? You are engaged to
me and not the woman you were supposed to marry. You technically have brought dishonour
not only to your family, but to Anne’s as well. And what about Grandpapa? Doesn’t
our scandal dishonour him too?”

“Don’t you realise I know this?” His voice began to rise; obviously he’d forgotten
about not wanting to be found. “I’m an honourable man, or at least I was until I met
you.”

“So now it is my fault?” The gall of the man!

“I didn’t say that! You don’t understand. As you said, I have brought dishonour and
scandal to three families, four if you count Neal’s, although I’m sure he can handle
his own. I can’t fix it. But I did do the only thing I could at the time to protect
you and by doing so I’ve caused grief and disillusionment to everyone else. Victoria
will support me no matter what but I have destroyed the trust and friendship of my
father’s greatest ally. Do you know what that’s like?”

“No, I can’t say that I do. I’m sorry, Jasper. I didn’t mean for all this to happen.
Really, I didn’t.” She didn’t realise how big a mess she’d made when she arrived.
Tears filled her eyes again and clogged her throat, making it even harder to say what
she needed to. “I was just looking for…something. I don’t know. Maybe I’m kidding
myself.” She turned her back on him as she choked out the words. “I haven’t had any
physical contact with anyone since my family died. I couldn’t handle it. I don’t want
to care for anyone again. I can’t survive losing anyone else. But I couldn’t help
it. I couldn’t resist touching you. I had too much to drink and with the time tr…well
other things as well, I couldn’t help myself. I never expected to see you again after
that night. I certainly didn’t mean for all this to happen. I’m sorry I have made
you dishonourable, because to me that’s not the type of man you are.” The tears she
was holding at bay streamed down her face as she made her way from the room. She only
stubbed her toes twice.

Jasper stumbled after her, but just as he managed to manoeuvre to the door through
the dark, the voices from the room next door escalated and he could hear what they
were saying. His body stilled as he listened.

“You can’t do that!” The loud voice was muffled from the door but Jasper could still
hear it plain as day.

“I have to. Can you think of any other way?” The other voice rose in anger and Jasper
realised he’d heard the voice before, but he still couldn’t quite place it.

“There is always another way. You can’t go through with what you are planning. You
know it’s not right. I raised you better than that. You know he would never give up
if you took her away, you know that. You’ll get in too deep, I can see it and you
will be forced into doing something unforgivable. Mark my words, no good can come
of this.”

“What he did is unforgivable! There’s no other way, old man. This will work, I know
it. She doesn’t matter. No one will miss her.”

“You do this and the damage will be irreparable. I will never acknowledge you again.
You will be cut off from this family, do you hear me?”

The two men were yelling at each other now. The names of the men were on the tip of
Jasper’s tongue; their faces swam just out of reach in his mind. Who were they?

“Ha! I’m already cut off. You did that last year, you can’t do it twice. This is your
fault too; it would never have happened if you’d forced them together sooner, like
you should have. They should have been married in her first season. I wouldn’t be
in this mess if I had that money. And now look. We will never get any decent kind
of offer; she is practically on the shelf!”

The names came to him at last. It was the Lords Alderton and Wester. But what on earth
were they talking about? Obviously Lady Anne and him, but was that all? Who wouldn’t
be missed? Lady Anne certainly would be. She was known in too many circles and had
social commitments almost every day. Who then? Who wouldn’t be missed?

The breath left Jasper’s lungs and his heart seized in his chest. Grace’s face floated
into his mind and his stomach dropped into his knees, making it difficult to remain
upright. Oh God, Grace. Jasper didn’t bother trying to slip out the door quietly but
careened from the room, knocking over several items on his way. Where had she gone?

Chapter Sixteen

Grace leaned against her door and shut it with a soft click. She let out the breath
she’d been holding as tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and washed down her
cheeks. She was sick of crying.

She’d spent the better part of the last hour trying to find her way back to her room.
Following Jasper through the secret passageways had been fun, especially since they
were trying to escape Lord Wester. It was something of an adventure. However, trying
to find her way back through the maze of passageways and stairway in the dark by herself
was not enjoyable at all. When she finally made it back through the portrait, Victoria
stopped her from sneaking up to her room undetected.

She’d told Victoria she and Jasper were looking around the ‘passageways’ and had got
separated. Victoria seemed happy, happier than usual this evening. She said the musical
had gone really well. And all the guests went home happy.

“Really, after the song I sang? I thought I’d just created even more scandal for your
family.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Grace. There is scandal and then there is
scandal
. That song was the best thing that could’ve happened to my musical. Everyone will
be talking about it for days if not weeks. It guarantees invitations to all the important
gatherings. It was wonderful.” Victoria clasped her hands together in glee, “You,
my dear, will be the belle of every ball, or what have you.”

“Oh Victoria, I really messed it up this time,” she confided in her friend.

“No, no, you were wonderful, were you not listening?”

“I don’t mean the song, Victoria, I mean Jasper. I asked him about Anne. I thought
there was something odd going on. Why didn’t you tell me?” But she didn’t let Victoria
answer. “I’m afraid I made him feel more awful than he already did. I have single-handedly
managed to visit scandal on not one, not two but
fou
r families. He blames himself and in my attempt to try to get him to see it’s my fault
entirely, I now think he blames himself even more.”

“Grace.” Victoria grabbed her hand and gently pulled her into the drawing room and
closed the door behind them. “Lady Anne is a wonderful woman. But she would’ve made
Jasper miserable. He knows it. I even think Lady Anne knows it. Why do you think he
followed you into the alcove when he never let anyone lead him anywhere? You, Grace,
were not the only one in that alcove, so you are not the only one to blame for any
scandal that is getting gossiped about. He was fully aware of the consequences when
he kissed you. He only feels bad now because of Lady Anne and her family. He wanted
to be free of them; we all know that he didn’t want to marry her. Going with you was
the perfect way to get out of making the biggest mistake of his life. He only now
feels guilty because he thinks he should.”

“But if he didn’t want to marry her, why does he want to marry me? It’s not as though
I’m a great catch. I have no money and if it wasn’t for you and your generosity I
wouldn’t even have a place to stay.”

“Grace, he loves you, don’t you see that? He has loved you since he found you all
alone in that ballroom.” Victoria sighed. “I just don’t know if he knows it yet. He
won’t let you go, ever. He has been looking for something,
someone
, marvellous all his life and now he has found you.”

Her head was spinning from all the things that had happened today and she couldn’t
decide which one upset her the most. First there was meeting that creepy man, Lord
Wester. How Anne could be his sister was beyond her. Then there was that stupid song.
What on earth possessed her to sing that? Then those passageways and the lovemaking
and subsequent fight with Jasper. She sure knew how to destroy a perfectly good day,
didn’t she? It all started with Lord Wester; if she’d known he’d be so vile, she wouldn’t
have had Victoria invite him.

However the fight with Jasper wasn’t his doing…that was all hers. She couldn’t fathom
being engaged to anyone as being considered dishonourable and she definitely couldn’t
understand how it could bring dishonour to four different families. If the parents
would just let their kids choose their own spouses none of this would have happened.
She didn’t want to think about how none of this would have happened if she could’ve
just kept her hands to herself.