Deceitful Choices (4 page)

Chapter 6

Lindsay

“You could stay here, you know?” Taylor assured me. “My parents would let you; they love you.”

I sat on her bed still clutching my purse, the positive test securely inside.

“I can’t,” I whispered.

“Why?” her voice sounding a little hurt.

“I’m pregnant, Tay,” I stated as I averted my eyes. “I think I’m gonna call my grandma. I know we haven’t talked in a couple years, but I don’t think she would turn me away. Her falling out was with my parents, not me. Maybe I could convince her to let me move in with her for a while. I could take classes to get my GED.”

“Oh my god, Linds.” She pulled me in toward her and wrapped her arms around me. For a moment we just stayed like that, as I allowed myself to believe the last couple months had not happened.

That was until she broke the silence.

“What are you going to do about the baby? Are you gonna keep it?” she asked and I nodded. Without a doubt in my mind I was keeping my baby. “What about Zack? Shouldn’t he be held responsible? He can’t just walk away without supporting his child.” Taylor’s voice held an aggravated tone.

“He doesn’t want me, and he doesn’t want our baby. He made it obvious I was a pastime, nothing more.” The pain of what Haven told me only hours ago was still so raw. “I went to see Haven and she called him to tell him I was pregnant.” I pulled back from our hug and straightened my shirt. “He said he didn’t want kids. He told her to tell me he would send me the money for an abortion.” I wiped at the tears that escaped, my stomach was again twisting as I recalled the smirk on her face as she relayed Zack’s words.

“You need to tell someone. Go after him for child support or something,” she insisted.

“No.” The thought made me sick to my stomach. “I could never bring attention to him regarding this. He could get in trouble and lose everything, and I could never forgive myself for that.”

“But…” she tried to argue, but I stopped her.

“But nothing. I told her to tell him to keep his money, and that he was a shit excuse for a man.” I shrugged, playing it off as if it hadn’t broken my heart. I didn’t expect him to offer to marry me, or even come running to my rescue. But acknowledgment that he was going to be a father, and reassurance that he would help me with his child, sure would have been nice. Even if he and I couldn’t have anything together, I still believed he would be the type of guy who would never turn his back on his child. “I don’t need his help.”

I took in a deep breath, refusing to let my situation weigh heavy on me.

“How the hell did Haven talk to Zack anyway?” she asked with a confused look.

“I guess she’s still talking to his friend, Rigdon,” I replied.

It had only given Haven the upper hand, and I hated that she was playing it so well. “I need to go somewhere and start over. Some place away from my parents and everything here.”

“Even me?” Taylor’s eyes were glossy and her lower lip trembled. “What about me?”

“We’ll always have each other, Tay, even if there are hundreds of miles between us. We’ll always be best friends,” I told her.

***

My conversation with my grandma was a hard one. She and my mother had a huge falling out a couple of years ago, and there had been no contact since then, especially after my dad grew angry and turned on my grandma as well. His words were unforgiveable, and I hated him for the things he said to my grandmother.

After more than two hours and a lot of tears, she agreed to me coming to stay with her. My grandpa had passed away many years ago, and she lived alone in a small town in southern Illinois. My mother was an only child, which meant Grams had no one else, so me moving in would also be good for her.

Pickneyville’s population was about 5,500. It was a quiet and peaceful town. I was thinking this would be a nice place to raise my baby when Taylor pulled into my grandmother’s driveway.

Her house looked so inviting. Small, but it definitely held that homey feeling I craved. And when she stepped out onto the front porch, drying her hands on a dishtowel, I broke. It was in that moment I realized just how much I had missed her influence in my life.

I craved the bond I knew she and I would share.

I was home now.

I would get a job and finish high school. I would do everything I could to give my child a better life than I was given. I wouldn’t be the kind of mother my own mother was. I would never turn my back on my child, never allow the things she allowed. I would protect my baby, and even if he or she only had one parent to love them, I would make sure it was enough love to keep them from ever feeling unwanted.

My child would never be afraid, not if I could help it. He or she would be surrounded by love and support, and my parents would never take away the light in my baby’s life, not like they did mine.

Chapter 7

Zack

I muffled her screams with my mouth. I thought she could eventually drown out those moans that still haunted me, but I was so wrong.

Haven Rhoades was a theatrical lay. On most days I could tolerate her pants and pleads for more in that high pitched squeal of hers, but not today. I spent the first two hours after she arrived listening to her go on and on about Lindsay and how everyone in town called her the town whore. She shared more than one story of how Lindsay got caught with her pants around her ankles.

I really couldn’t take anymore, so I took charge and shut her up in my own way. Every time we were together I didn’t give her the chance to talk. Instead I took what I wanted, when I wanted it, and she didn’t deny me.

Which is what led up to me hovering above her as I drove into her awaiting body over and over. My head wasn’t in it but I forced on. I needed this release.

Haven showed up in town three weeks ago; I thought it was only for a short visit, but fuck, she was still here. And she was getting clingy. I couldn’t take clingy.

I pulled back when she bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. “What the fuck?” I growled.

“Sorry baby,” she cooed. “But I lose my mind with you. You feel so good.” Haven dug her nails into my ass and pulled me toward her as I sunk into her warm heat once again.

When she moaned out my name I closed my eyes tightly and tried to keep my head in the game.

I won’t lie and say it wasn’t fucking hot the first few times I slept with Haven. There wasn’t anything she wasn’t willing to do, and I took full advantage of her eagerness. But the more I slept with her, the more bored I became.

“I’m so close, Zack,” she said as she wrapped her legs around my waist and lifted her hips to meet me each time I entered her. “Yes, oh god yes, right there.”

Picking up the pace I could feel her tightening around me and I wanted to get there too. Slamming inside of her, I tuned out her squeals and focused solely on my own release. Yes, a dick move, but I knew she was already there.

I followed closely behind her and my arms grew weak as I collapsed against her, our bodies sticky with sweat.

Haven began to slowly rub over my shoulders with her long nails, and something about it reminded me of the way Lindsay soothed me that night after we had just had sex.

“What are you thinking?” Haven asked, ruining the calm feeling of the moment.

I lifted my body from hers and slowly pulled back.

Without saying a word, I got up from the bed and made my way toward the bathroom in her hotel room to remove the condom.

By the time I cleaned up and walked back into the room, she sat up and didn’t even take the time to cover her breasts. I scanned over her body, looking for some kind of spark. She was gorgeous: perfect body, amazing mouth, and eyes that spoke volumes, but those looks only took her so far. Behind that beauty was a high maintenance girl who could be fucking cold at times. I witnessed how she played her father, convincing him to pay for this room she stayed in for yet another week. Haven Rhoades was a spoiled little rich girl who I knew was trouble, but she was a nice distraction on the days I needed it most.

“Come here, handsome.” She motioned with her finger to come closer and I did. Taking a seat next to her on the bed she crawled toward me and let the sheet completely fall away. She held on to my shoulders and she straddled my lap and sat down. “You look so stressed, Zack. Why don’t you let me help you relax?”

I knew what she had in mind, but I wasn’t interested.

I gripped her hips and for a moment she smiled seductively as if she had just worn me down, but it was short lived. I moved her off me and placed her on the mattress at my side.

“I got to get going,” I told her as I reached for my jeans.

“What?” she asked. I knew that tone. It was her whiney, right before she threw a tantrum voice.

Which meant I had about fifteen seconds to slip on my pants and grab the rest of my shit, then bolt.

“Zack,” she said and I stood, pulling my jeans over my hips. “Why do you have to leave?”

When I knew I had everything I turned to face her. She was standing next to the bed, still completely nude. Her hands were on her hips and she had a pissed off look on her face.

“Is this all I am to you?” she asked.

She and I had this conversation more than once, and every time it ended the same.

“I told you when you first came here I didn’t want anything more than my freedom. I had no intentions of making this more and you said you wanted the same thing.” I moved toward the door and she continued to glare at me. “Yet every fucking time we go through this same shit.”

“Because you act like you want more one minute, but then the next you’re gathering your clothes and running from my room like your ass is on fire.” She chose now to grab the sheet that was halfway hanging off the bed and covered her body. “I’m just gonna say this once, Zack, and you can take it or leave it.”

And here comes the ultimatum.

“You can stay and we can pretend this moment never happened, going back to where we were only moments ago, or…” she paused as she did her best to control her irritation. “Or you can leave and when you decide you need a warm body to screw, I may not be here waiting for you.”

I stood in the doorway holding the handle as I stared back at this girl.

Some would say I was an idiot not to take full advantage of her willingness to please me. But those assholes had no idea what they were talking about.

“And I’m gonna tell you the same thing I’ve told you the last three times you’ve pitched that same threat.” I twisted the handle and pulled the door open, stepping just outside before looking back over my shoulder. “I don’t fucking bow down to anyone who throws threats my way.”

I shut the door and only seconds later, I heard the familiar thud of Haven throwing something at the door, likely imagining it was my head she was hitting.

Chapter 8

One Year Later

Lindsay

“Lindsay,” my grandma hollered from down the hall. I was just stepping from the bathroom when I spotted her, holding Camden, rocking side to side.

A smile pulled at my lips at the sight of them. My grams had become my rock over the last year. Without her, I am not sure I could have gotten through it all. My pregnancy was a breeze, but my depression was horrible.

I had pushed away everyone and everything. I hated to admit it, but I even lost touch with Taylor—that was my own fault. I gave up on everything and hid within myself. I finished school and prepared for the birth of my son, Camden Zachary Lauss.

He was born at 3:19 in the morning on June 7
th
, weighing in at 6 lbs, 8 oz. He was healthy, happy, and everything about him reminded me of his father.

Camden was now five months and four days old. I didn’t have much experience with babies, but I knew he was a blessing, so easy to please. He rarely cried, always cooed, and slept like a rock. From what Grams said, he was the complete opposite of me as a baby. I’d decided he must have gotten his calm demeanor from his daddy.

Grams looked up and smiled. “He just woke up. He’s been changed and now he’s ready for lunch. Granny doesn’t have the goods, so now its momma’s turn to take over.”

She passed him to me and we walked toward his room, taking a seat in the rocker by the window.

I positioned him and he latched on like a champ. From the moment I first saw his sweet cheeks I was sunk. I fell into the deepest kind of love with my little man. I had never loved something or someone as much as I loved Camden. He was the reason I woke up in the morning; he was the reason I pushed hard every day to complete my dreams.

I’d enrolled in Southern Illinois University in Carbondale after he was born. I was going to fulfill my aspirations of becoming an elementary school teacher, and nothing would stop me from giving my son a great life.

I thought about Zack a lot, still to this day. It hurt that he was able to walk away knowing I was carrying his child without a second thought.

At times I wanted to track him down and tell him what an ass he was. Other times I just found myself hoping he had found what he was looking for and his life was what he hoped it would be.

Did I feel guilty that he had a son who would never know him? Yes, sometimes, but he was the one who cut ties. He made it perfectly clear that an abortion was the route he wanted me to take, and when Haven gave me a money order with Zack’s illegible signature, I lost my last thread of hope that he would change his mind about our baby. He wanted it all to go away, so I gave him his wish. Once, after Camden was born, I attempted to track him down so I could at least tell him we had a healthy boy, but I got nowhere fast, so I gave up.

It was hard to find him when he never gave me any specifics. I figured that was because he didn’t want to be found. So I gave him that and moved on without him.

If one day Camden asked about his father, I would tell him. I’d let him know his daddy is a hero who fights for our country to keep us all safe. I would also tell him that he was an important part of my life for a brief time, and that he was kind and strong. There was no reason to taint the image of Zack in my son’s mind.

I’d made up my mind I would never tell him anything bad about his dad, because he was good to me, for a short time. All the other details weren’t necessary for Camden to know.

After he was fed and our snuggle time was over, I found Grams on the back porch. She always went out there to enjoy her morning tea before her day began.

“You ready for Grams?” I asked Camden as I kissed his chubby cheek. It was time for me to get to class, and I hated saying goodbye, but I was doing this for our future.

“Come here little one, Granny’s ready for her boy,” she said holding out her hands.

“I’ll be back in a couple hours, I have two bottles in the fridge and he…” she cut me off holding her hand out to shush me.

“Get moving child, I know what I’m doing. You’ll be late for class.” She winked and began whispering to Camden about his mommy being overprotective.

I walked away smiling, knowing he was in good hands.

After I left, my parents never once tried to contact me. I still had the same number but they didn’t call. Apparently my whereabouts didn’t matter. The thought hurt, and I am pretty sure it contributed to my depression I fought throughout my pregnancy. I still fought times of darkness, but Camden’s face made life better.

So many times I would pick up the phone to call Taylor, only to chicken out before hitting send. By now I was sure I was the last person she wanted to talk to. I was sure she had moved on with her life—college, parties and so on.

Sometimes I would stalk her Facebook like some crazy creeper to get a glimpse into the life of the best friend I missed so deeply.

I didn’t really make any true friends here; I never gave it any effort. I had one goal—finish school and get a job. I wanted to be able to support my son fully. I didn’t like relying on Grams or the state; doing that felt like I was failing. I wanted more for us than being a burden on anyone. So each day I pushed forward, and told myself on the days I thought of giving up, that Camden deserved more. And those words made it easier to get through.

After class I had a missed call on my phone from a number I didn’t recognize. It wasn’t the first time, yet they never left a message so I assumed it was a misdial.

I stopped at the store on the way home to pick up something quick for dinner and when I was pulling into the driveway, my phone rang once again, with that same number displayed. Putting the car in park, I grabbed my phone and swiped my finger across the screen.

I hesitantly brought it to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hi, Lulu,” a soft playful whisper teased, one I had longed to hear but didn’t have the courage to take the first step in making things right. Lulu was something she called me for years. Not sure entirely of the why behind it, but Taylor didn’t need a why. She found it catchy, and over time so did I.

“We’ll always be best friends, huh, even if we’re hundreds of miles apart?”

I closed my eyes tightly as I remembered back to the day I spoke those very words to her.

“I’m sorry; I just kind of lost myself,” I confessed as shameful tears filled my eyes.

“Linds, I didn’t call to lecture you. I just want my friend back,” she said. “I’ve kept tabs on you through Grams.”

“What?” I was a little surprised to hear she had been communicating with my grandma. Grams never said anything.

“Don’t go getting mad at her; I swore her to secrecy. But sweets, I am done trying to communicate through text messages with that woman.” She let out a laugh. “You do know she has no idea how to send pics. I can’t stand the teaser pics I keep getting of Camden. One time I got a picture of his ear.”

I laughed this time, thinking about my grandma sending pictures via text. I had no idea and never once did she let me believe otherwise. Apparently my grams had one amazing poker face. All the times I had talked about missing Taylor and she never once caved.

“Now, I will tell you it was the most adorable ear I have ever gotten a picture of, but girl, I need to see this baby for real.” My eyes filled with tears and I tried to blink them away.

“What do you say? Can I have my best friend back? I miss her.” Taylor grew quiet for a moment, waiting for my response.

“I’ve missed you too, so much,” I confessed, and those tears I had hoped to keep hidden slowly cascaded down my cheeks.

“I was thinking I’d drive down this weekend for a little visit,” Taylor offered. “What do you think?”

“I’d love that.” At this moment I couldn’t think of anything that would make me happier.

For the first time in a long time, I felt a little more whole. Taylor had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember, and I pushed her away. I regretted every second of the time we lost.

“By the way…” A thought occurred to me. “What’s with the new number?”

“Oh,” she sighed, and I couldn’t help but smile. I could imagine her rolling her eyes at that very moment. “Some stalkerish asshole from school kept calling, and after my dad made a little visit to the school and threatened to withhold his yearly donation, they put a halt to his creepish ways. But of course dad still insisted I get a new number so, ya know.”

She had a tendency to brush things off, but if her father made a big deal of it then it had to be something.

“No worries, the guy transferred to some med school in who knows where, and I haven’t heard a peep since,” she added.

That was at least a small snippet of good news in a situation that sounded as if it could have gone a whole different direction.

“So Friday night?” she asked, hopeful.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Friday night.”

I truly couldn’t wait to see her.